News of the Weird, April 2, 2006
Minister Chuck
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2006 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* You Might Want to Do Your Shoplifting Elsewhere:
Increasingly, police departments and government offices (customs
agencies, NASA, even the FBI) rely for state-of-the-art
investigation support from the Target Corp. (as in Target
department stores), according to a January Washington Post report.
Target's world-class forensics lab in Minneapolis is the first choice
by many departments for examination of surveillance tapes and
other evidence, and it was Target in the mid-1990s that finally
moved agencies to coordinate previously-incompatible databases
of criminals (treating the felon population as a nationwide
"inventory control" problem). A Target executive said he works
for "a high-tech company masquerading as a retailer." [Washington
Post, 1-29-06]
Government in Action
* During President Bush's recent trip to India, 17 Secret Service
Labradors and German shepherds accompanying him (each with its
own police "rank," such as "lieutenant") were housed in 5-star
hotels in Delhi, according to local press stories (but Delhi police
dogs, assisting in the same missions, went home to kennels).
Faring less well was one of the three teams of search-and-rescue
dogs assigned to find Hurricane Katrina victims, which had to be
sent home in March because of a hotel-booking snafu, for which
FEMA and Louisiana officials blamed each other. [BBC News, 3-
2-06] [CNN, 3-9-06]
* How to Be a Police Department: In California, a police
department can be created if a local government gives a
transportation contract to a private company, automatically
empowering that company to hire its own cops, who, though not
allowed to make arrests, can carry guns, access police databases,
and receive government anti-terrorist grants. The law achieved
notoriety in February when Internet millionaire Stefan Eriksson's
Ferrari crashed in Malibu, and he later made confusing statements,
including the revelation that he is the "deputy commissioner" of
the "San Gabriel Valley Transit Authority" police, a post he
acquired by starting a modest bus service for the elderly. [Los
Angeles Times, 3-8-06]
* Questionable Policies: (1) The Wood Methodist Church was
informed in March by the town council in Dudley, England, that it
owed an "advertising fee" of the equivalent of about $130 to put up
a cross. (Town regulations specify that a "cross" is an ad for
Christianity.) (2) In March, Apache County, N.Mex., contracted to
pay up to $100,000 to a former Arizona attorney general to
investigate Apache's sheriff, Brian Hounshell, who, after an
exhaustive previous investigation (whose cost was not revealed),
was accused of misspending $8,000 of taxpayer money. [Daily
Telegraph (London), 3-8-06] [The Independent (Gallup, N.Mex.),
3-17-06]
Great Art!
* The publisher Powerhouse Books (and its imprint Rosen
Editions) is preparing for the imminent release of photographer
Ellen Jong's "Pees on Earth," a series of shots of Jong urinating in
prominent public spots around the world. Jong is a mainstream
professional whose non-urinary work has appeared in Vogue and
other publications. [Publishers Weekly, 2-9-06]
Signs of the Times
* Cheaters on the Rise: (1) In March, students at Mount Saint
Vincent University in Bedford, Nova Scotia, persuaded the
administration to prohibit professors from using any plagiarism-
detecting aid, to avoid (said the student union president) a "culture
of mistrust." (2) Students at Banja Luka University in Bosnia-
Herzogovina protested in February the economics faculty's
decision to install surveillance cameras during exams. "Cheating
in exams," said one student, "is a part of our Balkan mentality, and
it will take years to change students' [attitudes]." [Canadian
Broadcasting Corp., 3-8-06] [Agence France-Presse, 3-3-06]
* In March, New York Times fashion writers noted that the
decision of several designers to shroud runway models' faces in
various ways during the annual Paris Fashion Week in February
and March surely must be sending some message. Among the
devices designers used: masks (making some models resemble
"Hannibal Lecter in drag," according to one critic), woven basket-
like coverings, and burqa-type swaddling. Guesses on designers'
motives included a reflection of general world gloom; tributes to
the plight of Muslim women; and designers' fear of beautiful
faces' distracting from their designs. [New York Times, 3-1-06, 3-
5-06]
Fine Points of the Law
* (1) In February, the Oregon Court of Appeals ruled that the neck
is a "sexual or intimate [part]" and thus that a forcible kiss there is
a felonious touching that allows sentencing the offender to life in
prison under the state's "three strikes" rule. (2) Also in February, a
Florida appeals court upheld a jury's simultaneous findings that
Nicholas Cappalo was not guilty by reason of insanity in the
burglary of a home in May 2002 but guilty and sane during the
ensuing getaway, in which he led sheriff's deputies on a 15-mile,
high-speed chase. [KATU-TV (Portland, Ore.)-AP, 2-16-06] [St.
Petersburg Times, 2-11-06]
People Different From Us
* Former major league baseball all-star Darren Daulton, 44, told
the Philadelphia Daily News in February that in retirement, he
understands dimensions of reality that few of his fellow Earthlings
know. He first experienced his extraordinary power after
delivering a game-winning hit in the 1990s and breaking into tears
after the game, discovering that "I didn't hit that ball. Something
happened, but it wasn't me." Later, Daulton said, he was
"awakened" to realms beyond those covered by the five senses.
Things will become clearer on December 12, 2012, at 11:11 a.m.
Greenwich Mean Time, he said, because that's when the world will
end. [San Jose Mercury News-Knight-Ridder, 2-16-06]
Least Competent People
* (1) A 27-year-old woman was arrested in League City, Tex., in
February after police discovered her 6-year-old daughter wandering
around her empty school yard on a Saturday morning. The woman
said she dropped the kid off, as usual, but that she was distracted
and didn't realize it was Saturday. (2) Prominent neuroscientist
Louis A. Gottschalk, still professionally active at age 89, lost about
$3 million of his family trust over a 10-year period to Nigerian e-
mail scammers, according to his son, who wants an Orange
County, Calif., judge to remove his father as the estate's
administrator. In fact, Dr. Gottschalk has continued to pay money
on another scam because the new recipients are "different
Nigerians," according to the son's description of a conversation
with his father. [Daily News of Galveston County, 2-19-06] [Los
Angeles Times-Chicago Tribune, 3-2-06]
Update
* In 2003, News of the Weird told the inspirational story of "Star
Trek" fanatic Tony Alleyne, who was trying to sell his small
apartment in Leistershire, England, for the equivalent of about $1.7
million, after having converted it to a finely detailed model of the
starship Enterprise (with transporter control, warp core drive,
voice-activated lighting and security, infinity mirror, etc.). In
February 2006, Alleyne, weary of the lack of buyer interest, filed
for bankruptcy and moved to his Plan B: to gut his "Enterprise"
and redesign the place as the bridge of the Voyager (from the later
Star Trek series), which he will offer at a lower price. [The Times
(London), 2-9-06]
Readers' Choice
* On February 23, a woman asked a clerk at the Get Go!
convenience store in McKeesport, Pa., to "microwave something
for me. It's a life-or-death situation." The clerk complied, but
when she realized that the item might be a severed penis, she called
police. The woman later explained that it was a dildo-shaped
container of urine because she had to be drug-tested for a job
afterward and needed urine heated to "body temperature."
Unexplained still in subsequent press accounts was why she stored
the urine in that type of device. She was charged with criminal
mischief (for contaminating a microwave food oven). [Washington
Post-AP, 2-24-06; CNN-AP, 3-3-06]
Undignified Deaths
* Twice in a two-week period, couples were found asphyxiated and
enjoined in sexual positions in cars whose engines had been
running in closed garages. A New York City couple, ages 28 and
21, who had been dating about a month, died in March, and a
Milwaukee, Wis., couple, ages 23 and 17, died in February in a car
whose engine had quit (though still with plenty of gas) because the
concentration of carbon monoxide had prevented oxygen intake to
the engine. [New York Post, 3-12-06] [WISN-TV (Milwaukee), 2-
27-06]
Thanks This Week to Tom Barker, Bob Pert, Anita Cardoza,
Daniel Blum, and Adam Dixon, and to all those who tipped me to
the Readers' Choice story, and to the News of the Weird Board of
Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
Visit Chuck Shepherd daily at
http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com (or
www.NewsoftheWeird.com / WeirdN...@Yahoo.com / P.O.
Box 18737, Tampa FL 33629).