News of the Weird, January 22, 2012
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Anti-Theft ID Breakthrough: For people who become stressed
when asked to prove their identities by biometric scans of
fingerprints, hand prints, or eyeballs, Japan's Advanced Institute of
Industrial Technology has developed a chair frame that
authenticates merely by sitting down: a butt-scanner. Professor
Shigeomi Koshimizu's device produces a map of the user's unique
derriere shape, featuring 256 degrees of pressure at 360 different
points and could be used not only to protect vehicles from theft but
also, when connected to a computer, to prevent log-ons by those
with unauthorized posteriors. [TechCrunch blog via PhysOrg.com,
12-26-2011]
Compelling Explanations
* Imminent Gay Takeovers: (1) Mayor Josi Benmetez of Huarmey,
Peru (population 16,000), speaking at the opening of a water works
in November, warned residents about strontium in the water, which
he said suppresses male hormones. He reminded residents that
nearby Tabalosos, which is lately popular with gays and lesbians,
shares the water supply and that Huarmey could turn gay, too. (2) A
November report by Muslim scholars at Saudi Arabia's highest
religious council (Majlis al-Ifta' al-A'ala), presented to the Saudi
legislature, warned that ending the ban on females' driving would
cause a surge in prostitution, pornography, divorce, and, of course,
homosexuality (and the scholars added that, within 10 years, the
country would have "no more virgins"). [Daily Mail (London), 11-
24-2011] [Daily Mail (London), 12-1-2011]
* California state legislator Mary Hayashi of Hayward pleaded
guilty in January to misdemeanor shoplifting. Police said she had
walked out of a Neiman Marcus store in October with over $2,400
worth of unpaid-for merchandise, caused, said her lawyer, by a
benign brain tumor that might have affected her decision-making.
(Miraculously, and just in time for the legislative session, the tumor,
said the lawyer, is "no longer affecting her concentration or her
judgment.") [KPIX-TV (San Francisco), 1-6-2012]
Ironies
* Because this past Christmas fell on a Sunday, nearly one
Protestant church in 10 in the U.S. reported having canceled Sunday
services that day out of fear of low attendance, as parishioners
remained at home with family. (The poll, by Lifeway Research,
noted also that other churches, while not canceling, had left services
to their second-string clergy.) [Washington Post, 12-23-2011]
* Retired sheriff Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. was arrested in November in
a suburb of Denver, Colo., and charged with distributing
methamphetamine to men in exchange for sex. Sullivan, who had a
distinguished career as Arapahoe County Sheriff, was booked into
the Patrick J. Sullivan Jr. Detention Center, named for him after he
retired in 2002. [Denver Post, 11-30-2011]
* Eldon Alexander, 36, and Ms. Korin Vanhouten, 47, had two
different encounters with Ogden, Utah, police on December 15th.
First, they were issued misdemeanor citations after being accused of
shoplifting at a WinCo Foods store. They were released and walked
out to their car in the parking lot, but summoned the police when
they discovered that while they were busy shoplifting, someone had
broken into their car and stolen a stereo. (The shoplifted items were
worth about $25, the stereo about $60.) [Deseret News (Salt Lake
City), 12-16-2011]
* Sheriff's deputies arrested novelist Nancy Mancuso Gelber, 53, in
December in Bryan, Tex., after she had allegedly arranged a hit on
her husband. (The "hit man," of course, was an undercover officer.)
Gelber said she had walked in on the husband romancing with one
of her friends, and the couple were in the process of divorcing
(complicated by his having removed her from his health insurance
just as she was scheduled for expensive surgery). Gelber is the
author of the 2010 "crime thriller," "Temporary Amnesia," and told
the "hit man" that she was quite familiar with investigative
procedures (though obviously poor at spotting undercover officers).
[Huffington Post, 12-16-2011]
The Litigious Society
* Jesse Dimmick filed a lawsuit in Topeka, Kan., in October against
Jared and Lindsay Rowley--whom he has been convicted of
kidnaping in a notorious 2009 episode that resulted in his being shot
by police. Dimmick broke into the home and held the couple
hostage at knifepoint but now says that, during the siege, the couple
made him an "oral contract," "legally binding," that they would help
him hide if he would sometime later pay them an unspecified
amount of money. According to the lawsuit, since Dimmick was
subsequently shot (accidentally, said the Topeka police), his injuries
were the result of the Rowleys breaching the contract to hide him
safely. (Police, who had surrounded the home, arrested Dimmick
when he fell asleep.) [Topeka Capital-Journal, 11-28-2011]
* The two men who heroically pulled a woman out of a burning car
wreck in 2009, and surely (according to a Highway Patrol officer on
the scene) saved her life, have sued the woman for the emotional
and physical disabilities that resulted from the episode (brought to
light in an August 2011 Associated Press report). David Kelley and
Mark Kincaid not only stopped voluntarily to help but were the only
ones on the scene capable of pulling the woman to safety. (The fire
was so hot that it melted Kelley's cell phone.) Kelley said he has
suffered serious breathing problems and cannot avoid horrific
dreams reliving the episode. The woman, Theresa Tanner,
subsequently admitted that she deliberately crashed the car that day
in a suicide attempt. [Associated Press, 8-1-2011]
* Former, 11-year-veteran police officer Louise McGarva, 35, filed
a lawsuit recently, asking the equivalent of about $760,000, against
the Lothian and Borders Police in Edinburgh, Scotland, for causing
her post-traumatic stress disorder. Officer McGarva was attending a
supposedly routine riot training session that got out of hand. She
said she discovered that she had developed a debilitating fear of
sirens and police cars. [Edinburgh Evening News, 11-21-2011]
* Tri-athlete Sabine von Sengbusch, 46, filed a lawsuit recently
against Meghan Rohan, 28, over a June bicycle-pedestrian collision
in New York City's Central Park. Von Sengbusch claims that
Rohan had had the audacity to step in front of her as she was
bicycling, causing her to fall and suffer "painful and permanent"
injuries. (Although von Sengbusch said she was inside the "bike
lane" at the time, park officials said signs make clear that
pedestrians have the right of way at all times.) Von Sengbusch's
"permanent" injuries did not prevent her from competing in a
triathlon on October 1st, in which she finished second. According
to a New York Post report on the lawsuit, Central Park pedestrians
are growing more vociferous in denouncing bicyclists, and vice
versa. [New York Post, 11-27-2011]
People Different From Us
* A recent article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine reported the
painful results obtained by three Hispanic men incarcerated in the
southwestern United States who had, for some reason, inserted
specially-designed chips, carved from dominoes, under the skin of
their penises, apparently based on a folkloric belief that "sexual
performance and virility" would be enhanced. Infections resulted,
requiring "major" surgery that was unspecified in the article.
[io9.com blog, 11-26-2011]
Recurring Themes
* No "Individual Mandate": To meet its municipal budget, the town
of South Fulton, Tenn., assessed each residence $75 a year for
firefighting service, but in the name of "liberty" gave people the
chance to opt out of coverage. Vicky Bell chose not to pay, and
when her home caught fire in December, firefighters rushed to the
scene--but only to be on hand in case the fire spread to her
neighbors, who had paid their fees. Bell's home burned to the
ground as firefighters watched. (Mayor David Crocker said "a
majority" of residents had paid the fee.) [Associated Press via
Times-News (Kingsport, Tenn.), 12-6-2011]
Thanks This Week to John Ellwood, Seth Chernoff, R.L.
Rittmaster, Kathy Kelly, Perry Levin, Charles Landau, Douglas
Boyle, Cheryl Meyers, Solomon Humphries, Craig Cryer, Nicole
Johnson, Scott Huber, and David Larsen, and to the News of the
Weird Senior Advisors (Jenny T. Beatty, Paul Di Filippo, Ginger
Katz, Joe Littrell, Matt Mirapaul, Paul Music, Karl Olson, and Jim
Sweeney) and Board of Editorial Advisors (Tom Barker, Paul
Blumstein, Harry Farkas, Sam Gaines, Herb Jue, Emory
Kimbrough, Scott Langill, Steve Miller, Christopher Nalty, Mark
Neunder, Bob Pert, Larry Ellis Reed, Rob Snyder, Stephen Taylor,
Bruce Townley, and Jerry Whittle)..
*****
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