Tulsa World Reports on Life in the Trailer Park
Uncle Jerry
http://www.tulsaworld.com/NewsStory.asp?ID=010416_Ne_a1toddl
[begin brief quote]
Toddler, 2, shoots boy, 5; drugs and guns found at site
By RHETT MORGAN World Staff Writer
4/17/01
SAPULPA -- A 5-year-boy who was shot in the stomach -- allegedly by a
2-year-old boy -- in rural Creek County on Monday afternoon is in good
condition at St. Francis Hospital, authorities said.
The bullet from a .22-caliber rifle exited the body of Timothy
Henkemeyer, said Sue Lee, the grandmother of the 2-year-old. Vital
signs were good, and Timothy's blood pressure was steady, she said.
Kenneth Armstrong, the resident of the mobile home where the shooting
occurred, was arrested on complaints of drug possession and child
endangerment, Creek County Chief Deputy Mike O'Keefe said.
A methamphetamine lab, a "good amount" of methamphetamine and
marijuana were found at the residence where the shooting occurred,
O'Keefe said. The mobile home in the 12800 block of West 86th
Street is secluded by trees and sits some 200 yards from the street,
he said. A sawed-off shotgun and what O'Keefe called "illegal
pornography" also were recovered at the residence.
[end brief quote]
http://www.tulsaworld.com/NewsStory.asp?ID=010416_Ne_a15exmay
[begin brief quote]
Ex-mayor, police chief sentenced to 12 years for rape, molestation
By RHETT MORGAN World Staff Writer
4/17/01
OKMULGEE -- A former Dewar mayor and police chief who raped and
molested a neighbor girl was sentenced Monday to 12 years in prison, a
prosecutor said.
Okmulgee County District Judge Charles Humphrey sus pended eight years
of three concurrent 20-year sentences for Haskell Lawrence Wadsworth,
57. Wadsworth was convicted of one count of rape by instrumentation
and two counts of lewd molestation in connection with the child,
Assistant District Attorney Beryl Davis said.
The victim was 8 at the time of the rape on May 8, 1998, the
prosecutor said. The other two crimes happened on Aug. 7, 1999, and
July 20, 2000, court records show. The attacks occurred outside
Wadsworth's home at a residence that both he and the victim
frequented, Davis said.
[end brief quote]
http://www.tulsaworld.com/NewsStory.asp?ID=010416_Ne_a8chall
[begin brief quote]
Challenge slows taking of oaths in Watts
By JANN CLARK World Correspondent
4/17/01
WATTS -- A town council meeting turned into a waiting game Monday for
three newly elected officials set to be sworn in and a guessing game
for the former but newly elected town clerk, who is facing felony
embezzlement charges.
Jerry Howell, Jim Robison, O.J. Snyder and former Town Clerk Pat Ray
were elected to the Board of Trustees in Watts on April 3 and were set
to take office at 3 p.m. Monday.
But before the new council could take office, a Watts resident
protested the meeting. Jeanne Cummings filed a protest to the
special meeting, saying the notice was posted at 1 p.m. Friday
and that, according to state law, the meeting notice had to be posted
48 hours -- not 24 -- in advance.
At the meeting, at least a dozen people milled around, waiting to see
whether anyone was going to take office.
Howell and Snyder signed their oaths, and Ray, calling herself the
clerk and saying she was going to take office at 3 p.m., notarized
Snyder and Howell's signatures.
Town Attorney Barrett Harris came in just before 4 p.m. and swore in
Robison, but Ray left. All three council members were sworn in.
District Attorney Dianne Barker-Harrold said she had an agreement with
Ray's attorney, Nathan Young, that Ray wouldn't take office and Ray
would honor the agreement.
Barker-Harrold said that if Ray tried to take office she might take
other steps, which might include removing Ray from office and auditing
the town of Watts, "and no one in Watts wants that," she said.
Ray was charged in Adair County in 1997 on two felony counts of
embezzlement by a trustee after she was terminated from her job as
town clerk. Ray was scheduled to enter into a plea agreement on Feb.
20, but it didn't happen.
[end brief quote]
http://www.tulsaworld.com/NewsStory.asp?ID=010417_Ne_a13paint
[begin brief quote]
Paintings of World War II figures vandalized at gallery
By TOM DROEGE World Staff Writer
4/17/01
Paintings depicting nude World War II figures Mussolini
(foreground), Hitler and Hirohito were slashed from their
frames this weekend at a Tulsa Artists Coalition gallery in
what police are investigating as "malicious mischief" but
gallery owners call a "hate crime."
Paintings depicting nude versions of Hitler and other World
War II figures were found slashed to pieces early Sunday
in a Brady District art gallery, Tulsa police said.
A bar employee who was leaving for home about 4:45 a.m. noticed the
smashed glass doors on the Tulsa Artists Coalition Alternative
Gallery, 9 E. Brady St., and called police.
"Not liking art is great, but destroying it is unbelievable," gallery
director Tom Pershall said as he stood next to the cut canvases, which
hung in shreds from their frames. "We are offended that we live in a
city with no tolerance toward artistic expression."
Three large acrylic paintings that were on display, each priced at
$750, were slashed and chopped by what likely was an ax, Pershall
said.
"This looks like the Jewish business district when Nazis destroyed
them," he said, shards of glass crunching beneath his feet. "This
shows an intolerance for anything."
The gallery guest book was stolen, but a computer in the back room was
untouched and nothing else was taken, Pershall said.
The loss to the gallery's French doors, walls and display partitions
is estimated at $1,400.
[end brief quote]
tulsa hippy
"Uncle Jerry" <bubba...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:1vcodtgl6fhgq90ek...@news.alt.net...
> Ho, hum. Just another typical day here in the trailer park...
>
> http://www.tulsaworld.com/NewsStory.asp?ID=010416_Ne_a1toddl
>
> [begin brief quote]
>
> Toddler, 2, shoots boy, 5; drugs and guns found at site
> By RHETT MORGAN World Staff Writer
> 4/17/01
>
> SAPULPA -- A 5-year-boy who was shot in the stomach -- allegedly by a
> 2-year-old boy -- in rural Creek County on Monday afternoon is in good
> condition at St. Francis Hospital, authorities said.
> A methamphetamine lab, a "good amount" of methamphetamine and
> marijuana were found at the residence where the shooting occurred,
> O'Keefe said. The mobile home in the 12800 block of West 86th
> Street is secluded by trees and sits some 200 yards from the street,
> he said. A sawed-off shotgun and what O'Keefe called "illegal
> pornography" also were recovered at the residence.
>
> [end brief quote]
Now, I've always known that the meth problem in Tulsa was way out of
control, but, damn, when a 2 year old and a 5 year old are making meth in a
trailer house and get into a gunfight, well, that's just more than even I
can stomache.
Whe I was that age, I had to make do with a BB gun. A real gun would have
completely eliminated any sibling rivalry, I assure you.
Well, you know what they say, "An armed pre-school is a polite pre-school."
Fred
Uncle Jerry
<tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote:
<snip>
>Now, I've always known that the meth problem in Tulsa was way out of
>control, but, damn, when a 2 year old and a 5 year old are making meth in a
>trailer house and get into a gunfight, well, that's just more than even I
>can stomache.
Difficult economic times often lead to disagreements between business
partners.
>Whe I was that age, I had to make do with a BB gun. A real gun would have
>completely eliminated any sibling rivalry, I assure you.
Back in the dark ages, when I was a child, we simply took siblings
deep into the woods, tied them to a tree and left them there. With so
many kids in most families back then it often was days before anyone
noticed one was missing and then no one got *that* excited over it,
figuring that if the missing one didn't show up soon Ma and Pa would
simply "make another one"...
>Well, you know what they say, "An armed pre-school is a polite pre-school."
>
>Fred
Sounds like the sign over the entryway for Dr. Deming's Day Care and
Christian Pre-School...
tulsa hippy
> On Tue, 17 Apr 2001 09:29:58 -0500, "tulsa hippy"
> <tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote:
>
> <snip>
>
> >Now, I've always known that the meth problem in Tulsa was way out of
> >control, but, damn, when a 2 year old and a 5 year old are making meth in
a
> >trailer house and get into a gunfight, well, that's just more than even I
> >can stomache.
> figuring that if the missing one didn't show up soon Ma and Pa would
> simply "make another one"...
Exactly the problem with meth is that even a five year old *can* make it.
You're a few years older than I am, but even I remember things being much
simpler. The worst we had to worry about was cooties,
http://iamlost.com/features/cooties/
BTW, Sam's Club has a helluva sale on Sudafed, but you have buy it by the
case.
> >Well, you know what they say, "An armed pre-school is a polite
pre-school."
> >
> >Fred
>
> Sounds like the sign over the entryway for Dr. Deming's Day Care and
> Christian Pre-School...
I had occasion recently to visit the kindergarten class at a Tulsa grade
school.
In the course of trying to fit in here in the Theocratic Homeland of
Oklahoma, I was, quite frankly, there to hustle chicks.
I sat quietly in the back of the classroom while the teacher led the class
in a song:
I love you, You love me,
We're an inbred fa-mi-ly,
With a great big fuck,
And a kid from me by you,
Won't you fuck my bro-ther too?
I applauded enthusiastically at the end of the song, all the while watching
a little blonde girl in the third row, hoping her dress would flip up so I
could see if she was wearing panties.
"Now class," the teacher spoke in very carefully measured tones, "we're
going to have our daily drug education. Open your desks now and get out
your syringes." Most of the students opened the tops of their desks and
removed syringes. Suddenly, the teacher snapped her fingers loudly.
"Johnny, *what* do you think you're doing?"
The boy looked up from his desk. I could see the fear in his eyes. "I was
just rolling a fat blunt, Miss Joad," and he held up a joint about the size
of my dick so the class could see.
"Did you bring enough to share with the whole class?" the teacher asked, one
eyebrow raised high.
"Well..." the boy stammered. "It's really some asskicking bud that the
principal grows out behind his house. I mean, if nobody double-hits on it,
it'd probably go around the class once, but me and Tommy, we was gonna smoke
it out back of the air conditioner and get really fried before softball..."
"Put it away for now, Johnny," the teacher asserted.
"Now class, if this is the same syringe you used the last time we had Drug
Education class, I want you to pass it to the student on your left. Those
of you in this row pass your syringes to the student seated behind you. Who
can explain why we pass the used needles around?"
She pointed to the blonde girl who was the object of my attention. "Sally?"
"We pass the needles around to ensure that everybody in the class has the
same set of com... comm... communicating diseases." She smiled proudly at
her answer.
"'Communicable' is the word, Sally. Very good." The teacher then addressed
the entire class. "Who can name some communicable diseases?" She
emphasized the word to reinforce her lesson to the entire class.
Several students raised their hands instantly. "AIDS," said one boy.
"Hippopotamus?" answered another.
"That's Hepatitus, Frankie. Very good. You're going to be very smart when
you grow up. For Okies," she added after only a short pause.
"We have a visitor today, class," the teacher motioned in my direction.
"What church are you from?"
I stood to address the class, adjusting the clerical collar I had purchased
at a local costume shop.
"I am Reverand Largent from the Church of the Sacred OkieVirgin(tm)," I
introduced myself. "I'm the head minister and Chief VirginTester(tm)."
I mean, if you're going to argue about whose imaginary friend is better....
The little blonde girl turned around in her chair to look at me. With her
legs spread wide, I could see straight up her skirt. Much to my delighted
surprise, she wasn't wearing panties at all. I could clearly see the tattoo
of a rose on her mons, just on the left side of her WomanParts(tm).
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the shopping center men's room.
The thought of that blonde girl makes the Baptist cry for a good Bashing.
Fred
Medieval Knievel, the Adonis of Oklahoma
"tulsa hippy" <tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote in message
> Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the shopping center men's room.
>
> The thought of that blonde girl makes the Baptist cry for a good Bashing.
>
I pissed myself reading this story. Hilarious shit.
True story from today:
Teaching government in Lawton--"And how do we pay for highways in Oklahoma?"
big shout "TAXES!"
Student --"They shouldn't tax us for it"
Knievel--"who should pay for it then?"
Student--"The government."
<Knievel walks over to his lectern and bangs his forehead thrice>
--
********************
Medieval Knievel
ICQ # 26667824
"No, you can't change the password. You can erase it and create a new one,
but you can't "change" it. "--Chief schools ok.general on passwords
***********************
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Medieval Knievel, the Adonis of Oklahoma
"tulsa hippy" <tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote in message
> I had occasion recently to visit the kindergarten class at a Tulsa grade
> school.
You know there are people who earnestly believe that posting the Ten
Commandments will clean up our schools.
After teaching 9th grade for the past month, I know it won't do any good,
though, unless they post them in pictorial form.
These kids can't read. Yeah, they can form the phonetic sounds on the page,
but they don't comprehend the material.
Uncle Jerry
<tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote:
<snip>
>Exactly the problem with meth is that even a five year old *can* make it.
Yeah, I recall the "good old days" when it took a "real cooker" to
whip out a batch of meth and the "meth labs" of that time actually
looked like science labs. Now as you point out any five year old can
make the stuff and if that weren't bad enough even the typical
bumblefuck can make it while rolling down the road in his OkieBago
Mobile Meth Lab(tm)...
>You're a few years older than I am, but even I remember things being much
>simpler. The worst we had to worry about was cooties,
>http://iamlost.com/features/cooties/
Yes it was a much simpler time back then...
>BTW, Sam's Club has a helluva sale on Sudafed, but you have buy it by the
>case.
Ah crap.
I was hoping they would shake loose with some of the now banned Alka
Seltzer Plus Cold. That's the only home remedy that works for the
"better half" and since it was pulled from the market she's been
adrift in a virtual sea of snot...
>> >Well, you know what they say, "An armed pre-school is a polite
>pre-school."
>> >
>> >Fred
>>
>> Sounds like the sign over the entryway for Dr. Deming's Day Care and
>> Christian Pre-School...
>
>I had occasion recently to visit the kindergarten class at a Tulsa grade
>school.
>
>In the course of trying to fit in here in the Theocratic Homeland of
>Oklahoma, I was, quite frankly, there to hustle chicks.
>
>I sat quietly in the back of the classroom while the teacher led the class
>in a song:
>
>I love you, You love me,
>We're an inbred fa-mi-ly,
>With a great big fuck,
>And a kid from me by you,
>Won't you fuck my bro-ther too?
Certainly a catchy little tune there Fred...
>I applauded enthusiastically at the end of the song, all the while watching
>a little blonde girl in the third row, hoping her dress would flip up so I
>could see if she was wearing panties.
I'm sure some candy assed fundie will read your post and immediately
pitch a bitch, possibly a heart attack if we are lucky.
But I gotta' acknowledge a work of rhetorical art when I see one and
that's about the best such offering I've seen of the art form over the
course of my years in ok.general...
The really scary part is that it's based on the *reality* of life here
in the trailer park, aka the "Theocratic Christian Homeland of
Oklahoma" and this is easily verifiable via news reports in the local
media...
Steve Henderson
"tulsa hippy" <tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote in message
ROFL!
Fred, you are one sick puppy. :)
Tulsa Hippy
"Steve Henderson" <etao...@keytech.com> wrote in message
news:tdpvaap...@corp.supernews.com...
<SNIP>
> > Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the shopping center men's room.
> >
> > The thought of that blonde girl makes the Baptist cry for a good
Bashing.
>
> ROFL!
>
> Fred, you are one sick puppy. :)
You say that as if it were a bad thing?
Fred
Steve Henderson
"Tulsa Hippy" <tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote in message
news:tdq4h53...@news.supernews.com...
> <SNIP>
> > > Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to the shopping center men's room.
> > >
> > > The thought of that blonde girl makes the Baptist cry for a good
> Bashing.
> >
> > ROFL!
> >
> > Fred, you are one sick puppy. :)
>
> You say that as if it were a bad thing?
::re-reading what was posted::
I did NOT!
tulsa hippy
<SNIP>
> I'm sure some candy assed fundie will read your post and immediately
> pitch a bitch, possibly a heart attack if we are lucky.
>
> But I gotta' acknowledge a work of rhetorical art when I see one and
> that's about the best such offering I've seen of the art form over the
> course of my years in ok.general...
>
> The really scary part is that it's based on the *reality* of life here
> in the trailer park, aka the "Theocratic Christian Homeland of
> Oklahoma" and this is easily verifiable via news reports in the local
> media...
Hey, I told you I had a fun time on spring break.
Have I told you yet about taking my 16 year old girlfriend to the prom?
Fred
Uncle Jerry
<tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote:
<snip>
>Hey, I told you I had a fun time on spring break.
I guess so...
>Have I told you yet about taking my 16 year old girlfriend to the prom?
>
>Fred
Wow.
That old huh?
Fred, I hate to tell you this, but I don't think you have what it
takes to be a "Real Okie"(tm).
I know, I know.
You've tried so much to "fit in".
I know you spent all that time "hanging out at the Sonic"(tm), and
likewise in shopping center rest rooms and how you offered free
tattooing and virgin testing services to all the girls down at the
local middle and elementary schools.
But by golly, some guys are just not cut out to be "Real Okies"(tm)
and I kinda' get the impression that no matter how hard you try, you
are going to always remain, well, too damned civilized to be a Real
Okie.
I'm sorry for having to write that and I hope it doesn't damage our
friendship. But some times it just best to tell the truth and let the
"Okie Chips"(tm) fall where they may...
tulsa hippy
<SNIP>
> >Have I told you yet about taking my 16 year old girlfriend to the prom?
> >
> >Fred
>
> Wow.
> That old huh?
> Fred, I hate to tell you this, but I don't think you have what it
> takes to be a "Real Okie"(tm).
>
> I know, I know.
> You've tried so much to "fit in".
> I know you spent all that time "hanging out at the Sonic"(tm), and
> likewise in shopping center rest rooms and how you offered free
> tattooing and virgin testing services to all the girls down at the
> local middle and elementary schools.
>
> But by golly, some guys are just not cut out to be "Real Okies"(tm)
> and I kinda' get the impression that no matter how hard you try, you
> are going to always remain, well, too damned civilized to be a Real
> Okie.
Well, Jerry, I'm still hanging in there trying to fit in here in the
Homeland.
I spend most of last weekend sanding the paint off of the RedNeck
PimpMobile(tm), then hosed it down with saltwater to hasten the rusting
process. Happily, my former neighbors out in RedNeck Estates(tm), in the
house halfway down White Trash Boulevard(tm), were kind enough to do that
uneviable job for me on BlackMagic(tm), my custom-built BMW racecar.
I've got the marijuana crop already planted in the backyard here at Fortress
Freedom(tm), my walled compound in mid-town Tulsa. I had to pull out most
of the rosebeds to make room. I've watered the seedlings with Miracle Grow
every evening for the last three weeks, hoping for a decent harvest yet this
year.
Getting enough seeds to make the spring planting season was kind of a
challenge, but I now know that I'm in no danger of *ever* being at risk of
glaucoma.
As part of my ongoing education and self-improvement program, yesterday I
went down to Oral Roberts University and registered for Intermediate Sodomy
209 and Introduction to Pederasty 101. I talked them into letting me skip
the Intro to Sodomy class, based on life experience, but they insisted that
I had to take the basic Pederasty class because, well, I dig Chicks with
Tits(tm). I'm trying to change that.
At the recent gunshow down at the Tulsa Fairgrounds, the largest gunshow in
the United States as many Tulsans have bragged to me, I expanded my personal
arsenal to include not just small arms, Claymores, and LAW rockets, but I am
now the proud owner of a set of *three* coaxial 20mm cannons, the same ones
mounted on the Apache helicopters, as well as nine cases of rockets for
them.
You never know when the Christian Death Squad will try to exercise that
death warrant issued by the Oklahoma Bureau for Religious Affairs(tm), and
I'm putting the finishing touches on Command Post Omega(tm), which I so
hastily dismantled during the My LandLord's Nuts Bugout(tm) last summer.
My wardrobe now includes not only a classic black T-shirt bearing a picture
of an M-16A1 rifle and the slogan "Peace Through Superior Fire Power," but a
gorgeous maroon shirt emblazoned with the likeness of the Reverand Jesse
Jackson, superimposed by the cross hairs of a sniperscope, and the words
"Run, Jesse, Run."
When I get all duded up, hell, you have to see my teeth to know that I'm not
a born and bred Okie.
> I'm sorry for having to write that and I hope it doesn't damage our
> friendship. But some times it just best to tell the truth and let the
> "Okie Chips"(tm) fall where they may...
Oh, Jerry, thank you again for all the help you've given me over the last
couple of years.
I was surprised to find out that you actually had a dentist pull your teeth,
however. In the grand Okie tradition, I've been smoking an eightball of
crank a day.
Call me a purist.
I still have trouble with the drooling part, though.
Fred
Uncle Jerry
<tulsa...@aol.comdongle> wrote:
>
>"Uncle Jerry" <bubba...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
>news:u6nrdt0gos22hpkjo...@news.alt.net...
<snip>
>> But by golly, some guys are just not cut out to be "Real Okies"(tm)
>> and I kinda' get the impression that no matter how hard you try, you
>> are going to always remain, well, too damned civilized to be a Real
>> Okie.
>
>Well, Jerry, I'm still hanging in there trying to fit in here in the
>Homeland.
I think that's admirable, damned admirable.
If nothing else maybe they'll make you an "Honorary Real Okie", kinda'
like one of those "Kentucky Colonel" type of deals...
>I spend most of last weekend sanding the paint off of the RedNeck
>PimpMobile(tm), then hosed it down with saltwater to hasten the rusting
>process. Happily, my former neighbors out in RedNeck Estates(tm), in the
>house halfway down White Trash Boulevard(tm), were kind enough to do that
>uneviable job for me on BlackMagic(tm), my custom-built BMW racecar.
Once the rust sets in pretty good you might want to knock a few holes
in the body of that RedNeck Pimpmobile(tm) as opposed to waiting on
Mother Nature.
Generally speaking they should be located on both sides (fore and aft)
of the rear fenders. And of course don't forget the "Calvin Pissing"
decals and the Confederate Battle Flag (preferably real and hung in
back window) or at the very least one of the large decals of same for
the back window...
>I've got the marijuana crop already planted in the backyard here at Fortress
>Freedom(tm), my walled compound in mid-town Tulsa. I had to pull out most
>of the rosebeds to make room. I've watered the seedlings with Miracle Grow
>every evening for the last three weeks, hoping for a decent harvest yet this
>year.
>
>Getting enough seeds to make the spring planting season was kind of a
>challenge, but I now know that I'm in no danger of *ever* being at risk of
>glaucoma.
I see you've been checking with the OSU Extension Service.
That's one of the nice things about living here in "Green Country",
there's always someone more than willing to help a fellow with words
of wisdom on growing practically any crop.
>As part of my ongoing education and self-improvement program, yesterday I
>went down to Oral Roberts University and registered for Intermediate Sodomy
>209 and Introduction to Pederasty 101. I talked them into letting me skip
>the Intro to Sodomy class, based on life experience, but they insisted that
>I had to take the basic Pederasty class because, well, I dig Chicks with
>Tits(tm). I'm trying to change that.
Remember the Miracle Grow that you've been using on the herb garden?
Well according to local folklore in Delaware County, Oklahoma if you
rub that stuff onto the "buds" of small "OkieChicks"(tm) all sorts of
neat things start to happen. I have heard however that you have to be
very careful that you don't over feed them. Something about 12 year
olds, 4 foot 5 inches tall but with size "45 DDD" hooters attracting
too much attention in 7th grade... Supposedly it causes problems for
the principal at the school as he tends to call the girls into his
office far, far too frequently for protracted "counseling sessions"...
>At the recent gunshow down at the Tulsa Fairgrounds, the largest gunshow in
>the United States as many Tulsans have bragged to me, I expanded my personal
>arsenal to include not just small arms, Claymores, and LAW rockets, but I am
>now the proud owner of a set of *three* coaxial 20mm cannons, the same ones
>mounted on the Apache helicopters, as well as nine cases of rockets for
>them.
By golly it sounds like *finally* you are starting to get the hang of
what it takes to survive here in the trailer park. Just remember when
you invite the neighborhood OkieMoms over for a couple hours of fun
getting shit faced on the pot, crack, crank or what ever to *put up
the damned hardware* preferably somewhere other than on the bed so
that their "little ones" don't blow each other away while the grown
ups are having a good time. There's just something about those tiny
fingers and weapons that send a cold chill down my spine...
>You never know when the Christian Death Squad will try to exercise that
>death warrant issued by the Oklahoma Bureau for Religious Affairs(tm), and
>I'm putting the finishing touches on Command Post Omega(tm), which I so
>hastily dismantled during the My LandLord's Nuts Bugout(tm) last summer.
I doubt you are in much danger from them, at least in the near term.
If you recall, last Sunday was Easter and I'm pretty certain that most
the members of the Christian Death Squad are still out there trying to
blast, run over or drown that symbol of Paganism, the Easter Bunny.
Well, either that or they are still pre-occupied with eating all the
candy their kids received in the "Easter Baskets" at church. Then
there's some of them undoubtedly still trying to figure out where they
hid that last dozen "Easter Eggs", having designs on re-cycling them
into "supper"...
>My wardrobe now includes not only a classic black T-shirt bearing a picture
>of an M-16A1 rifle and the slogan "Peace Through Superior Fire Power," but a
>gorgeous maroon shirt emblazoned with the likeness of the Reverand Jesse
>Jackson, superimposed by the cross hairs of a sniperscope, and the words
>"Run, Jesse, Run."
It sounds as if you are off to a great start on your
"OkieWardrobe"(tm).
I would suggest however that at the earliest possible moment you add a
"Largent for Governor T-Shirt" to the collection.
The version I have is emblazoned with the phrase "God Said It, I
Believe It and That's That!" just below the picture of "Football
Steve"(tm) leading the Christian Soldiers onward in the "Siege of the
Penthouse Mansion"...
>When I get all duded up, hell, you have to see my teeth to know that I'm not
>a born and bred Okie.
I had a problem with the "teeth thing" myself.
Reluctantly I gave them up one at a time, then I would rush out to the
nearest "Atwoods" to see if I was able to blend in with the rest of
the Bumblefucks(tm). If I failed in doing so, as soon as I recovered
from the beating, I would head right back to the dentist for another
round of "Let's Try To Look Like An Okie"(tm), then it was right off
to the "Atwoods" again...
Several extractions, beatings and one attempted "Squeal Like A Pig"
incident later, I was finally welcomed into the fold.
I had finally managed to pass and after only 22 years, 5 months, 3
days and 14 hours of trying. Immediately thereafter I had more
"OkieMoms" hanging around my camper than I could shake a stick at.
Of course I didn't have enough energy to shake a stick at anything
after meeting all the "Little OkieChicks" the moms saw fit to bring
over to meet "Bubba Jerry"...
>> I'm sorry for having to write that and I hope it doesn't damage our
>> friendship. But some times it just best to tell the truth and let the
>> "Okie Chips"(tm) fall where they may...
>
>Oh, Jerry, thank you again for all the help you've given me over the last
>couple of years.
Don't mention it, my friend.
That's what friends is for...
>I was surprised to find out that you actually had a dentist pull your teeth,
>however. In the grand Okie tradition, I've been smoking an eightball of
>crank a day.
>
>Call me a purist.
>
>I still have trouble with the drooling part, though.
>
>Fred
The drooling was pretty easy, at least for me.
Once I had all those teeth out it was *not drooling* that was the
difficult part. But after a while though you kinda' get used to the
front of your shirt being wet all the time and there are occasions
when all that drool comes in handy for "lubrication" while trying to
get something into one of those tight places...
The part that really troubled me the most was the damned "coveralls
sans shirt and underwear" thing. I'm still not used to that and it's
been a few years now. I've heard that after a while a fellows ass
get's toughened up and the rough denim doesn't chaff so bad but you
can't prove it by me. I guess I'm still a "tenderass okie"...