Inside of Every Republican is a Serial Killer - Over 25 Million AmeriKans Voted for Dubya Twice
Bilbo in Bend
This article is largely concerned with Central Oregonians, or Hobbits
as we call them in Cascadia.
In the old times there were three kinds of Sapiens that roamed the old
earth, Hobbits in Cascadia, Goblins in Mordor { south and east of
cascadia }, and Man { sometimes called people } in the old Arab world
to the east, and the Asean world to the far-west, both across great
oceans. Long ago man ruled the old earth, but he nearly became extinct
and thus forgotten until the great oil wars. During the great oil wars
the arab men and women of the east were completely wiped out by great
diseases created by the Nazgul of Mordor. The people of the far-west
{ aseans } survived as they did not physically partake of oil wars,
only financed them, thus in time they held most of man's paper money
which of course was ultimately without value.
Concerning Cascadian-Hobbits, they're gentle creatures more concerned
with the earth, .e.g. hiking, biking, generally being outdoors, and
near things green that grow from the earth. They love children, micro-
brew, and southern-cascadia grown pipe-weed. The simple things in
life, they're despised by the Goblins in California/Mordor. The
cascadian hobbits love to be outdoors. The goblins love prisons, their
homes are like prisons, they build schools like prison's. The prison
and killing industry was the basis for their economy.
The goblins south of cascadia they call themselves Californians
{ Mordorians } are only concerned with themselves, money, and their
car- keys. They prefer metal or plastic, and live only for
accumulation. They hate the natural earth and crave to cover it all
with concrete and/or asphalt. The Mordorian's have completely covered
their own native lands with asphalt and such, and they seem only happy
when doing so in new lands.
Middle Earth, or should I say cascadia is now past its third age. The
dark lord Sauron { Cauron in cascadia } of Mordor long ago forged the
one car-key to rule them all, today californians all consider their
car keys their 'precious', as the evil of long ago once worshipped the
ring of power.
Mordor ( california ) has once again awoken, the californians have
erected an Issengard right in Bend Oregon calling it "Franklin
Crossings". The hobbits of bend didn't seem to notice change, until
the sun was blocked by this new Issengard. This alerted the hobbits of
bend, the Bend council long taken over by Goblins, Orcs, and Gollum
like creatures spoke of more Issengards in Bend, and of great
Mordorian subdivisions in the north called "Juniper Ridge". It is said
that the Bilbo of Hobbiton was the first to notice the Issengard
{Franklin-Crossing} monument from the Kanes of St. Francis while
having a pint, at first it was thought that he had one too many, but
in time others saw, and found that he was correct. The cascadian shire
of Bend had forever changed.
The Nazgul or in Cascadia we call them the "Mercedes Driving Goblins"
are trying to re-unite all the car-keys, they believe in the One Car-
Key to rule them all of the old legend. The Mercedes has always been
the greatest phallic icon to wealthy Goblins since the darkest times
of the third age. When a hobbit see's a mercedes with mordorian plates
they are taught as children to run seek shelter. The old legend speaks
of Sauron not a goblin or man, but a spirit that oversaw the oil
burning machines and all the business associated with its financial
system.
To the old people there was the Farthings, there was west, middle, and
east, the Hobbit people of Eugene were most west, and the desert
dwelling of Hobbits in Bend were the most east. In the second
generation after the great war goblins from the south or mordor, e.g.
California came to plunder the land. Over the years the word got back
to mordor that hobbits in Bend were weak creatures, that could easily
be confined to small lots in mordor type subdivisions.
By the third generation, before our times the goblins had taken over
Bend { desert cascadia }, and many hobbits you would not recognized
they became like the gollum of the old legend. Legend says that
Hobbits that adopt Californian and/or Mordorian habits become vile and
ugly creatures.
Today the sun shines over hobbit Shire-Bend and many cascadian hobbits
see a chance to take the one car-key that rules them all back to
california-mordor. In this age it has been become more difficult for
those that built Issengard { franklin-crossings }, as the the banks
that funded these ventures were they themselves houses of sand. Once
all around Issengard was destroyed, the young Goblins of California no
longer came to cascadia for there was no hobbit blood to draw, as
they're elder's had sucked the land dry. For generations the goblins
descended on cascadia like locust in search of gold, oil, and trees,
eventually there was nothing left so they moved on.
To the far east across the great ocean's in the east the gobllin's of
mordor had turned their attention to pillaging the great arab lands of
the old earth the land of man, where the ancient ones are of said to
have invented algebra & Law. For long the the goblins of Mordor
thought their car-keys were the source of power but they learned in
the times that oil, was the source of power, so they destroyed the old
world of the Far-East. They killed and killed for generations, in
time, the children returning killed thier own, for this is all they
knew of life. The returning goblins of the great oil wars killed their
own family's upon returning to Mordor. In the end of their times they
resorted to eating one another where the strong orc's ate the goblins,
and nazgul ate the orc's.
The goblins of Mordor had become sicker and sicker by this third
generation having wasted the land of the so called country of
california, that which we hobbits call mordor. The Goblins of Mordor
in the late third age discovered Oil. The Goblins consumed the oil,
and bathed in the oil, and in time became Orc's. Millions of Orc's
were bred in Mordor, and they were used for the great oil wars that
went on for generations, until at last the oil was gone, and there was
nothing left to steal in the arab-lands of the far east.
In thus doing as they struggle to build more Issengard { Franklin
Crossing's ...} like monuments in cascadia they could no longer borrow
from the people of the far-west, the so called Fourth-Age people
{aseans}. During this time the hobbits of Cascadia saw an opportunity
to once and for all rid themselves of those that worshipped the car-
keys { californians, aka mordorites }.
The hobbits of cascadia banned the goblin-mobile, that foul spelling
monstrosity that burns fossil fuels. Soon the Goblins had no means of
transportation, as they had long ago lost the means to walk on their
own. Generations of long wars of killing for the sake of killing for
oil, and land left the Goblins without children, and they became
gradually extinct. The Nazgul rules of californian had enacted a
children's-service's, so called CSD, where all Goblin children were
taken at birth and placed in Military Training Camps. In time the
Goblins out of loss, simply quit breeding among themselves. This left
only the NazGul to breed the Goblins and Orc's of California or as we
call Mordor.
The hobbits of Cascadia tried to teach their young of the old ways of
gentle earth loving folk, when the goblins lost their health they
created television, that they broadcasted into hobbit homes with the
hope of making hobbits love the things that goblins love, but the wise
old hobbits simply unplugged the tv's. With the loss of the propaganda
machine, the Goblin ideology's became legend.
In the fourth age hobbits reverted to simple life of old, as all the
treasure that the goblins of california could take had been taken, but
the hobbits still had a little water, some earth, and their love for
things green. Hobbits had always known that the simple life was the
best life, a completely different outlook on life than that held by
the Goblins to the South and East of Cascadia.
The Nazgul leaders of california, unable to borrow wealth from the new
age people of the far west { asean new world } wallowed in filth, and
became extinct. They could not rape and rob as they had done in the
far east { arab old world }, as they're great killing machines had
long been destroyed by attrition. The people of the Far-West
{ aseans } would no longer finance the the great oil wars. In the
final act of desperation the NazGul created a great disease which the
people of Mordor called "aids", which was a combination of orc-blood
from orcs that had leukemia and wild pigs. This concoction was found
to be transmitted sexually and released in the Dark Conentinent of
Africa far south of the Arab lands of the Great ancient east.
The Nazgul called land where the orc-blood and pigs were harvested
"Litton-Bionetics". In time all of the black men, women, and child
Africa was wiped out, it is thought that the goblins had intended to
settle in Africa having destroyed Mordor and making it un-inhabitable.
The so called 'aids' was unleashed in the Arab world, but failed, as
they not being promiscious people, thus the nazgul resorted to
creating millions of orc's who slaughtered the arab man, woman, and
child by hand. Not since the slaughter of the Tasmanians in the second
age, had entire population been wiped from the old earth. During the
end times the goblins attempted to unleash their aids weapon upon the
far-west aseans, but they being a clever people quickly developed an
antidote. By these times the goblins of Mordor had become nearly
extinct.
Eventually the returning children of Mordor all children who were
killing machines, turned on their own familys, bringing an end to
Mordor. Eventually the great tribes of far eastern Mordor fought those
on the west, .e.g. the two great mordorian tribes of the west-coast
and east-coast annihilated one another.
Most recently the surviving Goblins of Mordor have built 'The Shire"
near Bend, a monstrosity that is supposed to be like Bree, but is just
another Mordor SubDivision of the third age. Only a few homes in "The
Shire" have sold, and those only to rich Goblins and a few Gollum like
hobbits. Most of these new homes will never be built as the Goblin
financial system had collapsed making it impossible to get easy money
to build Mordorian structures near Bend. The goblins financed
everything with credit, for they never worked, once the great credit
systems that were made available by the great Aseans tribes of man in
the Far-West quit financing Mordor most Goblins in Cascadia starved to
death.
Hobbits prefer to live on a few acres, where they can have animals,
and the children can play. The Goblin's preferred little 50by50
concrete lots where the home's actually touched each other, this was
thought a way to as the Goblin Leaders { NazGul } could have the
goblins keep an eye on each other.
All of the above is distant legend, its important that this legend be
passed down. Even though the Mordorians have wiped themselves out,
their spirit lives, the times of greed, war, rape, and pillage could
return if the young hobbits are not educated. Those that not know
their past are destined to repeat.
Hobbits will always prosper, for the Mordorians have nothing, they say
our micro-brew and pipe-weed makes us lazy and unfit for war, they say
that ours lands being absent of malls makes their lives boring. They
say that our dislike of the oil burning horse makes their lives
unbearable. We must never again allow Cascadian Hobbit Lands to become
like Mordor to the South and East. So long as we're unfit for war, and
our lands contain no wealth for Californians we can live in peace. May
our lives always move at a slow pace.