Houston Comical Slams Public Libraries as "pornography ring"

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Dave Mack

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Jun 18, 1990, 10:58:41 PM6/18/90
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In article <1990Jun18.2...@ux1.cso.uiuc.edu> ka...@herodotus.cs.uiuc.edu (Carl M. Kadie) writes:
>[I saw this article by Joe Obfuscatory in today's paper. Or maybe I just made
>it up. Permission to copy is granted to members of the MIT media laboratory
>posting the article as a GIF file to alt.dave-barry. - Carl Kadie]
>
>Library Porno: a card catalog away
> Top-flight, tax-aided research centers also home to the sexually explicit.
>
>Bestwury High School student Fenn Xonoj's homework was rudely interrupted by
>the world's most largest pornography collection. He was minding his own
>business when a copy of Playboy flew through the air, landing at his table. At
>first he tried to ignore it. When that became impossible, he moved to another
>table, but it followed him there. Finally he gave in and read it. To date, we
>are happy to report, he has not turned into a sex pervert.

[etc.]

Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but this article certainly
opened my eyes.

Later tonight, Willie Joe Bob and I are going to burn our library
cards on the steps of the state capital in protest of our hard-urned
tax dollars going to support godless atheist smut.

Hope to see you all there. I'm bringing the beer.

--
Turd McCarthy
American Patriot

Carl M. Kadie

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Jun 18, 1990, 6:15:48 PM6/18/90
to
[I saw this article by Joe Obfuscatory in today's paper. Or maybe I just made
it up. Permission to copy is granted to members of the MIT media laboratory
posting the article as a GIF file to alt.dave-barry. - Carl Kadie]

Library Porno: a card catalog away
Top-flight, tax-aided research centers also home to the sexually explicit.

Bestwury High School student Fenn Xonoj's homework was rudely interrupted by
the world's most largest pornography collection. He was minding his own
business when a copy of Playboy flew through the air, landing at his table. At
first he tried to ignore it. When that became impossible, he moved to another
table, but it followed him there. Finally he gave in and read it. To date, we
are happy to report, he has not turned into a sex pervert.

Xonoj glimspsed only part of an collection of erotic art and literature that
grows daily, offering titles such as "Lady Chatterley's Lover" and "Her". It's
supported by taxes and brought into towns by the brightest lights of higher
education. The purveyor of Fenn's surprise and Lady Chatterley's lover is a
grand undertaking called the Public Library. It is the world's most capable
research tool, but it is an equally efficient at collecting pornography.

[...]

Clear Lack High School is thinking about setting up a library. Principal Smith
worries about how to keep the students from reading magazines like Playboy and
books like "Lady Chatterley's Lover". Some of the honor students may even get
library cards from the University of Houston's library. Officials know about
the library's explicit content but they hope the honor system and the threat of
a bad grade will discourage students from exploring where they should not.
They all signed a form saying they would use the tool as intended."

[...]

Some definitions:

Public Library: A place where pornographic and other books are stored. Adult
books stores are open to the public and have books, so they too are public
libraries.

Librarian: Someone who catalogs pornography and other material.

Patron: Someone who uses pornography or other material.

[...]

In addition to all the porno stuff, our investigation discovered other
material. For example, we found an article by John Swift entitled "A Modest
Proposal" that advocates the use of babies as food! A book called "Das Kapital"
talks of violent revolutions against capitalism. Another book called "Mein
Kampf" talks of a international Jewish conspiracy. A magazine called "American
Atheist" caters to atheists.

[...]

Q: Do public libraries raise issues of academic freedom and free speech?

A: Anything you can write, publish, broadcast, or yell from the top of a
building, libraries can collect and disseminate further, faster, more
elegantly. Until this article, no one noticed.

[...]

In the final analyses, it is inevitable that public libraries will contain
expressions of ideas with which some taxpayer will disagree. Must we, thus, get
rid of the public library?


Carl Kadie
University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign
ka...@cs.uiuc.edu

Jeff Daiell

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Jun 19, 1990, 10:18:47 AM6/19/90
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In article <1990Jun19.0...@alembic.acs.com>, c...@alembic.acs.com (Dave Mack) writes:

> [etc.]
>
> Well, I don't know about the rest of you, but this article certainly
> opened my eyes.
>
> Later tonight, Willie Joe Bob and I are going to burn our library
> cards on the steps of the state capital in protest of our hard-urned
> tax dollars going to support godless atheist smut.
>


Better hurry. Kennebunkport George has proposed a Constitutional
amendment to ban library card burning.


Jeff


--
"I'm just a soul whose intentions are good ...
Oh, Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood!"

-- The Animals

Ge Weijers

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Jul 4, 1990, 5:05:26 AM7/4/90
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je...@ficc.ferranti.com (Jeff Daiell) writes:
>> Later tonight, Willie Joe Bob and I are going to burn our library
>> cards on the steps of the state capital in protest of our hard-urned
>> tax dollars going to support godless atheist smut.
>>


>Better hurry. Kennebunkport George has proposed a Constitutional
>amendment to ban library card burning.

Strange country, the US. Burning flags outrages everyone, but burning people
on the electric chair.....

:-( Ge'

Ge' Weijers Internet/UUCP: g...@cs.kun.nl
Faculty of Mathematics and Computer Science, (uunet.uu.net!cs.kun.nl!ge)
University of Nijmegen, Toernooiveld 1 tel. +3180612483 (UTC+1,
6525 ED Nijmegen, the Netherlands UTC+2 march/september

bill

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Jul 5, 1990, 8:00:46 PM7/5/90
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In article <17...@wn1.sci.kun.nl> g...@phoibos.cs.kun.nl (Ge Weijers) writes:
>Strange country, the US. Burning flags outrages everyone, but burning people
>on the electric chair.....

Naaah, we're not all like that here.

Some of us would prefer to see burning flags than burning people. The latter
smells awful! :-)

--
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