News of the Weird, March 4, 2012
Chuck Shepherd
by Chuck Shepherd
Copyright 2012 by Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
Lead Story
* Traditional Marriage (Man, Woman, Cannibal, Vampire):
Newspapers in Sweden reported in January that two of the
country's most heinous murderers apparently fell in love with each
other behind the locked doors of their psychiatric institution and,
following a 26-day Internet-chat "courtship," have decided to marry.
Mr. Isakin Jonsson ("the Skara Cannibal") was convicted of killing,
decapitating, and eating his girlfriend, and Michelle Gustafsson
("the Vampire Woman") was convicted of killing a father of four
and drinking his blood. Said the love-struck Jonsson (certainly
truthfully), to the newspaper Expressen, "I have never met anyone
like [Michelle]." The pair will almost certainly remain locked up
forever, but Gustafsson, on the Internet, wrote that she hopes they
will be released, to live together and "have dogs and pursue our
hobbies, piercing and tattoos." [The Local (Stockholm), 1-30-2012]
Compelling Explanations
* In December, music teacher Kevin Gausepohl, 37, was charged in
Tacoma, Wash., Municipal Court with communicating with a minor
for immoral purposes, allegedly convincing a 17-year-old female
student that she could sing better if she tried it naked. Gausepohl
later told an investigator of his excitement about experimenting at
the "human participant level" to determine how sexual arousal
affects vocal range. The girl complied with "some of" Gausepohl's
requests but finally balked and turned him in. [The News Tribune
(Tacoma), 12-29-2011]
* Thinking Outside the Box: (1) Rock Dagenais, 26, pleaded guilty
recently to weapons charges after creating a siege by bringing a
knife, a sawed-off rifle, and 100 rounds of ammunition to a Quebec
elementary school. He eventually surrendered peacefully and said
he was only trying to send the kids a message not to disrespect each
other by bullying. (2) Daniel Whitaker has been hospitalized in
Indianapolis ever since, in November, he drove up the steps of the
Indiana War Memorial with a gun, gasoline, and an American flag,
and set the steps on fire. In an interview in December, he told
WRTV that he was only trying to get everyone's attention so they
would think of Jesus Christ and "love each other." [Ottawa Citizen,
9-26-2011] [WRTV (Indianapolis), 12-19-2011]
* Ghosts in the News: (1) Michael West, 41, of Fond du Lac, Wis.,
at first said his wife hurt herself by falling but finally acknowledged
that she was attacked--but by ghosts, not by him. (He was charged,
anyway, in January.) (2) Anthony Spicer, 29, was sentenced in
January in Cincinnati after being discovered at an abandoned
school, among copper pipes that had been cut. He denied
prosecutors' assertions that he was collecting scrap metal--because
he said he was actually looking for ghosts, since the school "is
supposed to be haunted." [The Smoking Gun, 1-20-2012]
[Cincinnati Enquirer, 1-26-2012]
Ironies
* The 547-acre FBI Academy on the grounds of Quantico (Va.)
Marine Base houses a firing range on which about a million bullets
a month are shot by agents in training, but it also happens to be a de
facto wildlife refuge for the simple fact that the Academy is off-
limits to Virginia hunters. Thus, according to a December ABC
News dispatch, deer learn that, despite the gunfire (sometimes at
astonishingly close range as they wander by the targets), none of
them ever gets hit. The Academy is also a "sanctuary" for foxes,
wild turkeys, and other critters. [ABC News, 12-26-2011]
* Equity Lifestyle Properties of Chicago fired receptionist Sharon
Smiley after 10 years' service because she violated company policy
by declining to stop working during her lunch hour. (The
company's strict policy is apparently based on avoiding liability for
overtime pay, but Smiley had in fact clocked out for lunch while
remaining at her desk.) Smiley subsequently applied for
unemployment benefits, but the administrator denied them because
the firing was for insubordination. However, in January, a state
appeals court granted the benefits. [ABC News via Yahoo News, 1-
16-2012]
* A South Carolina circuit court ruled in December that the sales
contract on a former theater in downtown Laurens, S.C., was
binding and that the rightful owner is the African-American-headed
New Beginnings Baptist Church--even though the property's only
current tenant is the Redneck Shop, which features Confederacy and
Ku Klux Klan merchandise. (New Beginnings purchased the
church in 1997 from a Klan member who was unloading it because
of a personal riff with the head Klansman and who wanted it back
after they reconciled.) [New York Times, 1-13-2012; Associated
Press via Washington Post, 1-3-2012]
Latest Human Rights
* Librarians typically can shush patrons whose conversation
disturbs others, but, at least in Washington state, librarians are
powerless to prevent another "disturbance"--when a pornography
user's computer screen disgusts other library patrons who
inadvertently glimpse it. A visitor to the Seattle Public Library
complained in February that the librarian said she was bound by a
2010 state supreme court decision upholding the right of consumers
of otherwise-legal pornography not to be censored. [Seattle Post-
Intelligencer, 2-2-2012]
* Non-Humans' Human Rights: (1) Elena Zakharova of New York
City became the most recent litigant to challenge a state law that
regards pets as "property" (and that, thus, the owner of an injured or
disfigured pet is entitled to no more consideration than for a
defective appliance). She sued a pet store that had sold her a dog
with allegedly bum knees and hips, claiming that dogs are living
creatures that feel love and pain, that have souls, and that should be
compensated for their pain and suffering. The case is pending. (2)
In February, a federal judge in San Diego, Calif., heard arguments
by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals that SeaWorld was
confining its show whales in violation of the U.S. Constitution's
13th Amendment (the Civil War-era prohibition of slavery). Two
days later, he ruled that the amendment applies only to human
slavery. [New York Daily News, 1-3-2012] [San Diego Union-
Tribune, 2-8-2012]
Least Competent Spies
* In Plain Sight: The embarrassing disclosure in November by the
Lebanon-based terrorist organization Hezbollah, of the CIA's major
clandestine operations in Beirut, likely resulted in the deaths of
more than a dozen anti-Hezbollah CIA "assets," according to ABC
News reports. Among the details made public by Hezbollah was
that it learned of the agents' meetings with the potential "assets"
(which took place at a Beirut Pizza Hut restaurant) by intercepting
agents' e-mail messages that used the sly, stealthy "code" word
"PIZZA." [ABC News, 11-21-2011, 12-13-2011]
Recurring Themes
* News of the Weird has long reported on gallery patrons' inability
to distinguish "abstract impressionist" works by human artists (even
by masters) from the scribbles drawn by toddlers--and even animals.
To attempt to add sophistication to the topic, a museum at
University College London recently opened a comparative
installation of "works" from an elephant and several kinds of apes,
leading the museum manager to observe that "art produced by apes
is a lot more creative." The elephant, with brushes affixed to its
trunk, "is not deliberately doing anything" when it stomps or swirls
the paint around on the canvas, but ape art is "much freer" and
"expressive"--"almost indistinguishable from abstract art by humans
. . .." But, he added sheepishly, "Whether this is actually art is the
big question." [Camden New Journal (London), 2-2-2012]
Bright Ideas
* (1) South Korea's Customs Service arrested eight men in January
for a 2010 scheme to smuggle gold into Japan without paying
import fees. The smugglers allegedly broke down gold bars into
small beads and brought them in in their rectums. (2) In an
advertising campaign in December for a new line of extreme push-
up bras, the Dutch department store Hema hired as its model
the androgynous male (and flat-chested) superstar Andrej Pejic.
[Associated Press via Yahoo News, 1-16-2012] [Daily Mail
(London), 12-13-2011]
* Antidote to Multitasking: The UK household services broker
LocalTraders.com announced in December that it is planning, for
central England in 2012, a "world watching-paint-dry
championship," with a short list selected on "mental strength,
concentration, and endurance." Finalists will be asked their favorite
color, which will be painted on a wall, and whoever stares the
longest without turning away will win. Said a spokesman,
"Previous paint-watching experience is not essential." [Metro
(London), 12-13-2011]
Thanks This Week to Sergio Brusin, Gary DaSilva, Gerald
Sacks, Peter Smagorinsky, Mike Mendenhall, Steve Dunn, and to
the News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors.
* * * * *
WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com,
and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.