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Stuck In Social Isolation Like Everyone Else, So What To Do? Reminisce!
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Sexy Gay Senior
Apr 19, 2020, 10:27:56โฏAM4/19/20
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I guess this could be titled, "Welcome to 2020! Did anyone expect this?"
Like everyone else, I am affected by the Covid-19 pandemic. No, I don't have it, but I am being greatly affected by it. Though, I have to say, if I can make it through the A.I.D.S. epidemic, and make it through the brutal death of my first-ever boyfriend/lover, I've got this one licked. Even though I'm semi-retired, I still go to work, just not full time. I cut back by 20-percent about 18-months ago as I prepare for full retirement. (The second phase of my cutting back by another 20-percent will begin in about 6-months.) The company I work for has been declared an essential service, so it's business as usual. Still, the 'socializing' has ground to a halt. No physical contact, social distancing to the max. At least there is one bright spot. Recently, at the beginning of January, we hired a really cute, really bright, and so-damned-hot-looking young college student who's in his early 20s. For this, and at least one more semester, he will be working for us for his work experience. More specifically, he's been working almost exclusively for me. He finally gets to put into play all the garbage he's been learning for the last 2-years. He's pure eye-candy! Not only is he hot looking, he has an amazing personality, and is a pleasure to work with. Best of all, even though we are exercising the mandatory 'social distancing', at least I get to see him 4-days a week! I would still love to take him some place private and intimate and be alone with him for a couple of hours!
Anyway, the one point with all the publicity about Covid-19 and pretty much having everything shut down, except, of course, the grocery stores and other essential services, any socializing has stopped. No getting together at Starbucks (most are closed anyway), no intimate conversations (other than over the phone), no anything. It has given me an opportunity to get a head start on my usual purging of stuff in the house. Over the years, I've tried to keep things to the minimum, not acquiring a lot of unnecessary junk. I hate clutter! You might say, "Huh?", if you saw my computer room! So, once a year, usually in late April or May, I go through papers and clothes and get rid of what I don't want or need. I have my wardrobe pretty much under control, if you can call having ten-pair of shorts that are all the same style (the "style" is called "Chino") and colour (as close to white as I could find) as being "under control". That is basically my "uniform", what I wear most of the time, except for when I'm at work, a tee shirt that gives a "slight hint" that I'm Gay, and my very-light-coloured shorts. The shorts only have a 7-inch inseam and are about three-inches above my knees, slightly shorter than the "normal" style most guys wear. Besides, I still shave my legs and the shorter shorts make my legs feel "hot". I also wear a pair of very-much white running shoes, and a few months ago, I bought these really light-feeling and very comfortable ankle socks that are called "no-Shows" when I have them on, you cannot see them! They are perfect. I also go through books and such, and I have that also pretty much down to the ones I want to keep.
One thing I went through many years ago, was all my notes from college. All my technology notes and elective notes. Back after I graduated high school, I went to a "Community College", basically, programs that were engineering based (in my case, anyway), but on a much more "hands-on" approach. The first course I took was a two-year technician course, basically a continuation of the auto mechanics program I took through high school, and within the first semester, I knew it wasn't the right course for me. I finished the first year, and transferred into the more advanced three-year program. That was one of the best decisions I made!
Back in the first year I was at the college, we had a communications class, and one assignment we had was that we were to keep a journal. Since there were just guys in the class, and there were twelve of us, the assignment wasn't taken all that seriously. To be honest, I really didn't write much, except to talk about classes and my job as a mechanic. Back then, I worked Saturdays and summers as a car mechanic. Not much to remember, and it wasn't worth keeping. When I transferred to the more advanced program, lo-and-behold, in the very first semester, I got the same teacher and he gave the same assignment. Oh, I was offered an exemption from this class, and from and from a class called 'leisure education', a class to give you some ideas as to getting involved in activities to keep you active. I had taken up tennis because of that class! Well, that was until my friends and I were forced out of a tennis club because one member found out we were all Queers. I took that class exemption, but turned down the exemption for the communications class. It was the journal assignment that made me decide to stay!
I have to go back in time before I explain why I decided to take the communications class.
Back in grade school, I began my struggle with my sexuality. It was especially bad when you consider I went to a catholic school. Still, I had one crush all through school, and it was on my best friend. I was in love with another boy! I did get over it because we went to different high schools. Only, my struggle got worse. I developed crushes, not on just one other boy, but two! Still, I fought my feelings. After high school and all through that first year at college, I seriously thought, given that college is supposed to be far more mature than high school, I would look for a boyfriend. I was in a class of all-guys, but none interested me. Besides, I could easily tell most, if not all of them, were Homophobic. I found none. The one aspect I never thought about was seeing if the college had a "Queer's Club", at least, I didn't think about in that year. Then came my decision to switch programs. As it was, I finished the semester with a 3.3-out-of-4 grade average, and spent the summer working 6-days a week as a mechanic. Was I still serious about pursuing the trade? That summer, I gave it serious consideration. But, that was all the idea got, consideration.
Then came September, 1973!
September 4th, 1973, to be exact!
And if I had to pinpoint it to the approximate moment, I would say around 12:30 in the afternoon.
That day, September 4th, 1973, was the day I not only began to accept, finally, that I was Queer, I embraced it! And it was the first of three relatively innocent incidents that made me finally accept my sexuality, something I've never regretted for one second.
This is probably the main reason why I love bookstores and books. That day, I had gone, along with 10-thousand other people, to the college to get my schedule and to get my required books for my courses. As I said, it was around 12:30, and I was in the bookstore to get my books. The store was packed! I had my list and was walking up one of the aisles on the far side of the store when I went to walk through one of the openings to go to the next aisle. As I went to step through the opening, another student chose to walk though in the opposite direction. We ran right into each other! Bang! An accident! I just looked at him and said, "Oh, sorry!" He actually apologized and said he should have been looking better. We then passed by each other. I stood on the next aisle, and something started to hit me. As I stood there, the thought that there was "something" about that guy I just ran into. I didn't know what, only that it was "something". He was almost the same height as me, probably about the same size, with long, brown hair and brown eyes, and he was quite fair, a lot like I was, and still am. The way he was attired was hot too. His jeans were tight and the black turtleneck sweater he wore was just as tight, showing off his slender body. And he was quite attractive too! Quite attractive? That was an understatement! He was down right beautiful! As I said, there was "something"!
I then walked up the aisle toward the back of the store, and as I went to turn the corner, it happened again, I walked into someone. Bang! Only, it wasn't just "someone", it was the same person I walked into just a couple of minutes ago! The same cute guy! Another accident? A co-incidence? Or, something else? This time, we just looked at each other, said, "I'm sorry" to each other, again, and we went our separate ways. Well, until I was walking along and turned another corner to go down another aisle. You guessed it! Bang! We bumped into each other again! For the third time! This time though, we just stared at each other, more out of fear than anything. What was I afraid of? I never knew. I do remember this, my heart was racing! But, and I like to think this thought hit us both at the same time, this was no accident, and it was not a co-incidence. No, we didn't both decide to deliberately run into each other, though, we both began to get the idea that there was seriously something happening. I think the word I'm looking for is "fate". This is where it got interesting. Neither of us said a word, we just stared at each other for a few seconds, then we went our separate ways which took both of us to the cash registers. As I stood there, he stood in the same line, but with two people, both girls, between us. All I could do was gaze at the back of his head, though he would nonchalantly turn and try to glance back at me. Was he checking me out? I hoped! Or did he think I was stalking him? I hoped not! Suddenly, he turned to the two girls and offered to let them by. This put him standing directly in front of me! By all of 12-inches! Still, we didn't say a word. Eventually, he got to pay for his books, and I followed a couple of minutes later. Then we both walked out of the store.
Outside, a life-changing moment happened, and I was the one that initiated it. We both stopped and I once again offered an apology for running into him. He said that it was is fault and he also apologized. Then we just looked at each other in that crowded hallway. That was when I took a major chance and asked if he wanted to join me in the cafeteria for a coffee. I mean, here I was, a young guy who had been struggling with his sexuality for like eight-years, asking this physically beautiful guy out for what could have been taken as a date! I watched him take a deep breath and say, "Okay!" The way he said "Okay" struck me. Was he like me, Gay, or as we were called back then, before it became a derogatory term, Queer? (By the way, I still prefer to be called Queer.) Better than that, was he interested in me? I was so hoping, because I for sure was interested in him. We agreed to meet in ten minutes outside the bookstore.
At that college, we all had assigned lockers. Mine was in the technical wing, while his was in the arts wing. I dropped my books off and got back to the crowded hallway in front of the book store. There he was, already waiting for me. After our respective "Hi!"s, we began walking toward the cafeteria., The cafeteria was around the corner, but we both were silent until we got to the counter, got our coffees and went and sat down. Once we sat down, we introduced ourselves to each other. His name was Jamie, and being as close as I was to him sitting across from me, I got to take in just how attractive he was. He was 6-months older than I was, almost to the day (My birthday is November 24th, his was May 24th), and I was 11-1/2-weeks until I turned 19-years-old. As I described him from the bookstore, he was just slightly taller by maybe an inch, if that. He was also about my size too, very slender. I didn't realize just how soft and sexy his brown eyes were until I got to gaze into them under a more somewhat relaxed situation than in a crowded bookstore. Then there was his face. As I said, he was seriously attractive. I had never known any woman who looked as beautiful as he did. And there was some really cute girls in high school and even grade school. Not that I was the least bit interested. That was when I noticed something about Jamie, and it had to do with the fact of how he wore his black turtleneck. Jamie had the collar folded over a single time, and I noticed something, and it had to do with a quirky fetish I have. Being that he was so fair, and didn't have any tan, and the fact that his turtleneck was black, you could not help but notice, his neck protruded out by 2-inches! Jamie had a long, slender neck. I tried to be as nonchalant as I could, but, I couldn't help it. It wasn't that I thought his neck was strange, On the contrary! I thought his neck looked extremely beautiful and sensuous! And it was tight too! You could see the tight outline of his very sexy throat! As I looked at it, too, right slightly above the top of the collar, you could see Jamie's Adam's apple, and yes, that's another quirky fetish I have. He had the most pointed Adam's apple I had ever seen! It literally came to a point, and it was very sexy and sensuous. Other than his very attractive face, and nice, tight ass, Jamie's neck and Adam's apple were his best attribute. As I looked at him, I suddenly developed a desire to push his collar down to expose the rest of his neck, then tilt his head up, then put my lips over that sexy, pointy Adam's apple and kiss it! The more I gazed at him, the more beautiful he was becoming. My only hope? That he was Queer! I could feel that he was, but I just wasn't 100-percent sure. Our conversation became very intimate very fast. I told him I was in the three-year Mechanical program, and he told me he was in media arts, in a three-year program studying to become a journalist. Cool!
We talked for about 2-hours. During that time, I was becoming more and more convinced that he indeed was Queer. Oh, and the whole time, I think my pulse raced. I was falling in love, again, only, this time I felt the feeling was mutual. I just could feel it! For 2-hours, the world stood still, and might not even have existed. Then came time to leave. We left the cafeteria and headed back toward the bookstore. We said good-bye, but not before I asked him if he might be interested in meeting up the next day for coffee before classes. As luck would have it, we both had 8:30 classes, so we arranged to meet in the cafeteria at 7:30. Then we said good-bye. I walked toward my locker, which was on the way to the parking lot. I paused for a moment, then I left to go home. When I got to my car, I drove a 1969 Ford Cortina then, I just sat in the car for a minute. All I could think of was Jamie. I thought, or maybe it was hoped, I had finally met someone who I could "get it on with". Oh, I should mention, I was still a virgin!
This is where the journal comes back. The year before, in the second semester, in our communications class, the instructor assigned us to do a journal. I think over the sixteen-weeks, I wrote things in it maybe three times a week. The book was only less than a third full. I did have a second book, why, I don't know. When I got home, I organized everything for the next day, which was the first full day of school. After supper, I was in my bedroom, and I was looking at the first journal I had done less than eight-months before. That evening, I took the unused book and started writing. I literally bore my soul! I wrote about my feelings, dealing with my sexuality, and being in love with my best friend in grade school. Then I wrote about being in love with two other boys in high school. Then I started to write about what happened at school that day. I wrote about Jamie's and my first "accident", then about our second one. Then about the third one. I talked about watching him ahead of me in the checkout line. Then, I talked about inviting him for a coffee, and what we talked about. I actually wrote every word we spoke, word-for-word. I described his physical appearance in great detail, emphasising how physically attractive he was. And I emphasised how he made my heart rate jump and my pulse race. I wrote 10 amazing pages within 2-1/2-hours. I wrote 12 the entire semester 4-to-8-months before! I could have easily written more! Too, that night, I didn't sleep. All I could do is think about the really hot-looking boy I had met. All I could to was to imagine holding him and kissing him. I then began wondering how two guys did "it". THAT never came up in high school health classes. Was I letting myself in for a major letdown? What if this was all in my imagination, and he wasn't Gay after all, he was just a guy who wanted to be friends?
The next morning, I made to the cafeteria by 7:30. I timed it perfectly! I actually bumped into Jamie in the hallway as he was coming from the other direction. Jamie was wearing a black sweatshirt and jeans. Why is that a point? That was how I was dressed. We went and got coffees and sat and chatted. Oh did he look so beautiful! I had known him less than 24-hours, and I was in love! But, was I not thinking straight? Was this all a dream in my head? Was I seeing something that really wasn't there? Was I being blinded by my own feelings? We were only able to chat for about a half-hour before we had to get to our respective classes, mine was in a lecture theater, while his was in a classroom in the arts wing. Our schedules didn't align too well that day, and we didn't get to see each other until the late afternoon. We were still able to meet for about an hour before he had to go home. He went his way, and I went mine.
One other 'event' happened that day. I had my first communications class with the same instructor as I had during the second semester the previous year. Yes, we were assigned the journal exercise. After the class, he asked if I wanted an exemption, and I respectfully declined the offer. I just warned him that I had started a new journal and it was very personal, but, I trusted him to be open-minded, as I had basically bored my soul plus other stuff. He agreed to skip the parts I really didn't want read. Though, thinking back, did I really care? College wasn't supposed to be like high school, it was supposed to be at a much higher maturity level. (It was, for the most part.) Why hide who and what I was? That would come soon enough that I would have to hide who I was and what I was for many years, until I just got fed up with hiding who and what I really was.
That night, I wrote more, all about Jamie and how I was feeling about him. I even wrote down every word we spoke to each other in the cafeteria before classes and at lunch. I only wrote six pages that evening.
On the Thursday, we met for coffee before classes, and we were able to get together for a half-hour mid-day. Jamie only had one more class, while I had three more. He also had to leave right away, as he worked in a department store, and had to be at work about the time I was half-way through my class, so we didn't see each other after classes were finished. Friday was so different. We met once again before classes. The only thing was, that morning, I had four spare periods because I had the exemption from the leisure education class. Like I said, I took the class the year before, and it did encourage me, and Jamie for that matter, and some other friends I'd meet later on to take up tennis. For me though, with the spare periods, it gave me a chance to figure something out. I took up space in the library and checked out one or two books on something I felt I'd better learn about, how do two guys have sexual intercourse together. In other words, anal sex. I found one book that had the best instructions! Basically, be relaxed, use lots of lubricant, and go slow. There were several photos showing best how to position yourself "to go in", and "for being entered". The only real difference between two guys having sex and a guy and woman, was the guys had to do anal penetration with one guy on top, while the other guy was face-down on the bottom. Then they switch. Was I ready to have Jamie push his penis into my rectum? I even photocopied the pages to read them later.
Jamie and I met for lunch and had about 45-minutes to share more talk to get to know each other. I still had three more classes and wouldn't finish until almost 5:00, while Jamie only had one more class and would be finished by 2:00. It didn't matter anyway, as Jamie had to be at his job before I was finished, but, he invited me to come over to his house the next evening. At the time, I worked at a gas station as a mechanic, as it was what I thought I wanted to do after I finished school. I was wrong, but that's another story for another time. Since we both worked Saturday, me from 7:30 until 5:00, him from 9:00 until 5:30, he said to come over around 6:30. He also said his parents would be going out about that time, and would be out passed 11:00. He seemed very adamant about the time. That got me so curious, and excited. It was so bad, I did not sleep that night. All I could think about as I laid there trying to sleep, was how Jamie emphasised the time for me to come over, and the fact that his parents would be out. I thought the Tuesday was the best day of my life when I met Jamie. Was Saturday evening going to be better? I laid there thinking exactly that! And hoping I wasn't getting my hopes up!
To be continued!
Kenny, I'm Gay, and I'm not hesitant to admit it!
๐๐ณ๏ธโ๐โค๏ธ๐งก๐๐๐๐๐ณ๏ธโ๐โค๏ธ๐งก๐๐๐๐๐ณ๏ธโ๐๐
Like everyone else, I am affected by the Covid-19 pandemic. No, I don't have it, but I am being greatly affected by it. Though, I have to say, if I can make it through the A.I.D.S. epidemic, and make it through the brutal death of my first-ever boyfriend/lover, I've got this one licked. Even though I'm semi-retired, I still go to work, just not full time. I cut back by 20-percent about 18-months ago as I prepare for full retirement. (The second phase of my cutting back by another 20-percent will begin in about 6-months.) The company I work for has been declared an essential service, so it's business as usual. Still, the 'socializing' has ground to a halt. No physical contact, social distancing to the max. At least there is one bright spot. Recently, at the beginning of January, we hired a really cute, really bright, and so-damned-hot-looking young college student who's in his early 20s. For this, and at least one more semester, he will be working for us for his work experience. More specifically, he's been working almost exclusively for me. He finally gets to put into play all the garbage he's been learning for the last 2-years. He's pure eye-candy! Not only is he hot looking, he has an amazing personality, and is a pleasure to work with. Best of all, even though we are exercising the mandatory 'social distancing', at least I get to see him 4-days a week! I would still love to take him some place private and intimate and be alone with him for a couple of hours!
Anyway, the one point with all the publicity about Covid-19 and pretty much having everything shut down, except, of course, the grocery stores and other essential services, any socializing has stopped. No getting together at Starbucks (most are closed anyway), no intimate conversations (other than over the phone), no anything. It has given me an opportunity to get a head start on my usual purging of stuff in the house. Over the years, I've tried to keep things to the minimum, not acquiring a lot of unnecessary junk. I hate clutter! You might say, "Huh?", if you saw my computer room! So, once a year, usually in late April or May, I go through papers and clothes and get rid of what I don't want or need. I have my wardrobe pretty much under control, if you can call having ten-pair of shorts that are all the same style (the "style" is called "Chino") and colour (as close to white as I could find) as being "under control". That is basically my "uniform", what I wear most of the time, except for when I'm at work, a tee shirt that gives a "slight hint" that I'm Gay, and my very-light-coloured shorts. The shorts only have a 7-inch inseam and are about three-inches above my knees, slightly shorter than the "normal" style most guys wear. Besides, I still shave my legs and the shorter shorts make my legs feel "hot". I also wear a pair of very-much white running shoes, and a few months ago, I bought these really light-feeling and very comfortable ankle socks that are called "no-Shows" when I have them on, you cannot see them! They are perfect. I also go through books and such, and I have that also pretty much down to the ones I want to keep.
One thing I went through many years ago, was all my notes from college. All my technology notes and elective notes. Back after I graduated high school, I went to a "Community College", basically, programs that were engineering based (in my case, anyway), but on a much more "hands-on" approach. The first course I took was a two-year technician course, basically a continuation of the auto mechanics program I took through high school, and within the first semester, I knew it wasn't the right course for me. I finished the first year, and transferred into the more advanced three-year program. That was one of the best decisions I made!
Back in the first year I was at the college, we had a communications class, and one assignment we had was that we were to keep a journal. Since there were just guys in the class, and there were twelve of us, the assignment wasn't taken all that seriously. To be honest, I really didn't write much, except to talk about classes and my job as a mechanic. Back then, I worked Saturdays and summers as a car mechanic. Not much to remember, and it wasn't worth keeping. When I transferred to the more advanced program, lo-and-behold, in the very first semester, I got the same teacher and he gave the same assignment. Oh, I was offered an exemption from this class, and from and from a class called 'leisure education', a class to give you some ideas as to getting involved in activities to keep you active. I had taken up tennis because of that class! Well, that was until my friends and I were forced out of a tennis club because one member found out we were all Queers. I took that class exemption, but turned down the exemption for the communications class. It was the journal assignment that made me decide to stay!
I have to go back in time before I explain why I decided to take the communications class.
Back in grade school, I began my struggle with my sexuality. It was especially bad when you consider I went to a catholic school. Still, I had one crush all through school, and it was on my best friend. I was in love with another boy! I did get over it because we went to different high schools. Only, my struggle got worse. I developed crushes, not on just one other boy, but two! Still, I fought my feelings. After high school and all through that first year at college, I seriously thought, given that college is supposed to be far more mature than high school, I would look for a boyfriend. I was in a class of all-guys, but none interested me. Besides, I could easily tell most, if not all of them, were Homophobic. I found none. The one aspect I never thought about was seeing if the college had a "Queer's Club", at least, I didn't think about in that year. Then came my decision to switch programs. As it was, I finished the semester with a 3.3-out-of-4 grade average, and spent the summer working 6-days a week as a mechanic. Was I still serious about pursuing the trade? That summer, I gave it serious consideration. But, that was all the idea got, consideration.
Then came September, 1973!
September 4th, 1973, to be exact!
And if I had to pinpoint it to the approximate moment, I would say around 12:30 in the afternoon.
That day, September 4th, 1973, was the day I not only began to accept, finally, that I was Queer, I embraced it! And it was the first of three relatively innocent incidents that made me finally accept my sexuality, something I've never regretted for one second.
This is probably the main reason why I love bookstores and books. That day, I had gone, along with 10-thousand other people, to the college to get my schedule and to get my required books for my courses. As I said, it was around 12:30, and I was in the bookstore to get my books. The store was packed! I had my list and was walking up one of the aisles on the far side of the store when I went to walk through one of the openings to go to the next aisle. As I went to step through the opening, another student chose to walk though in the opposite direction. We ran right into each other! Bang! An accident! I just looked at him and said, "Oh, sorry!" He actually apologized and said he should have been looking better. We then passed by each other. I stood on the next aisle, and something started to hit me. As I stood there, the thought that there was "something" about that guy I just ran into. I didn't know what, only that it was "something". He was almost the same height as me, probably about the same size, with long, brown hair and brown eyes, and he was quite fair, a lot like I was, and still am. The way he was attired was hot too. His jeans were tight and the black turtleneck sweater he wore was just as tight, showing off his slender body. And he was quite attractive too! Quite attractive? That was an understatement! He was down right beautiful! As I said, there was "something"!
I then walked up the aisle toward the back of the store, and as I went to turn the corner, it happened again, I walked into someone. Bang! Only, it wasn't just "someone", it was the same person I walked into just a couple of minutes ago! The same cute guy! Another accident? A co-incidence? Or, something else? This time, we just looked at each other, said, "I'm sorry" to each other, again, and we went our separate ways. Well, until I was walking along and turned another corner to go down another aisle. You guessed it! Bang! We bumped into each other again! For the third time! This time though, we just stared at each other, more out of fear than anything. What was I afraid of? I never knew. I do remember this, my heart was racing! But, and I like to think this thought hit us both at the same time, this was no accident, and it was not a co-incidence. No, we didn't both decide to deliberately run into each other, though, we both began to get the idea that there was seriously something happening. I think the word I'm looking for is "fate". This is where it got interesting. Neither of us said a word, we just stared at each other for a few seconds, then we went our separate ways which took both of us to the cash registers. As I stood there, he stood in the same line, but with two people, both girls, between us. All I could do was gaze at the back of his head, though he would nonchalantly turn and try to glance back at me. Was he checking me out? I hoped! Or did he think I was stalking him? I hoped not! Suddenly, he turned to the two girls and offered to let them by. This put him standing directly in front of me! By all of 12-inches! Still, we didn't say a word. Eventually, he got to pay for his books, and I followed a couple of minutes later. Then we both walked out of the store.
Outside, a life-changing moment happened, and I was the one that initiated it. We both stopped and I once again offered an apology for running into him. He said that it was is fault and he also apologized. Then we just looked at each other in that crowded hallway. That was when I took a major chance and asked if he wanted to join me in the cafeteria for a coffee. I mean, here I was, a young guy who had been struggling with his sexuality for like eight-years, asking this physically beautiful guy out for what could have been taken as a date! I watched him take a deep breath and say, "Okay!" The way he said "Okay" struck me. Was he like me, Gay, or as we were called back then, before it became a derogatory term, Queer? (By the way, I still prefer to be called Queer.) Better than that, was he interested in me? I was so hoping, because I for sure was interested in him. We agreed to meet in ten minutes outside the bookstore.
At that college, we all had assigned lockers. Mine was in the technical wing, while his was in the arts wing. I dropped my books off and got back to the crowded hallway in front of the book store. There he was, already waiting for me. After our respective "Hi!"s, we began walking toward the cafeteria., The cafeteria was around the corner, but we both were silent until we got to the counter, got our coffees and went and sat down. Once we sat down, we introduced ourselves to each other. His name was Jamie, and being as close as I was to him sitting across from me, I got to take in just how attractive he was. He was 6-months older than I was, almost to the day (My birthday is November 24th, his was May 24th), and I was 11-1/2-weeks until I turned 19-years-old. As I described him from the bookstore, he was just slightly taller by maybe an inch, if that. He was also about my size too, very slender. I didn't realize just how soft and sexy his brown eyes were until I got to gaze into them under a more somewhat relaxed situation than in a crowded bookstore. Then there was his face. As I said, he was seriously attractive. I had never known any woman who looked as beautiful as he did. And there was some really cute girls in high school and even grade school. Not that I was the least bit interested. That was when I noticed something about Jamie, and it had to do with the fact of how he wore his black turtleneck. Jamie had the collar folded over a single time, and I noticed something, and it had to do with a quirky fetish I have. Being that he was so fair, and didn't have any tan, and the fact that his turtleneck was black, you could not help but notice, his neck protruded out by 2-inches! Jamie had a long, slender neck. I tried to be as nonchalant as I could, but, I couldn't help it. It wasn't that I thought his neck was strange, On the contrary! I thought his neck looked extremely beautiful and sensuous! And it was tight too! You could see the tight outline of his very sexy throat! As I looked at it, too, right slightly above the top of the collar, you could see Jamie's Adam's apple, and yes, that's another quirky fetish I have. He had the most pointed Adam's apple I had ever seen! It literally came to a point, and it was very sexy and sensuous. Other than his very attractive face, and nice, tight ass, Jamie's neck and Adam's apple were his best attribute. As I looked at him, I suddenly developed a desire to push his collar down to expose the rest of his neck, then tilt his head up, then put my lips over that sexy, pointy Adam's apple and kiss it! The more I gazed at him, the more beautiful he was becoming. My only hope? That he was Queer! I could feel that he was, but I just wasn't 100-percent sure. Our conversation became very intimate very fast. I told him I was in the three-year Mechanical program, and he told me he was in media arts, in a three-year program studying to become a journalist. Cool!
We talked for about 2-hours. During that time, I was becoming more and more convinced that he indeed was Queer. Oh, and the whole time, I think my pulse raced. I was falling in love, again, only, this time I felt the feeling was mutual. I just could feel it! For 2-hours, the world stood still, and might not even have existed. Then came time to leave. We left the cafeteria and headed back toward the bookstore. We said good-bye, but not before I asked him if he might be interested in meeting up the next day for coffee before classes. As luck would have it, we both had 8:30 classes, so we arranged to meet in the cafeteria at 7:30. Then we said good-bye. I walked toward my locker, which was on the way to the parking lot. I paused for a moment, then I left to go home. When I got to my car, I drove a 1969 Ford Cortina then, I just sat in the car for a minute. All I could think of was Jamie. I thought, or maybe it was hoped, I had finally met someone who I could "get it on with". Oh, I should mention, I was still a virgin!
This is where the journal comes back. The year before, in the second semester, in our communications class, the instructor assigned us to do a journal. I think over the sixteen-weeks, I wrote things in it maybe three times a week. The book was only less than a third full. I did have a second book, why, I don't know. When I got home, I organized everything for the next day, which was the first full day of school. After supper, I was in my bedroom, and I was looking at the first journal I had done less than eight-months before. That evening, I took the unused book and started writing. I literally bore my soul! I wrote about my feelings, dealing with my sexuality, and being in love with my best friend in grade school. Then I wrote about being in love with two other boys in high school. Then I started to write about what happened at school that day. I wrote about Jamie's and my first "accident", then about our second one. Then about the third one. I talked about watching him ahead of me in the checkout line. Then, I talked about inviting him for a coffee, and what we talked about. I actually wrote every word we spoke, word-for-word. I described his physical appearance in great detail, emphasising how physically attractive he was. And I emphasised how he made my heart rate jump and my pulse race. I wrote 10 amazing pages within 2-1/2-hours. I wrote 12 the entire semester 4-to-8-months before! I could have easily written more! Too, that night, I didn't sleep. All I could do is think about the really hot-looking boy I had met. All I could to was to imagine holding him and kissing him. I then began wondering how two guys did "it". THAT never came up in high school health classes. Was I letting myself in for a major letdown? What if this was all in my imagination, and he wasn't Gay after all, he was just a guy who wanted to be friends?
The next morning, I made to the cafeteria by 7:30. I timed it perfectly! I actually bumped into Jamie in the hallway as he was coming from the other direction. Jamie was wearing a black sweatshirt and jeans. Why is that a point? That was how I was dressed. We went and got coffees and sat and chatted. Oh did he look so beautiful! I had known him less than 24-hours, and I was in love! But, was I not thinking straight? Was this all a dream in my head? Was I seeing something that really wasn't there? Was I being blinded by my own feelings? We were only able to chat for about a half-hour before we had to get to our respective classes, mine was in a lecture theater, while his was in a classroom in the arts wing. Our schedules didn't align too well that day, and we didn't get to see each other until the late afternoon. We were still able to meet for about an hour before he had to go home. He went his way, and I went mine.
One other 'event' happened that day. I had my first communications class with the same instructor as I had during the second semester the previous year. Yes, we were assigned the journal exercise. After the class, he asked if I wanted an exemption, and I respectfully declined the offer. I just warned him that I had started a new journal and it was very personal, but, I trusted him to be open-minded, as I had basically bored my soul plus other stuff. He agreed to skip the parts I really didn't want read. Though, thinking back, did I really care? College wasn't supposed to be like high school, it was supposed to be at a much higher maturity level. (It was, for the most part.) Why hide who and what I was? That would come soon enough that I would have to hide who I was and what I was for many years, until I just got fed up with hiding who and what I really was.
That night, I wrote more, all about Jamie and how I was feeling about him. I even wrote down every word we spoke to each other in the cafeteria before classes and at lunch. I only wrote six pages that evening.
On the Thursday, we met for coffee before classes, and we were able to get together for a half-hour mid-day. Jamie only had one more class, while I had three more. He also had to leave right away, as he worked in a department store, and had to be at work about the time I was half-way through my class, so we didn't see each other after classes were finished. Friday was so different. We met once again before classes. The only thing was, that morning, I had four spare periods because I had the exemption from the leisure education class. Like I said, I took the class the year before, and it did encourage me, and Jamie for that matter, and some other friends I'd meet later on to take up tennis. For me though, with the spare periods, it gave me a chance to figure something out. I took up space in the library and checked out one or two books on something I felt I'd better learn about, how do two guys have sexual intercourse together. In other words, anal sex. I found one book that had the best instructions! Basically, be relaxed, use lots of lubricant, and go slow. There were several photos showing best how to position yourself "to go in", and "for being entered". The only real difference between two guys having sex and a guy and woman, was the guys had to do anal penetration with one guy on top, while the other guy was face-down on the bottom. Then they switch. Was I ready to have Jamie push his penis into my rectum? I even photocopied the pages to read them later.
Jamie and I met for lunch and had about 45-minutes to share more talk to get to know each other. I still had three more classes and wouldn't finish until almost 5:00, while Jamie only had one more class and would be finished by 2:00. It didn't matter anyway, as Jamie had to be at his job before I was finished, but, he invited me to come over to his house the next evening. At the time, I worked at a gas station as a mechanic, as it was what I thought I wanted to do after I finished school. I was wrong, but that's another story for another time. Since we both worked Saturday, me from 7:30 until 5:00, him from 9:00 until 5:30, he said to come over around 6:30. He also said his parents would be going out about that time, and would be out passed 11:00. He seemed very adamant about the time. That got me so curious, and excited. It was so bad, I did not sleep that night. All I could think about as I laid there trying to sleep, was how Jamie emphasised the time for me to come over, and the fact that his parents would be out. I thought the Tuesday was the best day of my life when I met Jamie. Was Saturday evening going to be better? I laid there thinking exactly that! And hoping I wasn't getting my hopes up!
To be continued!
Kenny, I'm Gay, and I'm not hesitant to admit it!
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