News of the Weird, May 6, 2012
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Chuck Shepherd
May 6, 2012, 12:57:07 PM5/6/12
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WEIRDNUZ.M265 (News of the Weird, May 6, 2012)
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Condo developer Larry Hall is already one-quarter sold out of the
upscale doomsday units he is building in an abandoned underground
Cold War Atlas missile silo near Salina, Kan. He told an Agence
France-Presse reporter in April that his 14-story structure would
house seven floors of apartments ($1 million-$2 million each, cash
up front), with the rest devoted to dry food storage, filtered-water
tanks, and an indoor farm raising fish and vegetables to sustain
residents for five years. The nine-foot-thick concrete walls (built to
protect rockets from a Soviet nuclear attack) would be buttressed by
entrance security to ward off the savages who were not wise enough
to prepare against famine, meteors, nuclear war, and the like. Hall
said he expects to be sold out this year and begin work on another of
the three silos he has options to buy. [Agence France-Presse via
Google News, 4-9-2012]
Can't Possibly Be True
* Dan O'Leary, the city manager of Keller, Tex. (pop. 27,000), faced
with severe budget problems, was unable to avoid the sad job of
handing out pink slips. For instance, he determined that one of
Keller's three city managers had to go, and in April, he laid himself
off. According to a March Fort Worth Star-Telegram report,
O'Leary neither intended to retire nor had other offers pending nor
had aroused negative suspicions as to motive. That is, he simply
realized the city could be managed more cost-effectively by the two
lower-paid officials. [Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 3-21-2012]
* Herman Wallace, 70, and Albert Woodfox, 65, have been held in
solitary confinement (only one hour a day outside) since 1972 in the
Louisiana State Prison at Angola, after being convicted (via flimsy
evidence and a convenient prison snitch) of killing a guard. A third
convict for the murder, Robert King, who was in solitary for 29
years but then released, explained to BBC News in an April
dispatch what it's like to live inside 54 square feet for 23 hours a
day, for over 14,000 straight days. The lawyer working to free
Wallace and Woodfox said the soul-deadened men were "potted
plants." [BBC News, 4-4-2012]
That Sacred Institution
* (1) A Federal Court magistrate in Melbourne, Australia, decided
to split a divorcing couple's assets in half in February after listening
to tedious details of their 20-year marriage. The "couple" lived
apart except for vacations and kept their finances separate (and
persnickety), constantly "invoic[ing] each other," according to the
Daily Telegraph, for amounts as trifling as a $1.60 light bulb. (2)
Though many Americans act as though they are in love with
themselves, only Nadine Schweigert became an honest woman. She
married herself in March in front of 45 family members and friends
in Fargo, N.D., vowing "to enjoy inhabiting my own life and to
relish a lifelong love affair with my beautiful self." And then she
was off on a solo honeymoon. [Herald Sun (Melbourne), 2-27-
2012] [Fargo Forum, 3-15-2012]
http://www.inforum.com/event/article/id/354284/
Questionable Judgments
* On February 1st, the New Jersey Honor Legion (a civic
association with more than 6,000 members in law enforcement)
nominated Frank DiMattina as "Citizen of the Month" for offering
his catering hall in Woodbridge, N.J., numerous times for
gatherings of police and firefighters. The nomination came three
weeks after DiMattina (also known as "Frankie D") was convicted
of shaking down a rival bidder for a school lunch contract in New
York City. (Federal prosecutors told the New York Daily News that
DiMattina is mobbed up--an associate of the Genovese family's
John "Johnny Sausage" Barbato.) [New York Daily News, 3-26-
2012]
Unclear on the Concept
* In January, Ms. Navey Skinner, 34, was charged with robbing the
Chase Bank in Arlington, Wash., after passing a teller a note that
read, "Put the money in the bag now or [d]ie." According to
investigators, Skinner subsequently told them she had been thinking
about robbing a bank and then, while inside the Chase Bank,
"accidentally robbed" it. [Daily Herald (Everett, Wash.), 1-30-2012]
* Emanuel Kuvakos, 56, was arrested in April and charged with
sending two Chicago sports team executives e-mails that threatened
them with violence for having stolen his "ideas" for winning
"championships." One of the victims was a former general manager
of the Chicago Cubs, a team that famously has not won a National
League championship in 66 years, nor a World Series in 103.)
[Chicago Tribune, 4-18-2012]
* In April, Arizona (recent home of cutting-edge legislation) almost
set itself up for the impossible task of trying to prohibit any
"annoy[ing]" or "offen[sive]" or "profane" language on the Internet.
The state House passed the bill, which was endorsed, 30-0 by the
state Senate, ostensibly to make an anti-stalking telephone
regulation applicable to "digital" communications. (Just as the bill
was about to go to the governor for signature, sponsors suddenly
realized the futility of the bill's directives, and on April 4th,
withdrew it.) [Phoenix New Times, 4-4-2012]
Fine Points of the Law
* Finally, a nationally prominent judge has taken on prison
"nutriloaf" as a constitutional issue. In March, U.S. Appeals Court
judge Richard Posner reinstated a dismissed lawsuit by a
Milwaukee County Jail inmate who claimed that the mystery meat
gave him an "anal fissure." Posner wrote that the lower courts
needed to rule on whether the indeterminate-content food is "cruel
and unusual punishment," since (citing a Wikipedia entry) an anal
fissure seems "no fun at all." [American Bar Association Journal, 3-
28-2012]
* Gay Rights in Limbo: (1) The Missouri House of
Representatives, after several times rejecting "sexual orientation" as
one of the legally prohibited categories of discrimination, managed
to find another category in March (to join "race," "religion," and so
forth) that is deserving of special protection: licensed concealed-
weapons carriers. (2) The Kansas Supreme Court ruled in April that
Joshua Coman, convicted of having sex with a dog, does not have to
register as a sex offender. Activists had urged that the "sodomy"
law on which Coman was convicted be declared unconstitutional,
since it appears to equate human-animal sex with man-man and
woman-woman sex. However, the Court declined, instead noting
merely that Coman had been convicted of a misdemeanor and that
only felons are required to register. [St. Louis Public Radio, 3-11-
2012]
People With Issues
* In March, West Des Moines, Iowa, police opened an
investigation, with video surveillance, of a 59-year-old employee of
the state's Farm Bureau on suspicion of criminal mischief.
According to police documents cited by the Des Moines Register,
the man would look through the employee database for photos of
attractive female colleagues and then, after hours, visited their work
space and urinate on their chairs. Not only does the man allegedly
have a problem, but the Farm Bureau figured it is out $4,500 in
damaged chairs. [Des Moines Register, 3-27-2012]
Least Competent Criminals
* Amateur Hour: (1) CVS supervisor Fenton Graham, 35, of Silver
Spring, Md., was arrested as the inside man (with two accomplices)
in two drug store robberies in April. Surveillance video showed
that, in the second heist, the nervous perp evidently failed to take
the money with him, and Graham (the "victim") was seen taking it
out to his forgetful partner. (2) Kyle Voss, 24, was charged with
three burglaries in Great Falls, Mont., in April after coming upon a
private residence containing buckets of coins. According to police,
Voss first took the quarters and half-dollars ($3,000), then days later
$700 in dimes and nickels. By the third break-in, the resident had
installed surveillance video, and Voss was caught as he came back
for a bucket of pennies. [Washington Post, 4-13-2012] [Associated
Press via Fox News, 4-17-2012]
Least Competent Bank
* Federal court documents revealed in March that AWOL Army
Pvt. Brandon Price had convinced Citibank in January that he spoke
for Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen (one of the world's richest
men) and convinced the bank to issue Allen (i.e., Price) a new debit
card and to change Allen's address from Seattle to Price's address in
Pittsburgh, Pa. (On the other hand, Price/Allen shopped decidedly
downscale, running up charges only at Gamestop and Family
Dollar, totaling less than $1,000.) [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 3-27-
2012]
Thanks This Week to Cindy Hildebrand, Sandy Pearlman,
and Hal Dunham, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial
Advisors.
* * * * *
WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Condo developer Larry Hall is already one-quarter sold out of the
upscale doomsday units he is building in an abandoned underground
Cold War Atlas missile silo near Salina, Kan. He told an Agence
France-Presse reporter in April that his 14-story structure would
house seven floors of apartments ($1 million-$2 million each, cash
up front), with the rest devoted to dry food storage, filtered-water
tanks, and an indoor farm raising fish and vegetables to sustain
residents for five years. The nine-foot-thick concrete walls (built to
protect rockets from a Soviet nuclear attack) would be buttressed by
entrance security to ward off the savages who were not wise enough
to prepare against famine, meteors, nuclear war, and the like. Hall
said he expects to be sold out this year and begin work on another of
the three silos he has options to buy. [Agence France-Presse via
Google News, 4-9-2012]
Can't Possibly Be True
* Dan O'Leary, the city manager of Keller, Tex. (pop. 27,000), faced
with severe budget problems, was unable to avoid the sad job of
handing out pink slips. For instance, he determined that one of
Keller's three city managers had to go, and in April, he laid himself
off. According to a March Fort Worth Star-Telegram report,
O'Leary neither intended to retire nor had other offers pending nor
had aroused negative suspicions as to motive. That is, he simply
realized the city could be managed more cost-effectively by the two
lower-paid officials. [Fort Worth Star-Telegram, 3-21-2012]
* Herman Wallace, 70, and Albert Woodfox, 65, have been held in
solitary confinement (only one hour a day outside) since 1972 in the
Louisiana State Prison at Angola, after being convicted (via flimsy
evidence and a convenient prison snitch) of killing a guard. A third
convict for the murder, Robert King, who was in solitary for 29
years but then released, explained to BBC News in an April
dispatch what it's like to live inside 54 square feet for 23 hours a
day, for over 14,000 straight days. The lawyer working to free
Wallace and Woodfox said the soul-deadened men were "potted
plants." [BBC News, 4-4-2012]
That Sacred Institution
* (1) A Federal Court magistrate in Melbourne, Australia, decided
to split a divorcing couple's assets in half in February after listening
to tedious details of their 20-year marriage. The "couple" lived
apart except for vacations and kept their finances separate (and
persnickety), constantly "invoic[ing] each other," according to the
Daily Telegraph, for amounts as trifling as a $1.60 light bulb. (2)
Though many Americans act as though they are in love with
themselves, only Nadine Schweigert became an honest woman. She
married herself in March in front of 45 family members and friends
in Fargo, N.D., vowing "to enjoy inhabiting my own life and to
relish a lifelong love affair with my beautiful self." And then she
was off on a solo honeymoon. [Herald Sun (Melbourne), 2-27-
2012] [Fargo Forum, 3-15-2012]
http://www.inforum.com/event/article/id/354284/
Questionable Judgments
* On February 1st, the New Jersey Honor Legion (a civic
association with more than 6,000 members in law enforcement)
nominated Frank DiMattina as "Citizen of the Month" for offering
his catering hall in Woodbridge, N.J., numerous times for
gatherings of police and firefighters. The nomination came three
weeks after DiMattina (also known as "Frankie D") was convicted
of shaking down a rival bidder for a school lunch contract in New
York City. (Federal prosecutors told the New York Daily News that
DiMattina is mobbed up--an associate of the Genovese family's
John "Johnny Sausage" Barbato.) [New York Daily News, 3-26-
2012]
Unclear on the Concept
* In January, Ms. Navey Skinner, 34, was charged with robbing the
Chase Bank in Arlington, Wash., after passing a teller a note that
read, "Put the money in the bag now or [d]ie." According to
investigators, Skinner subsequently told them she had been thinking
about robbing a bank and then, while inside the Chase Bank,
"accidentally robbed" it. [Daily Herald (Everett, Wash.), 1-30-2012]
* Emanuel Kuvakos, 56, was arrested in April and charged with
sending two Chicago sports team executives e-mails that threatened
them with violence for having stolen his "ideas" for winning
"championships." One of the victims was a former general manager
of the Chicago Cubs, a team that famously has not won a National
League championship in 66 years, nor a World Series in 103.)
[Chicago Tribune, 4-18-2012]
* In April, Arizona (recent home of cutting-edge legislation) almost
set itself up for the impossible task of trying to prohibit any
"annoy[ing]" or "offen[sive]" or "profane" language on the Internet.
The state House passed the bill, which was endorsed, 30-0 by the
state Senate, ostensibly to make an anti-stalking telephone
regulation applicable to "digital" communications. (Just as the bill
was about to go to the governor for signature, sponsors suddenly
realized the futility of the bill's directives, and on April 4th,
withdrew it.) [Phoenix New Times, 4-4-2012]
Fine Points of the Law
* Finally, a nationally prominent judge has taken on prison
"nutriloaf" as a constitutional issue. In March, U.S. Appeals Court
judge Richard Posner reinstated a dismissed lawsuit by a
Milwaukee County Jail inmate who claimed that the mystery meat
gave him an "anal fissure." Posner wrote that the lower courts
needed to rule on whether the indeterminate-content food is "cruel
and unusual punishment," since (citing a Wikipedia entry) an anal
fissure seems "no fun at all." [American Bar Association Journal, 3-
28-2012]
* Gay Rights in Limbo: (1) The Missouri House of
Representatives, after several times rejecting "sexual orientation" as
one of the legally prohibited categories of discrimination, managed
to find another category in March (to join "race," "religion," and so
forth) that is deserving of special protection: licensed concealed-
weapons carriers. (2) The Kansas Supreme Court ruled in April that
Joshua Coman, convicted of having sex with a dog, does not have to
register as a sex offender. Activists had urged that the "sodomy"
law on which Coman was convicted be declared unconstitutional,
since it appears to equate human-animal sex with man-man and
woman-woman sex. However, the Court declined, instead noting
merely that Coman had been convicted of a misdemeanor and that
only felons are required to register. [St. Louis Public Radio, 3-11-
2012]
People With Issues
* In March, West Des Moines, Iowa, police opened an
investigation, with video surveillance, of a 59-year-old employee of
the state's Farm Bureau on suspicion of criminal mischief.
According to police documents cited by the Des Moines Register,
the man would look through the employee database for photos of
attractive female colleagues and then, after hours, visited their work
space and urinate on their chairs. Not only does the man allegedly
have a problem, but the Farm Bureau figured it is out $4,500 in
damaged chairs. [Des Moines Register, 3-27-2012]
Least Competent Criminals
* Amateur Hour: (1) CVS supervisor Fenton Graham, 35, of Silver
Spring, Md., was arrested as the inside man (with two accomplices)
in two drug store robberies in April. Surveillance video showed
that, in the second heist, the nervous perp evidently failed to take
the money with him, and Graham (the "victim") was seen taking it
out to his forgetful partner. (2) Kyle Voss, 24, was charged with
three burglaries in Great Falls, Mont., in April after coming upon a
private residence containing buckets of coins. According to police,
Voss first took the quarters and half-dollars ($3,000), then days later
$700 in dimes and nickels. By the third break-in, the resident had
installed surveillance video, and Voss was caught as he came back
for a bucket of pennies. [Washington Post, 4-13-2012] [Associated
Press via Fox News, 4-17-2012]
Least Competent Bank
* Federal court documents revealed in March that AWOL Army
Pvt. Brandon Price had convinced Citibank in January that he spoke
for Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen (one of the world's richest
men) and convinced the bank to issue Allen (i.e., Price) a new debit
card and to change Allen's address from Seattle to Price's address in
Pittsburgh, Pa. (On the other hand, Price/Allen shopped decidedly
downscale, running up charges only at Gamestop and Family
Dollar, totaling less than $1,000.) [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 3-27-
2012]
Thanks This Week to Cindy Hildebrand, Sandy Pearlman,
and Hal Dunham, and to the News of the Weird Board of Editorial
Advisors.
* * * * *
WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.
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