I Don 39;t Know What
Sibyla Tator
I read this question and wonder: how much of my personality is reaction against my mother? She explodes, I implode. She attacks others, I mutilate myself. She cries thick tears, I swallow the salt. But also: we both drank; we both got sober. We both smoked blue American Spirits; we both quit. We both starved; I still starve. And who am I kidding: I also attack others, I also explode, I too am a bundle of nerves. That which you flee from finds you.
I submit a draft of this essay to my graduate writing workshop. One of my classmates wants to know: what do I feel as I watch these videos, while I digest all this food porn? Titillation? Hunger? Thirst? No, all I feel is curiosity, perhaps a little envy: do some people really eat whatever they want, whenever they want, without a second thought?
Soon, alcohol replaced food. Instead of eating, I drank vodka mixed with pulpy orange juice. At night, I watched The Real Housewives while Journey played Grand Theft Auto. Zoning out next to him felt soothing, as if we were floating on two separate rafts in a sea of screens, fingertips touching.
One night, Journey came home with three styrofoam containers brimming with Indian takeout. The scent of masala and cardamom filled the room. My eyes watered, my stomach growled. I could have thanked him for buying us dinner.
The day I drafted the first page of this essay, I saw the potential for an echo. My trip to Italy was already booked, so I made a decision: on my last day in Rome I would eat pasta carbonara. Not to assert recovery, not because I have successfully renounced deprivation in the name of celebration, but because I am a glutton for symmetry. The opportunity to open and close the essay with carbonara would be too good to pass up, regardless of how I felt about the actual eating.
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Billy Lezra is an MFA candidate in nonfiction at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, who has contributed work to The Washington Post, CNN, Insider, TODAY, The Independent, HuffPost, and elsewhere. They are the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Rough Cut Press, a monthly journal that publishes voices from the LGBTQIA community. Billy is currently writing a reported memoir about intergenerational addiction. You can reach them at billylezra.com.
Electric Literature is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization founded in 2009. Our mission is to amplify the power of storytelling with digital innovation, and to ensure that literature remains a vibrant presence in popular culture by supporting writers, embracing new technologies, and building community to broaden the audience for literature.
The first time I tried to call make, I got the error: "make: Fatal error: unexpected end of line seen" I deleted the blank lines between targets and called make again, but this time I got " 'ake: Fatal error: Don't know how to make hw2p1_main.c"
You seem to be missing the -o in the linking command, though that's probably not what's on your mind yet. The immediate complaint is that make can't find that .c file. Sure it's there in the current working directory?
Your Makefile is way more complicated than it needs to be. Let Make use its implicit rules. It knows how to make foo.o from foo.c, and you don't need to tell it that. Your entire Makefile can be reduced to:
You can check this by copying the filename exactly from the error output and trying to list it, i.e. ls -l . That should also show you whether there's some control characters embedded in the filename, which could also be your problem.
This answer is almost never available! Okay, so basically I found a solution. The makefile you've written is sound. However, you have to create it in EMACS. Wierd right? I had a submission due and had written my makefile in notepad and uploaded it onto the university server, and it never ran! I tried using different variants of the code to no luck. Then in frustration I retyped the whole thing in EMACS, and it just worked. No modifications to the code. Give it a shot!
So, you can type the Makefile in vi or emacs or any other editor which has default file format of UNIX and it will work or set your document file format to be of UNIX type in your editor if it allows to set one.
I come before you today with my mind swirling with different thoughts and feelings. I have a hard decision make and I just don't know what to do. I feel helpless and confused. I'm worried about the consequences to my decision. I worry about the impact my decision will have not only on myself but on others as well. To be honest, I fear making the wrong decision.
Your word tells me that if I seek after wisdom you will provide it. So I am seeking you, the source and fountain of wisdom. You've written everything you want me to know if the pages of your book, The Bible. I pray that as I read your word, it would shape my wants and desires and longings. I pray that it would impress on me what matters most to you. I pray that as I consider the decision before me, that I would remember what your word teaches about your sovereignty and control over all things.
You know this problem before me. You know how it turns out. That's because you are the Alpha and the Omega. You know the end from the beginning. Nothing happens apart from your will and plan. Not only are you sovereign, but you are good. All your plans are holy, righteous, and good. I can trust that you know what is best for me. When I move forward with this decision, I know that it is your will and that you will use it for my good and your glory.
Forgive me for getting caught up in wanting to know the future and how everything turns out. Forgive me for treating you like a "magic 8 ball." Forgive me for fearing the future and for waiting around in the hopes that the answer will be written on the wall. Help me to rest and trust in who you are. Help me to look to Jesus, knowing that if you gave of your own Son to save me from sin, how will you not also be with me in all the challenges and decisions of my life? There is nothing and no one that can separate me from you; I have nothing to fear.
This article is part of our larger Prayers resource meant to inspire and encourage your prayer life when you face uncertain times. Visit our most popular prayers if you are wondering how to pray or what to pray. Remember, the Holy Spirit intercedes for us and God knows your heart even if you can't find the words to pray.
A Daily Morning Prayer
A Prayer for When You're Overwhelmed by Fear
A Prayer for a Broken Heart
A Prayer for Worry
A Prayer for First Thing in the Morning
A Prayer for Stress
Sophistication may bring increased knowledge and, perhaps, a refined sensibility. But it may also encourage a cult of experts, dull sensitivity, and may reward flatulence in thought and language. Every society needs a barefoot Socrates to ask childishly simple (and childishly difficult!) questions, to force its members to reexamine what they have been thoughtlessly taking for granted.
Each month, an expert presents on a topic related to emergency spill response, environmental protection and sometimes beyond. Topics will range from booms to birds, burning to bacteria, satellites to submarines. The goal of the series is to provide a larger, more diverse audience to presentations and lectures recently given at meetings or conferences.
The lecture speakers are specialists from federal/state government, academia, and industry. The presentation format is a 45-minute (or shorter) lecture via Adobe Connect, followed by 15 minutes of questions submitted on the Q&A (chat) function of Adobe Connect.
June 20, 2024: National Water Center Operations for Preparedness and Response, with Jason Elliot, Service Coordination Hydrologist with the National Water Center (NWC) Water Prediction Operations Division in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.
February 15, 2024: Wildlife Protection: Response to the Aleutian Isle Incident with Hanna Miller, Natural Resource Management Specialist with NOAA Fisheries' Office of Protected Resources.
March 23, 2023 [Note: the fourth Thursday, rather than third]: Integrated Ecological Modeling, with scientists from the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers (USACE): Emily Russ, PhD, Research Biologist; Todd Swannack, PhD, Senior Research Ecologist and Co-Lead for Integrated Ecological Modeling Team; and Candice Piercy, PhD, Senior Environmental Engineer and Co-Lead for Integrated Ecological Modeling Team.
January 19, 2023: Lithium Ion Batteries: Considerations for Emergency Response, with Dalina Thrift-Viveros, Chemistry Team Lead in the Emergency Response Division of NOAA Office of Response and Restoration.
November 17, 2022: Snowy Plovers and Oil Spills: A Review of Response Considerations, with Laird Henkel, Senior Environmental Scientist with the California Department of Fish and Wildlife, Office of Spill Prevention and Response (OSPR).
March 24, 2022: [Note: the fourth Thursday, rather than third] Shipwrecks From Space: Oil Slick Observations for Monitoring and Rediscovery, with Geoffrey Thiemann, CGG Satellite Mapping, a geoscience company based in the United Kingdom.
February 17, 2022: Weather and Atmospheric Research, with Nicholas Bond, Climatologist for the state of Washington; principal research scientist with the Cooperative Institute for Climate, Ocean, and Ecosystem Studies (CICOES) at the University of Washington.
November 18, 2021: Marine Oil Snow, and Other Complications of Organic Matter, Dr. Uta Passow, Prof., Canada Research Chair-1, Ocean Sciences Centre, Memorial University Newfoundland, Canada. Dr. Passow will discuss the importance of marine snow being used as transport vehicles for oil, resulting in the sedimentation of oil to the deep seafloor. Currently her team is focusing on the interactions between oil, dispersants, exopolymers and particles as part of the Multi-Partner Research Initiative under Canada's Ocean Protection Plan.
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