Japan Group Dating

[Ermengardi Atkisson]

Groupdating is a modern pattern for dating where a group of single people organize a night out, with the hope of forming romantic partnerships. It is most popular in Japan, where it is known as gōkon. In the U.S., group dating is becoming a safer alternative to single dating (especially blind dating), which also helps to ease tension, because both parties will feel more comfortable having the company of their friends.[1]

In Japan, a gōkon (合コン) is a group blind date, typically used to form at least some friendships between two groups that are each of a single sex. Generally, a single man and woman who know each other organize the gōkon in advance, each agreeing to bring three or four eligible friends. The typical venue is usually a restaurant, an izakaya or any similar venue that offers food and drinks and accommodates socializing with others.[3]

The term gōkon comes from the Japanese words konpa (a party for members of a single group, class, or club) and gōdō ("together", "combination"). Generally speaking, gōkon are not primarily intended to result in one-night stands (something more associated with nanpa), but rather for making new acquaintances and possibly forming long-term relationships. Typically groups of men and women will sit opposite each other and converse with one another, while simultaneously whispering discussions with their same-sex peers about which potential partners they find attractive. Sometimes games are played to reduce tension and encourage a convivial atmosphere.

Group online dating, its creators and practitioners say, is safer than traditional Internet dating: With friends in tow, there's little fear that a date will spike your drink during a trip to the bathroom. It's more natural, akin to happy-hour mixing. Going out in groups improves your odds, at least in theory. And if the opposing social circle doesn't live up to its virtual profile, well, it's a night out with your gang."[1]

Goukon (Group Dating)2012/9/28 11:52 anyone know how a foreigner can get join a goukon (group dating)? i am interested in joining one, it helps to get to know a lot of people, maybe even meet a special someone. if its a japanese language only goukon is fine with me. i am fairly confident in my ability to converse in japanese. my only caution is it might be something that only Japanese are allowed to do.

can anyone help?by anonymous (guest)

Re: Goukon (Group Dating)2012/9/28 18:32 As mentioned, it's something arranged through friends, not an open-to-public event. It might be arranged by a girl in college, for example, and if she's got a guyfriend in another college who might be interested in meeting someone, she might ask around among her classmates to see if they want to join, and the guy in another college might ask the same number of guys to participate.

It is not a 100% Japanese thing, but I imagine that they might not want to have one non-Japanese guy (unless he is fairly fluent in Japanese), as that one guy "could" gather the attention of all girls, for example. I don't know if you are in college or working, but is there any friendship club or an English conversation lounge or something of the sort?by AKrate this post as useful

Re: Goukon (Group Dating)2012/9/28 21:33 To anonymous,

Keep in mind that goukon is not "group dating." It's a "get-together" or a "small party" where a group of guys and gals gather at a pub or something to eat and drink.

The "dating" starts later only if one of the members like you enough to go out with you. In other words, those who arrange goukon tend to invite people who can contribute to the party, like fun and handsome people or someone ugly enough to match the other ugly members.by Uco (guest)rate this post as useful

Re: Goukon (Group Dating)2012/9/29 00:18 @UCO I googled the meaning of goukon, and the answer was "group dating" usually for single men & women. Now I'm not exactly judging here but isn't it a little harsh to say that only beautiful people do it? The point of organizing a goukon is to find & meet new people, create relationships whilst having a good time conversing with them. To the ones who answered my question, thank you for helping out. I will ask my female friend about it to learn more.by anonymous (guest)rate this post as useful

Re: Goukon (Group Dating)2012/9/29 13:01 Uco-san, I know we are both Japanese of the same gender in the same age bracket (yes :)), but your understanding definitely is not in line with mine. I agree that "group dating" sounds somewhat misleading in that it sounds like the people are couples already, but a "group search for potential girl/boyfriend" so "singles party" is certainly true. I don't understand the part about "fun and handsome.... ugly..." at all.

It's organized by friends bringing friends, but at least some of the attending people would have thoughts like "oh, we are meeting people from that university/that company or that sports club, that sounds promising!" and if upon meeting/talking, if a guy likes one of the girls in particular, he'll try to get her phone number that evening, and if a girl likes one of the guys, she'll try to get the guy to ask for her phone number, etc. It IS like singles' party. And if they are shy to ask for that right at the party, some of them will try to arrange for another occasion.by AKrate this post as useful

Traditionally, social gatherings involving school friends were referred to by the formal-sounding shinbokukai (student mixer). The term konpa, which derives from the English word company, developed among university students in the 1970s as slang for similar events, taking on an aspect of group dating. These parties then began to be called danjo gōdō konpa (mixed get-togethers) before being abbreviated to gōkon.

Differing from more prescribed events associated with omiai (arranged marriage), gōkon are popular for being organized around groups of mutual friends or acquaintances. They give participants an opportunity to search for romance in a casual setting.

A gōkon usually centers on socializing with the opposite sex while enjoying good food and drinks. While there are no set rules for how many participate, equal-sized groups of three or four men and women are the norm.

Setting up a gōkon involves choosing one male and one female kanji, the organizers who lead the event. It is the job of the two kanji to gather participants, such as by inviting friends, classmates, members of their school club, coworkers, or others in their social circle. It is usually up to the male kanji to plan the event, including choosing a location (often a restaurant or Japanese-style pub) and deciding a budget.

Seating at events is either mixed or with men on one side of the table and women on the other. Once participants are in their places, everyone lifts their drink for the kanpai (toast) and then takes turns introducing themselves before beginning to socialize casually. As the gōkon progresses, people rotate seats to have a chance to talk to everyone. If two participants hit it off, they may exchange contact information and set up a private date at another time.

Recently, themed gōkon have become popular. Often seasonally timed, these might be organized around an event such as hanami (flower viewing) in spring or a barbecue or other outdoor activity in summer.

Other varieties of themed group dating include machikon, asakon, ranchikon, and shumikon. There are even organizations supporting regionally-based mixers, such as miyakon in Utsunomiya, Tochigi Prefecture.

Machikon are large-scale dating events in a specific area of a town (machi) or municipality involving various establishments. They have the additional goal of boosting the local community. Prior registration is required and there are often age specifications. During machikon, participants move around to different shops, spending a set amount of time at each, joining in gōkon with other groups. Small events may have as few as 100 participants, while larger ones might draw several thousand. Machikon focusing on specific pursuits are called shumikon and are designed around pastimes such as watching movies, cooking, anime, or surfing.

Early morning events known as asa gōkon, or simply asakon, may kick off at a hotel caf with participants sharing a cup of coffee and then going bowling prior to heading to the office. Recently, alcohol-free socials held during the lunch hour are gaining popularity. Known as ranchikon, these gatherings have gained attention of busy office workers who lack time to join conventional gōkon. There are similar lunchtime mixers on weekend afternoons where for a reasonable price participants can socialize over sparkling wine and a gourmet lunch.

The first topic we agreed to write about is dating. Specifically, dating Japanese people in Japan. Kayo wrote her piece from the perspective of an outgoing, independent, and overall badass Japanese lady. Be sure to check it out here.

Then there is language. Japanese language is extremely high context, and the level of mastery you need for a healthy, fulfilling relationship goes far beyond what you need with friends or for business.

Naturally, people who feel exhausted with their lives in Japan figure the grass must be greener at the chalet. Usually you can tell when during the first few dates, your romantic interest asks you how long before you plan to go home, and how wonderful it must be to live abroad.

The most famous is the go-kon (合コン), which is basically a group first date. Many Japanese people are nervous of just meeting one-on-one, so instead they meet two-on-two, or three-on-three. A group of single ladies will meet with a group of single men, and couples will be formed.

I was also surprised by how many couples are formed within companies. Japanese employment is usually for life, so the company can be a second family. When you spend most of your time with colleagues, romance will naturally ensue.

3a8082e126