News of the Weird, November 8, 2009
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2009 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Procter & Gamble announced in October that it will once again
create and host a public restroom for the holiday season in New
York City's Times Square, as a promotion for Charmin tissue. Last
year's installation was merely specially-outfited toilet facilities, but
this year P&G will upgrade by hiring five bloggers ("Charmin
Ambassadors") to "interact" with the expected "hundreds of
thousands of bathroom guests" and write about their experiences
with Charmin tissue on the company's website (and include
"family-friendly" photographs). P&G is calling the campaign
"Enjoy the Go." [Business Courier of Cincinnati, 10-20-09]
Compelling Explanations
* "Therapeutic" Sex: (1) The U.S. Tax Court ruled in September
that William Halby, 78, owes back taxes because he improperly
tried to deduct $300,000 over a five-year period for "medical"
expenses that were merely purchases of sex toys and pornography
and payments to prostitutes. Halby said the activities relieved his
"depression," in that he had no other sexual outlets. The court
reminded Halby (a retired New York tax lawyer) that prostitution
is illegal in New York. (2) James Pacenza, 60, of Montgomery,
N.Y., who was fired by IBM in 2003 after he continued to visit an
Internet sex-chat room during work hours, renewed his challenge
to the termination in September, telling a federal appeals court that
he his Internet sex "addiction" is a result of post-traumatic stress
disorder from combat in the Vietnam war. [Forbes, 9-17-09] [St.
Petersburg Times-AP, 9-22-09]
* Robin Magee, a law professor at Minnesota's Hamline
University, was charged with state income tax evasion in
September for failing to file in 2007 and for filing returns for 2004,
2005, and 2006 only very recently. Magee told the St. Paul
Pioneer Press that she was "unable" to file on time because she has
"extreme" attention-deficit disorder. Among the lapses of
attention, according to prosecutors, was Magee's claim of eight tax
exemptions, even though she is single and has no dependents. [St.
Paul Pioneer Press, 9-9-09]
* Parenting Made Simple: The father of the baby is only 13 years
old, but his own dad told reporters in Manchester, England, in
October that the kid "will make a good father" and "is taking his
responsibilities very seriously." He is "mature for his age" and
"knows what he's about." The new dad said he plans to quit school
and work full-time to support the child and the 16-year-old mother
(though the earning power of a 13-year-old is uncertain). [Daily
Telegraph (London), 10-3-09]
Ironies
* The French-speaking citizens of Quebec, said to feel chronically
underappreciated in English-speaking Canada, might have received
a boost in spirits in September when the Canadian military ordered
its airmen assigned to the North American Aerospace Defense
Command to learn French. However, the contract was awarded to
French instructors of a company in the United States, which many
Canadians feel is even more chronically overappreciated. [Agence
France-Presse, 9-30-09]
The Litigious Society
* With lawsuits piling up on Bank of America during the current
economic downturn, Dalton Chiscolm found a new angle. In
September, he sued the Bank in federal court in New York City for
inadequate customer service concerning his checks' routing
numbers and asked for damages of "1,784 billion, trillion dollars"
plus an additional "$200,164,000." Judge Denny Chin gave
Chiscolm 30 days to better explain his complaint but dismissed it
finally on October 23rd. (BBC News reported that the first
amount, which is 1,784 followed by 21 zeros, is more money than
exists on the planet.) [Reuters, 9-25-09] BBC News, 10-23-09]
Leadership in Action
* New Jersey's Least-Savvy Politician: In a courtroom in October,
Atlantic City (N.J.) Councilman (and Baptist minister) Eugene
Robinson, 67, explained that he had no intention of having sex that
night in November 2006 when a prostitute tricked him into a motel
tryst (as a set-up by his political enemies). "I was waiting for God
to send me the [woman] that's [destined] to be my Christian wife,"
he said, and since he hadn't had sex "since 1989," he said he
thought this was the chosen woman. Robinson, now in poor
health, did not run for re-election. [Philly.com-AP, 10-14-09]
* In his campaign for election to the school board in Birmingham,
Ala., Antwon Womack, 21, issued biographical materials claiming
to be 23 years old; to be a graduate of a local high school and of
Alabama A&M; to be a bona fide resident of Birmingham; to be
properly addressed as "Dr."; and to have chaired three previous
political campaigns. After inquiries by the Birmingham News,
Womack acknowledged in August that none of those claims is true.
However, he defended his campaign and his principles: "My
values are not lies. It's just [that] the information I provided to the
people is false." [Birmingham News, 8-19-09]
Something in the Darwin Water Supply?
* During a three-week period in September and October, three
couples in the Darwin, Australia, area aroused police attention for
having uninhibited sex in public. On September 13th, a 29-year-
old man and a 23-year-old woman were fully engaged in their
vehicle (stolen, said police) at a gas station in full view of
passersby. They persisted, ignoring a police officer's order to stop.
Two weeks later, an intoxicated couple taken into custody by
police were seen having sex by the motorist following directly
behind the police paddy wagon. On October 6th, 25 miles south of
Darwin, a 33-year-old man was charged with reckless driving after
he crashed his car into a concrete drain while having sex with a 34-
year-old woman in the front seat. (The woman later denied the
charge, in earthy language, to a reporter from the Northern
Territory News.) [Northern Territory News (Darwin), 9-15-09, 10-
2-09, 10-15-09]
Least Competent Criminals
* Michael Spagnola, 38, of Colden, N.Y., was charged with DUI in
October after a sheriff's deputy stopped Spagnola's car and noticed
the man climbing from the driver's seat into the back. Spagnola
then told the deputy (from the back seat) that, though he had been
drinking, he was not the one driving. However, the deputy noted,
there was no one else in the car. [Buffalo News, 10-16-09]
* Cesar Lopez, 29, was arrested at the Turkey Hill Minit Mart in
Lebanon, Pa., in October when he emerged from a restroom
looking for something inside the baseball cap he was carrying. A
police officer noticed that a small baggie was stuck to the top of
Lopez's forehead and speculated that Lopez had stowed the baggie
(found later to contain marijuana) inside the sweatband of the cap
but that when he removed the cap in the restroom, the baggie
remained stuck to his head. [Lebanon Daily News, 10-14-09]
No Longer Weird
* Adding to the list of stories that were formerly weird but which
now occur with such frequency that they must be retired from
circulation: (91) The apparently irresistible urge of curious men to
tinker in workshops with live ammunition, such as the attempt by a
57-year-old man in Charleston, W.Va., in August to drill through a
bullet in order to make a keychain ornament. (The resulting
explosion tore up his left hand, but he was not expected to lose it.)
(92) The "Lysistrata"-style organized withholding of sex by wives
in male-dominated third-world countries as a means of influencing
their husbands' behavior. (However, in Kenya, one husband fought
back in May by filing a lawsuit in Nairobi High Court against the
women's group whose recent strike was somewhat successful. The
man asked for compensation for his "anxiety" and "sleepless
nights.") [WSAZ-TV (Charleston, W.Va.), 8-26-09] [Agence
France-Presse, 5-8-09]
A News of the Weird Classic (August 1999)
* The New York Times disclosed in June 1999 that about 2,000
obsolete, unfunctioning fire hydrants remain in place in New York
City, each dry for almost 20 years, whose only purpose is to allow
the city to collect fines from motorists who park too close to them.
Supposedly, a contractor will begin removing them soon, but since
that costs about $6 million, the project may be delayed. [New York
Times, 6-16-99]
Thanks This Week to Kathryn Wood, Peter Wardley, Paul
Deguara, John Wriedt, Cathy Wojciechowski, Sasha Oberheim,
and Carl McGlore, and to the News of the Weird Board of
Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
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