Kinda on the Med thread
Robin Simons
Hi all.
Thanks for this in-depth discussion of depression, meds, etc......
This is my history with this stuff.......
I had a long-term low grade depression for a really long time that crept
up so slowly that I didn't know I was in danger until things started
getting so bad that I was still functioning, but everything was grey, I
felt nothing but bad and foggy, and towards the end I started having
random thoughts that came out of nowhere as far as I can tell like "I hate
my life, I wish I was dead" sorta thing. That was the scariest part....the
fact that there were no emotions or causes with the thoughts.
In retrospect, there were plentyh of stressors that contributed to my
depression. Not necessary to go into them. But I think I had both a
biological component and a life-caused component of it. Even though I had
a good job, a loving husband, and friends, there was still a whole lot
wrong. I wasn't living a life that fit me, I had a sleep disorder and a
lot of disordered thinking patterns and a food addiction problem.
THis is what helped. Starts about 4-5 years ago. Spirituality for me was
very involved with it, too. My life is so much better now, I am amazed.
Meds, therapy, and 12 step programs were all involved, and still are.
I have a therapist. Got lucky, been working with her during this whole
process- usually once weekly or biweekly.
Have been working a 12 step program around codependency and also food
addiction issues- esp sugar. Haven't had any sugar in 3+years. It helps a
lot as I don't have the blood sugar crashes like I used to. The 12 step
stuff helped me change some negative behaviors and clear out between my
ears some. About a month into therapy, maybe 2, I was desperate for some
change cause I thought I was losing my grip- so we thought about meds, and
I have been an anti-med person in the past....and I decided to try them. A
small amount of zoloft put the reins back closer to my hands...it helped a
lot. I'm coming off it now, cause I don't really need it any more and
cause it killed my libido a bunch. I do a lot more with taking care of
myself, consciously, if I feel like it or not. One of the clear messages I
got from my spiritual stuff is that if I didn't start taking care of
myself I wouldn't be around to do it. That scared me into making major
changes.
I will be out of therapy pretty soon. I've made all the changes I need to
for now, and I'm not depressed any more. And also, I know who "I"
am...before all this I lived more for other people than for me and had no
sense of who I was and what I needed. THis has been a bloody terrifying
journey. I had to rebuild out of scraps of myself...but it has been worth
it, and amazing.
This is an example. I got laid off early April. It hurt. I got sad,
scared, angry, and went through a lot of pain. But I didn't get depressed
about it. And I went through all those emotions and felt them, rather
than stuffing them and taking them out on myself with a whole boatload
of shame and negativity. That is a fucking miracle for me. I start a new
job Monday.
I hope this contributes smething to the discussion. I support people doing
whatever it takes to get them out of the dark holes in their soul. And
things do get better. I do beleive that.
Thanks for listening to me babble.
Hard to squash 5 years of life into one post.
Robin
med...@tezcat.com