Brother Jed returns to UKentucky with a vengeance!
Wes Morgan
<Eat flaming death, you Satanic line-eater>
Well, the prophecy has finally come to pass. BROTHER JED SMOCK has returned
to the University of Kentucky, carrying his message of hellfire and damnation.
Of course, Sister Cindy, the "disco queen" turned evangelist wife, and Chastity,
their 4-year-old disciple/child, were in tow.
For those of you who have been deprived of the pleasure of "The Brother Jed
Experience", a brief explanation follows:
George E. ("Jed") Smock is a traveling evangelist specializing in college
and university appearances. His style is combative and arrogant; for example,
he insists that he is "morally perfect" and that all sorority members are sex-
ually promiscuous. Needless to say, he draws huge crowds; his unannounced
appearance at the University of Kentucky Student Center today was attended by
approximately 100 people. He utilizes "Free Speech Areas", so that he need
not observe regulations concerning content of his speeches. He insults, in-
sinuates, and incites many people at once. He draws on his 60's experience
as a college student to derive stereotypes which he applies to today's students.
Having been warned, we shall now describe today's "discussion" with Brother Jed.
Our group arrived late, having just completed a class. Brother Jed was in
fine form, launching into his analysis of our sex lives. Typical passages of
his lecture were as follows: "We would go down to the RED-LIGHT DISTRICT, which
you know today as SORORITY ROW." In the universe of Brother Jed, fornication
is rampant in the dormitories, and fraternity/sorority houses are virtual
Gomorrohs. In addition, any Brother Jed utterance of the word "fornication"
is accompanied by a peculiar hand motion on each syllable. Of course, the entire crowd joins in on "fornication". Another Brother Jed topic is "ROCK-
AND-ROLL MUSIC" (said in a hate-filled, 'righteous disgust' type of voice).
The wrath of God will be visited upon anyone who listens to any of the fol-
lowing: The Who, Led Zeppelin, the Grateful Dead, the Rolling Stones, Rush,
Van Halen, and especially "that pervert", MICK JAGGER.
He then described, with total shame, his life as a Greek at Indiana Uni-
versity. (Jed was a Delta Upsilon.) His fraternity house had a "darkroom" in
the basement, but "No film ever saw THAT room!". His brothers would cause
sorority girls to become intoxicated, and then escort them to the "darkroom"
in order to 'FORNICATE' (audience participation here) with them. Strangely
enough, Jed has all this knowledge of procedure, but claims never to have
participated. Hmmmmmm.
Brother Jed, of course, insulted numerous people, mostly female. He uses
such quotes as "We always went after women who smoked, because if a woman will
put a cigarette in her mouth, God knows what ELSE she'll put in there!". The
Chi Omega sorority was singled out by name as the most promiscuous group on
any campus. According to Jed, "everyone knows that the Chi O's are 'LOOSE'."
In the past, Jed has issued the following:
"Hey! You in the red sweater! How many men have you slept with this week?"
"You, sir, are a pervert!"
"Anyone dressing like this woman (indicate girl) is obviously looking for
FORNICATION!" (hand motion, audience participation)
Needless to say, Jed has become an institution at many college campuses.
He expresses preference for UKentucky and UFlorida. Obviously, then, we are
the hotbeds of drug abuse, FORNICATION, ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC, and general sin.
(Gee, and it only costs $660 per semester! They sure didn't mention *that* in
the catalogue!)
Watch for Brother Jed Smock at *your* university. For a good laugh and
a good way to kill a few hours, he can't be beaten.
In closing, a few quotes from "Mission to South Africa" by Jed Smock.
"....The answer is that despite what remains of apartheid, South Africa pro-
vides more freedom and opportunity for all races than anywhere else on
the African continent."
"....In Port Elizabeth, Tupperware dealer, Mr. Graham Mack, observed as he
drove us around the city, 'Bro. Jed, notice Blacks can go anywhere in
the business district without fear of intimidation by anyone. But a
White will not go into a Black township anymore out of fear of being
killed. Whose freedom is bring restricted?' . "
"....Radicals in South Africa and Western liberals will not be satisfied,
will not stop crying 'apartheid', until the present government is
overthrown, and a Black Marxist government replaces it."
"....The free enterprise system has made Blacks and Whites economically
interdependent, and therefore has helped to destroy apartheid."
Hmmmmmm.......anyway, he's *really* good humor.
Alan Groupe
about 10 years ago. At that time, he was travelling with Brother
Max Lynch, a math professor from IU who had "discovered that math was
wrong and G-D was right."
The best line I remember from Jed was that Jesus would return to earth
riding a white horse, and that he [Jed] would be right behind him. Think
about what the guy following the horse does for a living.
I had some fun with Jed one day that you might want to try. I stuck my
fingers in several random places in my calculus text (like he has in his
bible) and when he quieted down, I jumped up before Max could take over
and started to read from the text. After the applause died down, someone
else got up and started reciting the Jabberwocky. Jed and Max left.
Alan Groupe
da...@uwvax.uucp
Oops, sorry, I mean darn!
It must have gotten too cold and conservative here for them. Well,
after our long, cold winter, I'm sure Madison will need Brother Jed
and Sister Cindy again in spring. It's *amazing* what people to do
keep warm :-)
And he'll miss our Holloween Party! Talk about drunkenness and
perversion!
--
Dave Cohrs
(608) 262-1204
..!{harvard,ihnp4,seismo,topaz}!uwvax!dave
da...@rsch.wisc.edu
Joe Public
>My what a small world! I remember Brother Jed on the U of Ill. campus
>about 10 years ago. At that time, he was travelling with Brother
>Max Lynch, a math professor from IU who had "discovered that math was
>wrong and G-D was right."
>
from the University of Florida--a friend of mine knew her in her "sinful
days"--where she was known as Disco Cindy) and were making their home at my
alma mater, the University of Wisconsin-Madison, the "wickedest of all the
secular humanistic campuses in America" (aw, come on, Jeddie-kins, I betcha
say that to all the campuses), trying to start up a small church. This was
a year or so ago. Don't know if they're still there; I'm not so I can't say
for sure. There was also a local woman (Sister Pat) who teamed up with Jed
and Cindy whenever they were in town, and who was a carbon copy of Brother
Jed.
Jed once said of Cindy that she was the best preacher he ever heard
(probably why he married her). They made for a good show. Sister Pat had
this routine that she preached so often the crowd knew it by heart and would
recite it along with her. Got to the point where she would start it out and
then just cue the audience for the punch lines. What a riot!
Got a chance a couple of times to talk to each of them one-on-one when I
was at Madison, though, and it turns out that they were just ordinary folk
once they dropped the preacher mode. A little eccentric, maybe, but I
certainly preferred their company to that of many of the students who
heckled them out on Library Mall.
--calvin richter--
Brian Matthews
|<Eat flaming death, you Satanic line-eater>
|
|Well, the prophecy has finally come to pass. BROTHER JED SMOCK has returned
|to the University of Kentucky, carrying his message of hellfire and damnation.
|Of course, Sister Cindy, the "disco queen" turned evangelist wife, and Chastity,
|their 4-year-old disciple/child, were in tow.
...
|Hmmmmmm.......anyway, he's *really* good humor.
"Jed" and his entourage visited the University of Washington in Seattle
fairly regularly when I was going there ('80-'84). They always managed to
come on bright sunny days, and were fine entertainment in between classes.
Ask Sister Cindy to describe how she turned from a "heathen Disco Queen" to
a disciple of Brother Jed's in the parking lot of the Crystal Hamburger
Palace. Lot's of "you'll burn in Hellllll Fi-errrrrr", with appropriate hand
waving and audience participation. Good clean fun.
--
Brian L. Matthews
Computer X Inc. - a division of Motorola New Enterprises
..{utcsri!utzoo!mnetor, uw-beaver!ssc-vax}!cxsea!blm
+1 206 251 6811
Barth Richards
>Well, the prophecy has finally come to pass. BROTHER JED SMOCK has returned
>to the University of Kentucky, carrying his message of hellfire and damnation.
>Of course, Sister Cindy, the "disco queen" turned evangelist wife, and
>Chastity, their 4-year-old disciple/child, were in tow.
...
>Having been warned, we shall now describe today's "discussion" with Brother
>Jed.
>
>
> Our group arrived late, having just completed a class. Brother Jed was in
>fine form, launching into his analysis of our sex lives. Typical passages of
>his lecture were as follows:
[many lines of humorous but none-the-less probably true quotations from BJ]
>In the past, Jed has issued the following:
>
> "Hey! You in the red sweater! How many men have you slept with this week?"
>
> "You, sir, are a pervert!"
>
> "Anyone dressing like this woman (indicate girl) is obviously looking for
> FORNICATION!" (hand motion, audience participation)
>
>
>
> Needless to say, Jed has become an institution at many college campuses.
>He expresses preference for UKentucky and UFlorida. Obviously, then, we are
>the hotbeds of drug abuse, FORNICATION, ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC, and general sin.
>(Gee, and it only costs $660 per semester! They sure didn't mention *that* in
>the catalogue!)
>
> Watch for Brother Jed Smock at *your* university. For a good laugh and
>a good way to kill a few hours, he can't be beaten.
This all sounds strangely familiar. In Wisconsin, there is a woman who goes
by the name "Sister Pat." She tours the Wisconsin college circuit, and
for the two years that I was at Lawrence University (Appleton), would hit
our campus in mid-late May.
Among her pronouncements:
- She is perfect.
- She has conversations with god. (TWO-WAY, as in "Hi, how's it going, big
guy?" "Oh, all right. What's shaking with you?")
- Any woman with short hair is a lesbian. (Man's hair style.)
- Any woman wearing pants is a lesbian. (Man's clothes.)
- Any woman wearing shorts (and remember, this is in late May) is a whore.
(Engaging in public nudity.)
- Any man wearing a t-shirt is an idol worshipper. (This one's really good.
According to SP, if you are wearing a t-shirt, you are OBVIOUSLY a
body-builder, and body-builders are into self-worship.)
- Any man with long hair is gay. (Woman's hair style.)
This one has a great story attatched to it. When she informed her audience
of this fact, someone spoke up and said, "Excuse me, Christ had long hair."
To which she replied, "NO! That's a lie! Some FRUIT painted his picture that
way and the rest is history! He did have a beard, that's true, but he
kept it NEATLY TRIMMED. Why he looked a lot like THAT YOUNG MAN OVER
THERE." (pointing at yours truely) To which I responded. "I'll be
changing water into wine and signing autographs after the show." ;-)
If you go to college in Wisconsin, I definitely recommend her act! It is
not to be missed.
Barth Richards
Tellabs, Inc.
Lisle, IL
Greg Woods
Brother Jed loves to come to the University of Colorado, too. He's been
coming to Boulder (a hotbed of lust and heathen sinners :-) since *I* was
in college (my God, was that *really* 10 years ago?), so he's been around
a *long* time. I'm surprised someone hasn't bumped him off by now. :-)
I agree, he's highly amusing as long as no one in the crowd actually
takes him seriously.
--Greg
al...@cae780.uucp
>What? You mean Brother Jed and family have left Madison? Damn!
>Oops, sorry, I mean darn!
Has anybody taken a survey of what campuses he has been to? If so, add:
Univ. of California, Berkeley (no explanation needed)
Univ. of California, Riverside (nothing else to do there but watch his show)
--
Alan Steinberg
textronix!cae780!alan
Helllp, Mr. Wizarrrrd! I don't want to be a programmer anymore!
Brentrock of Hyperborea
Much as it pains me to say it, Brother Max Lynch didn't come
from Indiana University (IU). While we here at Purdue would
like to think so, the truth is that he came from Indiana
State University. He did teach Math, though.
There are many sunny days that he sets up to preach at us (yes,
"at," not "to") here. One of my personal favorites is his story
about how [his deity] is going to construct a gigantic cosmic
ray gun to use to destroy all the sinners on Earth. The
instrument of this destruction? Why, Space Aliens, of course.
He considers Purdue (and schools like it) a special challenge,
because "Technical schools are inherently ungodly." Yep. He
said that. We have him on tape.
--
Brent Woods
USENET: {seismo, decvax, ucbvax, ihnp4}!pur-ee!h.cc!ahh
ARPANET: woo...@el.ecn.purdue.edu BITNET: PODUM@PURCCVM
USNAIL: Brent Woods PHONE: (317) 495-2011
Box 1004 Cary
West Lafayette, IN 47906
Disclaimer: If you misunderstood what I said, it's *not* my fault.
May the Gods turn their benevolent gaze upon you...
...and laugh.
Debra L. Wolden
>
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ol n pbhcyr lrnef ntb va zvyjnhxrr. gur nhqvrapr cnegvpvcngvba ba gur
zragvba bs SBEAVPNGVBA jnf vaqrrq n uvtuyvtug bs uvf fcrrpu. v zhfg pbaphe,
vs lbh eha nppebff uvz yvfgra sbe n juvyr, vz fher lbh'yy trg n tbbq ynhtu.
(pnhgvba: fbzr crbcyr gnxr uvf vafhygf gbb frevbhfyl. qbag yrg uvz hcfrg
lbh, ur unf n qvssrerag irefvba bs ernyvgl guna gu erfg bs hf.)
Tim Thompson
> Has anybody taken a survey of what campuses he has been to? If so, add:
>
> Univ. of California, Berkeley (no explanation needed)
> Univ. of California, Riverside (nothing else to do there but watch his show)
> --
> Alan Steinberg
For the survey's sake, please add Ohio University in Athens, Ohio as one of
Brother Jed's stopping points.
(Please do not confuse it with Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio!!!!!)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Timothy G. Thompson AT&T Network Systems Columbus, Ohio
cbosgd!tgt
DISCLAIMER: These ramblings are my own. However, a thousand monkeys pounding
on a thousand typewriters would eventually produce the exact same thing!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Snoopy the Beagle
My favorite Brother Jed story:
One day in calculus class, the prof had put some horrendous
problem on the board (eigenvalues? we don't need no steeenking
eigenvalues!), when in through the open window drifts,
"THERE IS NO SOLUTION!"
Needless to say, the class cracked up. Brother Jed's okay, ya hear?
Martin Gravenstein
This is my first contribution to the net so please bear with any mistakes.
I don't remember brother Jed by name but I do remember specifically sister
Cindy at Kansas State U. while I was in attendance between '79 and '84.
Matter of fact she is pictured in action in one of the yearbooks of that
time period. What amazes me, naivety admitted, is how these people can
travel all over the country visiting the finest universities on the basis
of preaching when they are never taken seriously by any more than a few if
any. First of all how does there expenses get paid? The irony is, here has
got to be one of the finest occupations, ie. going from coast to coast
hitting all the truly great places to enjoy the best in culture, intellectual
stimulus, and recreation and they hold that it is all sinful and they can't
partake.
Martin
I quess I'm supposed to say that I speaking only for myself even though
it seems obvious.
Brentrock of Hyperborea
>In article <27...@rsch.WISC.EDU> da...@rsch.wisc.edu (Dave Cohrs) writes:
>>What? You mean Brother Jed and family have left Madison? Damn!
>>Oops, sorry, I mean darn!
>
>Has anybody taken a survey of what campuses he has been to? If so, add:
>
>Univ. of California, Berkeley (no explanation needed)
>Univ. of California, Riverside (nothing else to do there but watch his show)
Henry Mensch
>(Jed was a Delta Upsilon.) His fraternity house had a "darkroom" in
>the basement, but "No film ever saw THAT room!". . . .
Too bad ... perhaps we'd have the *real* scoop on Jed. Suzy Sorority
(or perhaps even Fraternity Fred!) turned him down on an unsavory
offer, and he's been exacting his revenge ever since ...
--
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Henry Mensch | Technical Writer | MIT/Project Athena
he...@athena.mit.edu ..!mit-eddie!mit-athena!henry
Henry Mensch
Well, if Max returns to Purdue soon, tell him his favorite ex-catholic
unitarian-universalist homosexual secular humanist says hello!
Henry Mensch
Yup, he sure gets around. He's also been to Syracuse University
(Syracuse, NY) and the University of California at Santa Cruz. At
both schools, I think he was booed off campus.
Bennett Andres
was calling everybody "you miserable wretch".Cindy told us all about Jesus'
manly muscles (carpentry,you know).Amazing that this guy hasn't stroked out
yet.Will we all burrrrn in eternal FIIRRrre for this?
Todd Krein
*** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE ***
He's been to Dartmouth College with his godly helpers also..
Todd Krein
vizard@dartvax
Greg Speegle
> I've seen this guy at the U. of Houston,in'80 and '81,and here.
About the same time, maybe a little later, Brother Jed and crew went to
Baylor University, which is supported by the Southern Baptists. At Baylor,
Jed was taken VERY seriously by some of the students, who even claimed Jed
was a false prophet and was doomed to hell. Jed didn't like that very much.
One day, one of Jed's crew, (probably Sister Cindy, but I'm not sure) was hit
in the face with a pie. As she wiped the pie from her eyes she exclaimed, "I
am going to heaven, for I've become a martyr for the Lord!"
Oh well, it was funny at the time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg Speegle spe...@ut-sally.UUCP
{ihnp4,gatech,seismo}!ut-sally!speegle
Bennet Yee
State University. Twice during the period that I was there (5 yrs)....
Does this mean that OSU is more of a hot-bed of carnal lust than other
schools? ;-) BTW, since Alan Steinberg (tektronix!cae780!alan) asked
for a survey, is he volunteering to collect the statistics? C'mon
Alan....
Bennet
--
Bennet Yee ~ ~
O =
by...@g.cs.cmu.edu (Arpa) ^
...!seismo!g.cs.cmu.edu!byee (Uucp) \___/
U
Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.
I cycle to school every day; are you abelian?
Jon Meltzer
here in a few years.
Tom Galloway
His best line at UNC was:
"I know what you do in the bathroom with those copies of Playboy, you filthy
little masturbators!"
tyg
Donald W. Blevins Jr.
>In article <26...@cae780.UUCP>, al...@cae780.UUCP (Alan M. Steinberg) writes:
>> Has anybody taken a survey of what campuses he has been to? If so, add:
>>
>> Univ. of California, Berkeley (no explanation needed)
>> Univ. of California, Riverside (nothing else to do there but watch his show)
>> --
>> Alan Steinberg
Add University of Kentucky as well. Also, let's not forget Sister ("Disco")
Cindy, who tempted Him during His holy time of abstinence.
Don Blevins
"That's OK officer, no need for the escort . . ."
Charles Elkan
Brother Jed was at Stanford earlier this year, with Cindy.
He stayed a few days, and made the cover of the Daily.
I got the impression that he has mellowed. Although he was
still consigning people to fire and brimstone freely, most
of the time he smiled and he was willing to argue with hecklers.
Cindy was much more dour.
Charles
Laurinda Rohn
He and Sister Cindy also frequented the Univ. of Calif. at San Diego
during 1979-1981. I didn't stop to listen much (I usually chose the
Krishna freaks instead :-) ), but I do remember hearing that all the
women there were whores with VD and all the men were gay. Ah, the
good old days... :-)
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
Lauri, the Cinnamon Girl "The things that pass for knowledge,
ro...@rand-unix.ARPA I can't understand"
..ihnp4!sdcrdcf!randvax!rohn
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
Joel Rives
I have seen Bro Jed & Sister Cindy entertaining the crowds of fraternity
and sorority folk at both the University of Georgia in Athens and the
Georgia Institute of Technology in Atlanta.
--
Joel Rives
gatech!gitpyr!cc100jr
{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ ^ }-------{ * }
There is no place to seek the mind;
It is like the footprints of the birds in the sky.
{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }--------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }
Ali Shaik
>
ALRIGHT ALREADY!! Will someone please explain just who Bro Jed and Sis
Cindy are?!
Ali Shaik ihnp4!philabs!ams
Karl Olguin
All of this talk on the net about Bro. Jed got me to wondering,, "Whoo is
this guy?" Suonds like a real ball. Well, I found out who he was when
I was walking across the green here in Hanover and there was aa huge group
of people inn the center. As I got closer, I began to here rather intense
insults being flung aat the crowd who was laughinng hysterically. It was
in fact the Brother Jed which you all have been talking about. I was
rather impressed with the way he and Sister Pat stood there aand took all
of that abuse. I was impressed ennough to ask him for a copy of his book
called,"Who will Rise Up" which he very graciously autographed. So, any of
you who are wondering if Bro. Jed is alive and well, he is, and is taking a
lot of abuse for it.
now for my joke:
**OFFENSIVE TO HOMOSEXUALS**
I WARNED YOU "GUYS"
HERE GOES! LAST CHANCE!!!
Well, it seems as though these three roughnecks were having a bit of a spat
in the local bar as to who had the longest member. The bartender, having
been the mediator of many of these arguments, was rather tired of hearing
them argue so he told them all to lay their dicks out on the bar and he
would decide who in fact deserved to win the argument. They all agreed
and not a second after they had all put their dicks on the bar when this
flaming homo walks in the door and goes "OOOOOHHH!!!!". The bartender looks at him and say,"What
the hell do YOU want???" to which the fag replies:
"Well, I was going to have a White Russian, but now I think I will just
have the buffet!!!"