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Things that You Should Not Do When You Are Divorce Posted: 12 Mar 2014 12:08 PM PDT The divorce process is always very difficult. If you have known any person that has gone through the process, ask the person and you will marvel at what are involved in the process. The tension is always high. This explains why some couples make mistakes or take poor decision regarding their divorce cases. In order to avoid making costly mistakes when filing for a divorce, there are some dos and don’ts to observe. Reduce your expenses and debt Divorce process is always costly. Besides paying for the lawyer’s fee and other legal bills, you may also have to hire a counsellor to guide you on how to cope with your condition. You will still have to run your house, take care of your personal needs and clear all your bills. If you have children, you and your partner will still be providing for their daily needs. So, it is important that you limit your expenses and reduce your debt so that you will have enough money to handle the divorce process. Don’t be quick to settle Possibly, you may be desperate to get a divorce. However, your desperation should not cause you to forgo your financial security. Make copies of your pension statements, mutual fund statements, brokerage, tax forms and other important financial documents. By gathering and making copies of all your financial documents, you will know exactly what you have. You can reach agreement with your partner on how the children will be taken care of. If both of you agree on what to do, you can file for uncontested divorce or opt to settle outside the court. But when no agreement is reached between both of you, you have to open legal proceedings for your divorce. But in all, ensure that you and your children (if any) will have access to medical care during and after divorce. Take note of the taxes Most couples only think of child custody and spousal support forgetting the taxes. Normally, the person that wins the child custody keeps the house. But keeping the house is not always the best deal especially to a person that cannot pay the mortgage, maintain the house and pay taxes for the house. So, if you cannot pay your taxes, mortgage and maintain a house, it is better to opt for investment portfolio of equal value instead. Make sure that you see a therapist Some couples going through the divorce process refuse to visit a therapist. This is not the best thing to do. A therapist will help you to go through the emotional stress and trauma associated with divorce. If you hire a therapist, you will be able to pass through the divorce process successfully. Some therapists are experts in guiding couples passing through divorce. They will be able to advice you on how to relax, remain calm in the court, talk with your children during and after the process, how to relate with your partner during and after the process and many more. So, you should ensure that you see a therapist. Related posts:
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Divorce and Your Child’s Schoolwork Posted: 13 Mar 2014 11:22 PM PDT The entire life of your child is affected by divorce even in the school and other places. A study done at the Ohio State University-Mansfield, a break in marriage normally affects the self-esteem as well as the academic performance of a child. The effects can even start before the parents finally divorce. Though it is possible for the child to adjust and regain self esteem or confidence over time, the child sometime may continue to perform below expectation in class. The reason for this is quite obvious. Poor academic performance continues to decrease even after divorce because it is a type of a problem that continues to increase. For example, if a child does acquire a good study habits and other learning skills at a particular time, it will be difficult for the child to meet up in the next stage. It takes serious effort on the part of the parents and the child in order to meet up. But emotion is not like that. It tends to heal itself over time. Divorce does not occur in a day. It takes time for the legal process to be completed. Even before the legal process is initiated, you and your partner might have started having problems at home which eventually leads to difficult. During these periods and after divorce, your child will be emotionally affected which may make the child not to concentrate in school work. However, you can also help your child to deal with the situation and minimize the effect of the divorce. Here are tips on how to help the child cope with his or her academics. Give the child more attention During and after divorce, it is important that you give serious attention to your child. By paying attention to the child’s need, the child will believe that he or she is still love. Ask after the child’s school work It is important that you find out how your child is performing at school. Help the child to do his or her assignment. Make out time to talk about what the child is taught in class and find out whether he or she understands it. Go for counselling with your child Most parents facing divorce do go for counselling but only a few go with their children. But this should not be the case. Meeting a professional with your child for counselling can be of great help to the child. A professional will be able to advice the child and give you tips on how to help your child cope with their academics. Learn about the child’s performance Make sure that you attend most of the events in the child’s school. Let the teacher know about the child’s predicament. You should also talk to the teacher to find out about the performance of the child in school. Talking to the teacher will help you to be in the loop about the performance of your child in school. Hire a private tutor Hire a private tutor for the child. Person to person interaction with the child will make it possible for the tutor to discover the child’s academic problems and find a solution to it.
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Tips for Helping Your Children Cope with Divorce Posted: 13 Mar 2014 12:35 PM PDT There is the tendency for some parents who are divorced to think that babies will easily cope with the experience of not living with either of the parents than old children or teenagers. The truth that you should know is that little children are also affected by the stress their parents are passing through. So, your condition or whatever stress you are undergoing during and after divorce also affects your kids. It is estimated that over one million children found themselves in families where parents are separated or divorce. If you are undergoing stress and you have little children, here are some tips that you can apply in order to help your children to cope with the experience. Anticipate the reactions of your baby The preoccupation and anxiety of a parent can affect an infant making the child to become fearful, aggressive and irritable. It can also negatively affect the development of the child and makes the child to have sleep difficulty, separation anxiety and gastrointestinal problems. Though a baby of 6 to 8 months can suffer separation anxiety even when there is no trauma, but divorce most likely increases the chances of a baby to suffer from separation anxiety. Signs of separation anxiety include crying as the parent goes out, clinginess and skittishness around unfamiliar places and faces. So, if you are undergoing divorce and you have a little child, you should anticipate these reactions. Provide for the needs of your child It can really be very difficult for a parent undergoing divorce to manage the stress associated with it and still be able to provide for the needs of the child. However, you should try your possible best to give attention to the feelings of your baby and provide your baby’s needs. Don’t allow the condition at home to affect the daily routine of your baby. Reassure the baby of the parents’ love and care. Some parents make the mistakes of emphasising their own love and care. But this should not be the case. You should let the child know that you and your partner care about him. You should always ensure that you talk to the child with caring and touching voice. Your soft and tender voice will help the child a lot. There is nothing that comforts and soothes like soft voice. Look after yourself Looking after your baby and looking after yourself go together. So, you should give time also to your emotional and physical needs. This is because if you are physically or emotionally not strong, you will not be able to look after your child. The situation will become worse for the child. This is why you should look after yourself. Look for a therapist for a counselling session. Undergoing a counselling session will help you to be emotionally strong. Visit a paediatrician Your paediatrician will help your child and you to cope and pass through the emotional stress associated with divorce. Paediatricians are experts in child health and development. They will be able to apply their expertise in helping the child to be physically and emotionally strong. Related posts: |
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Posted: 14 Mar 2014 09:32 PM PDT Definitely, every couple will work hard to make their marriage a successful one. Nobody enters into marriage with good intention and prays for the marriage to be broken. However, we see that many marriages today do not last. According to statistics, about 20 percent of marriages end in divorce within the first 5 years. 48% of marriages are terminated after 20 years of existence. One major cause of the increasing cases of divorce in the world today is because people marry out of wrong intention. Lack of compatibility and understanding between couples can also lead to divorce. If you’re undergoing divorce in your marriage, here are some tips that will enable you to have a smooth and successful one. Be kind to yourself The termination of marriage especially when one does not expect it sparks off a lot of emotions such as grief, fear, anxiety and anger. Sometimes, these feelings overcome you and come up when you don’t expect. It is normal for a person to experience such emotional reaction when one is undergoing divorce. However, with time, the intensity of the feelings will reduce. However, during this time when these emotions rise, it is advisable that you treat yourself with kindness. It has been discovered by researchers that people who treat themselves with kindness easily manage the difficulties they face during and after the dissolution of their marital union. Don’t too much time thinking of the divorce Though, it may be difficult for you to avoid thinking about your condition, but it is not good for you to spend too much time thinking about it. Try as much as possible not to think too much about your condition. The best way to handle divorce and avoid too much thinking about the entire process is to opt for divorce mediation rather than seeking for a legal termination of your marriage. It has been discovered that divorce mediation is more advantageous to spousal relationships, emotional satisfaction and needs of children. Cooperate and communicate with your spouse Things may not be working out well between you and your spouse. You may not want to talk to him or even set your eyes on him. However, as it has been discovered through research, it is more rewarding for one to communicate and cooperate with their soon-to-be-ex-spouse. Both of you can visit a psychologists together for counselling. Attending a psychological counselling session in other to talk things through with your partner will help you to have a healthy and smooth divorce. Take time to write down things that you may want to discuss with your spouse or a therapists. You may not be able to remember anything when you are not emotionally balanced. So, it is better that you choose a time when you are calm and not disturbed emotionally and write things that you will want to discuss.
Keep conflict away from children If you have children and your marriage is becoming problematic, it is advisable that you avoid any conflict with your partner when your children are around. It has been discovered that children who experienced their parents quarrel are more likely to have family problems in the future. Related posts: |
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Managing In-Laws that Are Not Abusive Posted: 15 Mar 2014 10:18 PM PDT If you are married, you have got another family. The new family isn’t like your previous family. You did not grow up in the new family. It is only your partner that knows them too well. However, you still have to live with them and manage them as if you are very familiar with them. You will definitely have a healthy relationship with them if you know how to manage them well. Here are some tips that you should apply in order to manage your in laws very well. Create affection by getting familiarised As it has been pointed out earlier, you are not too familiar with your in-laws. So, they have no affection for you neither have you any affection for them. You have to start familiarising with them so that you will establish the required affection with them. Creating affection with your in-laws is highly important because it is the only way to get yourself enrooted in the family. The best way to familiarise and create affection with your in-laws is by seeing them more often. At the initial time in your marriage, it is important that you see your in-laws more often. It will help you to become more familiarised with them. Be friendly when meeting your in-laws When you meet or visit your in laws, it is good that you put up a friendly behaviour. Have a serene mind when going. So, it is not good to visit them when you are emotionally distracted or when you are not in the best mood. You have to be friendly with them or try to be friendly to them. But if you visit them when you are in a bad mood, it is likely that you will put up a bad behaviour and they will have a negative impression about you. Don’t quarrel with your in-laws over petty matters Don’t bicker or fight over little matters with your in-laws. Differences in family culture, religion, political ideology and similar matters can create room for bickering between you and your in-laws but try as much as possible to avoid arguing or bickering unnecessarily with your in-laws. Sometimes, you have to agree with them over issues that you cannot change. For example, it is almost impossible to change the eating habit of your aged father or mother in-law. The same thing can be said of their political ideology and religious belief. Don’t overlook your own values Not bickering with your in-laws does not necessarily mean that you should overlook your own values. One fact about life that you should bear in mind is that when you accept your own values people will learn to accept them or tolerate them. But if you play them down, people will not take you seriously. If you play down on your own values down, there is every tendency that your in-laws will not take them seriously. Tolerate grandparents’ house rules When you visit your in-laws with your children, it is important that you give privilege to their house rules. Grandparents can be over indulgent. Some may have strict rules while others may have simple rules. But whatever the case is try to give privilege to their rules.
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How to Build a Healthy Relationship Posted: 16 Mar 2014 11:05 PM PDT There is nobody who does not enjoy some close relationships except somebody who is living in isolation. Having a healthy relationships with your spouse, children, family members, siblings, parents, colleagues, friends, significant others and people around you enhances your mental and emotional health and helps you to develop self-esteem and live a fulfilled life. Studies have shown that the quality of our personal relationships has strong effect on our general well being. This is true because all the things that enhance health such as healthy dieting, exercise, education and others are enhanced or marred by our relationships. Here are some benefits of having a healthy relationship. Getting support for important life processes As it has been pointed above, everything that enhances healthy living is supported by your relationship. You need the support of others in order to feed well, exercise yourself, study and carry out so many other life processes. So, if you have a healthy relationship with other people, you will get strong support from them in any of these life processes. Empathy Healthy relationship brings empathy. Empathy refers to the expression of interest in another person’s feelings and view point. It simply means feeling for other or having concerns for another person. Empathy can be helpful to you when you are undergoing tough condition. It creates the feeling in you that you are not alone in your predicament or the feelings that somebody cares about you even in your condition. Acceptance Nobody is a perfect human being. Everybody has one weak point or the other. If you are able to develop a healthy relationship with your family members and your significant other, you will not be left alone even when you make grave mistakes. You are always accepted by the people that you have healthy relationship with. It engenders acceptance. When other people laugh at you and reject you, the people that will show you love and care are those that you have strong relationship with. Enhances love This is a natural corollary of the point mentioned above. When people accept you and care for you, they will definitely develop strong feelings and love for you. If you have a healthy relationship with any person, there is no doubt that the person will love you with time. If you want to win the love and affection of another person, you should make sincere effort to have a healthy relationship with the person. Having a healthy relationship with them will make them to enjoy your company and gradually they will begin to love you. Being listened to At certain time in your life or during certain condition, you will want to share your condition with another person. Somebody can only give you a listening ear and have the patience to listen to you for hours if you have a healthy relationship with the person. It is important that you relate well with your partner and family members, friends, colleagues and other people that you meet in life, so, that you will gain the above benefits.
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Rules for a Long Lasting Relationship Posted: 17 Mar 2014 11:01 PM PDT There are many people who are able to build a strong and lasting relationship. However, experience has shown that most relationships are problematic. There are many cases of breakups today. However, some of these problems would have been avoided if the people involved keep to simple relationship rules. You and your partner are the builders of your relationship. You can make it strong and weak. It all depends on how you handle each other. However, if you want to enjoy a healthy, thriving and lasting relationship, there are some relationship rules that you should keep. Here are some of the rules to abide by. Keep working on your relationship Relationship is a continuous process. This is one fact that most people don’t know. There is the tendency for some people to stop working on their relationship after enjoying successful relationship for years. But the truth is that you should not stop working on your relationship. We have seen breakup of relationships that have been successful for years. Most of the breakups occur because the people involved stop working on their relationship. Make your partner your top priority People tend to be very passionate and affectionate about people that value them more than any other thing in their life. You are most likely going to get love in return if you make your partner your utmost priority. Everybody wants proofs and constant reassurance that their partners still love and value them. You can only give this assurance by valuing your partner and making the person your top priority. Don’t distance yourself from your partner Distance or separation kills a healthy relationship. You should try to establish closeness in your relationship. Always make out time to be with your partner. If it is possible try to be alone with the person and converse with him or her. If your works of life do not permit you to stay very close to your partner all the time, you should try to bridge that gap by maintaining conversation with the person always. Don’t allow any day to pass without giving your partner a call. Love your partner’s family members and friends A relationship between two people has some social aspect. One relationship brings and connects many people together. So, you should not see your relationship as a thing between you and your partner only. You should also try to extend love to the members of your partner’s family and have a healthy relationship with them. If you love the people your partner loves, the person will reciprocate. Make yourself available on bed If you are into a marital union, it is necessary that you maintain a healthy sexual relationship with your partner. Don’t say no to your partner when he or she needs sex. Sex deepens love and strengthens affection. Besides, denial of sexual intercourse can lead to infidelity in marriage. Don’t belittle your partner You should not despise your partner no matter your social status or age. Once you are into a relationship with a person, you are bridging any differences existing between you and him/her. So, you are bound to respect the person regardless of her age, race and background.
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Tips on Making Your Woman Feel Special Posted: 20 Mar 2014 01:07 AM PDT One of the ways through which you can win the love and affection of a woman is to make her feel special and valued. Women are always happy when they discover that they are valued and treated as the special one by their partners. So, if you want to make your partner happy and fall greatly in love with you, it is important that you make her feel special. Here are some of the tips that you should apply in order to make her feel special. Acknowledge special occasions There are special occasions today during which people express their feelings, care and concern for their loved ones. If you want to make your woman feel great, it is important that you make these occasions really special for the woman. Whether it is Christmas, Valentine Day, New Year or her birthday celebration, you should try to buy her some gifts and special card for the celebration or season. You will make your woman feel special if you mark these occasions with some token of appreciation and love. Don’t forget that her friends will definitely show her the gifts their partners buy for them and they will equally want her to show them the one you buy for her. It will be highly embarrassing to her if there is nothing to show or boast of. Some women who got no gift from their partner will unconsciously lie about it in order to protect their ego. But some bold ones will simply let them know that you did not buy any gift for her. But this is not the best thing for you. Give thoughtful gifts Yes, it is good to give your woman some gifts during special occasions. However, you should not buy anything you see in the market. Gifts are normally appreciated if they are valued by the receiver. People value things not necessary because of the cost but mainly because of their value and the purpose they serve. So, take time to think about a suitable and perfect gift your woman will value. She will be very happy and feel very special if you buy a valuable gift that serve some purpose for her. Be proud of her before your friends If you love your woman and she is important in your life, you have to be proud of her and make her know that. One of the best ways through which you can show her that you are proud of her is to mention her to your friends or be proud to introduce her as the love of your life to your friends. However, this does not mean that you have to do a broadcast about your love for her. You should only do that when it is necessary and when the occasion demands. Celebrate special occasions in your life with her If you value a person, definitely, you will always celebrate special occasions in your life with the person. If your woman is not yet living together with you, you should invite her and give her some key functions during your special occasion. You should make her get involved in your life or planning of the occasion. This will make her feel special. |
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How to Show Respect to Your Partner Posted: 20 Mar 2014 11:56 PM PDT Respect is very important for a solid relationship. It is crucial in building affection and love between two people in relationship. Once, you enter into a relationship with another person, you should try to treat the person with respect and expect the same in return. Having strong respect for your partner may not be easy but you can always do that if you follow these steps given below. Be a gentleman It is important that you treat your partner gently and fairly. In your relationship with the person, you should behave like a gentleman. Don’t treat your woman as a weak person or child by doing things that she can do for her like opening doors for her. It is not proper to treat your partner as less human being. It does not show respect. Be polite in your dealing with her Women like men that talk to them in a polite manner. Such worlds as please, thank you, would you and others are recommended. There is a way you will talk to your partner, it will imply lack of respect. But if you use these polite words, she will feel respected and honoured. Whether you are still dating her or you have married her, you should be polite while talking to her. You should not make use of any profane or harsh words when talking to her even when you are cracking jokes. Such words piss women off. Always keep to the plan If you plan something with your woman, you should keep to the plan and agreement you have with her. She will not be happy if you break plans without any reason. If a change in plan is inevitable, then you should let her know on time. Don’t allow her to find out by herself. If you don’t inform her, it shows that you have no respect for her but if you inform her, it shows that you value and care for her. Come back home on time If you are married and you are living together with your woman, you should always make it a point of duty to come home on time on daily basis especially if she is not employed. She is alone at the house and so she needs somebody to keep her company. Besides, not coming home on time will keep her restless. If you are not going to make it on time, courtesy demands that you call her to inform her. Be there and on time If you have any appointment with her, you should try to be available at the agreed venue and on time. Don’t always come up with flimsy excuses on why you will not keep to the appointment or while you should be late. If it is inevitable that you will not be there or that you will be late, you should also let her know. Don’t be jealous of her male friends Some men are too possessive. Such men tend to become jealous of their women’s male friends, colleague and exes. Being jealous of her male friends shows that you don’t trust her. She may think that you see her as a flirt or deceitful woman. This does not show any respect to her. Related posts: |
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How to Bring Romance in Your Relationship Posted: 21 Mar 2014 07:54 PM PDT One of the ways through which you will have an enjoyable and lasting relationship is by bringing romance in it. If you are romantic, chances that you will win the love and affection of your woman are very high. Relationship is merely casual and may not last when there is no romance. But on the contrary, your relationship will become strong and may eventually lead to a lifetime commitment if you bring romance to it. Here are tips on how to bring romance in your relationship. Little things matters to her You don’t need to make big romantic gestures in order to bring romance in your relationship. This does not mean that big romantic gestures have no place in relationship. It has; but you should start with little things. Certain little actions and treatment are highly valued by women. There are different ways of telling your woman you love her. Adding more air in the tires of her vehicle, helping her wash her vehicle, helping her around the house, bringing cup of tea in the morning for her and similar treatments are various ways of bringing romance to your relationship and telling your woman that you love her. Text her and send an email You may be missing your woman so much. If she discovers that you are always missing her, it will make her happy, feel special and valued. She will be proud of you. However, she will definitely not know that you are missing her unless you let her know. You can let her know how much she means to you or how much you value her by sending her a text or an email that communicates that. If she is preparing for exam or an interview, you have to send her an encouraging note and prayerful wishes. This will show her that you care so much. Compliment her look You don’t have to wait for your woman to ask you how she looks or how her clothes fit her. You should compliment her even before she asks that question. Complimenting her appearance, hair styles and others will dispel insecurities about physical appearance which every woman feels. Besides, women like to be complimented. So, compliment her part of the body that attracts you most or that makes her look great. Simple sentences like you look more beautiful on this clothes, it makes you look like a queen, the hairstyles makes you look great and the likes are good means of bringing romance to your relationship. However, this does not mean that you should be shoddy about your compliment or compliment things that are actually the opposite. If her shoes do not match her attire, you can let her know that politely and then help her to choose the right. Don’t force her into it There is no woman that will like to have any sexual relationship when she is not ready for that. So, allow her to set the pace. Just let her know how you feel about her but don’t go further than that. Take her for a romantic outing Plan to go out with her alone to a special place. There are different places to visit. Just find out where she has interest in and visit the place.
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