How do I kill my neighbours cat and get away with it?

[Rap...@cf.ac.uk]

I think you should be nice to it instead.
Give it a saucer of milk or something and you may feel a better person
for doing so.

[Rap...@cf.ac.uk]

[Susan A. Baker]

>for doing so.
>
Hello, whoever you are. Why would you ever want to kill a cat?

[Derek McClure]

The best way to do it would be to place a bowl of water outside with a
little anti-freeze in it. Anti-freeze tastes sweet, but is very
lethal...

[student]

I did not know that. Very interesting.

[Gayle Pearson]

Best suggestion is to shoot it while all the neighbors are away during holiday. It's cquick,
relatively painless, and if you use the proper shot it can also be fairly clean.

gayle aka cleopatra

[X COUNTRY 1]

Here'e how you do it dude. at night grab the cat by luring with really
smally food. Then have crate hung above or heavy object. Then place cat
under other next door neighbors car.

[steve darris]

you know something you should kill the cat those flea infeasted fur bags should
not be allowed out in public. What should do is place a saucer of milk up a
tree
and when it goes up to get it chop the tree down

[jonesc13]

Totally illegal to kill the cat. Catch it and take it to SPCA. If you do
kill it, hope to see ya in jail!

[Mel Anoma]

In article <DIpo2...@cf.ac.uk>, Rap...@cf.ac.uk wrote:
>I think you should be nice to it instead.
>Give it a saucer of milk or something and you may feel a better person
>for doing so.
>
>

Then it will expect you to continually feed it. Thus discouraging it
from munching on lizards, crickets, and other vermin (all tasty enough
for cats).

[jki...@iadfw.net]

the simplest way is obvious. Two words-hire OJ.

[Deborah Mueller]

And a little strichnine in the milk will be almost painless

[jki...@iadfw.net]

Two words-Hire OJ

[edsia]

Get a big dog.

[mjt spike]

jki...@iadfw.net wrote:
>the simplest way is obvious. Two words-hire OJ.
>

Before you do make shure you can get Johnny Cochran to defend you.

[Pat Connolly]

First you learn how to spwll spell, that will take your mind off of the f------cat

[Jimmy Douglas]

May I ask why you would want to? Maybe you could think of a way
to focus your energy in a more productiave way. By, ND (cat lover)
PS your wasting disk space!

[Bernard Branch]

all you have to do is run it over with your car

[Jimmy Douglas]

May I ask why you would want to? Maybe you could focus your energy
in a more productiave way. Bye.

[Austin Day]

In article <30C08A...@primenet.com>, long...@primenet.com says...

>
>May I ask why you would want to? Maybe you could think of a way
>to focus your energy in a more productiave way. By, ND (cat lover)
>PS your wasting disk space!

The best way I found here in Wyoming to kill coyotes is Antifrezze, so
far the goverment has not out lawed it

[G WARD]

By far the easiest way to kill a cat is run it over, using your car...
Either that or at night sneak out and shoot it, claim you thought it was a cat burgular or
a fox..

Gareth "who really needs something better to do" Ward

[Lynne Bruley]

find a big mean dog that haasn't been fed for a week and let him loose in
the neighborhood.

[Levon Movses Yaghdjian]

Hi Deborah
I'm testing. I'm A brasilien male. Please reply.
LMY

[DAVE DOVRE]

I SUGGEST PLACING SOME RAT POISON IN A CONVENIENT
PLACE. BECAUSE AS EVERYONE KNOWS, CATS ARE NOTHING BUT
FURRY RATS!

[pal...@erinet.com]

Hissssssssss!

[JFD LUYKX]

what a disgusting suggestion.

[Dave Douglas]

Dave - a friend mentioned that he once boiled up some dead starfish, ground this
up, and left it for the cat to eat. The cat ate it. He doesn't know what happened,
but the cat never returned.

There is also a cat early warning device - the same friend mentioned that if you get
on speaking terms with the cat, so that he withdraws his claws, then hold a peanut
shell under his paw, then annoy him, his claws will come out and get caught up in
the shell. He doesn't appear to be able to withdraw his claws, and so goes tapping
down the street on his new high heel peanut shell shoes.

[Robert Langdon]

The best way to kill a cat and get away with it is to put out some food
with a bowl of antifreeze next to it. The cat will drink the antifreeze
and take the longest cat nap of it's life.

p.s. I love cats,but I hate people who let them run. try it it works.

[Larry Anderson]

just kill him !!!!!

[Adam Kerse]

Lynne Bruley <lbr...@ci.madison.wi.us> wrote:

find a big mean dog that haasn't been fed for a week and let him loose in
the neighborhood.
>

What a loose rooster.
Skin it, BBQ it, and then invite your Neighbour over for dinner

[Bob Berry]

Why don't you call in G. Gordon Liddy. You just tell the cat what
corner to stand on . . .

Bob

[h.miah]

Don't. Its too risky if you have to advertise it on the Net. Then again
you could be that sort of a person who cannot decide how to kill a
pussy cat.
Well, I could kill it for you. Have you seen the Hitchcock movie where
two men meet and plan to commit the 'perfect' murder. Well, how about
it. Only this time there is no second kill.
Just pay £50000000000000. Ha! Ha!

[PEGGY LAMBERTI]

get a dog

[Paul Lyle]

Better, yet get a Pit Bull Dog.

[Brad Walker]

Bob Berry wrote:
>
> Why don't you call in G. Gordon Liddy. You just tell the cat what
> corner to stand on . . .
>

> BobtELL YOU WHAT TO DO...MOW YOUR LAWN AT 10 AT NIGHT, PLAY YOUR
STEREO TILL 12 AT NIGHT THEN ENVITE ALL YOUR FRIENDS OVER FOR A LATE
NIGHT BARBIE SAY MABEY TILL TWO O CLOCK THEN STAGE A HUGE FIGHT WITH
YOUR LADY THEN GET DRUNK AND SCREEM STELLA TILL SIX O CLOCK IN THE
MORNGING THEN BARFFF ALL OVER THEIR DRIVWAY SO THEY WILL HAVE TO STEP
IN IT TO GET TO THEIR CAR TO GO TO WORK. iF THEY DON'T MOVE THEY WILL
SUE YYOU AND YOU'LE BEAT IT AND COUNTER SUE AND GET COURT COSTS AND
ANY CHARGES THAT YOU HAVE FOR THE PARTY.

[Brad Walker]

> Skin it, BBQ it, and then invite your Neighbour over for dinnerSHOOT THE FUCKER AFTER YOU ENVITE HIM OVER. SAY HE WAS TRESSPASSING

[Brad Walker]

Adam Kerse wrote:
>
> Lynne Bruley <lbr...@ci.madison.wi.us> wrote:
>
> find a big mean dog that haasn't been fed for a week and let him loose in
> the neighborhood.
> >
> What a loose rooster.

> Skin it, BBQ it, and then invite your Neighbour over for dinnerFIRST YOU ENVITE THEM OVER FOR A GRAND SEA FOOD DINNER AND MAKE SURE
THEY GET THE SHELL FISH WITH RED TIDE ONE OR TWO HOURS LATER YOU CALL
THE AMBLUANCE BUT OF COURSE IT WILL BE TO LATE. MERRY CHRISTMAS

[Brad Walker]

Bob Berry wrote:
>
> Why don't you call in G. Gordon Liddy. You just tell the cat what
> corner to stand on . . .
>

> BobGET REALLY FRIENDLY AND THEN ENVITE THEM OVER FOR DINNER IT WILL BE A
GREAT SEA FOOD MEAL. ONLY THEY WILL INDULGE IN THE SHELL FISH THAT HAVE
RED TIDE AND AFTER THEY SHOW SIGNS OF AN UPSET STOMACH MABEY IN TWO
HOURS YOU'LL CALL AN AMBLUANCE. BY THEN IT WILL BE MUCH TOO LATE.
..YOU AKKED?

[Luiza Cruz]

Dont. or I will find you and do my best to do to you the same you dit
to the cute pussy cat, you bastard!

[Jeff and Kyrstie Sinchak]

Dispose of that pesky feline at night with a crossman co2 air
rifle, and put it where pesky pussies belong...In your
neighbors trash.

[Hit Man]

U're a sick person ...don't u like animals ....

[rofpid12]

Hi!
We are a Italian family (wife and husband).
When my wife lives with her family, she had three cats and I hate them!!
Much time I put down them in the very very high snow. They have survived,
but, after this, they have much afraid for me.
Make the same!!
Bye bye and happy new year from Sasy and Roby (sorry for our English
language but in this moment we don't have the vocabolary)!!

[DAVID F. DEAN]

In <4c9llu$l...@host.vivid.net> raz...@mail.vivid.net (Bealzabubba)
writes:

>Hell, I'll do it for FREE! Just pay for the gas and I'll run over it
>with my lawnmower. I'll say it chased a mouse underneath it. :)
>
>
22 caliber rifle

[Bealzabubba]

[Helen Myers]

Hi, this is your neighbour .... have you seen my cat?

[Lars Dyrhaug]

Helen Myers <my...@enternet.com.au> wrote:
>Hi, this is your neighbour .... have you seen my cat?

>Hallo Helen

What a boring question.Just eat it or put it on a new years-rocket
heading the planet mars.

Tell something interesting about yourselve.
Or are you as boring as your silly question ???

[A. Keith Williamson]

dmd...@ix.netcom.com (DAVID F. DEAN ) wrote:
>
> In <4c9llu$l...@host.vivid.net> raz...@mail.vivid.net (Bealzabubba)
> writes:
> >

> 22 caliber rifle

If he pays for the gas then it woulden't be free then would it? Duh!

[A. Keith Williamson]

dmd...@ix.netcom.com (DAVID F. DEAN ) wrote:
>
> In <4c9llu$l...@host.vivid.net> raz...@mail.vivid.net (Bealzabubba)
> writes:
> >
> >lbc...@ax.ibase.org.br (Luiza Cruz) wrote:
> >
> >>Dont. or I will find you and do my best to do to you the same you dit
> >>to the cute pussy cat, you bastard!
> >>"h.miah" <TL5...@QMWCC3.qmw.ac.uk> wrote:
> >
> >>>Don't. Its too risky if you have to advertise it on the Net. Then
> again
> >>>you could be that sort of a person who cannot decide how to kill a
> >>>pussy cat.
> >>>Well, I could kill it for you. Have you seen the Hitchcock movie
> where
> >>>two men meet and plan to commit the 'perfect' murder. Well, how
> about
> >>>it. Only this time there is no second kill.
> >>>Just pay £50000000000000. Ha! Ha!
> >>>

> >I'll do it for a fee.

[Glen Parker]

Don't tell them you killed it. Or, better yet, tell them it was
your other evil neighbor. Or aliens, that's what I always say.
Actually, I killed my neighbors' grandma once and said it was
aliens, and they arrested the aliens and put them away for a
long many earth years. Then this other time I killed her, I
said it was the neighbors' cat, and they fed the cat to the
aliens(actually, the aliens are vegetarians, but due to a
miscalculation of appetite, they were very hungry). Hey, why
don't you just kill the neighbors? But don't tell the cat.

[Timothy J. Dunlap]

Put some poison in some catfood and set it outside!

[A. Motlong]

Paul Lyle (P.Lyle) wrote:
: Better, yet get a Pit Bull Dog.

[A. Motlong]

[Tom Valentine]

You must build a catapult and find many cat test pilots before you use it
on the neighbors cat. The aim point should be a busy highway or railroad
track with a train approaching.

[real name]

Lure pretty feline with catnip, the plastic bag and then the
lake.

[real name]

[Kevin Martin]

Running over it with the car would work but might be a little tough!
I guess shooting it and claiming self defense would be best....

[gene williams]

Kevin Martin <mar...@mail.snowcrest.net> wrote:
>Running over it with the car would work but might be a little tough!
>I guess shooting it and claiming self defense would be best....
>

Recall the movie "CADDYSHACK" w/Bill Murry.

[Billy J Hayward]

The best thing about killing the cat is after you are done with it turn
it upside down and use it as a napkin holder

[coinfone]

In article <4dqcr6$f...@harbour.awod.com>, ACatlover says...
>
>In article <4dq1qd$f...@antares.en.com>, Aaron Hilliard <rud...@EN.COM>
says:

>>
>>"Timothy J. Dunlap" <td5...@ltec.net> wrote:
>>>
>>> Put some poison in some catfood and set it outside!
>>>
>>

>>Hi, from Aaron Hilliard - Ohio.
>>
>>The best and easy way to kill your neighbors cat is to let the
>>
>>cat O.D.(over-dose) on Cat Nip and then feed it to death. Write back
>>
>>if this works!!!
>>
>> F.Y.I. - 1/18/96 10-inches of snow in 3 hours.
>>
>>
>>
>YOU WON'T!!
>
>NOT ON THIS EARTH, IN THIS LIFETIME OR BEYOND!

You get the blank keyrings available for promotions with a REWARD
sign(that you placed inside) and you put it on the collar of your own cat.
You then release it knowing that your phone number is on the collar.
When you get your own cat back you say - Hey neighbour, look how this
thing works, every cat should have one of these. You then change the
return number on your neighbours cat's collar to an unknowwn number
somewhere in Florida and fuck him/her over the nearest bridge and start a
meaningful and explicit day of mourning!!

--
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[G: news.newusers.questions]
SortOption=465

[sep]

how do I kill a jerk who wants to kill his neighbours cat?

[Elisabeth Gille]

q:How do you make a cat bark?
a:put some gas on it, throw a match and woof...

[edith tan]

Hi.

[paul]

edith tan wrote:
>
> Hi.
Hi edith tan. So how is college life?

[Michael Markmoeller]

Hi there, write.

[danil]

HI, how old are u ? are u f/m, I'm danil come from indonesia write me
anythink you want

[bedi]

HELP ME!! I HATE THAT LOUSY CAT.

[D.Madden]

killing the cat is easy, there are a million different ways (asphixiation
is very good i`m informed) but getting away with it is trickier. how
about stealing a car, driving over the cat and blaming it on whoever owns
the car? or maybe you could dispose of the remains in a pie which you
could bake for your neighbour to show your sympathy for the disappearance
of his/her beloved kitty!
big tank of acid???
inter-continental ballistic missile??!!!???
what`s so wrong with the damned cat anyway? cats generally aren`t nearly
as much hassle as dogs... or llamas. i think maybe you should learn to
live in harmony with the cat, invite it round for coffee and pretsels,
maybe some subtle lighting, a little mood music (and i`m recommending
chet baker here), a dozen roses, some `felix` garnished with a sprig of
parsley and you`re away. relax, see what happens. remember, cats are
our friends. if it wasn`t for them the whole ecology of the world would
suffer. for starters there`d not be enough manure (shit to you and me) to
grow all those lovely plants the vegans like to eat.
okay, okay. kill the cat if that`s the way you want it, but just let me
tell you this : it may be just a cat today, but tomorrow it`s the
president of the united states from a bookstore window with a twelve
bore. think about it.
until next time. nanu-nanu. dm

[D.Madden]

[D.Madden]

[D.Madden]

[Robert Douglas]

well the obvious thing would be to wait till no-one is looking...

[D.Madden]

[D.Madden]

[G.Davies]

bedi <be...@pl.jaring.my> wrote:
> HELP ME!! I HATE THAT LOUSY CAT.

SHOTGUN?

[D.Madden]

[D.Madden]

[D.Madden]

[Robert Douglas]

Well the obvious thing to do is wait till they're not looking...

[D.Madden]

[D.Madden]

[Koen Hertoge]

Hi,

Do not kill the cat. She will die long before you die. You just have to
learn to live with it.

--

*******************************
Koen.H...@uibk.ac.at
Kaiser-Joseph-Strasse 7
6020 Innsbruck
Austria
Tel ++43/512/577.208
*******************************

[Mark McLeod]

In article <45h494$o...@jaring.my>, bedi <be...@pl.jaring.my>
wrote:

> HELP ME!! I HATE THAT LOUSY CAT.

A loaded pistol, placed at your temple, and a gentle squeezing
of the trigger, will solve your problem.

--
Mark McLeod (mamc...@netcom.com)

[David Kemp]

You could try learning to be more tolerant!
Alternatively shoot it.

[Don Zink]

In article <45h494$o...@jaring.my>, be...@pl.jaring.my says...

>
> HELP ME!! I HATE THAT LOUSY CAT.

Try using a pellet gun (.177 caliber with plenty of pumps), then throw
the body onto a busy street. Works every time.

Note: Considerable skill with the pellet gun is required if you are
going to bag a wiley cat andavoid collateral damage to the neighbors.

[drnoor]

CCC

[Jon Bell]

Bill Marcum <bma...@iglou.iglou.com> wrote:
>Never mind the cat, how do I kill people who post the same message a
>dozen times? (just kidding, we were all new once).

Q: How many times does an 800-pound Mozilla post the same message?

A: As many times as it wants!

--
Jon Bell <jtb...@presby.edu>

[Mike Hunt]

Well, first of all you need a couple of ingredients.

Couple of large boxes of matches.
1 old tennis ball
Small bit of masking tape.

1) Cut all of the live heads off the matches and put to one side, disgarding the
stick bit.

2) Get a knife and put a small split in the side of the tennis ball (any side will
do.) and squeeze it to form an opening.

3) Gently fill the tennis ball with the match heads until tightly packed. Don't
force them in!!!!!

4) Tape over the slit and wait for the cat. It's now up to your aim. Through the
tennis ball at the cat and the friction inside the tennis ball on inpact should
cause an internal chain reaction.

5) Make up an excuse that it was a freek recreational accident.

Warning!!! Check for gas leaks first.

Please do not attemt to recreate any of these as they are dangerous!!!!

[EM4WP]

Sell the cat to walt disney

[JD SIMMONS]

Simple, grab it by its tail, swing it around very quickly, then let go, causing
it to splat on your neighbours wall. This will not only kill the cat but also
remove any evidence of your involvement!

[Dale]

If anyone sends you any good ideas I would be interested to know. I have
abig problem at with cats at present and I would love to see some of them
disappear.

Regards,
Tony

[rufus]

call rufus on stiff you like

[Dale]

If anyone gives you any good ideas I would be interested to know, because
i have got a major problem with cats where I live, and I would love to
dispose of a few

Tony.

[John "JEFTKIOT" BRYANT]

Nicola Jane Teppler <9515...@brookes.ac.uk> wrote:
>SIMPLE YOU JUST BUT A DOG. YOU COULD ALSO FIRE A SHOTGUN UP ITS BUTT AND
>SAY THAT HE HAD A BAD CASE OF PILES WHILST YOU WERE LOOKING AFTER IT.
>WRITE BACK.
>
no no no. If you really want to know how to kill a neighbors pet take my advice.

My neighbors use to have 23 dogs, and 2 billy goats -- they were hill-jax to the max.

Anti-freeze is a highly toxic, and easily available resource. It is also sweet tasting -- the old anti-freeze soaked chicken should do the trick.

Let me know on your success or failure.

[JD SIMMONS]

[Scott Gaspard]

Just run over the damn thing. What are they gonna do about it?

[Isaac]

Binky wrote:
>Simple. For some strange reason, cats don't like water or weed killer.
>Hold darling moggy down face first in either. (S)he'll soon get the
>general idea and die. Then all you have to do is lie moggy down in
>middle of busy road (preferably before riga mortis set in). When darling
>neighbors wake up next morning to find moggy's head on one side of the
>road and a red trail linking it to moggy's tail on the other side,
>they'll blame that damn Tesco's truck that rumbled along at 1.10am and
>woke poor Mrs Neighbor up.
>Glad I could provide a ray of hope into your cat hating life.
>p.s.- I'm Binky.(or Victoria, but only to my mother) I really don't like
>cats. I have guinea pigs. They stay in one spot, eat and shit. Smart,
>aren't they?
>
>
Now I personally like cats and have three myself. I will share a method
that worked well on my neighbor's yapping little dog. It's the passive,
non-violent method. I passively and non-violently stood on the little
sucker's neck and he quit yapping REAL quick. I then stuffed his furry
little corpse in the service crawlspace under their house. Now, weeks
later, they have quit looking for little Barkey and started asking,
"What's that strange smell and where is it coming from?"

By the way, Binky -- I used to have Guinea Pigs. They ate and shat and
stayed in one place until they got eatten (by my 3 cats). Smart, weren't
they?

* I *

** Life sucks; it's all part of the bargain. - ME

[Steven L. Payne]

I am not advocating violence against any animal. However, it
is my understanding that cats are alergic to acetaminophen, the
active ingredinet in Tylenol brand pain-reliever. If said cat
were to somehow eat this product, it would die. Of course
there are civil and criminal penalties that would be faced by
anyone poisoning a neighbor's pet. I don't have access to the
original post, but it would seem to me that you might be better
off to learn to live with the cat.

Steve
SLP