Hi,
the real question isn't how you can do it in ns-3. The question is if you could do it in a real system (and then do the same).
Two routers are usually linked through a communication channel. In Internet the channel is used for both the data and the signalling.
So, the question is: do you want to send a notification to what node ? How ? (TCP, UDP, ICMP, etc.). In-band or out-of-band ?
Don't try to use shortcuts, you'd only get a mess.
Cheers,
T.