2) Customer :
“I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the
same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
————————————————–
3) Customer :
“I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it
says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”
————————————————–
4) Customer :
“Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
————————————————–
5) Tech
Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the
‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech support : ##### ***
————————————————–
6) Tech
Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech support : ******_____####
————————————————–
7) Tech
Support : “What operating system are you running?”
Customer : “Pentium.”
Tech
support : ////—–+++
————————————————–
8) Customer :
“My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Tech support : ??????
————————————————–
9) Customer :
“I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support : ?!%#$
————————————————–
10) Customer :
“How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support : ??????
————————————————–
11) Customer : “You’ve got to fix
my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot
properly.”
Tech Support : “What does it say?”
Customer : “Something about an error
and non-system disk.”
Tech Support : “Look at your machine.
Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying
there’s an Intel inside.”
Tech
support : @@@@@
————————————————–
12) Tech Support: “Just call us back
if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
————————————————–
13) Tech Support : “What does the
screen say now?”
Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when
ready’.”
Tech Support : “Well?”
Customer : “How do I know when it’s
ready?”
Tech
support : *** —- ++++
————————————————–
The best of the lot
14) A plain computer illiterate guy
rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User:
There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change
the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is
faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User:
No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will
fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.
Tech support::
10
minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The, tech is
frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell
our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the
problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn’t work. The power
supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you
using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22.
Tech : That’s your problem there. That
version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a
patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to
that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him
about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make
of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power
supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
————————————————-
Height Of it all (Too Good)
15) Customer : I need a product
identification number right now
Customer Care Officer : and may I help
u in finding it out?
Cust : sure !!!!
CCO : could u left click on start and do u
find ‘My Computer’?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do
I find your, computer?
