News of the Weird, November 13, 2011
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2011 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* "You eat meat, so why not blood?" asked The Globe and Mail,
which sampled several Toronto restaurants' sanguinary haute
cuisines, including the Italian eatery Buca's spaghetti with blood-
blackened noodles and torta di sanguinaccio (figs, almonds,
buffalo-milk creme, on a base custard of dark chocolate and slow-
cooked pig's blood). Patrons "thought we were crazy," said chef
Rob Gentile, but now "can't seem to get enough." The Black Hoof
restaurant uses 10 liters of fresh blood a week for dishes like its own
blood custard, seasoned with rosemary and pickled pears.
Montreal's DNA kitchen sometimes highlights blood soup and
blood pasta. (The Noma in Copenhagen, Denmark--which some
believe to be the best restaurant in the world--marinates cauliflower
in pig's blood.) [The Globe and Mail, 10-18-2011]
The Continuing Crisis
* "I don't get it. I just don't get it. And you're not going to get me to
get it," warned Marine squadron commander Lt. Col. Jerry Turner
(to a Wall Street Journal Afghanistan reporter writing in October),
when learning that a few of his troops were sporting artistically
shaped eyebrows sculpted by a barber in the town of Shinwar.
"Stylist" Gulam Farooq can't practice on Muslims (forbidden) but
said "one or two" Marines come by every day (in between calling in
artillery barrages) for tapering. [Wall Street Journal, 10-13-2011]
* The Military Times news service, reporting from Afghanistan in
August, disclosed a U.S. Marines command directive ordering
troops to restrain their audible flatus because, apparently, Afghan
soldiers and civilians complained of being offended. The reporter
doubted the directive could be effective, in that passing gas by
front-line troops is "practically a sport." [Military Times, 8-23-
2011]
* A vendor at a street market in Leipzig, Germany, was revealed in
September to be shamelessly selling personally-tailored coats and
vests made with fur from house cats. A first report, in the
sensationalist tabloid Bild, was doubted, but a follow-up by
Germany's premier news source, Spiegel, confirmed the story. The
vendor said he needed eight cats to make a vest (priced at the
equivalent of $685) and 18 for a coat. However, such sales are
illegal under German and European Union laws, and the vendor
subsequently denied that he sold such things. [Spiegel Online, 10-
5-2011]
Family Values
* Too Soon? An 11-year-old California boy and a 7-year-old
Georgia girl have recently decided--with parental support--to come
out as the other gender. The boy, Tommy, wants more time to think
about it, said his lesbian parents, and has begun taking hormone
blockers to make his transition easier should he follow through with
plans (first disclosed at age 3) to become "Tammy." The McIntosh
County, Ga., girl has been living as a boy for a year, said father
Tommy Theollyn, a transgendered man who is actually the one who
gave birth. Theollyn petitioned the school board in September
(unsuccessfully) to allow the child to use the boys' bathroom.
Theollyn said the girl first noticed she was a boy at age 18 months.
[CNN, 9-27-2011] [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 9-14-2011]
* Recurring Theme: Italian men are notorious "bamboccionis" ("big
babies") who exploit doting mothers by remaining in their family
homes well into adulthood, sometimes into their 30s or later,
expecting meals and laundry service. Many mothers are tolerant,
but in September an elderly couple in the town of Mestre announced
(through a consumer association) that if their 41-year-old, gainfully
employed son did not meet a deadline for leaving, the association
would file a lawsuit to evict him. (A news update has not been
found, perhaps indicating that the son moved out.) [Daily Telegraph
(London), 9-21-2011]
Cutting-Edge Tactics
* Crime-Fighting: (1) In October, about 120 professional mimes
began voluntarily patrolling the traffic-congested Sucre district of
Caracas, Venezuela, at the request of Mayor Carlos Ocariz. The
white-gloved mimes' specialty was wagging their fingers at scofflaw
motorists and pedestrians, and mimes interviewed by the Associated
Press reported improvements. (2) At least 300 professional clowns
from Mexico and Central America, in Mexico City in October for a
convention, demonstrated against the country's drug-cartel violence
by laughing, in unison, non-stop, for 15 minutes. (They were likely
less successful than the mimes.) [ABC News-AP, 10-8-2011]
[Huffington Post-Agence France-Presse, 10-19-2011]
* Parenting: Freemon Seay, 38, was arrested in Thurston County,
Wash., in October on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon
after disciplining his 16-year-old daughter for leaving home without
his approval. Seay allegedly forced the girl to suit up in armor and
helmet, with a wooden sword, and to fight him (also in armor, with
a wooden sword) for over two hours until she could no longer stand
up. Seay's wife (the girl's stepmother) was booked as an accessory
and was said by deputies to have been supportive of her husband's
"Renaissance fair" enthusiasm (which Freemon Seay called a
"lifestyle"). [Bellingham Herald, 10-18-2011]
Bright Ideas
* In Malone, N.Y., in September, Clyde Gardner, 57, was sentenced
to five to 15 years in prison for trying to murder his ex-girlfriend
twice. Initially, he dressed in a recently-skinned bear's hide--
walking on its paws, so as not to leave shoe prints, and "mauling"
her with the claws. After abandoning that plan, he promised a
friend $15,000 to kill the woman in a car crash, and since Gardner
was a demolition derby driver, he offered expert instructions
(though the friend turned Gardner in). [Google News-AP, 9-30-
2011]
* Awesome! The ingenuity of drug smugglers is never to be
underestimated, as one ABC News report from Nogales, Ariz., in
October demonstrated. Smugglers had dug tunnels from Nogales,
Mexico, underneath the border to Nogales, Ariz., engineered
perfectly to end along International Street's metered parking spaces.
Vans with false bottoms parked in certain spaces (and meters were
fed); smugglers in the vans broke though the pavement to meet the
tunnelers; and the drugs were loaded. Still parked, the vans' crews
repaired the pavement, and the vans departed. "[U]nbelievable,"
said the Arizona city's mayor. [Yahoo News-ABC News, 10-13-
2011]
* Basically, "Toto" is to sophisticated toilets in Japan as "Apple" is
to consumer electronics in America. In September, Toto unveiled a
prototype motorcycle with toilet bowl to convert a driver's waste
into fuel, not only making it self-gassed-up but contributing to the
company's goal of reducing carbon dioxide emissions by 50 percent
within six years. The company was launching a month-long, cross-
country publicity tour (presumably featuring a gastro-intestinally
robust driver). [Huffington Post, 10-7-2011]
Armed and Clumsy (All-New!)
* People Who Shot Themselves Recently: Two men--a 23-year-old
in Fayetteville, N.C. (June), and a 22-year-old in Seminole, Fla.
(October) accidentally shot themselves in the head while trying to
assure friends that their guns posed no danger. A firearms instructor
shot himself in the thigh during his recertification class at the Smith
& Wesson facility in Springfield, Mass. (September). A man on a
first date at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse in Charlotte, N.C., accidentally
shot himself in the leg as he was escorting his date to their car
(September). And as usual, at least one man (a 27-year-old in
Chandler, Ariz.) paid the price for inartfully using his waistband as
a holster, causing a "groin" injury (August). And Milwaukee police
secured a search warrant to photograph Otis Lockett's penis (July),
as evidence that he was illegally in possession of a gun (as a felon)
by showing that he had accidentally shot off nearly all of his organ.
[Fayetteville Observer, 6-29-2011]
[Tampa Tribune, 10-13-2011]
[WWLP-TV (Springfield), 9-29-2011]
[WSOC-TV (Charlotte), 9-28-2011, 9-28-2011]
[KNXV-TV (Phoenix), 8-3-2011]
[Journal Sentinel (Milwaukee), 7-1-2011]
A News of the Weird Classic (March 1992)
* At a high school basketball game in February [1992], Oklahoma
City police officer Eldridge Wyatt became dissatisfied that no fouls
were being called on "number 21" and walked onto the court to
point out the player's elbowing to the officials. When referee Stan
Guffey told Wyatt to leave the foul-calling to him, Wyatt placed
Guffey under arrest. Guffey was un-arrested a few minutes later so
that the game could continue, but when a reporter after the game
asked Wyatt for a reaction, Wyatt tried to arrest him, too. [Newport
News Daily Press-AP, 2-6-92]
Thanks This Week to Bruce Alter, David Swanson, Pete
Randall, Geoff Egan, Perry Levin, Jim Scott, and Peter
Smagorinsky, and to the News of the Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny
T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul,
Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim Sweeney) and Board of Editorial
Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines,
Herb Jue, Emory Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Steve Miller,
Christopher Nalty, Mark Neunder, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Rob
Snyder, Stephen Taylor, Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle).
*****
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