YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF ....

[trond kandal]

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your
fireplace.

Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle.

Ya can't get married to your sweetheart cause there is a law against it.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

The primary color of your car is "bondo".

You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and
seductive tongue gestures.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and
cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your family tree doesn't fork.

You've ever used lard in bed.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Don Perignon is a Mafia leader.

You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You've ever made change in the offering plate.

When a sign that says "Say No To Crack!" reminds you to pull up your jeans.

Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of
taking the wheels off his doublewide.

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in
the truck.

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new
Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.

You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.

You've ever yelled "Rock the house Bubba!" during a piano recital.

Your gene pool doesn't have a "deep end".

You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.

You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid
flannel shirt and thermal underwear.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

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