Type 8 Enneagram Relationships

[Janae Chebret]

Getting to know your Enneagram compatibility with other Enneatypes can be helpful as it gives different inputs into your relationship and leads to new levels of healthiness. However, it is important to know that no pairing of types is particularly blessed or ruined; knowing these combinations will help you understand some of the different features that may come from the mix between two different types. Keep in mind that knowing what is an Enneagram and your Enneagram compatibility should not determine how you like someone when meeting them for the first time. You can have a relationship with any type as long as the two of you share similar ideas of what a healthy relationship is and the same level of consciousness.

Once you take an Enneagram test and you read your Enneagram description, a whole new world may open up to you. You will surely feel like having a better understanding of who you are, your behaviors, your relationship with others, and how you interpret the world around you. Also, the idea behind these personality tests is that they help you form better relationships with the people you interact with. According to research, when it comes to relationships Enneagram should be seen as way of understanding how different types typically match with each other and get more insight into how your behavior affects those you choose to bring into your world.

As an example, John is a musician in his mid-forties who grew up in Southern California and comes from the Four point of view on the Enneagram. His partner, Lars, is a Swedish emigrant in his mid-twenties who is currently trying out different professions. Lars comes from a type Five point of view.

So, compatibility may have a lot to do with how we think conflict should be dealt with. In conflict, Lars tends to withdraw, avoid and reflect internally. John wants to bring it forward right away to have an emotional catharsis and reconnection. Unless they are willing to see that neither style is wrong and that an accommodation is needed, they will likely continue to feel intruded upon, rejected, shut out, desperate, and overwhelmed. Help!

To work with differences in conflict styles, or with the limitations of similar conflict styles, we need to be interested in growth. Or at least to be willing to grow for the sake of a more satisfying exchange.

We adapt, often unconsciously, to try to balance out our relationship systems. Each Enneagram type will create a typical imbalance, which, over time, partners and others will automatically feel the need to temper or balance out.

Type 1 Tendency to control and criticize leaves others rejected, micromanaged.
Type 2 Not caring for the self breeds resentment. Others feel manipulated.
Type 3 Over-action and bypassing emotions creates loneliness, emptiness.
Type 4 Over-identifying with emotions destabilizes connection.
Type 5 Independence and withdrawal leave others anxious about connection.
Type 6 Doubt and anxiety undermine presence. Others feel tested, mistrusted.
Type 7 Future-focus and multi-tracking have us miss out on the here and now.
Type 8 Pushing away vulnerability shuts down the heart. Others shrink or tiptoe.
Type 9 Conflict avoidance prevents closeness. Others can feel neglected.

Thank goodness our types also bring resources. Despite all the potential ways in which we can get our wires crossed, we persist in relationships with some success. With practice working with ourselves, our strengths begin to feel more accessible in those hard moments.

When you are able to notice the imbalance, see if you can simply be with it and breathe. Shining the light of awareness on our patterns, without indulging them or denying them, allows something new to arise.

Hi Sarah, I attended your recent seminar, took the test, and learned I am Type 7 with Type 2 very close. Type 4 also resonates. This post is helpful and illuminating in helping me understand my place in relational struggle and suffering. I will set up a time to talk further. Thank you.

In relationships, Fours desire partners who are willing to explore the depths of emotions and appreciate the intricacies of their complex inner world. They thrive in environments that allow for emotional expression and understanding. Being seen and loved for their authentic self, flaws and all, is paramount.

In relationships, Sevens look for companions who are as lively and optimistic as they are, who can keep up with their fast pace and share in their multitude of interests. They value spontaneity and a sense of humor, wanting someone who can laugh along with them and not take life too seriously.

Eights value direct communication and find authenticity incredibly attractive. They are naturally protective of those they care about, but they need to know you can hold your own. They have little patience for pretense or manipulation and prefer relationships that are built on mutual respect and complete honesty.

In relationships, Nines look for partners who are stable and compassionate. They thrive with people who are empathetic and considerate, making the environment feel safe enough for the Nine to be open about who they really are inside.

Want to discover more about personality type? Get the inside scoop with Susan Storm on all things typological, along with special subscriber freebies, and discounts on new eBooks and courses! Join our newsletter today!

Susan Storm is a certified MBTI practitioner and Enneagram coach. She is the mom of five beautiful children and loves using her knowledge of personality type to understand them and others better! She has written over 1,000 articles about typology as well as four books including: Discovering You: Unlocking the Power of Personality Type, The INFJ: Understanding the Mystic, The INTJ: Understanding the Strategist, and The INFP: Understanding the Dreamer

So how, according to Sex and the Enneagram do integrated Fours show up in intimate relationships? The romantics of the world, you are deeply connected to themselves and their partner. Love is a mystery to be revealed and expressed. Rather than disappear into a fantasy world of love to increase the buzz of interaction, or long for what might have been in the past, integrated Fours connect with their currently reality. (This person, this body, this sex, this buzz.)

You, like most people, long for a connection with another, yet with that desire comes the fear that a relationship will ask to sacrifice too much of your time or resources. Relationships then are desirable on the one hand, yet create inner conflicts. What to do?

When integrated, sex involves all three centres (head, heart and body), as it does for all healthy types. Sex is not a technique to be mastered with study, but a deep awareness of your being connected with another. Sensory, uncensored sex, where you can share your feelings with a trusted partner.

Integrated Sixes realise how many of their fears are unfounded projections. They start to become their own inner authority, trusting a deep inner knowing rather than turning to others for insight or advice. As integrated sexual partners then they are fully present with what is happening in the bedroom, rather than shifting into their heads to consider all the potential negative possibilities.

The Enneagram Institute does a great job at describing relationships between all the different types. As I read the One/Nine relationship description, I felt like it genuinely could have been written about Dean and I.

Nines tend to take a bit of the rough edge off of the criticality and seriousness of Ones, while Ones give clarity and direction to Nines. Further, Ones feel that they have a mission in life, and they are able to inspire Nines to become aware of their own purpose and to want to follow it.

I really wish we had known about the Enneagram in our early years of being married. It could have helped us understand how we approached conflict and stress differently, and how best to navigate disagreements when they happened.

Seeing growth in myself and my relationships using the Enneagram has inspired me to share this tool with others. And like any good growth tool: the work is never done. I hope readers of both this post and my new book will invest in the ongoing work of personal growth using the Enneagram as a tool.

Because our Enneagram type is consistent across all contexts, the Enneagram information intended for romantic relationships can be applied elsewhere too. Primarily, the type pairings shared in this book are most helpful for those who we are in close relationship with, like close friends, family members, and roommates. All close relationships, romantic or otherwise, will likely experience similar dynamics to those noted in this book.

Stephanie Barron Hall (M.A. Organizational Communication, 2020) is a speaker, certified Enneagram coach, and the author of the upcoming book, The Enneagram in Love: A Roadmap for Building and Strengthening Romantic Relationships. Steph founded her instagram page, @ninetypesco, in 2017 as a way to explore her own interest in the Enneagram, and it has since grown into a community of people who are all learning about the Enneagram, themselves, and their relationships together. Steph specializes in bringing clarity to complex concepts and communicating the Enneagram in a way that is relatable and concise so that it can be transformative & accessible to all.

The Enneagram is a system made up of nine interconnected personality types that dig into our core motivations, fears, and beliefs, offering a kaleidoscopic, forensic look into the behavior and unconscious patterns that drive our decision-making.

Because of the Enneagram system's hyper-attunement to our limitations, triggers, and pitfalls, knowing your Enneagram type can help you understand how to compassionately self-manage and relate to other types. Doing Enneagram work pulls back the curtain on the inner workings of your romantic partnership and recommends a path for growth.

c80f0f1006