Zhenya's journey
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
- 2010/01/12: I decided to schedule dialogues w/David Tully.
benevolentWarrior
David Tully you refer to? Larry
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07:35:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
a "andom" far. I just know that I am afraid of work. I went outside in
my office attire and put my fists together saying that I am strong.
Just talked to Uri and started the dialogue in my typical way:
Uri: How are you doing?
Me: Somehow.
I want out! I want in! Any chance I can get a different mind? :o)
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
you are replying to.
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
benevolentWarrior
How is someone else to connect what I'm responding to if I delete it?
Thank you for the heads up on David Tully. I googled the name and failed to
make the connection. Thank you for the help. bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
benevolentWarrior
seemingly a secret? I have tried in vain a second time Googling this
creature 'david tully "option+mentor"' with and without quotes, and nothing
turns up.
I have asked this question for years. Why in God's name are the accredited
mentors seemingly kept a secret from the public? How is this useful for
the public and seemingly necessary to protect the proprietary interests of
OI?
Can someone refresh me as to what the mission statement of Option might be?
....or suggest a useful one, that demonstrates fearlessness?
Larry (aspiring to be a BenevolentWarrior)
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 12:31 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
> David Tully is the best mentor I know at the Option Institute.
>
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
Google Group and post this way. Here I can delete a copy of the
previous post so it's not included in my reply.
David Tully was the CEO of the OI before Raun and lives nearby. His
dialogues are great!
Now me... I've been here before and I know this feeling. It is the
result of the accumulation of the unresolved "issues".
benevolentWarrior
dude.....pleased with myself I am ;)
benevolentWarrior
to which I respond via email....... I would think most being busy simply
reply to emails rather than having them pile up........and possibly like me,
don't have the time to go to the actual group postings. Deleting the
stimuli for the response can cause a lot of un-necessary ?????? Thank you
for introducing me to this interesting David Tully personage. bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 1:08 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
- Did fear, lazy, escalation, jumping from place to place
- Discussed a post etiquet with Larry.
- Checked Facebook during work.
- Started correcting somebody else's documentation. Cancelled. Started
again.
=> I think I gotta go home!
<Question of the day>:
Does mind create disease? And does disease keep mind unhappy? Can it?
Or does mind keeo itself unhappy using disease as a strong stimulus?
benevolentWarrior
The word dis-ease can be a clue. For me both words reflect the same issue.
Inability to embrace happiness, or joy, (un-ease,) for what one has, and
simply doing the best you can with it. Learning to accept, and to
appreciate the person in the mirror, rather than being angry or frustrated
with that image, might be something to consider,......
Maxwell Maltz, PsycoPsybernetics points out that as we all could note, that
the body responds the same to a perception as it does to 'reality.' This is
why hypnosis works as it does. bw Larry
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 1:31 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
a way to go? Was it me? :o)
I am doing great! I took an elevator to the 17th floor, looked in the
mirror and talked to myself gently. I ordered food for my raw diet.
I read messages on the Facebook and checked a few scheduled reports at
work! I got scared, but I did not quit.
I know future is friendly or is it the universe? Today I started my
journal! As for hypnosis, it's tried and not true.
benevolentWarrior
it's tried and not true," what are you believing? You are right, and
everyone else is out to lunch? wow, and ouch. bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 3:21 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
was there. And so was the middle-aged guy speaking in a low voice of a
monk. Was I supposed to be out floating high in the clouds? I thought
so at the time.
benevolentWarrior
How is it useful to shoot-down all the resources available to you in your
benevolent universe, so quickly?
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 3:48 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
question... I wanted help and I still do. I will not play a victim
avoiding my part, but I want help I don't claim that hypnosis is a
hoax. I wanted help, I went, I paid, I listened. I got up to run to
the washroom. I came back. The guy was on the balcony smoking. No word
was spoken. I decided that another attempt failed and left. How does
it serve me? I can come up with a hundred answers. Just another ax
against my head. No big deal. But how to build the bridge? I've done
self-eating and that's not my way. Self-love is! The unconditional
part is heavy.
benevolentWarrior
----- Original Message -----
From: " benevolentWarrior" <benevole...@rogers.com>
To: <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 3:53 PM
Subject: Re: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
> ok....so you were successful in resisting your ability to be hypnotized.
>
> How is it useful to 'shoot-down' .... the resources available to you in
> your
> benevolent universe, so quickly? "it's tried and not true,"
>
Larry
the dude in the mirror? What's the relationship like? How one 'sees' and
what one see's is volitional........Simply go for what you want. Develope a
dialogue with the dude in the mirror, towards being the best of buddies.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 12, 2010 4:16 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
Steffan Golt
Steffan
-----Original Message-----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, 12 Jan 2010 10:31:47
To: Option Circle<option...@googlegroups.com>
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
Richard
personally responsible standpoint. Do I create disease, etc?
Sent from my iPhone
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
- Larry, I try loving the dude in the mirror. And since we are
inseparable we have a lot to say to one another, Plus, there is no
attitude, option, now, or non-judgment w/o it. There is always a
question I have no answer for in the eyes of the guy in the mirror.
I'll go talk to him about it.
- Steffan, the question of the day is what I kept on my mind for a
while now. When I met with Yuri to talk about magic healing methods he
had in mind it was the first thing I told him. The cure is not out
there. The universe is trying to tell me that MS is the result of how
I live my life and it won't go away until I deal with it.
- Richard, you know how Christians say "I am weak"? You know how
Option teachers say "people that want to push what they learned at the
OI onto everybody around them are tormentors"? I've learned the lingo.
I agree that mind as a separate entity does not exist. In fact I take
all responsibility for everything. Now here is the problem. I am too
heavy of a load for me.
Richard
am too heavy of a load for me." If you choose it and maintain it
consciously because you want it and the consequences of it then how is
that a problem?
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
Philosophy. It's too heavy of a load is the belief based on my problem
attaining this goal. Reason? There must be one as it is me & my life /
choices (nobody else that is involved in it). Purpose? Seems the only
one would be to attract sorrow and since people are leaving it must be
self-inflicted sorrow. Point in taking courses at the OI? Looking for
an easy shift? So at the very least we can say that I am looking. Now
why I haven't made the shift? And the ultimate question - "Can I be ok
with myself as I am without a shift?" It is true it appears to be
pointless to eat myself out. I don't start moving faster or make the
journey more pleasant. I did schedule an EFT and will have dialogues
with David. And that would be my goal. To create unconditional love in
me and create my life purpose.
Zhenya
benevolentWarrior
Zhenya writes:
I take responsibility as a person who is familiar with the Option
Philosophy.
It's too heavy of a load is the belief,
based on my problem attaining this goal.
Reason? There must be one, as it is me & my life /
choices (nobody else that is involved in it).
Purpose? Seems the only one would be to attract sorrow,
and since people are leaving, it must be self-inflicted sorrow.
Point in taking courses at the OI? Looking for an easy shift?
So at the very least we can say that I am looking.
Now why I haven't made the shift?
And the ultimate question - "Can I be ok with myself as I am, without a
shift?"
It is true it appears to be pointless to eat myself out.
I don't start moving faster or make the journey more pleasant.
I did schedule an EFT and will have dialogues with David.
And that would be my goal. To create unconditional love in me
and create my life purpose.
-----------------
What about exploring, jumping to make-believe "It's too heavy of a load is
the belief," (simply because you haven't discovered a technique) instead of
basing this belief simply on your not yet choosing to be living your
aspiration/goal? bw
What do you mean "too heavy of a load"?
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
explorer to identify a specific instance s-he wants to explore. And I
create an inseparable ball of misery wax. Thank you for the resources
you sent me. I'll give them a try again.
My stimulus of the day is FEAR and it's related to work:
1) I do fear when I come face to face with unfamiliar tasks
2) I like when my work is apprecisted
3) I like working hand in hand with colleages and clients (w/o hidden
agenda)
I am grateful for being able to seek my happiness.
Zhenya
benevolentWarrior
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Friday, January 15, 2010 5:01 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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07:35:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
Yesterday a thought came to me, but I decided to sleep on it first.
Now as I tried to put it into words, I realized the ridicule of it.
That's what I was "yesterday" and today I am a product of my
yesterday. Tomorrow won't change unless I create it differently. And
whereas dialogues are a great help, other modalities can't work
without my solid decision and commitment to change.
This week I did crippling fear, laze, broken promises to self,
sadness, negativity, and time waste. I am glad it feels as if I were
alone in this mess. Otherwise, I could find brothers in arms and
create a shit club. Instead I'll create another way.
Now where would I start? A walk! Don't comment on it guys unless it's
constructive feedback.
Love,
Zhenya
benevolentWarrior
Simply choose to choose. celebrate being........ the creator
bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, January 17, 2010 10:56 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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07:35:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
What a beautiful collection of songs. As I was reading Larry's post, a
thought came to me (I often think in terms of song lyrics or movie
quotes. This time, my line was "How can I hope to make you
understand". Funny, in fact it is directed at me. And the musical is
sad.
Larry, you wrote "Simply choose to choose. celebrate
being........ the creator " I understand each word separately. I even
comprehend the meaning of each phrase, but... I want to know its
meaning as the river knows its bottom.
benevolentWarrior
Yes, I wrote: Oh Z....you're cute indeed. Loving you, like loving the wind.
Simply choose to choose. celebrate being........ the creator
> Thank you very much Larry.
>
> Yesterday a thought came to me, but I decided to sleep on it first.
> Now as I tried to put it into words, I realized the ridicule of it.
> That's what I was "yesterday" and today I am a product of my
> yesterday. Tomorrow won't change unless I create it differently. And
> whereas dialogues are a great help, other modalities can't work
> without my solid decision and commitment to change.
>
> This week I did crippling fear, laze, broken promises to self,
> sadness, negativity, and time waste. I am glad it feels as if I were
> alone in this mess. Otherwise, I could find brothers in arms and
> create a shit club. Instead I'll create another way.
>
> Now where would I start? A walk! Don't comment on it guys unless it's
> constructive feedback.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
and now you ask:" I understand each word separately. I even
comprehend the meaning of each phrase, but... I want to know its
meaning as the river knows its bottom" It means/suggests you have the
choice to celebrate your being the boss in charge of your choosings......the
flavor of your experiences. bw
clio osman
Thad
Some of your images in writing strike me as being at the same time
huge and demanding, as in expectations -- aims to which you may well
have attached your happiness. You wrote about "the ultimate question",
creating "unconditional love", hoping "to make you understand". Even
the expression "simply choose to choose" seems to have been assigned a
mythic scale as you wrote, "I want to know its meaning as the river
knows its bottom." Only you can precisely know what you intended to
convey about yourself in those phrases.
Still, I hear such phrases as highly romanticized, dramatized, as if
you believed your life to be an epic saga, a majestic tale about
dreaming impossible dreams, a do-or-die narrative of reaching after
unreachable stars. While I hear vivid characterizations, I choose to
believe that your expressions reference nothing more than "stimuli".
What if you believed that there is no ultimate question, except one
you may so designate? What if feedback from another never represents
"understanding", until you assign that meaning word to the stimulating
behaviors another expresses in your presence? What if a river, real or
metaphorical, has no awareness of and assigns no meaning to your
notion of its "bottom"? What if there is no inherent heaviness in
responsibility for making sense of stimuli in your life. I believe
that none of us "knows his ass from a hole in the ground" until we
assign those separate meanings to particular orifices from which we've
taken stimulation.
The point here is my belief that a meaning is specifically applied to
a stimulus. So too, generalizing beliefs may be assigned to a group of
stimuli, selected out and designated as "shit", "laze" and "broken
promises to self". If I understand anything about Option beliefs, it
is that generalizations are best separated into the specifics of which
they are made. Beliefs are seen to operate in relation to specific
moments of stimulation and responsiveness. Dave Tully doesn't aim to
ask you "profound questions", much less "ultimate questions". He aims
to ask "the next question" that follows from what you have just
said.
I bypass awareness of specific stimuli, and beliefs used to interpret
them, when I look back on a day, or a movie, and summarily
characterize it as "sad" or enjoyable. Such a practice be understood
as conventional and convenient, Still, it's not very useful, if I want
to learn how I created the specific feeling of joy or sadness around a
stimulus later grouped under "day" or "movie" headings.
"Life" similarly operates as a generalizing term. Option folk don't
offer to make you have a better life. They offer to help you explore,
observe and change, if you like, the way you have constructed it.
"Life" for me is an abstracted summary for the string of specific,
momentary stimulations to which I assign meaning in order to fuel my
response. Then I'm off to the next one. With the dialogue I can track
back to see how I created my experience of each moment and decide if I
want to do it differently. Living is only a big, overwhelming, shitty,
lazy, scary deal when I decide to pile discrete SBR experiences
together and assign such unsavory big-deal meanings to them.
Love and smiles,
Thad
Thad
would it make any difference if you disciplined yourself to think and
post about "stimulating episodes from Zhenya's journey" rather than
the much larger summary generalization suggested by "Zhenya's
Journey"?
Author Fredrick Buechner wrote of a stimulating episode in his life
this way.
"I remember sitting parked by the roadside once, terribly depressed
and afraid about my daughter's illness and what was going on in our
family, when out of nowhere a car came along down the highway with a
license plate that bore on it the one word out of all the words in the
dictionary that I needed most to see exactly then. The word was TRUST.
What do you call a moment like that? Something to laugh off as the
kind of joke life plays on us every once in a while? The word of
God?..."
With the "joke" reference he suggested for me an ironic meaning. "The
word of God" spin suggested romance, a cosmically connected meaning. I
could make a tragic spin with a belief that TRUST, just then, was an
arduous effort too hard, "a bridge too far", in light of his
daughter's illness and family circumstance. How about this comedic
belief: Yes! TRUST on that tag was a prompt for his reclaiming an old
and treasured insight, he'd overlooked in earlier moments of
circumstantial distraction. As his account continued, Buechner went on
to make a theological point/belief about the episode being an
"ephiphany", not just a "word" from God, but rather a manifestation of
God in that moment. Of course, we recognize that he made that up to
suit his taking care of himself and his broader interests.
Having seen several of your facebook posts, I conclude that you
appreciate music and dance, some styles perhaps more than others. What
if your self-talking, belief-making were seen to be another art form,
with more than one stylistic genre available? Perhaps you prefer to
make tragic romance and romantic tagedy beliefs. What about romantic
comedy and tragic irony beliefs? Just as you likely choose only
certain tunes for placement on your electronic playback device, could
you also identify selected beliefs that you like to playback regarding
your work and neurological stimuli? It doesn't have to be conceived as
an arduous big deal project. They are just your picks, selected
beliefs that help as you attribute meaning to specific moments in your
life. You might think of it as a lark, a kind of recreational belief
making. Eh?
Here's my happy thought about you at work some days out. You're
thinking, "Damn, I'm doing it again, spinning this work task to create
fear. Why fear now? Oh, I get it... And I don't want to believe that
about this! What happier spin can I put on this task to sponsor my
next, best efforts toward its completion? Aha! yes! I like that. Now
I'll move on."
Spinning beliefs as I go,
thad
Rachel Jacobson
Blessings to you...I loved your last statement ("Living is only a big,
overwhelming, shitty, lazy, scary deal when I decide to pile discrete
SBR experiences together and assign such unsavory big-deal meanings to
them.")
You have a very colorful way of articulating your thoughts and ideas,
and there's something about this one that works VERY well for me.
Thank you!
Have a beautiful day :)
Love, Rachel
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
My specific stimulus of the moment - I am working on the report and I
am slow. I decided to make it a non-stress experience, yet...
Issue 1: I judge myself as incompetent
Issue 2: I compare myself to others
Issue 3: I feel pressure and see that I don't meet the "their"
expectatuions.
I DECIDED TO BREATHE
PS: As I am in the midst of my stimulus, I can't focus on myself
Thad
soooo many "issues"?
I enjoy the way Raun has of sweetly telling program participants
about
our lying.
Somehow typing it doesn't seem so sweet, but Zhenya, your most recent
post reads like a lie. I don't believe anybody can follow through on
having "decided to make it a non-stress experience" while comparing
himself to others in support of a judgment of "incompetent", a
judgment that is sensationalized in the body as a feeling of
"pressure". In my book a "pressure" feeling, associated with a self-
judgment of being "incompetent" for meeting unspecified
"expectations", that is stress! You can't have it both ways.
Either you have decided to drop your judgment and "have a non-stress
experience"
or
you're still clinging to your judgment of incompetence to fuel
feelings of stress.
What's it going to be, Zhenya?
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
when there are no obstacles. It's easy then. But dependancy on
external stimuli don't last long. Stimulus comes back / remains and
hence I lie and break my own promises. I started writing a new
stimulus, but it would all come back to the same place. SBR!
Thad
I don't follow.
Thad
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
is to assist developer (i.e. me), She would get detailed requirements,
obtain sign off for reports I complete and take care of the whole
interaction with business. I've had it happend that some BA's would
even help get extention for some work that gets assigned to me.
Stimulus (emotional):
- She does not do any of the above
- She hides and runs away whenever there are questions
- She kisses her manager's ass and hides in his pocket
- She sends me work late and demands results early
- She has a senior position
...................................................
Stimulus (factual):
- I have a colleague that I depend on and find difficult to
communicate with
- She appears to be withdrawn and not interested in this work
- I manage to talk to her w/o aggression, but I feel unhappy
=> Understanding that all of the above is my creation, the stimulus is
there.
? My question is "How can I create a happy scenario ?
benevolentWarrior
neutral...no emotional charge. The Beliefs we hold, connect with, are what
is usually behind the R Reaction and our emotional experience
So.1)...What are you unhappy about?
If you want a different resulting reaction/emotional experience, all that is
required is choosing a different interpretation of the event/and/what is
going on (belief).......choose beliefs which fascilitate acquiring the
emotional experience you desire.....without compromise.
2) What is this uncomfortableness you use to limit yourself from effective
dialogue with her? Larry
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 4:36 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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07:34:00
Thad
By writing that you have a "dependency on external stimuli" and then
asking how to "create a happy scenario", are you asking for help in
changing stimulus items on your lists?
If so, perhaps this is not the group you're after. I have no strategic
suggestions for changing the stimuli you take from her.
Getting you "better" stimuli isn't what I understand Option to be
about.
I don't think of happiness as a scenario. Happiness is an attitude, an
affective intention, we can take to our scenarios. Bears has called
happiness, "the ultimate attitudinal advantage." By prioritizing
"happiness first" and "happiness now", I prime my pump for generating
more accepting or appreciative beliefs, whatever stimulus comes next.
I remember concluding, at the end of the eight week "Living the Dream
2000" program, that I had just taken the equivalent of a "life
appreciation course", as one might take an academic lab semester in
art or music appreciation.
A central Option proposition is that "happiness is a choice", whatever
our focus of stimulation. Happiness, in this view, is not the product
of better stimuli. That notion more nearly aligns with a stimulus-
response model. Nor is happiness about stiffling, stuffing or denying
our unwanted feeling and behavior responses, as if to more nearly look
the part of being happy. Our pivotal point of power is deciding what
sense we want to make for this stimulus, and every next one, in
support a resolute intention for happiness. Does anybody get it all
the time? Not I! Still, I'm more persistently happy now than I used
to be.
Just for fun, note the items you used to characterize your coworker...
- She does not do any of the above (if verifiable, how does she stay
employed?)
- She hides and runs away whenever there are questions (this operates
more like a belief about what her occasional departures mean)
- She kisses her manager's ass and hides in his pocket (yep, an
interpretation of what her interactions with the manager may mean)
- She sends me work late and demands results early (ok, a stimulus,
a.k.a. fact/observation)
- She has a senior position (ditto, a stimulus)
Nice attempt at making your case that she is a totally-bad-for-you
coworker, whose singular purpose in life is to screw up your
workplace. Like my dramatic exaggeration? ...or was that yours?
Yes, sports fans we, have several supports for one flaming, bodacious
judgment!
Believing such things about her presence, it's entirely reasonable
that you'd respond with stressful discomfort.
How about these for optional beliefs to try on, next time you use her
for a stimulus?
Like me, she's doing her very best to take care of herself.
What she just did doesn't mean anything about me or my abundant
competencies.
Whatever she does, I can take satisfaction in working around or
through it.
While I didn't like what she just said to me, it's just a stimulus.
Having seen these more accepting beliefs, what creative additions will
you add to the list?
Perhaps another way to think about choosing happiness is to think of
it as deciding that you will allow nothing she says or does to
diminish your resolute focus on doing well the task at hand. Any time
you use her behavior as a stimulus, it is entirely your option, to
decide what you want that stimulus to mean for you.
Later,
Thad
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
I am thoroughly grateful to you, guys for sticking around. I started
to write and rewrite my response but decided to stop, think and
reflect.
Zhenya
benevolentWarrior
to be......of the God-ship you've been gifted, your limitless abilities to
choose and to create.... bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 20, 2010 7:04 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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17:49:00
Thad
Glad to observe your written awareness of having "decided" to
"think".
What a sweet spot of ownership, choosing to make thinking a
consciously selected priority, for a while.
I believe that we are always "thinking", making sense of what's going
on, who we are, and what we want in the limited field of our
awareness. Mostly we do that super fast before creating any awareness
of having thought (Option term, "fast logic") and other times we slow
it down in order to be conscious of our thinking (Option term, "slow
logic"). Either way, we're always making sense of, attributing
meaning
to, various data points of awareness (a.k.a. stimuli). Wherever we
are, we use beliefs to designate what means what.
Every time you or I post here, we take wordy representations of data
points and make sense of them using belief "filters". I like to think
of my posts as coherent. I choose to believe they offer a flow that
is
reasonably easy to follow, for those familiar with English language
conventions. Effectively, I'm constructing a sense of my "reality".
As
a child might build a "castle" using blocks from her toy chest, you
and I build structures of meaning and post them here. Alas, once we
hit the send button, it's only a string of stimuli to which others
will respond in accord with the meanings they assign. Some may read,
others not. Some may decide a part is useful, and others decide that
same part is distasteful. I like to think of my posts as loving
invitations to compare notes, to collaborate for generating mutual
and
complementary benefits. That's my meaning. Others interpret as they
see fit.
Why did I write the paragraphs above? I aimed to offer a kind of
manifesto, elaborations on my belief that I'm always in charge of
making the meanings in my life. I post it to you in particular,
Zhenya, hoping to help you believe that you also construct the
meanings in yours. Do you "need" to believe that? No, your self care
to date seems to be more or less effective. You're still working,
posting and, reportedly on facebook, attentive to certain leisure
pursuits. I choose to associate benefits with being consciously in
charge of personal meanings, and I choose to anticipate such benefits
for you. I believe that, with more practiced ownership of having
always been in charge of constructing your reality, you may choose to
make happiness a priority construction criteria, whatever data points
of stimulation may be present at the job site.
A couple of parting beliefs: Happier people tend, in whatever
circumstance of stimulation, to decide and go for what they want.
They
also tend to interpret what they get in ways that support their
happiness, even when what they got wasn't what they wanted.
Love and smiles,
Thad
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
Welcome to the SBR world.
benevolentWarrior
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2010 10:07 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
> My yesterday's large post is lost! Awesome :o)
> Welcome to the SBR world.
>
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07:34:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
Yesterday I've written an extensive response to you and Thad. Then I
posted it. By then the session timed out, but retry was supposed to
work. Yet, it did not and the message got lost. As such I have an
opportunity to rewrite my yesterday.
Later in the day I received a set of large property tax bills for my
condo. My initial response was that of fear. And then I started
playing with the make-beliefs.
(to be continuied...)
benevolentWarrior
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Thursday, January 21, 2010 11:06 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
> Thank you, Larry. I am happy to see a friendly soul.
Thank you for sharing your choice to see and to charge your 'seeing' thusly.
It seems you're choosing to play with the realization of your 'freedom' and
the possibilities of how you choose to flavor your experience........?
Go Z go. climb upon your wings..... Larry
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
remembered about my Inner Strength diary:
FROM: Stimulus => old unhappy R => old B
TO: Stimulus => new desired R => new B
I want to start the SBR playground!
PS: As for the lady I work with, I have no desire to change her. I
want to be a Teflon! :o)
benevolentWarrior
looks like you have it rearranged to SRB.
Thats not the way I understand it works.
Do you embrace that you are the sole creator, determinator, of your
determining beliefs?
Beliefs which underpin and support the quality of your experience?
....or not? Larry
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
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19:34:00
Simon Smoleskis
Are you OK with not being "Teflon" right now?
Love and Laughter Simon *o*
Subject: [Option Circle] Zhenya's journey
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Option Circle" group.
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Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
celebration. I am happy to buy it! :o)
Thank you Thad for your insightful words. I decided to favor thinking
to writing yesterday as I became aware of my unclear thought/word
construction.
Today I was focusing on my responses to the stimuli:
1) The day started with my washroom accident. I chose to cancel my
plans and go home. I was slightly uncomfortable (i.e. mildly unhappy),
and made up a few beliefs:
* It was a good bodily cleanse
* It was my opportunity to find solutions
* It was a gift to take a day off work
2) Later in a day I was watching everything happening in the world
around me trying to create my beliefs. I found it difficult to
distinguish the core stimulus:
- bus driver honking and making "angry" comments
- H1N1 poster describing the importance of vaccination
- elderly person refusing a sit on the grounds of me and another girl
sitting in the designated seat on a bus
- bus not coming for a long time
- no washroom to be found when I needed it
=> I thought I am still missing an important piece of equation.
3) With regards to our business analyst...
a) I was not looking for a way to change her. I don't believe I can
(neither do I want to).
b) I was / am looking for a happier way to co-exist with her
understanding that it is dependent solely on my attitude (I have and
will continue to look for opportunities to connect).
c) I don't believe she is bad or discriminative toward me. I simply
observed that she expresses no interest in this line of work and finds
support in the eyes of her superior (politics is involved).
d!!! Thank you for new belief suggestions, Thad. I recognize this as
my great opportunity!
- Like me, she's doing her very best to take care of herself
=> I believe that :o) Bought it!
- What she just did doesn't mean anything about me or my abundant
competencies
=> I know the critical importance of this one. Bought it!
- Whatever she does, I can take satisfaction in working around or
through it.
=> Trick is her "doing" is not doing :o) I don't know how, but I will
find the answer! Bought it!
- While I didn't like what she just said to me, it's just a stimulus.
=> Bought it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Having seen these more accepting beliefs, what creative additions
will you add to the list?
=> I will create the SBR thread to track it. I would love to practice
belief make-up and see what others can come up with.
- Perhaps another way to think about choosing happiness is to think of
it as deciding that you will allow nothing she says or does to
diminish your resolute focus on doing well the task at hand. Any time
you use her behavior as a stimulus, it is entirely your option, to
decide what you want that stimulus to mean for you.
=> I know my weak spot. Bought it!
?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
As I am contemplating on SBR today, I came face to face with a
question. How does belief make up differ from "Positive Thinking"
where one would search / make up what is / was good in a situation.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!
John & Nancy Rohr
identify the SBR and change the belief. Then once the new belief is
established then find evidence to support it. It might help to be more
concrete than stay in the abstract. Inner Strength participant Nancy
-----Original Message-----
From: option...@googlegroups.com [mailto:option...@googlegroups.com]
On Behalf Of Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
Sent: Tuesday, January 19, 2010 3:57 PM
To: Option Circle
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
I took it with me and am to start playing with it! I create an
abundance of stimulus and pay attention to my feelings. I will log
some of my make ups going forward. THANK YOU!
Simon: I love you, sweet clown! I am ok with not being Teflon now. I
am not attached to the outcome. I simply have a clear picture of where
I am going. And maybe I am getting a clearer route of how to get
there. And maybe I even dream of a quick jump, but I don't judge
myself. I just continue moving toward it.
Larry: Thank you! The diary works as follows:
- You note your current (unpleasant) response to a given stimulus
- You infer what your current belief is and note that it doesn't serve
you
- You imagine your preferred / replacement response
- You make up a replacement belief that would be the filter for
creating it
- You then find evidence to support the new belief
I will get to the "creator" place.
Thad: My post was not lost! After much contemplation, Google released
it! :o)
Thad
I'm not a fan of "positive thinking" vs. "negative thinking" as a
model for framing happier self-care. That seems all too similar to the
conventional practice of judging. A "positive" thought sponsors an
appreciative feeling and behavior, like gratitude, elsewhere
referenced as a "shortcut to happiness". Conversely, a "negative"
thought serves as a shortcut to unhappiness. I see one more bipolar
way to construct meaning, just like good/bad, right/wrong. Why judge
either/or?
I sometimes refer to judgments as cognitive detours. Using them I take
a distracted, off the track, loooong way round to being happy.
Rather than lead with judging, why not lead with a fully present
acceptance of context, followed by a clear thought of intent?
Example, "In this present circumstance, I want..." then all the rest
is about tactical follow through.
While representing brand new neural architecture for many of us, "I
want..." may well be the shortest of shortcuts to happiness.
Clear themes in Option's teaching model include demonstration and
participation. As class members we often teach ourselves and one
another. Anybody ever been asked to create an intention at the
beginning of an Option classroom segment?
What if that was a deliberate invitation to creating a happy
experience, a clear focus of intentional presence.
Don't know about your folks, but when I'm present and active toward
fulfilling a clear intention, there's very little time or cognitive
space left for unhappiness.
I'd have to be a multi-tasker (that mythic cousin of a unicorn) to
pull off present-focused intentional effort and unhappiness at the
same time. Of course, we can fast-logic our awareness back and forth
quite rapidly and then interpret that ambivalent flurry of thought as
unhappiness. Soming to that conclusion sounds like another lie to me.
Staying on task with a present focus of intent, that's where I operate
most happily.
How 'bout you?
Ta ta,
Thad
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
I'll post my blog now and read your post in the morning. THANK YOU!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Today's stimuli:
- Work: I was busy being lazy, scared, and unhappy over work
=> I was doing the best that I could with the beliefs that I had
? But what if it becomes my excuse. There has to be a drive for
happier beliefs
- Subway: I watched couples cuddle and felt envy over their intimacy &
quiet sadness that I don't have it and there are no prospects
=> I am handsome and social. I can approach, meet, and seduce
girls :o) (o:
? I have no evidence to prove it. I just know that attitude is my
first stop
!!! I think I want to get into a habit to slice my stimuli into the
tiniest chunks to be able to look at them. The longer I carry the ball
and the bigger it grows, the harder it gets to question it.
Mentor: What would you like to explore?
Me: I don't know. I am just a hopeless case
Self: But maybe I just bundled it up in a huge mess
===================
And so I am consistently doing stuck. I find it easy to say that I
commit to being happy (I took 4 or 5 courses at OI), but since I don't
follow it, my word is no longer worth much. And the beat goes on. And
the beat goes on.
Fine. Say that's been me for all of my life. Now since the game is
still on, I will get up and keep playing. But how? Einstein said -
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting
different results. And so is me. I decide that this time will be
different. I'll try harder, be braver, be truer, be happier...
Inspiration lasts for a while and wears off. And I get down. Then I
wait until my energy is back and start all over again.
I am insane!!! :o)
benevolentWarrior
my choices, you are welcome to yours cheers
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Friday, January 22, 2010 11:06 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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19:33:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
(o: :o) (o: :o) (o: :o) (o: :o) (o:
Hi Larry!
What you call self-talk, I call self-awareness (i.e. first step in
studentship). In fact, I am glad (i.e. happy) that I am becoming
clearer of where I am, how I got here, and what it would take to do my
travels.
Yesterday, after finishing my blog I went to sleep more peacefully. I
felt that I got closer to the answer by being honest. The answer to
the question "Why did I not create the intention to become happy while
claiming that I did.
I chuckled when I wrote that I am insane. I am not. Calling myself
that is just a way to run from the answer by using an excuse and I
think this is a critically important question for me.
My challenge with the self-talk is lack of trust. Whereas I do want to
create a loving relationship with myself, I want to honestly explore
the reasons I am doing / not doing instead of claiming otherwise.
This blog allows me to become aware of my creative obstacles.
benevolentWarrior
positive self awareness, yes
hugs, Larry
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Saturday, January 23, 2010 10:08 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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07:33:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
I went about my day trying to discern SBR.
Stimuli & Responses were there, but I didn't know how to process them.
EXAMPLE
S: In the subway I saw a homeless person. He was begging and saying he
was diabetic and starving.
R: I stopped, opened mt wallet and gave him all the change I had.
B: ?
When thinking of my belief, I could only think of
- "The universe has a lack", but then I didn't know how to continue
- "Being a good person, I have to help this poor guy", but what then?
I guess it comes back to the question of how I feel and I feel
strange:
- I don't want to be in this guy's shoes
- I don't want to ignore him and walk by
- I don't know if this would help him
benevolentWarrior
kind of wheel.
SBR. It is in that order that the response is self programmed.
Whatever response you're having comes from, is the result of the belief in
front of it.
It's not about deciding how one will believe after the fact, but more about
understanding oneself, doing oneself, with the reactions/responses one
seemingly mysteriously comes up with......going back, examining the held
belief that triggers the response/reaction experience, and choosing to keep
on, or to change ones made-up belief to fascilitate the response/reaction
you really want to experience.
bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Saturday, January 23, 2010 9:00 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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19:33:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
The SBR model is still intact. The claim is that this is how humans
operate. Thus we put together the S, B, and R pieces in this order to
look at how we operate. I don't believe it's important to first find
S, then B, and finally R. When in a dialogue, I share with the mentor
my response to the stimulus and look for the belief. Once identified I
decide whether I want to keep it or change it.
Now where do I loose you?
Zhenya
benevolentWarrior
your actions/response.
I note you went on in your exploration: I guess it comes back to the
question of how I feel and I feel, strange:
> - I don't want to be in this guy's shoes
> - I don't want to ignore him and walk by
> - I don't know if this would help him
It seems you were in your explorations only looking/focusing on assessing
"not wants" as your motivator?
I suggest this is perhaps not the most efficient area to dwell on, or to
utilize as a basis of self-motivation...... Perhaps Explore defining and
harnasing your self-motivation to what we want, vs what we "not want"
It seems your dwelling on some not wanting to believe yourself to be one
that ignores people or suffering......and feel 'strange' about not knowing
if your actions can help you feel ok about yourself not being his keeper?
Again the choice, the freedom Zhenya, of what one focuses ones self-talk
upon.
(harnassing that awesome gift of Volitional Consciousness)
What do you want/aim to express/ experience......? bw
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, January 24, 2010 8:39 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
explain later).
Guys, could you post the definitions of "Fearless", "Force of nature",
"Being present", and "Non-judgemental" as per the "Power Dialogues"
book? Thank you!
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
zest for life. Yet, I give up and float down the drain. That said I
want to LIVE my life to the fullest! Funny to notice myself say/write
that. I do live it according to my beliefs. Sounds like a mild version
of depression.
- So now where do I go from here?
- Wherever I want...
- And where do I want to go?
Thad
whether you will achieve some, as yet unclarified,
standard for "living life to the fullest".
Nice strategy: creating a summary dismissal/judgment
of who you are and what you have now
in service to a phantom of, as yet unrealized, possibilities?
Ever hear expressions about "getting ahead of yourself"?
What if there's nowhere to go and nothing more to do
than to love who you are, where you are,
while you are putting one foot in front of the other,
intending and doing the next thing that makes sense to you
in every present moment?
Wherever you land, whatever the consequence,
you'll be in another opportune place
for intending and doing the next thing that makes sense
in that new place
and then comes the next, each in turn...
Judging, amounts to standing outside,
rejecting moments in your life.
Being absent, from selected moments in it,
seems a surefire way to miss out
on living your life to the fullest.
Thad
Right now, I'm pleased to be taking stimulation from what you wrote.
Recently, I've pondered the notion of "brain architecture" as in
structural support for familiar pathways of thought. Also, "neural
plasticity", as our ability to modify structures and deliver ourselves
to different thought locations.
One structure I've re-developed recently in context of my political
reading is a neural pathway that leads effectively to a first response
like, "How screwed up is that person? ...idea? ...statistic?" It's a
pathway that I'm aware of having polished and reinforced with use at
various stimulating periods and contexts in my life.
I'm also aware that in other contexts, I have a smooth, well worn
bridge to acceptance, appreciation and wanting-the-best-for that leads
to vistas of perceived opportunity and happily intentional action.
Saturday I spent the day tending my 5 and 2 year old grandchildren
while their parents were at a professional conference. "Delight" is a
fairly subdued word for what I felt during the day, one that included
all manner of stimulation, some welcome and some less so. My smooth
path of thought in that context went something like, "Yum, how cool is
this? ...that? ...what she just said?"
Returning to your stimulating post, I'm wondering if an image
suggesting that you may have built architectural support, for your
self critical beliefs, might be useful. I get the impression that when
you pause to create an awareness of yourself, you may be taking a well-
polished path that wonders things like, "How screwed up am I
today. ...will I be tomorrow. ...will I be when I look back to survey
of my life?" Example: From your expressed desire for "movement and
zest for life", your next thought took a perhaps well worn path, as if
answering a thought like, "Well how screwed up am I, looking back from
today?" Oh, I'm so screwed up that "I give up and float down the
drain."
What if you let your wants stand on their own, without "yet", "but"
and "nevertheless" transitions into critical commentary?
Then I can imagine you having fun asking yourself kinder questions
like, What did I mean when I said, "I want... movement and zest"?
Are they separate things for me?
If so, which do I want to explore first?
If not, what's an example of a zesty movement (or moving zest)? Then,
why did I want that then? ...am I wanting that now?
What do I want to be doing to create my next living example of that?
Wants are fair game for the curious questions of personal
explorations. If you want to immerse yourself and learn how to
explore, using Option Process Dialogues, get the book, "Power
Dialogues" <http://www.option.org/custom:online-store-and-
library,single,406>.
At least in your post, the statement of wanting seem to have been
used, not as a freestanding focus of desire, worthy of exploration and
elaboration, but rather as a foil, a contrast feature, against which
to measure yourself as seen through a belief like "I'm so screwed up."
Of course, you remain the best and final arbiter for deciding what's
best for you.
How cool is that?
Thad
On Jan 26, 5:12 pm, "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.roit...@gmail.com>
wrote:
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
I want to respond to your posts. I appreciate your comments so much.
Thank you Kirin, Larry, Thad, and everybody. I won't comment much on
myself (i.e. judge) Then again, what's there to say then? :o)
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
and desire to pick up and continue. I love it! Now in order to...
Stop! No "buts" :o)
I want to keep this feeling. Thad, you are right or rather this is one
way of looking at it. Now changing habitual patterns is my job. Where
do I start? I guess it would be here.
How about I'll do no excuses today? Good!
Thad
> Stop! No "buts" :o)...
>
> How about I'll do no excuses today? Good!
Observation: Both thoughts were framed
in terms of "no", and the latter was judged "good".
Why do you believe that "no excuses" is "good"?
What specifically about watching "Defending Your Life"
did you use to give yourself "a boost of energy"?
Personal observation:
When I'm doing defensive motivations, Zhenya,
I'm all about energizing resistance,
about employing "but", "yet", and "nevertheless" beliefs
to make cases (excuses?)
about why my wants won't fit
with who and where I am at the moment.
Anybody can see I have all this crap to clear out first!
It reminds me of an old way (c. 1974) that MS was
diagnosed "by exclusion". I clearly recall Dr.Engleberg's drift,
Mrs. Wilson, your symptoms are not this...
not that... or these other named ailments
for which we have reliable diagnostic tests.
Therefore, we believe you have Multiple Sclerosis.
Let me give exclusionary living a poetic image.
By winnowing what I judge to be chaff in my life,
I'll expose an, otherwise hidden,
kernel of wholeness, happiness and well being.
While a quite valid, even romanticized, way
to make sense and take care of myself,
defensive and exclusionary operations offer, what seems to me,
a long and daunting way 'round to happiness.
I observe that,
whatever the stimulus at hand, I'm happy
when I'm present
to contextually informed intentional efforts,
congruent with my cultivated sense of purpose for being happy.
Ta ta,
Thad
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
- "Defending your life"
* The movie by itself allowed me to escape my present (computer bound
Google searches for items like "purpose", "daily plans", "strengthen
attitude", etc)
* The story line reminded me of my own life in its "lack" though of a
different kind
* The pieces about the main character's fear based memories reminded
me of my childhood with the fearful actions
* I was smiling to myself when I was waiting for that moment (which
had to happen in a movie) when the main character crossed the line
I made a comment on Facebook I wrote to Larry "I love the comments you
and Thad made.
I don't understand them (after all they're yours). Yet I want to
understand.
I want to do it differently
And yet I want to stay inspired and committed
I am doing excuses and treating myself like an enemy
In fact these words are not important "
I want to and will review the whole thread. I want to be inspired,
energized. I want to choose a pleasant destination. I want to get up
in the morning and have a plan for the day. I want to enjoy my days. I
want to be able to clearly explain my reasons for what I do. Still my
actions and/or lack of actions turn people away and I am ready for
this. I judge it as "right". That is "if the person is negative,
people would not want to be around him/her".
My plans are:
- Emotional freedom technique session series
- Laughter therapy
- UVB ray machine for the sun shine (vitamin B therapy)
- Reading Power Dialogues
- Writing Inner Strength diary
and now I am going to clean my room
benevolentWarrior
When you mention choosing to impliment embracing UV sunlight therapy, and
mention vitamin B, are you referring to the vitamin B additional to sunlight
therapy? Sunlight therapy is about acquiring vitamin D.
Larry, (still retaining my business originated early 70's known as
"Vita-Supply" :) )
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Sunday, January 31, 2010 1:15 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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06:39:00
Thad
it.
>
> I don't understand [comments from Larry and Thad]
> (after all they're yours).
Nice. Each of us is doing what he does
for his own reasons
and you get to decide what parts of the posts, if any, will be of use
to you.
> I want to be inspired,
> energized.
My beliefs: Wanting, in and of itself, is sufficient inspirational
energy
for supporting congruent intentional action.
No more waiting for or searching out inspiration, my wanting is
enough.
> My plans are:
> - Emotional freedom technique session series
> - Laughter therapy
> - UVB ray machine for the sun shine (vitamin B therapy)
> - Reading Power Dialogues
> - Writing Inner Strength diary
> and now I am going to clean my room
What do your plans mean to you?
Are you acting on them to achieve, or discover, happiness?
Are you choosing happiness as an attitudinal advantage
in support of your best selection and execution of plans?
Are you, perhaps, using them in some other way?
Another use for seed imagery:
Rather than think of the kernel as a
condition of wholeness, happiness and well being
to be found after breaking away hard layers of chaff,
I have decided to make desire itself the kernel.
When I plant my wanting in the ground
of any present stimulation, chaff falls easily away
as my desire flourishes into happily focused intentional efforts.
Later,
Thad
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
sunlight. I was taking 10K doses of vitamin D and I felt sick. Now I
want to try the machine recommended by my nutritionist
http://www.aviva.ca/shop/products.asp?itemid=4634&catid=59
Thad, I value your insights a lot! My "difficulty" is that knowing my
wants I don't pursue them. Inspiration for me is the energy to in fact
go after them. And since I don't act on my wants, I quickly get down
and feel miserable. No excuses is my attempt to incite sorry free life
(just like the "Complaint Free World" bracelet).
Funny thing is all of it represents my attempt to change myself using
the same means, I called myself "stuck" in response to Bear's post,
but couldn't explain exactly what I am stuck about.
I am looking for a thread to pull at. My plans are just that - my
threads.
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
minister walks by
"Can I help you?"
"yes, help me get out!"
"Ok", so he writes a prayer & throws it down to the man."
A doctor comes by
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, help me get out"
"Ok, so he writes a prescription & throws it down the hole"
A friend comes by, asks
"Can I help you?"
"Yes, help me get out of here!"
"Ok" and he jumps in the hole with the man.
"Hey, why did you do that? Now we're both in the hole!"
"Yeah" says the friend, "but I've been here before & know how to get
out."
Guys,
I know I am the only key to me and I'd like to believe I'll open the
door. I'll skip the self-criticism that I am so good at. I want to
develop an easy daily regime to practice with the intention to first
achieve clarity of thought. I am looking for daily questions to ask
myself to develop the clarity of thought. Guess I am looking for a
prescriptive model. But my wants are not a sufficient motivator (or
they are untrue). Maybe I am in a hole on purpose, but then I want to
be content with it.
Zhenya
P.S. Thank you for throwing thoughtful rocks on my side
Chris Kisling
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "Option Circle" group.
To post to this group, send email to option...@googlegroups.com.
Thad
...and I take it as verification that we each aim to offer what we
believe to be helpful, according to belief constructions we've owned
and honed over time or simply made up in the moment. Whether it's
prayers, prescriptions, or partnerships, we "wannabe" helpers do the
best we can.
Option challenges the model of prescriptive helpfulness, at least with
respect to personal belief management. The dialogue is instead about
facilitation. An Option mentor always aims to maintain deference to
the explorer's own-best-expert status. In the interest of
facilitation, mentors ask lovingly curious, non-directive, non-
judgmental questions. That, in order to minimize a mentor's
participation being used to trigger an explorer's defensive or
rebuttal response. After all, the explorer has always been to
construct beliefs and support them with selected bits of "evidence".
That's what we do. Prescriptive offerings are easily construed as
contradictions to an explorer's belief management expertise.
Perceiving even a minor threat to present constructions of reality, we
often rise up in defense. And it's not surprising that previously
stated intentions for change are dropped while we marshall our
defenses.
In the dialogue the mentor/explorer dynamic is real time, one question
at a time, following from the explorers most recent response. In the
dialogue there is no place for a mentor's pondering of prescriptions
or commentaries, much less speaking them. Posting to the group is a
different animal, in which I tend to offer relatively more complicated
salvos of stimuli, intermixed with more or less directive comments.
Even less directive, testimonial comments (like "In my experience, I
observe thus and so.") seem to invite rebuttals that serve to
reinforce ownership through repetition of beliefs previously used
sponsor moments of unhappiness. When that is the case, net benefits of
posting are nil or less.
Here I'm doing a bit of "care-taking". I've attempted to explain my
lack of confidence that this group format for facilitating your
achieving stated intentions about changing beliefs, previously used to
fuel episodes of unhappiness. Wouldn't want you to believe that my
present departure from these exchanges is in any way a commentary
about you.
Cheerio,
Thad
Thad
I like what I interpret to be your loving and gentle morning methods
of self-care.
Thanks, for sharing it.
Love and smiles,
Thad
benevolentWarrior
achieve clarity of thought.
> Zhenya
> P.S. Thank you for throwing thoughtful rocks on my side
benevolentWarrior
----- Original Message -----
From: "Thad" <thad...@yahoo.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Monday, February 01, 2010 10:54 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
> --
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12:37:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
I am trying to assemble the archive off of this thread (could not find
a techy solution). It is a great one to refer to. I find that I come
in ocean waves and mostly judge the lights out of myself. Today in a
dialogue I explored my judgments of myself. Classical case - I use
them as motivators. Then there is an issue of specificity (Teflon
posted a great story on it). I keep things rolling in my mind and
overwhelm myself with it. All in all I flow down some unknown stream
like one of the frogs in a glass of milk - sometimes I am kicking and
sometimes I stop. I ask people for guidance, but don't act on it. And
when I promise myself to "start over", I either don't follow or pick
the weight to heavy to carry. Questions "what do I want?" and "what
would happen if I were to stop judging myself?" are difficult to
answer. Recently I heard a lady say "In the Option philosophy <I don't
know> equals <I don't want to know>". Suits me - I can use it as yet
another stick to beat myself over with. Most of the time I think I am
the worst case in the whole wide world. Depressed people, alcoholics,
drug addicts... and me :o) My friend who also has MS posses a strong
attitude and soon will be getting married. I on the other hand is a
pitiful guy that has no prospects and tries to buy my way in with
courses I don't learn / practice, books I buy, but don't read, etc,
etc, etc.
It hasn't always been like that though I had a tendency to drown and
resurface. I dated a girl from France two years ago, felt empowered in
my way, organized Meetup groups, and so on, and so on. I do have
Multiple Sclerosis, live with my parents, try to follow The Primal
Diet (raw animal fats) and I often feel and do stuck.
Why am I writing all that? This is my conversation with myself (though
my dad says that rarely artists do something for themselves only.
In my many attempts to "nail the truth about me", I thought that maybe
I have to make effort to look at life trough yet another prism, to
"Don't go to bed with a frown in your pocket". Thad would say "look at
your beliefs, but I haven't mastered the skill (possibly "don't want
to") and still operate in my old familiar ways. Lately my friend
reminded me of a make-up belief "The cause is in the future". Great!
But I have literally -waited- for this apathy to pass ever since grade
3-4. Somebody told me recently "You are on the right path and will
arrive in ~20 years". And I got excited! There is a meaning of life,
universe, and everything. It's 42! :o) I swear Hitchhiker's Guide
resonated with me in ways Douglas Adams didn't intend it to. Maybe
digital watches is a neat idea? Maybe we shouldn't have come down the
trees and have left the oceans.
I am taking the "Power Dialogues" course in July. At least I need to
read the book.
I am finished for now. In fact I am glad I had this "monologue". I
means I DID something.
Love you
Zhenya
Thad
that, I have dropped my earlier justification of departure from this
thread. I'm baaack!
No value charge or implied judgment about me in that. I choose to
believe that I can come and go as I please, barring some crash of
Google Groups or eviction by the Moderator. If I wanted to judge
myself, I'd call my redirection a deficiency, "a lack of follow
through". Then I might attempt self-justification with something like,
"Yes, I did say I was finished here, but my leaving was a mistake."
Then perhaps to express heightened or leveraged revulsion from my
"mistake", I might write. "Ugh, I'm never going to do that again."
Looking back on that last, I see a splendid setup for subsequent
judgments against myself, were there future episodes of personal
redirection. "Damn, there I screwed up again." (i.e., I was
inconsistent.) While certain benefits are sometimes associated with
consistency, I'm now prioritizing desire, that of being present to
writing here.
Yes, Zhenya, I can relate to your suggestion that beliefs may operate
as metaphorical prisms, as light filters through which to look at
selected stimuli. If you buy that association, what about "wants" as
prisms, too? Here I like to make a distinction between "wants" and
"wishes". "Wishes" (a.k.a. pipe dreams) are ephemeral expressions,
disconnnected from intentional effort. "Wants", in my construction,
are accompanied by action steps toward their fulfillment.
We seem to trust our beliefs,
conclusions associated with selected memories,
to make present sense of a stimulus
and thereby fuel a response.
Can we not also trust our wants,
conclusions associated with selected intentions?
Maybe "the cause is in the future", maybe not.
By trusting my wants and elaborating them with specific intentions,
I'm observe that I'm more happily involved and effective
in causing my future.
Ta ta, Y'all.
On Feb 7, 7:09 pm, "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.roit...@gmail.com>
wrote:
>
Thad
to refine my thinking about trusting wants.
Seems to me that memories are imaginative.
They are reconstructions of past events,
composed of selected data
adapted in the interest of coherence.
We want our memories to make sense;
so we compose them in our minds
as an artist might compose a landscape with paint on canvas.
Memories and landscapes are rendered imprecisely.
We omit, without remorse, discordant elements,
and apply what fits, what works for us.
We compose memories and landscapes
in accord with beliefs and expressive priorities
at the moment of composition.
Similarly, wants are imaginative.
They are preconstructions of future events,
composed of selected data,
adapted in the interest of coherence.
Like renderings of past events and landscapes,
we freely omit discordant elements from our wants,
favoring elements that fit with our beliefs
and expressive priorities at the moment of compositon.
If these three are each expressions from our imagination,
does it make sense to dismiss wanting
as if it were less worthy of our trust?
Love and smiles,
Thad
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
interpret them as attempts to be helpful. Yet, I am looking for
specific steps to practice. I trust I will grasp the theory later.
Right now am enjoying Belie Makers blog.
http://www.lifetransitioncounselor.com/blog/2010/02/more-doing-less-thinking.php
benevolentWarrior
it is for yourself.
I like to believe all motivation is ultimately self-motivation.
Zhenya, if you truly want to practice, you will realize opportunities to
question and to practice your innner dialogue behind every experience you
put on yourself. I trust you will learn the wisdom of being constantly in
the gift-wrapped present, specifically designed for you by the universe.
I like to believe you came to this plane, for a purpose. You selected your
parents, and the challanges, as your opportunity to learn whilst here. I
only congratulate you on being where you are, in this incredible sandbox of
life, with sooooo much abundance at your disposal.
May the beat go on....... Bw Larry
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, February 10, 2010 11:15 PM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
> --
> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
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19:38:00
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
in a day and was pretty amazed by what I found in mere couple of
minutes (more on that later).
Today I woke up, went to my office room and moved all the "stuff" to
my closet to clean up my playroom :o)
Then I went to my computer for some "sweet stimuli" (no comment
provided) and through checking my emails, Facebook, and so forth I ran
into this quote (the universe is quite playful, you know).
"There are lots of ways of being miserable, but there's only one way
of being comfortable, and that is to stop running round after
happiness. If you make up your mind not to be happy there's no reason
why you shouldn't have a fairly good time."
- Edith Wharton
benevolentWarrior
chasing its tail. When asked why, he explained because he knew that
happiness was there, and when he would just catch it he knew he would be
happy........you can guess what the old cat wispered as he sauntered on his
way wearing a big smile..... Larry
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Friday, February 12, 2010 5:40 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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16:09:00
Thad
Sounds a bit like a not-want focus. Nevertheless,
personal prohibitions are widely used in self-care.
Is stopping the chase somewhat akin to "allowing"
ourselves to be happy, that occasional awareness
we give ourselves along the way of more intentional living?
And what markers or indicators might we look for as
confirmation of our happiness?
How about these: attitudinal purpose, authenticity, non-judgment,
being present, gratitude, context-specific intentions.
Anybody ever hear of "shortcuts to happiness"?
Shortcuts to... or demonstrations of... happiness,
Does it matter?
On Feb 12, 5:40 am, "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.roit...@gmail.com>
wrote:
>
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. When I was
your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've
believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
Lewis Carroll
Through the Looking Glass, Chapter V
Thad
Seems to me that "impossible" operates as a belief about a stimulus,
"thing". So, to believe "impossible things" is to assign another
meaning and, thererby, render the thing "possible".
How about this Optionized version of Carroll's punch line? Sometimes,
even before breakfast, I have dropped as many as six beliefs
previously used to support unhappiness.
Still, I see another consideration here. I first heard the term
"operating beliefs" in LTD 2000. Those are the beliefs we actually
use. When we justify a feeling and behavior, we may state a belief to
which we aspire or a belief considered "socially acceptable". Then
after "tracking back" we note our having used a very different belief.
I hear the Option program use of "liar" as a playful way to highlight
that common practice.
I may say that I want to be happy and declare a belief that happiness
is a choice, and then observe how often I don the "white hat" of
righteous judgment. A moralist might call that disconnect hyprocisy,
an exercise in "wrong" doing. However, Option invites a gentler
framing. I can simply note that, in the face of an unwanted stimulus,
I chose to prioritize judging the stimulus above choosing to be happy
with it. Operationally, in that moment of stimulation, I wanted and
chose unhappiness. Or borrowing from the Carroll quote, I believed
happiness, with respect to that stimulus, to be "impossible".
Remembering your earlier inquiry, perhaps authenticity represents our
closing the gap between operating beliefs and those we assert in
wishful self-talk and in social settings.
Cheerio,
Thad
On Feb 13, 2:43 pm, "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.roit...@gmail.com>
wrote:
Thad
Ever hear the term “plausible deniability”? It suggests that an
authority figure may have talked around, but never explicitly ordered,
that a certain politically questionable deed be done. In U.S. history
the “Iran Contra Affair” was a “secret arrangement in the 1980s to
provide funds to the Nicaraguan contra rebels from profits gained by
selling arms to Iran.” Both President Reagan and Vice President Bush
denied any awareness of such a deal. Mr. Bush famously insisted that
he was “out of the loop”.
Believing the SBR model, our denials are no longer plausible, when we
say that we “don’t know why” we felt or did as we did in response to a
stimulus. The model facilitates our taking ownership. It presupposes,
without judgment, that we always have, and can easily state, our
reason. We can make sense of our responses, even if we make that sense
conscious after the fact of having responded. Using SBR we can freely
and gratefully keep ourselves “in the loop” for wanting and making a
happier belief, whatever our stimulus. Each happier response
participates in the process of happier living.
Ta Ta,
Thad
Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)
- Is it laze? (i.e. exist in a changeless situation)
- Is it a give-up?
I look around and people are moving forward. Uri says discipline is
mandatory.
Maybe I am still waiting for the magic to happen "To Me"...
benevolentWarrior
----- Original Message -----
From: "Zhenya (a.k.a. Free)" <eug.r...@gmail.com>
To: "Option Circle" <option...@googlegroups.com>
Sent: Wednesday, February 24, 2010 11:56 AM
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
> --
> You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
> "Option Circle" group.
> To post to this group, send email to option...@googlegroups.com.
> To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
> optioncircle...@googlegroups.com.
> For more options, visit this group at
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>
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07:34:00
Chris Kisling
Subject: [Option Circle] Re: Zhenya's journey
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benevolentWarrior
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