Ho8se Of Dragon

[Janie Mccorey]

Well, finally. The ruinous civil war called the Dance of the Dragons is here at last, and if this episode is any indication, it's gonna be one bloody mosh pit. Lord Beesbury's was technically the first blood spilled in the war last week, but poor Luke represents its first front-line casualty. They didn't just kill this messenger, they chewed him all the way up. (You know how you never see Cookie Monster actually eating the cookie, he just sort of reduces it to flying crumbs? Sort of that, but with gobbets of flesh.)

I mentioned last week that the characters on this show are drawn with a lot more nuance and ambivalence than their comparatively sketchy and ruthless counterparts in Fire & Blood, the book from which House of the Dragon is adapted. That's particularly true this week, as Rhaenyra argues for caution and restraint, and the show goes out of its way to establish that neither combatant in the dragon-on-dragon air battle is fully in control of his creature when the dark deed gets done.

I like the Rhaenyra stuff, because it's doing solid work to delineate her character and remind us of her childhood friendship with Alicent. I'm less crazy about turning dragons into willful, aggressive mutts you can't take off-leash at the dog park ("Play nice, Vhagar! He doesn't want to play with you, Vhagar. VHAGAR NO HUMP. NO HUMP VHAGAR.")

Is this gonna be a whole thing? That dragons possess rich and textured inner lives of ephemeral moods and nursed grudges? Yes, it adds a layer, I suppose, as it reinforces their status as wild, dangerous beasts, but as employed here, it really lets Aemond off the hook. What is added by turning that horrible, irrevocable moment into an "Oopsie, my bad" ?

Luke stands at the Painted Table, the giant dragonglass map of Westeros. Which, I gotta say, seems a lot more carved than painted, but whatever. It looks cool, let them call it what they want. And wait'll you see it at night.

He and the pregnant Rhaenyra share a nice scene together in which she reassures him that she wasn't ready when Viserys named her his heir. But she decided to "earn her inheritance," a phrase so wildly oxymoronic that it practically devours itself.

Daemon decides that Viserys was murdered, which is a big leap, and that Rhaenys could have burned Team Green into traitorous ash but didn't do it, which is not. Rhaenys says the war that's coming "is not mine to begin," which is a cop-out answer that makes only the kind of sense that is non-, but Eve Best sells it.

Meanwhile, Daemon marshalls Dragonstone's defenses. He learns that Corlys Velaryon is feeling better, but still doesn't know which side he's on. He orders that their nearby allies in the Crownlands (read: the region of Westeros around King's Landing) be alerted: Lord Darklyn (of Duskendale), Lord Massey (of Stonedance) and Lord Bar Emmon (of Sharp Point).

Back to the Painted Table Which Is Actually Carved, Because No, I'm Sorry, Words Mean Things, People. If you thought this show loved tchotchkes before, hoo boy, they're busting out the whole damn Fisher-Price playset of map figurines. There's Hightower gewgaws and Velaryon doohickeys and Targaryen whatsits and then it turns out the whole table lights up once they hit the fantasy LEDs (read: candles) beneath it.

Someone's like, why are we counting up our army men when we got dragons? Dragons eat army men! Dragons burn army men! Dragons smush army men into a thick paste between their dragon toes! You get the point!

There's also unclaimed dragons like Seasmoke (once ridden by Laenor) on Driftmark. Daemon mentions an additional two currently riderless dragons called Vermithor and Silverwing on Dragonstone. Plus three wild dragons, also on Dragonstone, and 20 dragon eggs.

Daemon suggests gathering the whole dragon gang at Harrenhal, in the center of the continent, and then sending them to surround King's Landing, but before Rhaenyra can weigh in, Otto Hightower arrives to offer King Aegon's terms.

There's a tense moment when Rhaenyra tosses Otto's Hand pin over the bridge, but he then shows her the page she wilfully ripped from that book way back in episode one, which Alicent has held onto. Daemon's having none of this and starts sword-rattling, but Rhaenyra's sincely touched and having all of it; she orders him to stand down. She tells Otto that he'll have his answer tomorrow.

Back at the...you know what, let's just call it the Glowing Table, okay? Because it glows. Rhaenyra is reluctant to follow Daemon's Hugely Destructive Dragon PlanTM, which, predictably enough, enrages him. Hell, he's Daemon. An under-ripe peach would enrage him.

We know the prophecy is true, we know that's she's right. How much more interesting would all this be if we didn't? If the show trusted us to make up our own minds, instead of pushing us so doggedly into Rhaenyra's camp?

Corlys is recovering nicely, thank you very much, and Rhaenys informs him that his brother Vaemond is dead, killed by Daemon for questioning Rhaenyra's sons legitimacy. You'd think this news would cause Corlys to direct his anger at the sociopathic head-lopping rage-monkey that is Daemon Targaryen, but no: He decries Vaemond's "heedless ambition" instead.

But Rhaenyra wants to wait until she knows if the Arryns, Starks and Baratheons will side with her. Jace suggests that he and Luke fly their dragons and deliver her message to the three Houses. Jace is to head North, to deal with the Arryns and Starks. But never mind that for now, because this season we won't be hearing how any of that went down.

But not before Rhaenyra makes them swear that they will not engage in any fighting. She assures Luke that Borros Baratheon will greet him warmly, because only one character on this show gets to be right, and she ain't her.

Daemon heads down to the caverns underneath Dragonstone, and comes across a huge, old and not particularly easygoing dragon. It's likely Vermithor, the dragon once ridden by King Jaeherys, who preceded Viserys to the Iron Throne. But until we can verify this dragon's identity, they will not be welcomed to the stage.

Aemond demands that Luke cut out one of his eyes, in payment for the one he took from Aemond all those years ago. Aemond reveals that he's toting a sapphire around in the empty eye socket underneath his patch. It's an arresting look; you wonder why he bothers with the eye patch. Much less exciting. Really hiding his light under a bushel there. Shine on, you crazy sapphire.

Borros demands that the kids not fight under his roof, and we're reminded of how much lip-service the lords of the Seven Kingdoms pay to the safety of their guests. Until they suddenly and bloodily don't. Borros may be a boor, but he's no Walder Frey, and Luke makes it out of the castle un-murdered.

He has a bit of trouble mounting Arrax in the courtyard, though; the dragon seems agitated. There follows a long sequence of Luke flying through a nasty thunderstorm, warily checking for any sign of Vhagar.

Who shows up, of course, with a cackling, taunting Aemond on her back. Luke is overmatched, but he does manage one smart maneuver, by steering Arrax through some chasms too narrow for Vhagar to follow.

Then Arrax turns around, and, very much against Luke's wishes, breathes fire into Vhagar's face, then soars above the storm. An annoyed Vhagar, of her own accord, with Aemond screaming in dismay, follows them up and chomps Arrax and Luke in two.

Cut to: The Twins, the home of House Frey. Jacaerys is sitting down to a meeting at the center of the bridge that spans the Green Fork. (Almost 200 years in the future, Lord Walder Frey will prefer to take meetings in his dank, dark throne hall, but the current Lord and Lady of The Crossing prefer to take their diplomacy al fresco.)

He reports that the Blackwoods have overwhelmed the Brackens, and Lord Amos Bracken has pledged to fight for Daemon. Daemon summons Ser Willem Blackwood to congratulate him and his House on their victory.

Rhaenyra points to the histories that clearly state only dragonlords (read: those with the blood of Old Valyria, like Targaryens and Velaryons) can ride dragons. Jacaerys, smartly, points out that those histories were written by Valyrians as pro-Valyrian, and anti-pretty-much-everyone-else, propoganda. So maybe they could consult the familial records piled high around them, and find folks who may not carry the name, but do carry the blood?

HBO's very blond and very expensive "Game of Thrones" spinoff "House of the Dragon" returns after a two-year break for a second season of incest and infighting. So get ready for dragons, battles, ridiculous misconceptions and a host of petty man-children who can't get over their own drama. And get ready to be just a bit disappointed all over again.

Season 1 of the much-hyped series arrived to mixed reviews, in part because a series of time jumps led to an scattershot, often dull story arc that really only took off in a fast-paced, "Thrones"-style way in the warmongering season finale. And even that blood-soaked episode lacked enough emotional oomph to back up all its violence.

So yes, there is more good stuff this time (they finally have figured out, at least by Episode 4, what to do with those darned dragons), but there is also more bad stuff: Multiple scenes in which common sense and logic has flown out the window, more twists and surprises introduced without context or feeling to back them up and more gratuitous violence that borders on outright indecency. There are too many side quests and not enough stakes to make me care about the battle for the Iron Throne that is meant to be the crux of the series.

So yeah, what's happening with that battle? When we left our terrible Targaryens, we had two heads of state vying for that pointy chair: Aegon (Tom Glynn-Carney), the petulant child of the late king and Alicent Hightower (Olivia Cooke), who thinks being king means he gets to play with all the cool toys. He is being propped up by his mother, grandfather Otto (Rhys Ifans) and psychopathic brother Aemond (Ewan Mitchell).

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