Op hun pik getrapt
Jaap Verhoeven
"Want ik ben van '41, Bie, dus je begrijpt hopelijk wel dat ik niet met
een uebermensch aan tafel wil zitten. Dus, Bie, ik wens je veel geluk
met deze discussie.... en ik wens je sieg heil, sieg heil, en der nog
eend dunnetjes overheen... Sieg Heil Bie!'
<Koot kwaad weg, deur slaat dicht>
<fluisterend> 'Pfoe... daar gaan we nooit meer eten.' <herneemt zich>
'Nou, luisteraars, u denkt misschien dat er nu wat gebeurd is. Maar dat
valt wel mee. Dadelijk komt koot binnen en hij zegt dan niks. Daar moet
u zich niet door van de wijs laten brengen, dat doe ik ook niet...'
< deur gaat weer open>
'Ah! Welkom terug, Koot.'
'mmm.'
'Gaat het weer een beetje, koot?'
'mm-mm.'
'Koot, eventjes voor de goede orde: ben je het met me eens dat ik
voorzitter ben?'
'mm-mm.'
'Koot, iedereen is binnen en dan gaan we echt beginnen: ben je het met
me eens dat ik deze discussie voorzit?'
'mm_mm!'
'Koot, ja of nee.. _ja of nee_!'
'_mm-mm_!'
'Ko-oot! Doe niet zo op je pik getrapt!'
'Wat heb je over mij gezegd toen ik weg was!?'
'Ehm... niks...'
'Jawel! Jawel! Want ik hoorde je lachen.'
'....Ooooohh...dat! ik vertelde een mopje.
'Eeen mopje?'
'eeehh... een mopje. Er viel een gaatje... en toen vertelde ik een
mopje.'
'Het was wel een erg leuk mopje, he? "Hohohohohooo.. Hohohohoooo...".
'Nou, gewoon een mopje. Dat mopje over die twee Vlaamse boeren....'
'En...?'
'Nou, die gingen naar die twee Waalse hoeren....'
'En...?'
'En dan dat hele misverstand over zak en sac... Ach, dat mopje ken je
toch wel?'
'Nee, dat mopje ken ik niet!'
'Nou, dat vertel ik je dan wel na de uitzending.'
'Daar hou ik je aan, dat je me dat mopje vertelt!'
'Jahaa... Maar kunnen we nu dan eindelijk beginnen met de discussie?'
'Nee. Wan er is nog geen koffie, geen kopjes, geen schoteltjes.... Er is
nog niks!'
"Okee Koot! Dan beginnen we na het volgende plaatje!'
[...]
W. de Rochebrune: '... Ik herken agressie van grote afstand, want
aggressie is geel.'
F. Jacobse: 'Professor van Leipum zit ook weer in de zweefmolen.'
WdR: 'U, meneer! U heeft een knalgele uitstraling!'
Tedje van Es: 'Oh ja? Oh ja? Mot ik u soms aan paarse uitstraling
geven?'
WdR: 'Ik had het wel gedacht! Ik had het wel gedacht! Ik had gewoon in
het tuinhuis van mijn moeder moeten blijven!'
<De Rochebrune weg: knallende deur>
Koot: '....Nou... wie wil er nog een kopje koffie?'
TvE: "Deruit jij, kleine pinop!'
<Koot krijgt rake klappen en wordt de deur uit gesmeten>
TvE: 'Zo, die is weg.'
FJ: "Wie volleg....'
Bie: 'Eeeeehh....'
j.
(SVLP4. 'Op hun pik getrapt.' niet foutloos)
Rob Blokland
>(SVLP4. 'Op hun pik getrapt.' niet foutloos)
Haha!
Ik heb die lp nog ergens liggen, compleet grijsgedraaid.
Ciao,
Rob
--
...hang my head, drown my fear
'till you all just disappear...
(Soundgarden: Black Hole Sun)
Jaap Verhoeven
> ja...@kelder.net (Jaap Verhoeven) wrote:
>
> >(SVLP4. 'Op hun pik getrapt.' niet foutloos)
>
> Haha!
> Ik heb die lp nog ergens liggen, compleet grijsgedraaid.
Dat ken ik. Ik heb de plaat al 10 jaar niet meer gehoord, maar hij zit
er nog steeds ingeramd.
j.
~mme
in nl.eeuwig.september:
> Rob Blokland:
> > ja...@kelder.net:
> > >(SVLP4. 'Op hun pik getrapt.' niet foutloos)
> > Haha!
> > Ik heb die lp nog ergens liggen, compleet grijsgedraaid.
> Dat ken ik. Ik heb de plaat al 10 jaar niet meer gehoord, maar hij zit
> er nog steeds ingeramd.
ah. vandaar. welnu: vooruit dan maar. het kan er nog wel
bij. en niks imho, dammit.
--
_~_
/V\ "i'll take the quiet life
(\ /) no alarms and no surprises please"
^^-^^ --http://www.chaos.net
Stef
>Rob Blokland <ro...@mind-warp.demon.nl> wrote:
>
>> ja...@kelder.net (Jaap Verhoeven) wrote:
>>
>> >(SVLP4. 'Op hun pik getrapt.' niet foutloos)
>>
>> Haha!
>> Ik heb die lp nog ergens liggen, compleet grijsgedraaid.
>
>Dat ken ik. Ik heb de plaat al 10 jaar niet meer gehoord, maar hij zit
>er nog steeds ingeramd.
jaja - maar die plaat is om te lachen, dat weet iedereen. Het heeft
weliswaar jaaaaaaren geduurd voor iedereen begrepen had dat het om te
lachen is, en zelfs nu is er een harde kern die pertinent volhoudt dat
het een werk van de Duivel is, maar toch, die plaat...
Stef
Jaap Verhoeven
> ja...@kelder.net,
> in nl.eeuwig.september:
>
> > Rob Blokland:
> > > ja...@kelder.net:
> > > >(SVLP4. 'Op hun pik getrapt.' niet foutloos)
> > > Haha!
> > > Ik heb die lp nog ergens liggen, compleet grijsgedraaid.
>
> > Dat ken ik. Ik heb de plaat al 10 jaar niet meer gehoord, maar hij zit
> > er nog steeds ingeramd.
>
> ah. vandaar. welnu: vooruit dan maar. het kan er nog wel
> bij. en niks imho, dammit.
Tsk. Blame me. Die plaat is gewoon erg grappig en _errug_ goed.
j.
ps. don't get me started on Monty Python. Ik wil nog wel eens de fish
slapping dance met iemand doen. Maar dan heb ik wel de snoek.
the Su roadshow
>ps. don't get me started on Monty Python. Ik wil nog wel eens de fish
>slapping dance met iemand doen. Maar dan heb ik wel de snoek.
'kWil The Parrot Sketch doen, The Parrot Sketch!
Groetjes, Su.
--
fer fuck's sake
Faye
> (even uit het hoofd)
>
> "AND NOW, FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT"
>
>
> "The Larch"
'Are you the Bwrain surgeon?'
YF 'No. 1'
cheerIO,
Faye.
--------------------
Het was een dia-voorstelling.
the Su roadshow
>Su:
>
>>Jaap:
>>
>>>ps. don't get me started on Monty Python. Ik wil nog wel eens de fish
>>>slapping dance met iemand doen. Maar dan heb ik wel de snoek.
>>
>>'kWil The Parrot Sketch doen, The Parrot Sketch!
>>
>"about this Parrot I bought here... <slab>"
>"yes, what about it, sir?"
>"It is dead!" <slab> slab> "it is a dead f*cking bird!"
>
>(even uit het hoofd)
Nononono!
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: (pause) I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to register a complaint!
O: We're closin' for lunch.
C: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what
I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
O: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with
it?
C: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's
what's wrong with it!
O: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
C: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking
at one right now.
O: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the
Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!
C: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
O: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
C: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the
cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish
for you if you show...(owner hits the cage)
O: There, he moved!
C: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!
O: I never!!
C: Yes, you did!
O: I never, never did anything...
C: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing!
Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter.
Throws it up in the air
and watches it plummet to the floor.)
C: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.
O: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!
C: STUNNED?!?
O: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues
stun easily, major.
C: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this.
That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf
an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to
it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.
O: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.
C: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why
did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
O: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable bird,
id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!
C: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it
home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its
perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
O: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird
down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its
beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
C: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million
volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
O: No no! 'E's pining!
C: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has
ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff!
Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the
perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes
are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's
shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the
bleedin' choir invisibile!!He's f*ckin' snuffed it!.....
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
(pause)
O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: (pause) I got a slug.
(pause)
C: Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to
be... A LUMBERJACK!
Jaap Verhoeven
> Jaap:
>
> >ps. don't get me started on Monty Python. Ik wil nog wel eens de fish
> >slapping dance met iemand doen. Maar dan heb ik wel de snoek.
>
> 'kWil The Parrot Sketch doen, The Parrot Sketch!
The Fish slapping dance is veel leuker hoor. (Wie neemt de sardientjes?)
Okee... vooruit dan. Customer, of shop owner?
j.
('I wish to complain, British Railway person.')
----
The Pet Shop Sketch from "And Now For Something Completely Different"
A customer enters a pet shop.
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: <pause> I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird,
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
(pause)
O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're
right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: <pause> I got a slug.
(pause)
C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace
the parrot for you.
C: Bolton, eh? Very well.
The customer leaves.
The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false
moustache.
C: This is Bolton, is it?
O: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.
C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.
The customer goes to the train station.
He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".
C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
C: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like
being my own boss!
C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines,
you know.
C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself
deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is Bolton.
C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!
A: Can't blame British Rail for that.
C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!
He does.
C: I understand this IS Bolton.
O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
C: You told me it was Ipswitch!
O: ...It was a pun.
C: (pause) A PUN?!?
O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards
as forwards?
C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
O: Yeah, that's it!
C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!!
It don't work!!
O: Well, what do you want?
C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think
this is getting too silly!
The Pet Shop Sketch from "And Now For Something Completely Different"
A customer enters a pet shop.
Customer: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(The owner does not respond.)
C: 'Ello, Miss?
Owner: What do you mean "miss"?
C: <pause> I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
O: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird,
THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
(pause)
O: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
(he takes a quick peek behind the counter)
O: Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're
right out of parrots.
C: I see. I see, I get the picture.
O: <pause> I got a slug.
(pause)
C: (sweet as sugar) Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: Look, if you go to my brother's pet shop in Bolton, he'll replace
the parrot for you.
C: Bolton, eh? Very well.
The customer leaves.
The customer enters the same pet shop. The owner is putting on a false
moustache.
C: This is Bolton, is it?
O: (with a fake mustache) No, it's Ipswitch.
C: (looking at the camera) That's inter-city rail for you.
The customer goes to the train station.
He addresses a man standing behind a desk marked "Complaints".
C: I wish to complain, British-Railways Person.
Attendant: I DON'T HAVE TO DO THIS JOB, YOU KNOW!!!
C: I beg your pardon...?
A: I'm a qualified brain surgeon! I only do this job because I like
being my own boss!
C: Excuse me, this is irrelevant, isn't it?
A: Yeah, well it's not easy to pad these python files out to 150 lines,
you know.
C: Well, I wish to complain. I got on the Bolton train and found myself
deposited here in Ipswitch.
A: No, this is Bolton.
C: (to the camera) The pet shop man's brother was lying!!
A: Can't blame British Rail for that.
C: In that case, I shall return to the pet shop!
He does.
C: I understand this IS Bolton.
O: (still with the fake mustache) Yes?
C: You told me it was Ipswitch!
O: ...It was a pun.
C: (pause) A PUN?!?
O: No, no...not a pun...What's that thing that spells the same backwards
as forwards?
C: (Long pause) A palindrome...?
O: Yeah, that's it!
C: It's not a palindrome! The palindrome of "Bolton" would be "Notlob"!!
It don't work!!
O: Well, what do you want?
C: I'm not prepared to pursue my line of inquiry any longer as I think
this is getting too silly!
C: Pray, does it talk?
O: Nnnnot really.
C: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!???!!?
O: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)
C: Well.
(pause)
O: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?
C: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
~mme
in nl.eeuwig.september:
> Tsk. Blame me.
met alle plezier. ik zal me beraden waarover precies maar
dat het iets sappigs wordt, is zeker.
~mme
in nl.eeuwig.september:
> O: Well! I never wanted to do this in the first place. I wanted to
> be... A LUMBERJACK!
real men wear skirts.
Jaap Verhoeven
> ja...@kelder.net,
> in nl.eeuwig.september:
>
> > Tsk. Blame me.
>
> met alle plezier. ik zal me beraden waarover precies maar
> dat het iets sappigs wordt, is zeker.
Dat denk ik ook.
j.
the Su roadshow
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