Ja Rule Pain Is Love Lyrics
Claribel Lizama
At first this song was going to be a work of fiction about a character losing his/her sense of touch. As I imagined what that must feel like, I realized I was actually writing an intensely personal song. I've gone through seasons of my life where I've felt like I was stuck in between joy and sorrow. A purgatory of sorts, where I wasn't present and enjoying the good in my life, but also not fully processing or feeling the bad either. Just numb. It's a terrible state to be in, because by eliminating pain, we eliminate the possibility of joy. Over the last couple years, I've fallen into that heart-space on and off. I don't like it. Honestly, I process it indirectly in all of my song writing to some extent, but it all pooled together in the lyrics of this song.
That opening lyric set the tone for the entire song, as it sums up what's wrong and what needs to be fixed. The question and the answer. I chose words throughout the song like "vivid," "volume", etc. The idea here is that since touch is the "mother of all senses" I wanted to tell this story using words that are related to senses outside of touch.
The "near-death clich" lyric is fairly obvious as to what it means- I want to avoid having to nearly lose it all to have some great realization. I liked the idea that this song is open-hearted and a calling out for help, but it also accepts and acknowledges that things could be so much worse, if I let the glue dry. These lyrics also remind me not to be lazy in my efforts to fix the broken things in me... "all I want is to flip a switch," to me, that's almost like praying for lessons to not be learned, which is kind of unreasonable and lazy! Though it's what I want, these words remind me that healing is hard and necessary work.
Because the weather is such a multi-sensory experience, I chose to use a lot of weather imagery in this song. You'll also notice a theme of machinery as well: Weather represents the experiences outside of our control, and Machinery represents our responses to it. I liked that idea. (Side note: the lyric about barometric pressure is actually an inside joke between my wife and I. Early on in our relationship she would get small headaches and would always say that they were from the barometric pressure. I always teased her and said I didn't believe her. Turns out she was totally right. Jokes on me.)
In addition to weaving in those weather and machinery themes, this lyric acknowledges that the design of pain is an important warning system. I am not a fan of pain, but pain truly is one of the greatest gifts we were given, as it keeps us safe and alive. I'm a fan of that!
A couple months ago, we began some home remodeling/construction, and right before it began, I had a few weeks of feeling pretty burned out and numb. So this lyric is a reference to that "siren" sounding right before the construction on our house began. More obviously, it's a reference to terrible weather, tornado sirens (especially here in Illinois!), etc. Side note: the violins play a siren-esque line several times throughout the song to reflect this lyric.
Speaking of violins, my amazingly talented pal, Joanna Hui recorded all of the violins you hear on this song. Similar to how we approached violins on "Daughter," I told her to just come on over to the studio and I'll just explain some vague ideas and press record and see what happens. She did such a lovely job and I feel like the strings on this song embody the struggle and beauty I wrote about in the lyrics.
So I recorded this song in my home studio during the remodeling/construction, which was happening right above me. Constant hammering, sawing, drilling, etc. After days of almost losing my marbles, I decided that I should just go with it, so the drums you hear in the big chorus towards the end of the song are layered with those construction noises. A dozen or so tracks of real demolition right above my studio: smashing, walls breaking, hammering, drilling, etc. All edited into kick drums and snare layers. I thought that was a fun way to capture the environment that this song was written in. It also felt fitting with the lyrics - a song about needing remodeling.
Those words are answered prayer. The character in this song began to feel again. Not too long ago, I began to feel again. This lyric means a lot to me because it is also a subtle reference to one of my favorite feelings in the universe: The shivers, the chills (or a more terrible word, goosebumps) - the feeling of experiencing something non-physical in a physical way. That's actually what got me hooked into writing songs. As a kid, I was so confused and fascinated that a song could move me and actually make my skin react. So I set out with that as my songwriting rule. With every song I write, I must experience the shivers/the chills at some point in the writing process. For over 15 years I've stuck to my guns on that rule. I have to deeply feel every song I write and this rule helps make certain that no unfelt song gets through the cracks! Even on a song about losing feeling and touch.
This place a palace of light drawn with shade
Of silence and pretence a token of our trade
And here you and I lie wreathed in flames
All over a life lived by making up new games
Of gazes and whispers
We shared a penchant for cyanide praise
Fashioned our armours of empathy's malaise
And all of that hurt, and all of those words that we said
You'd think we poisoned the ground on which we tread
But the lining is silver
The best of intentions will not see the road paved
The end of illusions, who could ever be saved
What's left behind in the storms that we braved
The troubles we find and the chances we waived
It's the season of dust trailing old pick up trucks
Seashells washed ashore down by the docks
So baby pull on your blue jeans turn the radio loud
Don't wait for the hour to give birth to doubt
In the peak harvest of snakebites and wasted hindsight
When trivial truths sit next to the taillights
When fenders of chrome they rattle and hum
All carved in the shape of freedom
Oh lord won't you hear your children cry
Singing their praise and their hallelujahs
I have no more words to describe
An empty sky of hollow blue, yeah
So where is my lover, my firelight
The line on the edge of truth and rumour
We took our vows in the heart of the night
We were brazen and bright, when we were brazen and bright
If all the isms and doctrines of life were a gentle breeze instead of that usual judgmental freeze,
would we all be as easily shanghaied to their cause, as now we seem to object every clause,
and would we have the unerring nerve to go after our deepest desires with a similar verve,
who would it serve
She's plastic, she's speed read, a classic line between the lines
Fantastic and half dead, his tactic, blind to warning signs
Her clashes of colors are flashes of society
In ashes his dollars like posters of a tragic love story
He's shooting at shadows, portraying a proper soldier boy
She's thinking, in logos, still searching for the real mccoy
Broadcasters, they've got this, disasters, a wasp of a satire
Like actors who french kiss right after someone stole their fire
Harlots by the half-moon, charlatans by wine
Seeking out our pleasure, the sweet concubine
That abrasive acquaintance, it's a wonder how we fawn
Stopping at these stations before they're gone
Hello old lovers of mine, my little boy wishes of fortune's kisses
Now dreams cast aside
In the fading light your crown of thorns becomes a halo of branching horns
And yet so beautiful
I see you gently swaying in a sea of seesaws
Slumming in the shack Tony built last year
I know you'll be holding court with jackdaws
Crying when nobody ever sees your tears
When no-one sees your tears
What used to fly us from here to the stratosphere
What became of our passion
Is there no-one who cares
Hear the soft minor key of the one time me
Still the acrobat with my heart on my sleeve
And it's so beautiful
Out back where the gates are closed
Like a pitiful skeleton pose
We held our first line of defence
Saw our likeness and it made no sense
Like toy soldiers in the muck and dirt
Salvation in your every word
Lost in the fray of everyday
So this is what you think you need to play the game
A pretty royal flush of second hand fame
For proof of excellence, for critical acclaim
Aloof preeminence preceding your pen name
Cliches of violence and off mark blame
Some character flaws to masticate the shame
Sex in a dress in a wide array
Sex in a suit, hello, happy birthday
Time is a wraith at the point of no return
A memory of the light of day
Time is ablaze and so we burn
Until the ashes of our lives are blown away
Wish I had the power to make you stay
I ain't so pure of heart myself that I can go and say how you should be
But I know the temptation
The meaning you will give your life is up to you no safety guaranteed
But it will be amazing
Place your hand against the wall and follow every contour till you're free
Yourself forgiven
So what are you a slave to now when every winding maze will disappear
What makes your prison
For my words are the salt of lust on that ivory skin,
difficult to hear at all through the everyday din.
What is this if not some witchcraft
wrapped up widdershins to lead us all astray,
hook in mouth, on through such webs of lies
truth's a distant star in our eyes moonlight kissed.
New day comes again and it laughs in our face
whispering secrets of pain by all its names,
what flame could burn out the stain of a life misplaced.
But summer's scents still lingers in your hair,
despite the ache there's magic everywhere.