Zenya, thanks for sharing your experience, but I found interesting that you are asking the group about our opinion if you were a fraud!
I believe you new and felt that you concealed what you thought of her therefore that you were inauthentic in that moment. The question is why were you hiding?
Steffan aka New River
| Hi, Steffan! Please be more specific. I do not see in Zhenya's message what you are finding to be unclear. Love, Kirin ---------[ Received Mail Content ]---------- |
Kirin Loomis Speak To Solve 612.827.2538 "Now turn your attention to that part of your mind that you call your body..." (yoga instructor) |
Thank you for all your loving comments. I apologize for the delay. I
been thinking (maybe too much thinkihng).
Steffan: What I meant by writing "I like Bears definition. I've done
those times. It wasn't one of those as I was digesting what was
happening while not feeling comfortable. I just wanted to get out of
there." is...
I did "suppressing my thoughts" and covering them with lies by
omission or false expression (i.e. lie). Before Option I never though
of it this way. Even today I only write that in the context of your
comments and my recollection of Bears' lectures.
This time I was so overwhelmed by the doctor's attitude (i.e. outright
lies :o) that I was not thinking straight and all I could think of is
getting away from her. A thought of telling it to her like it is did
not even cross my mind.
That said, I realized that the visit itself was my childish act. I did
prepare a set of questions (as advised by my father),but I did not
come to evaluate her as my potential doctor. I came to condemn her and
collect evidence that indeed she is a hoax. I did have a hope
though??? Reasons? Lack of responsibility I gather.
There is more to say, write, think, and dialogue about.
Zhenya The Why
Joy:
>Interesting, what I understand is:
>- you don't trust the doctor and don't want to be authentic with her
I didn't trust the doctor. I was focusing on my observation of her and
almost put myself in a trance. Nah... I was still in charge and I did
talk to her. Now that I think of it, I did swallow my doubts on a
premise that it's not something that "nice people say openly". I must
have objected here and there, but I acted subdued. What can I learn
from it? I am the key player in my life and health! Now how do I
instill this new belief...
>- you now see that there are things you could have done differently
I do! Yet, time machine is not the solution. It's understanding why I
did what I did the way I did it. I don't think my gut (non-Option
term) was in agreement with going. However, as a key player I made the
choice to go and was there on a stage to question the doctor.
>- you hold some beliefs on why you did what you did
I believe so. Yet, the more I think the less I understand. Or the less
I want to understand? I want out or do I? Arghh!!! The old song.
>- you are not sure if what she could offer would help you in anyway.
True. The girl that referred me told me that she was healed by this
doctor and I trust that girl. The only thing that comes to mind is
that no two organisms are the same and things that work for one, may
not work for another. Yet, it's still burning the hope bridge.
>What I find could be interesting is to explore your beliefs around the treatment / diet she offers. If you are sure
>it would not be a good choise for you - why would you be afraid of "burning bridges"- Mark and I have both written
>about how we find that the path of the future is brightly illuminated by the burning bridges of the past.- you can
>find it at http://lifetransitioncounselor.com/blog/
>
>love joy
I didn't believe the treatment / diet could help. This hope bridge did
seem crappy to me. Yet, it's the last doctor bridge I had. I'll be
fine! I am fine :o) The goal is to continue traveling the Option
bridge of attitude, clarity, and happiness.
Love,
Zhenya
Zhenya, when you observe and conclude astutely that 'time machine' is not
the solution, it 'sounds like' your acknowledging there is no past, are
you? (fully done with that? could it be you're still having issues around
acceptance?) (of her, yourself)
Perhaps if you simply revisit, or practice role playing with yourself, how
you could apply Option dialogue approaches to the situation and how you
could regain fearlessness? will help with these seemingly issues of
regret...(concern/worry/fear)
Is it not curious when you seem to question how to 'instill' new beliefs, as
if making up the freedom of choice we all possess as complicated or
difficult?
Is it fear of burning the hope bridge, supporting a lot of your vascilations
and choices?
I think it's awesome that you are indeed choosing to do more thinking, and
questioning, looking for more useful beliefs.
hugs, Larry
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, December 20, 2009 6:32 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
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08:33:00
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Saturday, December 19, 2009 10:27 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
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Know that you alone have the answers Z, and if you want more useful
resulting answers, seek to trust. Seek to accept that you continue
developing your ability to accept and trust, and continue the dialogue
towards realizing the goal of your wants. bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, December 20, 2009 6:32 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
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Larry: Took me a while to figure out what you are referring to by
"vascilations". Got it! Btw, there are two l's :o) Indeed that is what
I am "doing"
- I know that I don't know (how to be happy, strong, focused,
determined)
=> Maybe "know" is the wrong word? Maybe it's "do"?
- I also know that I want to know (or rather "do"), but somehow I
don't do enough. Self-sabotage?
=> I know that Bears says we cannot sabotage ourselves. Fuck MS!
That's my job #1!
"Seek to accept that you continue developing your ability to accept
and trust, and continue the dialogue towards realizing the goal of
your wants. bw"
=> Thank you Larry!
Steffan: Why your intent of the visit was to prove to yourself that
she was a hoax as opposite of finding a possible cure. (What do you
think about possibility of 100% curing yourself?)
It would probably read silly, but I appreciated this question:
a) Why the intent?
Because I wanted to prove to my dad that my gut feeling was right.
Yet, I was willing to be proved wrong when I got there. I did not
prejudge her even with the high cost of the appointment.
b) My thoughts about 100% cure?
That's where most thinking went:
- I've lived with MS for over 8 years and had to make friends with it.
=> Some people say "I want to kill that horrendous beast".
<= Yet, while that beast is part of me, I have to respect it. It sure
taught me some valuable lessons and I want to let it go with
gratitude.
=> Now did I become dependent on it?
<= I did! My folks help, work supports me, and I use it as an excuse :o
\
=> Do I want to keep it?
<= NO! I want to run, I want to develop strong bladder, I want to make
love!
c1) Would you clarify the following: "I did have a hope though???
Like I said I was willing to be proven wrong when going for the
appointment. I had hope that it may be The Way.
c2) Reasons? Lack of responsibility I gather."
Why I went despite my gut feeling was because of my dad. Ergo "lack of
responsibility".
Thank you so much, guys. You help me gain a bit of clarity. I am
blessed!
May you have wonderful holidays!
Zhenya
PS: It took me precisely 1 hour :o)
We all "do" what we do, for our believed beterment.
(even if to choose to make up doing to be parallel to a 'job.') vs more
simpler acceptance of it being the result of ones programmed beliefs. I
don't pretend to know how its anything more than a choice based on seeking
some degree of pleasure, and for me to suggest to myself it's a 'job' might
lessen my experience of authentically enjoying whatever I'm choosing to do.
best wishes Zhenya, and all, towards finding increased clarity and pleasure,
out of all the
resources discoverable on our chosen path. bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, December 24, 2009 10:50 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
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08:11:00
My response to you, Zhenya, is to note that my first barrier to
authenticity is lack of self-trust. I learned, from way back, to set
up my world as an either/or theater of dualistic choices. One choice
good and worthwhile, the other bad and worthless. I sometimes use more
or less direct words to declare judgments and sometimes misdirecting
words to obfuscate them. Still the framing is either/or, and
correlates with an event-based sense of reality. Judging that I'm
likely to get a good outcome and/or avert a bad one, I believe that
I'll experience a good event. Following to the end of that construct,
if I accumulate enough good events in my life and I'll have had a good
life; therefore I can be happy only after looking back to evaluate the
quality of events and their outcomes.
You get my drift. It's old hat for seasoned Optioneers. So too, is my
alternative. With either/or, good/bad, dualistic-framings in my life
options, I create support for bi-polar vascilations. I'm sometimes
pretty subtle, not using the direct words of praise and condemnation.
But when I note in myself a ditheriing stuckness, my explorations
reveal that I've set up another pair of polar-opposite possibilities.
Solution? Create a singular self-trusting focus of "I-want".
For me, the essential, often weak, element in that construct is self-
trust. I disable an I-want focus by choosing familiar beliefs about
"mistakes" or in religious jargon, "sins" of omission or commission,
that sponsor anxious or resistant feelings. I even do fear about a
generalized euphamism called "unintended consequences". I've been
really effective, in lots of contexts, in disabling resolute action.
My best belief alternative is this: I am fully equipped to prioritize
and act toward my wants, and to use additional process-data for
creating refined clarity and strategic upgrades at any points I may
choose along the way. When I'm intentionally engaging an I-want focus,
I am happy, real time, aware that I'm doing exactly what I want to be
doing.
As long as I'm vascillating between judgmental poles of possibility,
I'm neither moving toward my wants, nor learning anything useful for
advancing them. An image for that is a pendulum. While I might choose
to watch one as an idle-time form of entertainment, pondering an
either-or pendulum of judgments will contribute nothing to advancing
any I-want focus for decisive action.
With I-want, I set myself up for "fast-logic" decisions and timely
follow through. Effectively, I engage a "just do it" approach to
advancing my wants. With that I put myself into a stream of in-process
stimuli, where I actively seek to advancement of my do-want intentions
and gather useful data to inform in-process upgrades as I see fit.
Still, if I decide that I want to cultivate "convictions", to bolster
and amplify an I-want focus, I'm free to do a "slow-logic" approach of
"I-want-because..." I can note as many reasons as I like to seal the
deal, with myself, for resolute initiative and follow through.
You wrote that you trust your friend and don't trust the doctor,
recommended by that friend. What was it about her "100% success" claim
that you used to make believe that she, and by extension her
therapeutic strategies, were not "trustworthy"? What she said might be
construed as "inflated optimism" or marketing speak, not unlike The
Option Institute claiming to be a place for "miracles." I can imagine
that some people may use that Option-claim to generate "untrustworthy"
judgments about the institute, without having any awareness of things
participants have acomplished there.
If this flurry of posting is an exploration of whether you were
inauthentic by not declaring your mistrust, then Louis nailed it,
"Yes."
Might it be about something else? If the quiry, about authenticity-or-
not, were perhaps operating as a pendulum focus of entertainment, that
would be fine. And here's my next question: How do you feel now about
believing "not trustworthy" to disallow further contact with the
friend-trusted doctor and her MS-therapy offerings?
Love and smiles,
Thad
On Dec 10, 9:13 am, "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.roit...@gmail.com>
wrote:
"Dear Steffan,
This mail was rejected by the circle. If you have a moment, would you mind posting it for me?
Dear Zenya and All,
Not having followed this 'dialogue' continually, I still want to jump
in here and share two ideas, which have occurred to me.
Firstly, in my own recent internal exchanges about using a pleasing
and consistent application of all I deeply 'know' to serve my
happiness, I have come to a single conclusion: It is only in my living
it, using it, doing it, knowing it for myself at all times and in all
spaces, that allows me to access and experience the the happiness and
freedom. Being non-present, asking of others, reading, talking, thinking, even
dialoguing, are paths to myself. But I am the destination. I can
travel forever and still not get here. Being here, now, is, for me,
that which I seek.
So, what does that mean? For me it means presence, practice. Be and do, here and now.
I find that I can skillfully distract
myself from my own knowing by occupying myself with concepts and
tools, and with the ideas of others or notions of duality. Toying with those are fun and
insightful. It is an occupation I dearly enjoy. However, if it is my
own happiness I am wanting to experience, it serves me best to
arrive at my destination.
For me that means when I cut carrots, I am present to only
cutting carrots. When I mentor, I am present only to my explorer and the process of
mentoring. When I am being unhappy, I am completely present to the
experience of being unhappy. In that 'being' is the 'knowing' I am
wanting. May sound esoteric and far out there for some, but when I
live in this manner, practice my life this way, then what I am wanting
is very concrete and accessible - arrival at destination self/happiness.
Secondly, in the mystical teachings I have learned so much from (there's that occupation I love), and in the realm of quantum physics as it is currently unfolding, it is a given that the belief I carry in myself IS my reality, AND my biology (see Intelligent Cells by Dr. Bruce Lipton). In other words, if I am speaking about, or seeking, a 100% cure for myself from anything, then I am carrying the belief that I am ill. (Otherwise, I would not be seeking healing (or happiness, etc)). As long as I carry the belief that I must be cured, it shall continue to create a reality of illness. Whatever reality I give credence (read focus/presence/belief) to is the one I experience.
However, if one does not go far enough in this exploration, this 'understanding' could be used to blame oneself for one's condition, whatever it may be. That is the state of self-judgment and we all know how that feels. Yet, with further examination, together with the belief that I am always doing my best to take care of myself, another perspective can emerge. Orienting from that emerged sense of self-appreciation and self-love, I can 'do', 'know', 'arrive'. I can align my beliefs, and above all my full visceral experience of gratefulness for, and with the knowing of, my wholeness and wellness, then my 51 trillion cells line up to deliver the experience to me that I am holding as reality. For me, personally, this is not theory. I have practiced this mind-set, at times with amazing outcomes i.e. exchanged strep-throat for healthy pink mucous membranes, and tumors for smooth, whole tissue lining.
I offer these ideas certainly not as 'truths', but rather just as a different collection of beliefs to ponder - albeit ones that continue to serve me well - when I arrive there :>). There are various sources from various disciplines teaching the possible and practical application of beliefs (knowing, healing, faith, whatever name they apply) to experience, at will, the wholeness and joy that we are at any moment in vertical time (see Gregg Braden "Speaking to the Voice of God")(if anyone is interested, I'm happy to share). Thank you all for such interesting ideas!
Sending love and a warm hug to each of you,
Leeza"
-----Original Message-----
From: Thad <thad...@yahoo.com>
Date: Fri, 25 Dec 2009 09:37:56
To: Option Circle<option...@googlegroups.com>
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
I can see the truth in being called a fraud and agree with it
unselfjudgementally. I see the disconnect between what I say and what
I do and try to reconcile it (i.e. to become congruent). There's much
I want to accept, understand, and change. Recently my friend told me
to go my own way and left. Wish there were a prescriptive way to
happiness. Then again the road is as easy as I make it to be. All the
books I bought, courses I took, people I asked for advise, even
dialogues didn't by themselves bring me to my destination. Thus, it's
back to self.
The quality of our chosen thoughts underpin the flavor of our experience in
the moment, so it is simply a 'do it to ourself' situation. No one and no
course can make one think anything but what one chooses to think, and
ultimately experience.
bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Monday, December 28, 2009 12:07 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
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07:16:00
Maybe I should just sleep it off, but that's my truth of the moment.
Good night.
Zhenya
I started on the Primal Diet 2 months ago and that by itself brought
up a lot off "shtuff" to the surface. Listing it would be just another
pitiful reinforcement.
When I came to OI, I picked up the name "Zhenya The Free". But can one
be free from oneself?
- Well Zhenya, what is your own answer to your question?
- Nah! I've done plenty of stuck, I know much about my promises to
self, I tried just about everything there is to try => I do it on
purpose!
Now. it seems there is just one thing I can capitalize on - I am still
a living, thinking, breathing being. That's where I am and that is
something to be grateful for.
May you have a good New Year whatever it means to you and I will ttyl.
Love,
Zhenya
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, December 30, 2009 11:17 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
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07:27:00
Can you be happy, truly pleasured, when not "surrounded by friends?"
Is being "surrounded by friends" for you, evidence of being happy, or
required in order to be?
I just revisited having met someone I admire, Brian Klemmer. Anyone else
out there know of him?
I'm going to explore his "Compassionate Samuri" notion or book as it appears
to parallel my own choices. BW
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Friday, January 01, 2010 12:37 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
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08:52:00
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Monday, January 11, 2010 11:39 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: What is authenticity?
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