Understanding About Death

[Rosamunda Froats]

Childrenand young people can grieve just as deeply as adults, but they often show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them and rely on adults to provide them with what they need to support them in their grief.

Young children in particular have a limited ability to put feelings, thoughts and memories into words. They tend to 'act out' with behaviours rather than expressing themselves verbally. They will gradually gain the language of feelings by listening to words that you use. Showing your grief will also encourage them to express theirs.

It is now well recognised that very young children, including babies, do experience grief, they just show it differently. When someone familiar dies, the overriding response in the under 5s is a sense of loss. Being too young to understand the cause, and lacking the vocabulary, they express their distress through their behaviour. Even a very young baby, with clearly no concept of what being dead means, will pick up on an emotionally-charged atmosphere and will probably have a reaction of some sort.

Babies have no understanding of the concept of death yet, long before they are able to talk, they are likely to react to upset and changes in their environment such as the absence of a significant person who responded to their needs for care and nourishment on a daily basis. They may also be impacted by any emotional changes in a bereaved parent or main carer.

When it is a parent or main carer who has died, this loss will be particularly felt through the inevitable changes such as an upset routine, a different carer, and unfamiliar surroundings with strange sounds and smells.

From around the age of eight months, babies begin to develop a 'mental image' of the person who has died and have a sense of 'missing them'. Babies at this age may cry more or become more withdrawn; they may lose interest in toys or food and, as they develop motor skills and language, may call out for or search for the person who has died. You can help by giving lots of comfort and reassurance, and by keeping to normal routines as much as possible.

Young children are interested in the idea of death, for example in birds, insects and animals. They can begin to use the word 'dead' and develop an awareness that this is different to being alive. However, children of this age do not understand abstract concepts like 'forever' and cannot grasp that death is permanent.

Their limited understanding may lead to an apparent lack of reaction when told about a death, and they may ask many questions about where the person who has died is and when that person will come back. They may struggle with the concept of someone not being alive and may need reassurance that dead people feel nothing and therefore are not able to feel cold or pain.

Children at this age may expect the person to return. Young children tend to interpret what they are told in a literal and concrete way, therefore it is important to avoid offering explanations of death such as 'lost', 'gone away' or 'gone to sleep' that may cause misunderstandings and confusion. Provide honest answers to their questions but do not feel you have to tell them everything in detail or all at once. Information can be built on over time.

A young child is capable of taking in information from the adults around them and will be aware that something significant has happened. Under fives can, and often do, react strongly to their own grief, but also to the grief of significant adults involved in their day-to-day care.

Children may have disrupted sleep, altered appetite, or less interest in play. There may be regression in skills such as language or toilet training, or they might become anxious about the dark when going to bed.

Between the ages of five and seven years, children gradually begin to develop an understanding that death is permanent and irreversible and that the person who has died will not return. Children who have been bereaved when they were younger will have to re-process what has happened as they develop awareness of the finality of death.

Some children might feel that somehow what has happened was their fault. If this is the case, they might react by being especially good to make up for their sense of 'badness', or they might behave badly to attract the punishment that they feel they deserve.

Even when there is no expectation to do so, a child may take on the role of carer for a surviving adult or siblings. In an attempt to appear grown up they might take on inappropriate adult responsibilities.

Adolescence is a time of great change, and grief can impact on the developmental task of moving from dependence to independence. Young people are moving from primary reliance on their family to increased involvement with their peers. While they may strive to be independent and grown up, the death of someone close creates vulnerability but it can be difficult for a teenager to ask for support while trying to demonstrate independence. Young people do not like to feel different from their peers and being a bereaved young person can be extremely isolating. The support of peers with similar experiences can be extremely helpful in making them feel understood, heard and less alone.

Some young people may respond to a death by becoming more withdrawn, some may 'act out' their distress. Others might try to cope with the awareness of their own mortality through risk-taking or anti-social behaviour in an attempt to get back some control where life feels out of control for them. Some teenagers may take on adult responsibilities and become 'the carer' for those around them. Keeping to the usual boundaries of acceptable behaviour can be reassuring for bereaved young people and give them a sense of security when everything else might feel out of control. You may find it useful to watch our short animated film Volcano which aims to help children and young people cope with difficult feelings like sadness, anger, worry and guilt.

Young people who have been bereaved at an earlier age may need to re-process their grief as they think about and plan for their future and fully understand the impact of life without the person who has died.

It is important to remember that grief is a normal response to a death and with help and support, most children and young people will be changed, but not damaged, by what has happened. You may also find it helpful to look at our film, Should I be worried about my grieving teenager? You and your teenager may also find it helpful to look at our resources on support for bereaved young people.

The agony of losing a child of any age is unparalleled. There is no age or point in time that makes it any easier. No parent expects to face the death of their child and no grandparent expects to lose their grandchild.

Child Bereavement UK designs and delivers training for professionals in health and social care, education, the emergency services and the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families.

When a baby lives only a short time or dies before birth due to miscarriage, stillbirth or a painful decision to end the pregnancy, people may assume that the loss is not important. This is simply not the case.

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The following research intends to discuss various issues surrounding death, first, by examining the study of death through the history of psychology, then through two separate philosophical accounts from Plato and Epicurus. Plato and Epicurus offer a conversation about the universality of death and how death ought to be considered and conceived by a society. This conversation between differing views suggests two varying ideas about how to cope with death; one offers a spiritual approach, wherein the soul is immortal and the other offers a scientific approach that death represents the end of all life, with absolutely no hope of immortality. As a society, America tends to subscribe to the former rather than the latter because of our inability to come to terms with the human condition. However, certain people are able to rise above the human condition and ascribe to the latter rather than the former. This paper will conclude by discussing case examples of the necessity for, and the complications arising from religion as a way to cope with death and the seeming inability of some to overcome the human condition and accept death.

Ancient History, Greek and Roman through Late Antiquity Commons, Ancient Philosophy Commons, Classical Archaeology and Art History Commons, Classical Literature and Philology Commons, Other Classics Commons

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Children at this development stage have limited cognitive perception. Because of this, they may show less of a reaction to the news of a death, especially when compared to an older child. In fact, they might go out to play after hearing such news.

Children this age attend school. This means where they get information, and misinformation, from is much broader. Sources can include friends, classmates and others in their peer group. This includes information, and misinformation, around death.

Children will ask many questions. They may want to know intricate details about the death and decomposition of the body. Although this might feel uncomfortable to talk about, it is very important that children have these details explained to them clearly. This will help them understand what has happened.

Children in this age group often copy the coping mechanisms they see in bereaved adults. They may try to disguise their emotions in an attempt to protect them. A bereaved child may feel they need permission to show their emotions and talk about their feelings.

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