Intelligence: is it enough?
Jack Orenstein
I've been skipping most of the correspondence concerning SOs and
intelligence. Most of it seems to be missing really important points.
Here is my reaction to the few articles I've scanned.
To begin with, I agree that IQ and problem-solving ability are absolutely
crucial in the success of a relationship. Having said that, I also believe
that there are other important factors. Perhaps most crucial among these
is specific gravity. I will now expand on each of these points:
IQ AND PROBLEM-SOLVING ABILITY ARE CRUCIAL
Not necessarily high intelligence, but the difference in intelligence
of the partners should not be too great. It is easy to imagine hundreds
of situations that demonstrate this. For example, if only one partner knows how
to program the VCR this could lead to a lot of friction. In other situations,
there may be feelings of resentment. I once went out with someone who could
do those physics problems with massless rods and frictionless surfaces. She
is now a mechanical engineer. I could never do those problems and the
resentment built up. I kept telling myself "There are more important things
in life", "She can't program for beans", "I've got a great thing going
here", but, deep down, it hurt. It happened many times that we would be out
with friends, drinking, talking, having a great time, and the conversation
would turn to conservation of momentum. Christine was the life of the
party and I felt like slime. Her parting words haunt me to this day,
"I'm leaving you for Dave - HE understands moments of force."
THERE ARE OTHER IMPORTANT FACTORS
Assuming that the two partners are on the same intellectual plane, that
doesn't mean that everything will be wonderful. It just means that other
factors will determine the success of the relationship. However, similar
considerations apply. That is, if there is too great a difference in abilities
in important areas, there will be resentment. All that can be hoped for is
that the resentments balance out. Christine and I sometimes talked about
my inadequacies in Newtonian Mechanics. She comforted me by reminding me
that I could solve Rubik's cube way faster than she could. Then we'd arm
wrestle, I would win, and ... well, you can imagine the rest.
SPECIFIC GRAVITY
Of course, the importance of specific gravity to the success of a
relationship can be argued from a sociobiological standpoint. Consider
the factors influencing specific gravity - percent lean body mass,
body type (endomorph, ectomorph or mesomorph), height (can your toes
reach the bottom of the pool?). However, even without this argument,
think about it. Recall the times that you were at the beach or in a
bathtub with your partner. If you were less buoyant than your partner,
didn't your face burn with shame? Haven't you felt pity for a loved
one who was less buoyant? And we all know what pity can do to a relationship -
it goes right back to the feelings of resentment I mentioned above.
If I've helped just one mixed up kid out there - it was worth it.
Jack Orenstein
I believe that these are, in fact, the opinions of my employers.