Dear Teacher Amy Husband Planning

[Vinnie Frevert]

DearAbby: I am medically retired and have mobility issues, so I'm unable to be active or socialize. I don't have many friends outside my family, so I spend many hours alone at home. My wife is an elementary school teacher. My two youngest children are in high school.

My wife is an excellent teacher, and I appreciate everything she does for our family and her students. When she returns home in the evening, she has to grade papers, create lesson plans and dozens of other things that need preparation. I understand this, but when she's finished, she spends the rest of the evenings or weekends on social media.

Trying to have a conversation with her is almost impossible because she's not listening or interacting with me. I get short "yes" or "no" answers or constant "uh-huh" replies. I've tried talking with her about the fact I feel marginalized, but she just gets angry.

Dear Lonely Husband: It may not be easy. You may need help getting through to her. Tell your wife that you would like to have some marriage counseling because you feel all alone in this marriage. However, if she refuses, consider some counseling for yourself. Developing other social outlets online, as she appears to be doing, also could be beneficial.

Many communities provide transportation for disabled individuals so they can get out of their homes. Depending upon your physical impairment, you may be interested in exploring what's available in your area.

To be honest, even as hard as he works and as much as he takes care of and provides for our family, I am not happy. It's not that I plan to leave, but without my own money, I don't even have an option to plan for the future. How can I convince him to allow me the money I earn, while assuring him that I'll help to pay down our debt?

Dear Working: Your husband appears to be deeply insecure and controlling. You are a wife, not an indentured servant. You shouldn't have to ask, beg or be required to convince him that you should have money YOU ARE EARNING. Tell him that, and also explain how much of your money you want to put aside in an account of your own. If he refuses, suggest the two of you get mediation from a licensed family therapist. If he refuses to go with you, go alone. You may also want to consult an attorney who specializes in family law about what your rights as a wife are in the state of Ohio. Please don't put it off.

Annie Lane offers common-sense solutions to everyday problems. She's firm, funny and sympathetic, echoing the style of her biggest inspiration, Ann Landers. She lives outside Manhattan with her husband, two kids and two dogs. When not writing, she devotes her time to play dates and Play-Doh. Write her: dear...@creators.com

Welcome back to school. My child is so happy to be in your class this year. We know you are an excellent and dedicated teacher and you care so much about your students. I understand the beginning of school is very busy, but I wanted to tell you a little bit about my child. Although he really loves to learn, he is somewhat anxious about being back in school again.

Category: Bullying, Education, Gifted, Parenting a Gifted Child, Schools, Underachievement Tags: anxiety, asynchronous development, bullying, education, emotional intensity, family, gifted, gifted children, gifted learners, gifted students, overexcitabilities, parenting gifted children, sensitivity, underachievement in gifted children

Yes, there are some high-achieving gifted children who do well in school, have friends and feel little negative impact from their giftedness, but that is not the case for those gifted children who do suffer the negative impacts of giftedness in and out of school.

While some children are gifted, some are not. While some children are artistic, some are not. While some children are athletic, some are not. Our educational system needs to meet and honor the educational, social and emotional needs of each and every child without placing a value judgment on their needs or labels, or determine which student is better off than another. That is unfair to our children, ALL of our children regardless of their labels. Not all disabilities or conditions are academic or visible.

We need to advocate for the needs of all children without placing them in the triage of who needs their education more than another. Sadly, given the state of our public education system, some children do have to sacrifice their education for other children. How do we pick which child loses out on his education?

Thank you for leaving your thoughts because, in the end, we need to keep the discussion on giftedness an open and public one. And we need to all work for a more responsive and better-funded educational system which is equitable for all children.

I have really enjoyed this letter, comments, and responses. My forth grade son was put into the gifted program this January. He goes every Thursday. Since then, I feel his ELA teacher has been harder on him. A few times, there have been in class only assignments which have been introduced and therefore explained in greater detail with more time to work on it that particular day. She has apparently been requesting he come in before or after school to work on these assignments. He has a lot more homework now which he has been doing with little pushing. He forgets (intentionally or not) to go in the mornings. After is harder because he has karate. She has not communicated to me he was behind so I can help remind him so he will go after the bus arrives. I have written two emails to her trying to find a resolution to help him but am feeling very annoyed by the lack of responsiveness.

I know I need to set up a meeting with the ELA teacher but need to figure out the best approach. Should I include the gifted teacher or reach out to her as well? He excels in her class even the ELA portion and she is experienced with kids like mine.

Teacher, I need you!

I know I am hard to handle, and I take everything you have. I know I push your buttons in all the right ways that make you second guess what you are doing. But I need you. I need you to keep pushing me. I need you to set limits and help me understand them.

Your daughter seems to have teachers who are equally confused about how gifted children develop asynchronously and are still just young children despite how old they seem due to their advanced intelligence.

I stumbled across this blog while searching gifted children and their behavior. This post made me cry ugly crocodile tears. This is my 8 year old in a nutshell and every school year I worry about him and how the teachers and students will act towards him. I look forward to reading and learning, thank you.

Would the letter work just as well if it omitted the word gifted but included the fact that the student was reading several grades above grade level? A simple heads-up is conceivably more useful than a label.

Most of us have love/hate relationships with labels, but when a child is in public school and is need of any sort of remediation, acceleration or modification in his learning, labels are often used so educators know what to do, what to expect, and how to adjust their teaching. Also, for medical, psychological and legal reasons, labels such as gifted are used.

Reading this felt just like reading something that I wrote. Every part of it was so applicable to my child that it hurt. As we gear up for a new school year I have recently contacted my dr to have him put me on Anti-anxiety medication. No because I suffer from Anxiety but because when I get in those meetings with the school and they sit there telling me they think my son has Opposition Defiant Disorder or ADHD or is on the spectrum or ANY number of things that they feel is wrong with my child.. I start crying, and as soon as I start crying my words no longer mean anything. They completely lose all credibility and instead of being the well researched advocate for my son, I become the over emotional mom who thinks she knows more than the teachers. Being able to control my emotions with the help of this anti-anxiety medication could mean the difference from my son getting the help he needs to being ignored by the public school system. This has become such a difficult thing that my husband and I have discussed my staying home to home school our son, which without my income every month would create an financial hardship. Knowing how many others are experiencing the exact same problems feels me with a overwhelming feel of kinship with these parents and rage that any of us or our children ever have to experience this. Thank you so much for writing your articles, they are a source of encouragement for me.

Well, please know you are not alone and you have lots of us here to support you. Join the Crushing Tall Poppies Facebook page as well as the Raising Poppies Facebook group. Lots of moms in your shoes sharing their ups and downs, advice and support!

The reality is that the resentment, the ridicule and the envy stem from the perception that someone who is more intelligent than you is better than you, and that is not a good feeling, so negative emotional responses ensue. Many agree that even if the word gifted were changed, no matter which word takes its place, it will still represent someone who has advanced intelligence and the ridicule, envy and resentment will still likely be present.

Hi everyone, i have only been teaching for 4 years and i love it, but this year its challeging for me cus i have a gifted kid and it gets hard sometimes specially when he doesnt want to be in the class and to make up a quiz for him, my principal asked me to do it different for him since he is 11 but has a mind of a 5year old, any websites to help me out with this ? i have learn alot by reading all your comments. thanks

3a8082e126