Ugly jokes
Bill Stern
need to insult them. Please, if you have any ugly jokes, could you
post them here. Thanks a million.
And now for a joke,
What is the difference between a pregnant girlfriend and
a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb!
ag...@spuxll.uucp
1. My date last night was really ugly, she was a 2 bagger.
One bag for her head and one fo mine in case hers falls off.
2. My date last night was really ugly, she was coyote ugly.
Thats when you chew your arm off in the morning to avoid waking her up.
3. You were such an ugly baby.
When you were born the doctor slapped your mother.
Icelandic Cowboy
Agust K. G.
spuxll!agust
s...@loral.uucp
You when you look up ugly in the dictionary, there's her/his picture
He/she would make a freight train take a dirt road
They used to use his/her face to make animal cookies
Two guys broke into her apartment, she yelled "rape!", they said "No way"
I went to pet the cat on her knee, it was the hair on her legs
I took her/him up to the empire state building, planes started shooting at her
he/she was the poster child for birth control
That when he/she was born the father said "what do I have a boy or a girl",
the nurse said "Close!"
Bonus fat jokes:
She/He was so fat that when she/he got his/her shoes shined he/she had
to take the guys word for it.
(I think that one got lost in non-sexist gender land)
She was so fat she got on the scale and put a quarter in, a card came out
that said "One at a time"
He was so fat, he was standing on a street corner, a police car pulled up
and said "Break it up"
******
Hey, how about some Rodney Dangerfield jokes out there! Sure beats the
hell out of endless limericks etc etc...
*******
--
*******
I have given up my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy.
*******
Craig Miller
For some reason, I had always liked this one. Oh well, here
goes nothing: (the 'punch' line is rotated by 13)
--------------------------------------------------
He|She|It is *so* fat ( how fat is he|she|it ? ), wellllllll,
he|she|it is so fat, that:
Jura fbzrbar gryyf uvz|ure|vg gb unhy nff, vg gnxrf uvz|ure|vg
guerr gevcf...
(heavy sigh, huh?)
--
Craig Miller
{decvax,harvard}!scorplx!craig
Honeywell Info. Systems, Billerica, Mass.
sta...@trwspp.uucp
He was so ugly, he was voted "abortion poster child" six
years running. "You could have prevented this..."
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Christian W. Stassen [decvax!trwrb,vortex,ihnp4!vortex]!trwspp!stassen
"If we knew what the hell we were doing, then it wouldn't be research."
Dave Miller
How about:
You know that the girl is ugly, when you look up ugly
in the dictionary and it has her picture.
Submitted for your approval
(And if you don't approve, Tough Luck)
Dave Miller
...scgvaxd!wlbr!dcm
David G. Grubbs
(I am male, substitute for the female pronouns as you will):
Coyote Ugly: A woman so ugly that if you were to wake up in the morning with
her asleep on your arm, you would rather chew your arm off than
wake her up.
Geoffrey R. Walton
S/he's so ugly even the tide wouldn't take her/him out.
S/he's so ugly that when s/he was born the doctor slapped
his/her mother.
S/he was so ugly as a child that his/her parents had to tie a
pork chop around his/her neck to get the puppy to play with
her/him.
S/he has bruises all over from the ten-foot poles. (Think about
it.)
S/he's SO ugly, if you look up ugly in the dictionary, his/her
picture is there, instead of a definition.
Then there's coyote ugly. That's when you wake-up with your arm
around her/him and, seeing how ugly s/he REALLY is (and knowing
if you move your arm s/he will wake-up, too), you chew-off your
arm.
Geoff
UC San Diego
...!sdcsvax!sdccs6!ix41
MOTD: Even the simplest problem becomes unsolvable if enough
meetings are held to discuss it.
Steve Harpster
--
...ihnp4!tellab1!steve
Steve Harpster
Tellabs, Inc.
A Figura
Ugly? I'll tell you ugly! He wan such an ugly baby
they wanted to make him a poster child for birth control!
lub...@uiucdcs.uucp
uiucdcs!lubars Aug 30 23:48:00 1984
Rodney calls a real ugly girl a "Two bagger".
That's when you put a bag over your own head, just in case the bag over
her head breaks.
Tom Haapanen [DCS]
>
> UC San Diego
That's NOT ugly! If s/he were REALLY ugly, nobody would touch him/her
with even a ten-foot pole (let alone a three-meter one)!
Tom Haapanen
(allegra, decvax, ihnp4}!watmath!watdcsu!haapanen
cha...@uiucdcsb.uucp
uiucdcsb!chaltas Sep 8 10:19:00 1984
that's Red Foxx (two x's)!