New High Speed Internet Solution
The Paperless One
TORONTO (AP) - Internet users now have an even faster method of getting on
the Internet, using a pipeline that's allegedly faster than traditional
phone lines, satellite, cable, ISDN, and DSL combined.
Carl Hampshire, a spokesman for Union Internet, announced yesterday that the
newly formed company, a spin-off corporation from the open marketization of
natural gas services, will be getting involved in the home Internet provider
business as soon as next month.
"It's an exciting time for high-speed access, and Union is glad to announce
that we'll be joining the market," announced Hampshire yesterday.
"What sets us apart from other methods of high speed Internet service is the
size of our pipeline. ISDN is no larger than a phone line, yet it can cost
thousands of dollars for a home user to have installed. Our pipelines are
already pumped into almost every home in North America, and they are
comparatively massive!"
The new innovation uses existing natural gas lines to pump data at rates of
over 500MB/sec. The data is modulated using a new gas-powered modem,
recently invented by a team of developers from Lennox and Nortel Networks.
"These modems are extremely high efficient and, unlike beta versions, don't
even require that a chimney be built on to the computer," boasted Hampshire
at yesterday's press conference. "They simply require that the computer
have a ventilation pipe installed out the side of the user's home, connected
to a tiny fan on the back of your computer."
This exciting new development is perfect for those who haven't been able to
receive high-speed Internet access before, such as those in rural areas and
the few unfortunate souls who the cable companies and telcos have neglected
to service.
Unlimited access will cost users approximately $40 per month extra on their
gas bill. Potential users with electric or oil heating are also encouraged
to sign up, with most gas providers throwing in a furnace at no markup from
their supply costs.
Users interested in this new service should contact their local natural gas
supplier or call 1-800-GAS-ME-UP to order.
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