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New Book: Three Sips of Gin
By Tim Bax
Readers will recall that ORAFs recently distributed information
regarding the subject book, the author Tim Bax, a short extract, available
to ORAFs, of his unexpected meeting with Mikhail Kalashnikov and is now
circulated to ORAFs with Tim's permission.
Mikhail
Kalashnikov
“Dr. Kalashnikov expresses sorrow for the pain
he caused.”
“Tell him not to worry.”
“He would like to offer a token
of his sorrow.”
“He can buy me a double vodka.”
“It’s not enough. He
would like to give you his watch.”
(The author talking with Mikhail
Kalashnikov: Johannesburg, 1998)
I was rather surprised to be
seated opposite Mikhail Kalashnikov at the banquet. After all, it was the
culmination of a Sandton exhibition promoting “Quality Weapons”. Seated on
either side of the “five times hero of the Soviet Union” where two dour
faced Russian colonels who looked more like heavyweight wrestlers than
army officers. I thought they might be twins as they both wore the same
blank expressions. I was told they were Kalashnikov’s personal bodyguards
and interpreters.
“Would you classify the AK-47 as a quality
weapon?” I asked twin number one. I might just as well have been speaking
to a brick wall. He stared at me vacantly, his brain probably numbed by
the considerable amount of vodka he had been imbibing . . . we hadn’t even
progressed passed our first course yet. His twin brother was more
vocal.
“Of Course,” he injected, swigging back his own goblet of
vodka. “It’s the world’s best selling weapon.” His accent was thick and
guttural.
“That might be so, but you would also have to admit it’s
the world’s most useless weapon.”
I immediately regretted my remark. It
even seemed to permeate the first twin’s numbed brain.
He looked at me
as if unable to decide whether to lunge at me across the table or have me
incinerated into the nearest Russian Gulag. His brother started stammering
inaudibly, as if what I had said might be the most insulting thing he had
ever heard.
I was saved from bodily harm only by Kalashnikov’s
timely intervention. He asked the two colonels what the commotion was
about. After a short while twin number two stood up. He paused to clear
his throat as if wanting to make an important announcement. When it came,
it was trumpeted in a voice louder than the limited capacity of the
banquet hall might have necessitated. Guests were hushed into silence. You
could have heard a pin drop.
“Dr. Kalashnikov would like to know
why you think the AK-47 is such an inferior weapon,” he bellowed sounding
like a wounded buffalo.
“Because, old chap,” I responded quietly.
“I’ve been shot nine times by an AK-47 and I’m still alive to talk to its
inventor tonight.”
“Nine times, that’s impossible,” guffawed the
Colonel puffing himself up like an angry bullfrog.
“Nine times,” I
replied swigging back my own vodka.
The hall remained
silent.
Further whispered discussion took place between Kalashnikov
and the two angry twins. Twin number two remained standing as he glared at
me across the table. I sensed he wished I had been killed by the first of
the nine bullets.
“Dr. Kalashnikov is sorry he caused you so much
pain,” he eventually gargled, sounding like a bulldog lapping from a plate
of porridge.
“Tell him not to worry. A Rhodesian body is stronger
than Russian bullets.”
“He wishes to give you something as a token
of his sorrow.”
“He can buy me a double vodka.”
“It is not
enough; he wishes to give you his watch.” I saw Kalashnikov removing his
watch from his wrist. It was one issued to senior Russian staff officers
and had been inscribed with his name.
“Thank you,” I replied
reaching for the watch. “I’ll take it and the vodka.”
The banquet
resumed, the vodka tasted good and I became the proud owner of
Kalashnikov’s personal wristwatch.
End of
Article
An Absorbing Adventure of Stewards,
Stengahs, Scandal and Strife set beneath an African Sky.
Available end
of March 2011. Advance orders available on http://www.threesipsofgin.com
Refer: http://www.ourstory.com/thread.html?t=523644#646595
Regards
Eddy Norris
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