Remembering a Friend...
Christopher Bernardo
Hindi ko nais na ikaw ay gambalain,
kung pawang mensahe ko man sa iyo ay makakarating
Nais ko lamang na sa iyo ay sabihin
Tapat akong humahanga sa taglay mong lambing.
Hindi ko malaman kung saan kita nakita
Marahil sa panaginip, marahil sa alaala
Ewan kung bakit sa tuwing makikita kita
Napupuno ng galak ang puso ko sa tuwina
Ewan marahil di naman talaga kita maabot
Pagkat ang layo layo mo at laging nakasimangot
Ngunit sa puso
kong lagi ng nababagot
Sapat ng makita ka at ang taglay mong kilabot.
Sa isip ko ay pilit kang kinakausap
Di ko malaman kung iyong natatanggap
Ewan pero marahil hanggang ganito na lang
Ang paghanga koy dito na lamang ang hangganan
Tula yaring sinulat para sa kaluluwa
Na sanay kahit papaano ay mapangiti ka
Naway pagtagaltagal di kana tila ulila
Mapalitan ng ngiti mga pusong puno ng pangamba.
These words mean a lot to me.
hi. Left something at the guard in econ with your initials. Take care. Hope we can talk about your predicament soon.
4- Nov, 13:09
please let me know as soon as you get the envelope. You’l understand. =) take care
4- Nov, 13:36
hi. My id’s tucked in between the pages so I need to know if you got it. Thanks. God bless
5-Nov, 11:28
maybe next week. I hope you don’t mind, but how old are you?
5-Nov, 21:53
yes I did. They are amazing actually. I have this deep fascination for artists. I noticed you’ve written my name backwards. You figured one of my codes. You write well and it’s good that you’re doing a lot for others. You’re quite special.
5-Nov, 22:47
but you draw well still. Your ideals are lofty, just like mine when I was a bit younger. Keep it like that, you’l go far.
5- Nov, 22:59
not really. It’s just one of the addresses which I borrow from my mom. Im in the esperimental class, which the professors try to eliminate.
5- Nov, 23:01
the person you were referring to, I think she’s not real
5- Nov, 23:07
if she exists at all, i feel for her.
5-Nov, 23:10
if you care so much, don’t leave
6-Nov, 1:12
are you still awake? Would you like to talk?
6-Nov, 1:31
good morning. Are you going to up today?
6-Nov, 7:32
Or am I the one unworthy? Have a great day. Forwarded my landline. But il be out, need to breathe some air and contemplete. Thanks for everything.
6- Nov, 8:22
hi, can I join the youth power 05?
6- Nov, 9:42
why do you like samurai x?
6-Nov, 18:49
if ever you are still looking for performers for the voty party, im in. makulit na po ako, sorry. And thank you
6-Nov, 19:16
I found your messages rather deluding, I figured deriving is futile, if the messages are meant for someone else.there’s no need to apologize, I asked too much.
6-Nov, 21:12
if you don’t mind, can we talk?
6-Nov, 21:36
il be resting now, I was hoping we could talk but I think you’re busy. Take care. Hope to see you around soon. Thank you.
6- Nov, 23:18
while you search for your purpose, I search for something that would make me real. I think ive gone too far bothering you and all. Im just a girl who needs someone to talk to, someone who’l listen and hopefully understand. Thank you for everything. Have a great weekend.
6-Nov, 23:28
I guess I have nothing else to do but walk away
7-Nov, 5:31
if you are hopeless im terrible. I go to marikina and vcf. Holy sacrifice is always packed. I cant bear the heat and the light hurts my eyes.
7-Nov, 6:04
il see you again soon, and we’l talk longer. Thank you for spending the afternoon with me. It was worth the time, effort, and hunger.=) smile more often will you? Take care
7-Nov, 16:04
thank God you took the chance and ignored the risk. It’s ok, my shoes usually get untied. Thank you for your concern.
7-Nov, 18:44
what are you doing?
7-Nov, 21:57
good moring chritopher. How are you called btw?
8-Nov, 7:46
are you called chris or something else?
8-Nov, 8:00
btw, I tried calling but you were out.
8-Nov, 16:44
hi. We were rehearsing. What contest is that?
9-Nov, 16:42
hi, im really worried, im still In a shoot baks hindi ako makahabol. Til what time ang function?
9-Nov, 17:36
may shoot kami after the pres. Sandwich kasi sched. Wel be leaving for pampanga tom at 5 am after the quest tonight at 10
9-Nov, 17:45
Talking to lusi asking for advice
13-Nov, 21:18
im ok, still low. Buti walang pasok bukas. Thanks for the pic. San mo nanaman kinuha yon? =)
14-Nov, 21:25
bukas? Ramadan.
14-Nov, 21:38
good night. Sleep na tayo
14-Nov, 23:49
lagi nnaman kita tinetext, hindi ka naman nagrereply e. mas busy ka pa sakin. Buti pa sa kanila may time.
13-Nov, 8:51
kaya pala kahit sa jeep you ask strangers. You know he’s more of a stranger than you.
13-Nov, 8:54
heheh. Last night was a huge advertisement but I was with my uncle so it was ok.
13-Nov, 8:55
but im in abs.
13-Nov, 8:56
il be in masbate tom? I idnt know. Buti ka pa alam mo.
13-Nov, 9:03
ah ganun ba? Sorry, tulog pa kasi ako
13-Nov, 9:04
san ka tutula?
13-Nov, 9:11
nagkakape at naghihintay ng kasama. Nasan ka ba?
13-Nov, 9:13
bawal pumasok dito walang id. =(
13-Nov, 9:15
=) siguro dapat hindi ako sumama bukas sa quest para magvcf
13-Nov, 9:17
hehe. Masaya ka masyado, ako inaantok, 4 na kami nakabalik last night.
13-Nov, 9:23
hindi po ako nagsasayaw. Actually, first gimmick ko yun e, pero kasama parin uncle. Hindi, kasi ako pinaghost. Kapagod.
13-Nov, 9:28
he. Hindi ako pumipikit pagnagsasayw. Nakangiti lang.
13-Nov, 9:33
sige. =) magaling ka ba? Ako hindi
13-Nov, 9:35
eh kung masaya ka bakit huhuhu? Ikaw talaga. Aoginagawa mo dyan? Nako yahoo groups nanaman ito
13-Nov, 9:36
masakit plates ng tap shoes. Terrible. Oi, kumain ka na?
13-Nov, 9:38
opo. Kasi gutoom nanaman ako. Kain ka na rin.
13-Nov, 9:41
Im not mad.
13-Nov, 21:37
im ok, papunta nat. library. May I ask for a favor?
13-Nov, 19:22
Im detached from everyone else, do not conceal info about me even to the people who played with me, they also want info about me. Yun lang. Thank you.
13-Nov, 19:36
he can ask me directly anyway, bakit kailangan pang ikaw pagtanungan ng stuff tungkol sakin. Sorry pero I feel cheated.
13-Nov, 19:41
if he ask for my number, don’t give it. Thanks.
13-Nov, 19:46
Im very very very very happy dt u txtd=)=)=) xempre gawa q un. Kw lng inicp q cmula knina atnd aq ng vcf kala q ndun ka. I met ds envrnmntl engr dun. Kita tau 2m? Hehe.=)
Wg ja n magng low, heto naman aq.=) handang dumamay kng kelangn m, ashn mng mrn kng kaibgn, lagng tapt sau.=)
Have a great say.=) I believe u can do ur best 2m… I know God is working in u. Kp smiling… Para lalo kng gumanda.=)
Nyt. I had a wndrful tym “talking” w u ds am. Tnx. Hope 2 c u soon if God prevails. Ingat lagi. Gd Nyt.
Was ub the comp lab this am. We don’t have class. Take care
18-Nov, 10:22
who’s who?
18-Nov, 16:02
if you say so
18-Nov, 16:19
could be
18-Nov, 16:24
maybe she doesn’t know
18-Nov, 16:54
of course it’s not you, you wont text me those if it’s you. So, how’s school?
18-Nov, 17:27
I thought you’re not him
18-Nov, 18:49
Hav u ever cryd & it sms drt no1 s dr 2 cmfort u? Hav u evr felt pain& it cms no 1 cre? Hav u ever knwn love yet it dsnt cm 2 recproc8? Hav u evr ask urslf y u cryd, y u flt pain, y u lovd, & kpt on lovng despyt d pain… I did& wl kp on cryng, sufrng frm ds pain&wl kp on lovng her… even if it mns lettng her go… wsh we cud just talk, evn 4 a yl, I fl forever, wn m w her.. I love hr so much… bt I love her so much.
Even if dt nxt tym mns shedng more tears each nyt… Even if dt nxt tym mns more pain inflctd in my heart… Even if dt nxt tym mns I have to w8 d whol day or nyt, or even if it wil take eternity… M wilng 2 wait and long 4 dt nxt tym… I gues dr are sumtngs in ds tym which is mor imprtnt dn tym itslf, mor imprtnant dn d world dn d world itslf. Ryt now cn only think of her. Shes d wrld m wilng 2 just b dr 4, shs dt momnt n tym m wilng 2 w8. God Bless… Tke cre…
needed to sleep for todays event, sorry. I’l be battling some athenians and lasallites in marketing today. I know, with her in my heart, I’l be stong. It is enough for me if somehow I would be able to draw a smile on her face knowing that there is a better future ahead of her. I want to die so that she may live. I may not get close to her but somehow I want to show her how much I cared for her, how much she matters, how much I see God in her…
I long for her though… I lonf for her smile, her eyes, her voice, I long for her…
Im just on my way to up, just finished w the event. Have talked w the president of j&j in the training. My inspiration allows me to believe in my capacity. Though she doesn’t know, she’s where I get my courage from, she’s already in my heart.
I just want to do my best for her, I dream of a better future for that woman and her loved ones… she may never know that she keep me going all these years.
Card no. 8106 486148 Card PIN 9271 01. Tnx 4 comng. Sory 4 d cmera shud hv stopd doz ppl, shud hv introduced u… M sory. Take cre 2m. God Bless.=)
Her face, I was able to look at. Her voice, I was able to hear. Her hands I was able to touch. I feel so sorry if right now all I can give her are ideals… But w her in my heart I know they will be realized. We are already doing small steps in our organization, she is the catalyst o my life.. I have returned the id, this could be the end, but it’s a walk that is worth remebering that will keep on motivating me along the way.. thanks genso, God Bless. =)
Cant sleep Laiza… im so sorry. All the while I was thinking only of my purpose, I should have listen more. I’ll be attending church this morning at around 10, if youlive near up, hope we could attend mass together at the parish of the holy sacrifice? I’ll understand if you cant make it, I’ll be there anyhow. God Bless.=)
I wake up each day thinking of her smile, thinking of her eyes. Sudenly I feel so complete, I thank God for everything, I thank God for her. She is everything one can dream of. I wake up eacj day thinking of her smile, thinking of her eyes. Suddenly I feel so complete. I thank God for everything, I thank God for her. She is everyhting one could ever dream of.
I cryd last nyt, wodering if ur ok. Im so sory I wasn’t able 2 reply d sunest tym posbl, mayb u dnt lyk 2 talk w me anymor… had dreamt bwt u… singing… bt cnt sm 2 rch u in dt drm… ur as charming dr as I frst saw u… Hope ul 4gv me…
Getting over getting with you
I hear you’re taking to town again
Having a good time
With all your good time friends
I don’t think that you think of me
You’re on your own now and I’m alone and free
I know that I should get on with my life
But a life live without you could never be right
(Chorus)
As long as the stars shines down from the heaven
Long as the rivers run to the sea
I’ll never get over you get it over me
I try to smile so the head wont show
Tell everybody
I was glad to see you go
But the tears just won’t come away
Loneliness found me
Looks like its here to stay
I know that I ought to find someone new
But all I found is myself always thinking of you
(Chorus)
No matter what I do
Each like a lifetime to live thru
I can’t go on like this
I need your touch
You’re the only one I’ll ever love
(Chorus)
“That delicious vision is what you are. This evening you will see yourself rom a distance for a while. You will see what is just, you will say what is true. You never lacked the courage to say what you think, but you’ve been hampered by constraints. I will tell you again, pity has no place at this table.
If things are said that are painfully true, then it is only passing truth and will change.
If you feel pain bloom inside you, it will soon blossom into relief.”
- Dr. Hannibal Lecter
I have known pain all my life… for a while your presence allowed me to forget about that pain.
Thank you for reminding me of my purpose… I see that purpose in you. When you sang last night. It make me realized how important it is to continue pushing myself to my limits until there is no more limitations that will hold me back.
I appreciate you the way you are… You may have your relationships in the future nevertheless I promise to be just here for you to listen…
I am enamored by the way your lips move as you sang…
However, last night, I feel so dumb hearted because you just pass over me in the Café as if I was not there. I followed you outside, seeing your friend tap to your shoulder, then you proceed back to the Café with them. I accompanied you guys but you seem to just turn your back from me. I felt so low last night… I know, I understand that you are really busy with all your quests, that is why I console you by saying it will be fine if you can’t sing... Its pathetic of me to give you Vcut. Actually, they have pasta, spaghetti with white sauce, inside but you were such in a hury so I was not able to ask.
I stopped the man seating near me in taking some shots of your group. He got embarassed because of that. He didn’t talk with me for a while. Immediately, I saw two flashes of Camera lights and suddenly I felt so guilty. We noticed that your friend was shaking after the flashes. I wanted to stand up and tell the people to stop it but such an environent is hard to control.
I pulled the microphone away when I noticed that you wanted to push it farther and move it forward when you want it nearer. I just can’t be of great help… Yun lang ang nakaya kong gawin…
I’m so sorry… I am accountable for what had happened last night.
I was trying to thank you or jsut to accompany you while going out the Café but you don’t seem to like me getting near to you.
I’ve texted but to no avail, I received no reply until now… I am not expecting that you’ll text me ever again knowing that I am unworthy of being just a little bit closer to you, I guess, this is not really the right time for me to introduce myself… I am still full of rough edges…
Our organization has recorded the event, upon hearing you sing again, I cried. I could have done more for you during that short period of time. I could have given you more… I wish I could have been a better person for you but the truth is Im not…maybe I will never be…
I already have a book by Rick Warren. I bought it to help a friend of her problems, she later returned the book to me. I know that I am not deserving of the books that you’ve given. I do not deserve your attention…
I have to leave you with some of the things that I have considered important until I met you… I feel that knowing you is more important than any of these things. I hope through them you’ll remember even once in a while, that once, there was this person who tried his best to make you smile…a smile that he may never be able to see.
I am crying now… I know that God loves you SO much, please take care…
1 message received…
I have been waiting for but a single message from her, just one single message that I haven’t received until now. A friend of mine told me once that with woman, you have to use your mind, instead of your heart. I disagree with him in this respect. I feel that it is not important if I would be able to even get close to her in an intimate kind of a relationship. What is more important is that I exerted effort in showing her that there is this person who really appreciates her more than anything else in this world. How do you get close with a woman of your liking, if you are just graduating from College and she, at the age of 21, already hold a PHD DEGREE in ECONOMICS, a HOST in a certain TV PROGRAM and prefers to be left alone? In her own words she says "am detached from everyone else, do not conceal info about me to any people". How do you get close to her if a lot of your former professors are now some of those people who battles you to get her attention? The answer is, "just try". I did try. In our youth oriented radio program, after my fellow broadcasters interviewed her for our October 30 episode. We created a scenario were one of my friends will gave her the bouquet of roses that I have prepared the night before. The main host of the program will then tell her that there is someone that appreciates her for who she is. Did it work? I am not quite so sure, but then she texted me and thanked me for the flowers and told me that I should have been there. So, even though I already gave her the flowers and a prepaid card which I bought with my savings from my meager allowance, I was still this (distance is from Munoz market to Magallanes) to her. Then I just let some days pass without replying to her previous message. She texted, asking how I am? I answered something like this; "I long for this someone… I long for this someone whose face I cant even look at, whose voice I cant even hear, whose hands I can’t even touch." I don’t know what’s with those line that made her really eager in meeting me, but one thing is certain, I am sure that the messages I gave her comes from my heart. After that I sketched her face and left it in the guard in the School of Economics so that she maybe able to get it without me giving it to her personally. I wrote her poems every now and then, telling her how magnificent is her smile and how well she is doing as a host in their program. With all rationality in mind, I don’t want to meet with her, I know that I wouldn’t be able to sustain a relationship because I am not yet earning some money but she was rather persuasive, it took me only one message to convince myself to meet up with her no matter what, her message goes like this "while you search for your purpose, I search for something that would make me real. I think I’ve gone too far bothering you and all. I’m just a girl who needs someone to talk to, someone who’ll listen and hopefully understand. Thank you for
everything. Have a great weekend." So I did met up with her, bringing with me all my baggage of past failures, feeling of inferiority, but along with these I also brought with me some courage and a whole lot of hope. We had a chat like normal people do. We walk along the Sunken Garden like what ordinary people do. Yet we were talking about serious stuff like how our country can be better. We also talked about movies, cartoons, her tap dancing hobby and all simple things that for me at that time was something incomparable to any treasure since I considered that moment priceless… a moment that could never be repeated. Here is my last message to her, "I wantd 2 just go away… stay away frm u… Bt I cnt hlp it. I wud lyk 2 build myslf frst, mke d ideal persn hu cud b worthy enuf 2 b dr 4 a prson lyk u… Bt dn, I realyz, lyf s nt al abwt d ideal, it s abwt d choice dt we mde dt ar nt usually ideal, rather painful&rsky. I chus 2 b just hr 4 u, m willng 2 sufr d pain… dts wat lyf s al abwt. Take care." I am still waiting for that 1 message. Even if it takes eternity, I’m willing to wait. ----- Note to the Editor: Conversion of text message: "I wanted to just go away… stay away from you… But I can’t help it. I would like to build myself first, make the ideal person who could be worthy enough to be there for a person like you… But then, I realize life is no all about the ideal, it is about the choices that we made that are not usually ideal, rather painful and risky. I choose to be just her for you, I’m willing to suffer the pain… that what life is all about. Take Care." Please use "AZIAL" instead of using my real name. I hope Inquirer can give me some money for this essay so that I could buy her flowers or probably give her something special. =) Gd am, yes were promoting it. Trust the Lord and offer this conference for His glory. Believe and have Faith you will see how Heworks before you. You obey and trust Him all your ways. BeholdHe the True God is lifted in this event. God Bless. Waalaikum. ana wrote it, no me. Since siya namanmagsasalita, i gave her free will. What's the theme again? Right. Sorry, sunday kasi kaya busy. I'll finish it tonight. Good evening. Btw, I check on Kevin almost evryday. I've got plans for him which I hope his relatives would approve of. He's a really smart kid so I've got no hesitations to help. A mighty bangon blessing to you! Mga gaano katagal kaya ang talk na puede mo ibuigay kay rev. williams sa thurs? Salaam. Iv already informed the members of MSA. We dont have a common time of being since we have classes. Thurs is our busiest. I'll ask people from the institute. I spille my coffee while reading your message. Yes il give the copy tommorrow at 12 hopefully shje wont criticize it much. yes Cris, what time would that be? Where can i send the essay? I did announce it in class, but since people hacve classes and exams, I cant require it. I will ask the history orgs to attend. I'll probably be late by 10 minutes. I have a class till 1pm. Pakihanda ung list ng delegates so we can welcome them by group. I am suprised to see my name in yout posters. Did roan ask you to put my name? Im quite sure had you ask him he'd sign in anotherperson sigyuro kc sya head. Di ako sure kung me tao dun. Kawawa ka naman, gabi na. Good evening po ako po si Reinhard Castaneda 22 yres old taga- University of Sto. Tomas, 3rd yr, Behavioral Science studentpero nakaleave of absence po ako ngayon for this semesternakita ki po yung poster ng Interfaith Youth COngress sa may UPcoop. Pwede po ba ako pumuta sa Youth Congress. Interesado po ako at may ID po akong dala. Kaya puede po ano ang requirements myembro din po ako ng CYA (christ Youth in Action). Ang landline ko po ay 6813201,. Pls txt bak God's work done God's way. receives God's provision. May the Lord bless you in this noble endeavor! Congrats sa event kanina! Aayusin na natin next time! Sorry i need to campaign kasi mejo dehado pa kaya i had to leave early. God bless! More power! Salamat sa Diyo! Pinagpala ka. Jesus reigns! May your lives and ministry be directed towards the sole vision of His kingdom the whole 2005. Have a transformational day, God be with the COngress! You are welcome Cris, you will have more results if you will first convene all the christian groups and talk about what you want to accomplish together before discussing details with other faiths... interfaith can then focus on what study realated values you can inculcate to all students. The Pres COuncil on Values Formation can help you. You can send a representative to observe how NICCOM works, your brother, I made you to be strong. I consider you more than a brother. Pelase talk to me. I need your response. Bring back the voty in you. I'll be at the 2nd flr of faculty conference rm or bulwagang Rizal. Just go inside and text em if you're there already. THanks. Topher, pa fax yun details at invi sa 4134181 now. Atn mo Olga. Tnx. Paki fax nid ng news eh, Nagpapunta ako ng crew to feature it. Ok bor. ALways remember. With all the messages that you have said. It's you taht is being destroyed that's why I want you to talk to me. I am not the president of voty anymore. We have a new head. It's lionel the executive director. I'm now the chair. Don't you worry you're still a member. You're doing great with cdbn/ I have a new company now in makati. Tol, I'll just email my message for your event tommorrow. But make it good. You deliver it. I'm not in Manila. Hi! I have already mailed the speech. I didn't include the participants, however. I'll send them afterwards Ei. I cud send the speech today but ung names of my orgmates by Monpa. Warren of VCM.
-Tita Cora, 02-22, 8:03:17
Mahalika- 2-20, 19:23:36
Laiza, 2-20, 19:41:12
Laiza, 2-20, 19:50:55
K, pls remind me tommorrow, Im conducting a retreat, baka makalimutan ko. Thanks.
Tita Kiting, 2-21, 22:27:39
Jojo Ferrer, 2-21, 10:09:04
Maharlika, 2-21, 23:14:11
Im not quite sure about that. They may not make there, as they have classes.
Reyzel, 2-21, 23:18:47
Laiza, 2-21, 23:52:47
No probs. God Bless.
Espero, 2-22, 9:55:57
Rev. Abante, 2-22, 00:18:54
Laiza, 2-22, 10:42:15
Sent it to topherb4@yahoo
Laiza, 2-22, 10:50:34
hi topher. this is Rachel, I'm part of the cdbn yahoo group. I'm very much interested to be part of the Benguet project. I've had some exposure re: livelihood projects on the dumagats of Nueva Ecija. Hope I could be of help. Just inform me pohow. Thanks!
Rachel David, 2-22, 00:50:46
Bolinao, 2-22, 7:15:28
Bolinao, 2-21, 19:12:53
Evangelyn, 2-22, 10:58:49
Tita Kiting, 2-21, 21:56:06
09284100394
2-23, 20:37:13
Jojo, 2-22, 16:55:51
Raophy, 2-24, 18:30:09
2-25, 7:12:07
Tita Cora, 2-24, 9:02:30
Salaam! I have a class at 1pm, but I'll go right after, mga 2. That's why I gave her speech instead of me. But I'll be there, promise.
Maharlika, 2-23, 10:41:49
NICCOM is National Interfaith COnsultative COmmittee.
Rev. Abante, 2-24, 20:52:48
Choy, 2-18, 14:27:19
ina, 2-23, 12:36:36
20-23, 13:32:53
Ruel Ruiz
Ruel, 2-23, 13:40:33
Choy, 2-23, 15:24:41
Tol, I've forgive you already. But I still need to talk to you. I can't talk tommorrow on your event please coordinate with Rommel. He can talk in behalf of me.
Choy, 2-23, 15:01:32
Hindi pwede si Fr. Jboy. May nauna kasi siya appoinment.
Rapphy, 2-23, 16:43:19
Hi! Di po namin makita sa net yung speech that we submitted. Narecive nyo po ba?
KKB, 2-23, 17:24:03
2-19, 7:40:36
yup. wer comming. But we cant grace the proposed time from 1-6 because of the exams, clases and/or work. Thanks for understanding. God bless.
2-23, 17:27:17
2-19, 10:55:22
Therefore, UP YFC can meet the requirements you earlier texted to me. Vernone Julius Cemine
2-18, 15:58:44
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