Re: Not so sure I like "requests," either./needs neither - NVC 2.0

[Ray Taylor]

Haven't tried that but I like robert gonzales' idea that all needs are actually qualities, so drop the word need too!

Roll on NVC 2.0!!

Ray

2009/11/18 Angela Harms <angela...@gmail.com>

Last year, I wrote "I've decided I want to try only making invitations
for a while," and got some replies I enjoyed a lot. I'd been talking
about how "requests" didn't seem to me to be in line with what we're
wanting when we "do" NVC.

I've spend the last year working with this idea, subjecting it to
criticism, holding it up to the light. And I've concluded that I
really don't have much use for requests. I'm done with them. They
don't lead to connection in my life. More often, they lead to
stuckness, and reactions of compliance or rebellion, neither of which
appeals to me.

I'm wondering if anybody else has worked with this idea over the past
year, and what results you've come up with? Is there any reason to
hang on to requests as part of our understanding of nvc (or nvc2.0)?

By the way, I'm moving to Central Ohio, and would love to connect with
people there. Drop me a line if you're nearby!

Angela

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[Angela Harms]

It sounds like I'm in agreement with you and Gonzales. In our
practice, we talk about treasures. "Needs" seems to suggest that we're
not ok in the moment, that there's something we lack. Treasures fits
better what I'm wanting to talk about regarding things like peace,
community, nourishment.

Angela

On Nov 19, 12:04 pm, Ray Taylor <r...@andy-taylor.org> wrote:
> Haven't tried that but I like robert gonzales' idea that all needs are
> actually qualities, so drop the word need too!
>
> Roll on NVC 2.0!!
>
> Ray
>

> 2009/11/18 Angela Harms <angela.ha...@gmail.com>

[Erik Willekens]

Words have a connotation. This connotation is different for anyone. Example: in Dutch needs are translated into "behoeften". In common language "mijn behoeften doen" means going to the toilet (poo). Speaks for itself people who use this expression a lot might have a hard time adopting the word "behoefte" for their most precious vulnerable needs. 

A treasure might sound beautiful to one yet to another it sounds too "New-agish" or too connected to consumerism and capitalist thinking. It all depends. There is no one way of putting it and I believe everyone's experience is different. Meanings and connotations of words can change as well, depends on the openness of the listener and other elements.

For me personally "needs" have a cold connotation, something is urgent and there is a pulling force there. It's hard to use the word "need" for something like beauty. I don't feel a "need" for beauty per se as much as I just experience it and it nourishes me. I only becomes a need when I lack it, then the "pulling force" or "lack" sets in.

The word need also seems to implicit a language of lack instead of a language of beauty. "If my needs aren't met I won't be happy" kind of thinking. This is not true, it's a constant balance and only if a certain treshold is passed the need truly becomes a need. So what is there before that? A quality... a positive experience, fullfillment

This formalistic language - I sometimes feel it is making me more rigid, less flexible and spontaneous. I believe that once the intention and understanding of NVC is ingrained the language might come by itself, yet it needs another way of relating to it.

Op dinsdag 24 november 2009 01:19:04 UTC+1 schreef Angela Harms:

[Angela Harms]

On Tue, Dec 17, 2013 at 7:19 AM, Erik Willekens <erikwi...@gmail.com> wrote:

This formalistic language - I sometimes feel it is making me more rigid, less flexible and spontaneous. I believe that once the intention and understanding of NVC is ingrained the language might come by itself, yet it needs another way of relating to it.

>

Fuck yeah :)

[John Abbe]

Ever so important to keep in mind that NVC is not about the words. I've always enjoyed watching NVC newbies be shocked and confused when they heard Marshall (or me, or anyone else) say that :-).

 

It may be worthwhile to seek better terms for some NVC concepts, but any term you settle on is almost certain to have problems for some people some of the time.

 

Life,

John

 

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"If you don't like the news, go out and make some of your own."

--Wes Nisker

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[Angela Harms]

What? "Fuck yeah" didn't convey that? :D

Angela Harms
cell or text: 541-337-8088
http://twitter.com/angelaharms

[John Abbe]

Sorry.

 

I guess what I meant was, "Me too!" :-)