Guaranteed To offend Everyone
Moose
Q: Why are aspirins white?
A: Because they work.
Q: How did the black girl know her mother was on the rag?
A: Her brothers dick tasted funny.
Q: What has six legs and goes: "Ho-de-do, ho-de-do, ho-de-do"?
A: Three blacks running for the elevator.
Q: What's the definition of the word "Confusion"?
A: Father's day in Harlem.
Q: Do you know why so many blacks were killed in Vietnam?
A: Because every time the seargeant said: "Get down!" they stood up and
started dancing.
Q: What did God say when he saw the first black person?
A: Ooops, I burnt one!
Q: Why is Stevey Wonder Smiling all the time?
A: He doesn't know he's black.
Q: Blacks took over Toys R us.
A: The renamed it to We B toys.
Q: A black guy and a Mexican guy opened a restaurant.
A: It's called Nacho Mama.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Eskimo with a black person?
A: A Snowblower that Doesn't work!
Q: What do you call an Negro with a peg leg?
A: Shit on a stick.
Q: What does an apple and a Negro have in common?
A: They both look soooo pretty hanging from a tree.
Q: How do you starve a black man?
A: Put his food stamps in his work boots.
Q: Why don't blacks like Tylenol?
A: They have to pick cotton to get to them.
Q: What did the black women get for getting an abortion?
A: Fat cash from crime stoppers.
Q: What does a black person get for Christmas?
A: Your bike!!!
Q: How do you keep black people out of your back yard?
A: Hang one in the front!!
Q: What is the difference between a black and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: Why do you never hit a black on a bike?
A: Because it is probably your bike.
Q: Why are black people so tall?
A: Because their knee grows.
Q: Why do black people wear hats covering their face?
A: So the birds don't shit on their lips.
Q: What is white with a black asshole?
A: The A-Team
Q: How many black people does it take to single a roof?
A: Depends on how thin you slice um.
Q: How many black people does it take to pave a road?
A: Depends on how heavy the roller is.
Q: When is the only time u concentrate on a black man.
A: Behind the eyepiece of your rifle.
Q: What's the difference between batman and a blackman?
A: Batman can go to the store with out robin.
Q: What's the difference between shit and a black?
A: Eventually Shit turns white and stops stinking.
Q: Is it better to be born black or gay?
A: Black - because you don't have to tell your folks.
Q: How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles?
A: Trust me.
Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: An interracial couple in a car wreck.
Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet?
A: None, it's a woman's job.
Q: What's the definition of black foreplay?
A: Don't scream or I'll kill you.
Q: How do you know Adam and Eve weren't black?
A: Ever try and take a rib from a black.
Q: Who won the race down the tunnel, the black or the Pole?
A: The Pole because the black had to stop to write "motherfucker" on the
wall.
Q: What do you get when you cross a black and a groundhog?
A: 6 more weeks of basketball season.
Q: Why do blacks always have sex on their minds?
A: Because of the pubic hair on their heads.
Q: Did you hear about the new black French restaurant?
A: It's called Chez What.
Q: What did Lincoln say after his five day drunk?
A: I freed whom.
Q: What's long, black and smelly?
A: The unemployment line.
Q: Why don't blacks like blowjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.
Q: What do you get when you cross a black prostitute with a Chinese woman?
A: A broad that sucks shirts.
Q: Why do blacks raise chickens?
A: To teach their kids how to walk.
Q: How do you make a black nervous?
A: Take him to an auction.
Q: What do you call a black prostitute with braces?
A: A black and Decker pecker wrecker.
Q: What do you call a black test tube baby?
A: Janitor in a drum.
Q: Why do blacks smell so bad?
A: So the blind can hate them too.
Q: How did they invent break dancing?
A: Trying to steal the hubcaps off a moving car.
Q: Why did God invent golf?
A: So white people could dress up like blacks.
Q: What do you call a black man in Thailand?
A: A tycoon.
Q: Why do blacks keep their fly's open?
A: In case they have to count to eleven.
Q: What do you call a black man in a tree?
A: A branch manager.
Q: What's the most confusing day in Harlem?
A: Father's day.
Q: Who are the two most famous black women in history?
A: Aunt Jemima and Mutha Fucker.
Q: How do you stop a black baby from crying?
A: Wet his lips and stick him to the wall.
Q: Did you hear that the KKK bought the movie rights to Roots?
A: They're going to play it backwards so it has a happy ending.
Q: What do you call 4 blacks in a 57 chevy?
A: Blood vessel.
Q: Why do blacks wear white gloves?
A: So they don't bite their fingers eating tootsie rolls.
Q: What is black and has four legs and goes Hol De Doe, Hol De Doe?
A: Two blacks running for the elevator.
Q: Why did God invent the climax?
A: So blacks would know when to stop fucking.
Q: Why did so many blacks get killed in the war?
A: When the Colonel yelled get down, they all got up and danced.
Q: What's the definition of worthless?
A: A 7'2" black man with a small prick, that can't play basketball.
Q: What do you call a black with a new bike?
A: A thief.
Q: What do you call a black with a new caddie?
A: A better thief.
Q: Why don't black kids jump on their beds?
A: Because they'll stick to the velcro on the ceiling.
Q: How do you get them down once they're stuck?
A: Tell Mexican kids they're pinatas.
Q: Did you hear about Klu Klux Kneivel?
A: He tried to jump over 8 blacks with a steam roller.
Q: How can you tell when a black as been on your computer?
A: It is not there.
Q: What do you call a black with no arms?
A: Trustworthy.
Q: Why do black women where high heels?
A: So their knuckles don't drag.
Q: What do you call a black guys condom?
A: A duffle bag.
Q: Why are black guys eyes red after sex? A: From the pepper spray.
Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10,000 black guys?
A: Warden.
Q: What do you call one white guy surrounded by 10 black guys?
A: The quarterback.
Q: Whats wrong with 5 blacks driving a Cadillac off of a cliff?
A: The car holds 6.
Q: How do you get a black man out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What do you call a black person on birth-control?
A: Crime prevention.
Black One-liners 2 (Submitted by users)
Q: Two black guys decide to jump off a building; who lands first?
A: Who cares?
Q: A black guy and his black girlfriend are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The cop!
Q: Why are black peoples nostrils so big?
A: Because that's what God held them by when he was painting them.
Q: What do you get if you search for babboon in dictionary?
A: You get a picture of Robert Mugabe.
Q: What is black, purple,and yellow?
A: A black person goin to church.
Q: How do they make roads in South Africa?
A: They make the black people lay down and have every other one smile.
Q: What do you call a black guy who goes to college?
A: A Basketball player.
Q: How can you tell a black person is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: Why are there more black folk then Indians?
A: Because we haven't played Cowboys and Black folk yet!
Q: How do you break up the "Million Man March"?
A: Fly overhead with helicopters and drop job applications.
Q: Why did the black man wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?
A: He said: "If I'ze gonna be im-po-tent, I wanna looks im-po-tant."
Q: What do they do with blacks after they die?
A: Gut them and use them as wetsuits.
Q: What does it mean when you see a bunch of blacks running in one
direction?
A: Jail break
Q: What do you call 4 black guys in a car?
A: Tinted windows.
Q: Why are black ladies pocket books so big?
A: They have to put their lipstick some where.
Q: What do u call 1,000 black people on a plane back to Africa?
A: A good start.
Q: Why are all black people fast?
A: Because the slow ones are in jail.
Q: What's long and hard on a blackman?
A: The first grade.
Q: What do you call a bunch of blacks falling down a hill?
A: A mudslide .
Q: What did the black kid get for christmas?
A: Your T.V
Q: What do you call vietnamese guy that wants to be black?
A: Vinegar!
Q: What does NAACP stand for?
A: National Association of Apes Called People
Q: What do you call a black guy with a fan?
A: Antique air conditioner
Q: What travels at 200km's a hour?
A: A black man hearing a dollar drop to the ground.
Q: What does a black person have in common with a soda machine?
A: They both don't work and always take your money.
Q: What u call 10 black people in the back of a truck?
A: A good days hunting.
Q: What do you call one black on the moon?
A: Problem
Q: What do you call ten blacks on the moon?
A: Problems
Q: What do you call the entire black population on the moon?
A: Problem solved
Q: Why dont black women wear panties to picknics?
A: To keep the flies off the chicken.
Q: What's faster then a black guy running down the street with your TV?
A: His brother behind him with the VCR
Q: Why wasnt there any blacks in the flintstones?
A: Because they were still monkeys.
Q: Why don't black kids play in sand boxs?
A: Because they are affraid the cats will try to cover them up.
Q: What do you call a bunch of black kids playing in a pile of leaves?
A: Rasin Brand.
Q: What do you call a group of black people.
A: An auction
Q: Why dont blacks celibrate thanksgiving?
A: KFC isnt open on holidays.
Q: What would martin luther king be if he was white?
A: Alive
Q: What are three things you can't give a black person?
A: A black eye, a fat lip and a job.
Q: Why do black people lean to the center of their car?
A: They think the smell is coming from the outside.
Q: Why did God give Black guy's big dicks?
A: He felt sorry for putting pubes on their heads.
Q: Why are black women like bicycles?
A: They give out free rides
Q: Ever hear about the black man who went to college?
A: Neither Have I.
Q: Why do black men have bigger penises than white men?
A: Because as kids white men had toys to play with.
Q: Why are there only two paulbears at a black guys funeral?
A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.
Q: What does FUBU really stand for?
A: Farmers used to buy us.
Q: What do you do when you see a black man with half a face?
A: Stop laughing and reload.
Q: What's the difference between bigfoot and a hard working black man?
A: Bigfoot has been spotted
Q: How many blacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 2 one to screw it in the other to drive the pink caddilac
Q: What do you call a black man on a stick?
A: A tootsie roll pop
Q: Why are blacks so fast?
A: From running from the cops.
Q: Whats the difference between a black and tires?
A: When you put chains on tires they dont sing
Q: Did you hear about the black who died yesterday on Rt. 80?
A: He stuck his head out of the window at 100 mph and his lips beat him to
death!
Q: Why are jelly beans alot like the world?
A: Because everyone hates the black ones.
Q: How do you hide something from a Black Man?
A: Put it in a book.
Q: What's the difference between a black guy and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the street and a dead black
guy in the street?
A: There's swerve marks in front of the dog
Q: Why are black peoples hands white?
A: Because there always leening up aganst cop cars.
Q: What is the diffrence between a black guy and a pizza
A: A pizza can feed a family of four.
Q: Whats the difference between a black guy and a pothole?
A: You swerve around the pothole.
Q: What happened to the 5 black guys that drove off a cliff in a cady?
A: Who gives a shit!!
Q: What do you call 400 black people swiming in a river?
A: An oil spill
Q: Why was the black baby crying?
A: He had diarea and thought he was melting
Q: What is black white and rolls around in the sand?
A: A black man and a segal fighting over a carp
Q: What do you call 9 black guys hanging in a tree???
A: An alabama windchime
Q: How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: The lights out, how can u count them?
Q: Why can't black's,live in the country side.
A: There's no street corners.
Q: Why can't black people spell.
A: Because there black.
Q: How do you starve a negro to death?
A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots.
Q: How do you kill 50 flys?
A: Hit a somailen in the face with a shovel
Q: What do you get if you cross an afro with a black?
A: A microphone.
Q: Why Do Blacks Hate Country?
A: Every time they here Ho-Down They think someone shot their sister
Q: Why don't black people like asprin?
A: They have to pick through cotton to get to them
Q: Why cant stevie wonder read?
A: Cuz hes black
Q: What does FUBU stand for?
A: Farmers Used to Beat Us
Q: What do you call a black man at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Polution
Q: What do you call all the black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: Solution
Q: Why is there cotton in medicine bottles?
A: To remind the black people they were cotton pickers before they were drug
dealers.
Q: Whats yellow, black in the middle and funny?
A: A school bus full of blacks driving off a cliff
Q: What's purple and chained to my front porch?
A: It's my damn neigro and I'll paint him any color I want to.
Q: What is it called when a black women is in labour?
A: Constipation
Q: Why Are black peoples hands and feet white?
A: When God painted them he told them to assume the position.
Q: A black guy and a spanish guy are in a car whos driving?
A: The cop
Q: How do you keep black youth off the streets?
A: Put a KFC on the sidewalk
Q: What do Black lesbians have for breakfast?
A: Cocoa Muffs
Q: Whats the diffrence between a park bench and a black guy?
A: The park bench can support a family
Q: What does pontiac stand for?
A: Poor old nigger thinks its a cadillac.
Black One-liners (Submitted by users)
Q: What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans?
A: The black ones steal your watch.
Q: How do you start a black parade?
A: Roll a 40 down the street.
Q: Why do blacks burry their dead upside down?
A: Use em as bike racks.
Q: How did they improve the transportation in harlem?
A: Move the trees closer together.
Q: What did the black girl say while having sex?
A: Dad get off me your crushing my ciggs.
Q: Why are black people like jelly beans?
A: No one likes the black ones.
Q: What do you call a school bus full of black people?
A: A rotten banana
Q: What was the only thing missing from the million man march?
A. An auctionner
Q: How long does it take a black lady to shit?
A: 9 months.
Q: What do you call 100 black guys baried from the neck down?
A: Afroturf.
Q: Why are blacks afried of lawnmovers?
A: Beacuse it gose run nigger nigger run.
Q: What do you call a barn full of blacks?
A: Antique farm equipment.
Q: What do u call a black priest?
A: Holy shit
Q: What does the BFI on the dumpsters stand for?
A: Black Family Inside
Q: Have you ever seen a black person on the jetsons?
A: NO. Looks like a good future doesn't it?
Q: What do you call a black person in a three piece suit?
A: Will the defendent please rise.
Q: What do u do when your sitting in the dark and your tv starts to float?
A: You turn on the lights and shoot the black people.
Q: What do you call 20,000 black people at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead black
person in the road?
A: There's skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: Why are black people so good at Basketball?
A: Cause all you have to do is RUN ... SHOOT ... and STEAL
Q: What do you do if you see a black man flopping around on the ground?
A: Stop laughing and reload
Q: What Do You call Mike Tyson if he has no arms or legs?
A: Nigger, Nigger, Nigger!!!!
Q: What do you call a group of blacks in the ocean?
A: An oil spill
Q: What do you call a pool full of black kids?
A: Cocoa puffs
Q: What do you call a 80 year old black guy?
A: Antique farm equipment.
Q: Why do police dogs lick their balls?
A: To get the taste of negro out of thier mouths
White One Liners
What's white and fourteen inches long?
Absolutely nothing!
What do you call 500,000 white guys jumping out of a plane?
Snow.
What do you call a bunch of white guys in a circle?
A Dope Ring!
What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man?
The PGA tour.
Why do so many white people get lost skiing?
It's hard to find them in the snow.
What did they white guy do before his blood test?
He studied.
How long does it take for a white women to take a crap???
9 months
What's the difference between a white man and a snake?
One is a evil, cold-blooded, venomous, slimy creature of Satan, and the
other is a snake.
How many white men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, white men will screw anything.
What's the flattest surface to iron your jeans on?
A white girl's ass!
What did the black guy do with his M&Ms?
Eat them
What did they white guy try and do with his?
Put them in alphabetical order
What did a white guy see when he looked at his family tree?
A straight line!
Dirty One Liners
Q. Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
A. Ate something. (8.xxxxxxx....)
Q. But do you know what 6.9 is?
A. A good thing screwed up by a period.
Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
Q. What do Lifesavers do that a man can't?
A. Come in eight flavors.
Q. What do cow pies and cowgirls have in common?
A. The older they get the easier they are to pick up.
Q. How can you tell a Sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A. A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.
Q. What's six inches long that women love?
A. Folding money.
Q. What is the difference between erotic and kinky?
A. Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken.
Q. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?
A. One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with.... the
other is used to carry groceries.
Q. What is the new gay website address?
A. c : enter ### (see colon enter pound pound pound).
Q. What is the new O.J. website address?
A. slash slash backslash escape.
Q. What do gay men refer to hemorrhoids as?
A. Speed bumps.
Q. What's got four legs and one arm?
A. A Rottweiler.
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend's frigid?
A. When you open her legs the lights go on.
Q. When does a cub become a boy scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.
Q. How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.
Q. Did you hear about the 150 lb. man who had 75 lb. testicles?
A. He was half nuts!!!
Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A. Collecting her thoughts.
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.
Q: How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?
A: The cake jumps out of the girl.
Q: What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?
A: Full.
Q: What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
A: Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.
Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.
Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
A: By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have
left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Q: How are tornadoes and marriage alike?
A: They both begin with a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end you
lose your house.
Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S.
Q: What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A: Spitting, swallowing and gargling.
Q: What do you call two skunks that are 69ing?
A: Odor eaters
Q: Why do men name their penis?
A: They like to be on a first name basis with the one making most of
their decisions.
Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?
A: Snowballs.
Q: Why do women have vaginas?
A: So men will talk to them.
Q: Why do only 30% of men get into Heaven?
A: If it were more, it would be Hell.
Q: What is the new gay website address?
A: c : enter # # #
Q: Why do men like big tits and tight pussy?
A: Because they've got big mouths and little dicks.
Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah?
A: About three inches.
Q: Why don't women have any brains?
A: Because they don't have penises to keep them in.
Q: What two things in the air can make a women pregnant?
A: Her feet!
Q: What is the difference between a geneologist and a gynecologist?
A: A geneologist looks up your family tree and a gynecologist looks up your
bush.
Q: Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
A: Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.
Q: Why did the bald man cut holes in his pockets?
A: So he could run his fingers through his hair.
Q: Whats the difference between a microwave and a woman.
A: A microwave doesn't scream when you put a piece of meat in it.
Q: What do elephants use for tampons?
A: Sheep.
Q: Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A: A different bar.
Q: Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
A: They named him Sum Ting Wong.
Q: What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
other?
A: A speech impediment.
Q: What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half
mast?
A: They're hiring.
Q: Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A: Because they're not going to work in the future, either.
Q: Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
A: He walks around saying, "Yo".
Q: What do you call an Alabama farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A: A pimp.
Q: Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools use the car
only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A: Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q: What's the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage,
along with a recipe.
Q: How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say fuck?
A: Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
Q: What's the Cuban national anthem?
A: "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Q: What's the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern
fairytale?
A: A Northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time..." A Southern fairytale
begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.
Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Owl and a Rooster?
A: A cock that stays up all night.
Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine.