Well, the prophecy has finally come to pass. BROTHER JED SMOCK has returned
to the University of Kentucky, carrying his message of hellfire and damnation.
Of course, Sister Cindy, the "disco queen" turned evangelist wife, and Chastity,
their 4-year-old disciple/child, were in tow.
For those of you who have been deprived of the pleasure of "The Brother Jed
Experience", a brief explanation follows:
George E. ("Jed") Smock is a traveling evangelist specializing in college
and university appearances. His style is combative and arrogant; for example,
he insists that he is "morally perfect" and that all sorority members are sex-
ually promiscuous. Needless to say, he draws huge crowds; his unannounced
appearance at the University of Kentucky Student Center today was attended by
approximately 100 people. He utilizes "Free Speech Areas", so that he need
not observe regulations concerning content of his speeches. He insults, in-
sinuates, and incites many people at once. He draws on his 60's experience
as a college student to derive stereotypes which he applies to today's students.
Having been warned, we shall now describe today's "discussion" with Brother Jed.
Our group arrived late, having just completed a class. Brother Jed was in
fine form, launching into his analysis of our sex lives. Typical passages of
his lecture were as follows: "We would go down to the RED-LIGHT DISTRICT, which
you know today as SORORITY ROW." In the universe of Brother Jed, fornication
is rampant in the dormitories, and fraternity/sorority houses are virtual
Gomorrohs. In addition, any Brother Jed utterance of the word "fornication"
is accompanied by a peculiar hand motion on each syllable. Of course, the entire crowd joins in on "fornication". Another Brother Jed topic is "ROCK-
AND-ROLL MUSIC" (said in a hate-filled, 'righteous disgust' type of voice).
The wrath of God will be visited upon anyone who listens to any of the fol-
lowing: The Who, Led Zeppelin, the Grateful Dead, the Rolling Stones, Rush,
Van Halen, and especially "that pervert", MICK JAGGER.
He then described, with total shame, his life as a Greek at Indiana Uni-
versity. (Jed was a Delta Upsilon.) His fraternity house had a "darkroom" in
the basement, but "No film ever saw THAT room!". His brothers would cause
sorority girls to become intoxicated, and then escort them to the "darkroom"
in order to 'FORNICATE' (audience participation here) with them. Strangely
enough, Jed has all this knowledge of procedure, but claims never to have
participated. Hmmmmmm.
Brother Jed, of course, insulted numerous people, mostly female. He uses
such quotes as "We always went after women who smoked, because if a woman will
put a cigarette in her mouth, God knows what ELSE she'll put in there!". The
Chi Omega sorority was singled out by name as the most promiscuous group on
any campus. According to Jed, "everyone knows that the Chi O's are 'LOOSE'."
In the past, Jed has issued the following:
"Hey! You in the red sweater! How many men have you slept with this week?"
"You, sir, are a pervert!"
"Anyone dressing like this woman (indicate girl) is obviously looking for
FORNICATION!" (hand motion, audience participation)
Needless to say, Jed has become an institution at many college campuses.
He expresses preference for UKentucky and UFlorida. Obviously, then, we are
the hotbeds of drug abuse, FORNICATION, ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC, and general sin.
(Gee, and it only costs $660 per semester! They sure didn't mention *that* in
the catalogue!)
Watch for Brother Jed Smock at *your* university. For a good laugh and
a good way to kill a few hours, he can't be beaten.
In closing, a few quotes from "Mission to South Africa" by Jed Smock.
"....The answer is that despite what remains of apartheid, South Africa pro-
vides more freedom and opportunity for all races than anywhere else on
the African continent."
"....In Port Elizabeth, Tupperware dealer, Mr. Graham Mack, observed as he
drove us around the city, 'Bro. Jed, notice Blacks can go anywhere in
the business district without fear of intimidation by anyone. But a
White will not go into a Black township anymore out of fear of being
killed. Whose freedom is bring restricted?' . "
"....Radicals in South Africa and Western liberals will not be satisfied,
will not stop crying 'apartheid', until the present government is
overthrown, and a Black Marxist government replaces it."
"....The free enterprise system has made Blacks and Whites economically
interdependent, and therefore has helped to destroy apartheid."
Hmmmmmm.......anyway, he's *really* good humor.
The best line I remember from Jed was that Jesus would return to earth
riding a white horse, and that he [Jed] would be right behind him. Think
about what the guy following the horse does for a living.
I had some fun with Jed one day that you might want to try. I stuck my
fingers in several random places in my calculus text (like he has in his
bible) and when he quieted down, I jumped up before Max could take over
and started to read from the text. After the applause died down, someone
else got up and started reciting the Jabberwocky. Jed and Max left.
Alan Groupe
It must have gotten too cold and conservative here for them. Well,
after our long, cold winter, I'm sure Madison will need Brother Jed
and Sister Cindy again in spring. It's *amazing* what people to do
keep warm :-)
And he'll miss our Holloween Party! Talk about drunkenness and
perversion!
--
Dave Cohrs
(608) 262-1204
..!{harvard,ihnp4,seismo,topaz}!uwvax!dave
da...@rsch.wisc.edu
Jed once said of Cindy that she was the best preacher he ever heard
(probably why he married her). They made for a good show. Sister Pat had
this routine that she preached so often the crowd knew it by heart and would
recite it along with her. Got to the point where she would start it out and
then just cue the audience for the punch lines. What a riot!
Got a chance a couple of times to talk to each of them one-on-one when I
was at Madison, though, and it turns out that they were just ordinary folk
once they dropped the preacher mode. A little eccentric, maybe, but I
certainly preferred their company to that of many of the students who
heckled them out on Library Mall.
--calvin richter--
...
|Hmmmmmm.......anyway, he's *really* good humor.
"Jed" and his entourage visited the University of Washington in Seattle
fairly regularly when I was going there ('80-'84). They always managed to
come on bright sunny days, and were fine entertainment in between classes.
Ask Sister Cindy to describe how she turned from a "heathen Disco Queen" to
a disciple of Brother Jed's in the parking lot of the Crystal Hamburger
Palace. Lot's of "you'll burn in Hellllll Fi-errrrrr", with appropriate hand
waving and audience participation. Good clean fun.
--
Brian L. Matthews
Computer X Inc. - a division of Motorola New Enterprises
..{utcsri!utzoo!mnetor, uw-beaver!ssc-vax}!cxsea!blm
+1 206 251 6811
>Well, the prophecy has finally come to pass. BROTHER JED SMOCK has returned
>to the University of Kentucky, carrying his message of hellfire and damnation.
>Of course, Sister Cindy, the "disco queen" turned evangelist wife, and
>Chastity, their 4-year-old disciple/child, were in tow.
...
>Having been warned, we shall now describe today's "discussion" with Brother
>Jed.
>
>
> Our group arrived late, having just completed a class. Brother Jed was in
>fine form, launching into his analysis of our sex lives. Typical passages of
>his lecture were as follows:
[many lines of humorous but none-the-less probably true quotations from BJ]
>In the past, Jed has issued the following:
>
> "Hey! You in the red sweater! How many men have you slept with this week?"
>
> "You, sir, are a pervert!"
>
> "Anyone dressing like this woman (indicate girl) is obviously looking for
> FORNICATION!" (hand motion, audience participation)
>
>
>
> Needless to say, Jed has become an institution at many college campuses.
>He expresses preference for UKentucky and UFlorida. Obviously, then, we are
>the hotbeds of drug abuse, FORNICATION, ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC, and general sin.
>(Gee, and it only costs $660 per semester! They sure didn't mention *that* in
>the catalogue!)
>
> Watch for Brother Jed Smock at *your* university. For a good laugh and
>a good way to kill a few hours, he can't be beaten.
This all sounds strangely familiar. In Wisconsin, there is a woman who goes
by the name "Sister Pat." She tours the Wisconsin college circuit, and
for the two years that I was at Lawrence University (Appleton), would hit
our campus in mid-late May.
Among her pronouncements:
- She is perfect.
- She has conversations with god. (TWO-WAY, as in "Hi, how's it going, big
guy?" "Oh, all right. What's shaking with you?")
- Any woman with short hair is a lesbian. (Man's hair style.)
- Any woman wearing pants is a lesbian. (Man's clothes.)
- Any woman wearing shorts (and remember, this is in late May) is a whore.
(Engaging in public nudity.)
- Any man wearing a t-shirt is an idol worshipper. (This one's really good.
According to SP, if you are wearing a t-shirt, you are OBVIOUSLY a
body-builder, and body-builders are into self-worship.)
- Any man with long hair is gay. (Woman's hair style.)
This one has a great story attatched to it. When she informed her audience
of this fact, someone spoke up and said, "Excuse me, Christ had long hair."
To which she replied, "NO! That's a lie! Some FRUIT painted his picture that
way and the rest is history! He did have a beard, that's true, but he
kept it NEATLY TRIMMED. Why he looked a lot like THAT YOUNG MAN OVER
THERE." (pointing at yours truely) To which I responded. "I'll be
changing water into wine and signing autographs after the show." ;-)
If you go to college in Wisconsin, I definitely recommend her act! It is
not to be missed.
Barth Richards
Tellabs, Inc.
Lisle, IL
--Greg
Has anybody taken a survey of what campuses he has been to? If so, add:
Univ. of California, Berkeley (no explanation needed)
Univ. of California, Riverside (nothing else to do there but watch his show)
--
Alan Steinberg
textronix!cae780!alan
Helllp, Mr. Wizarrrrd! I don't want to be a programmer anymore!
Much as it pains me to say it, Brother Max Lynch didn't come
from Indiana University (IU). While we here at Purdue would
like to think so, the truth is that he came from Indiana
State University. He did teach Math, though.
There are many sunny days that he sets up to preach at us (yes,
"at," not "to") here. One of my personal favorites is his story
about how [his deity] is going to construct a gigantic cosmic
ray gun to use to destroy all the sinners on Earth. The
instrument of this destruction? Why, Space Aliens, of course.
He considers Purdue (and schools like it) a special challenge,
because "Technical schools are inherently ungodly." Yep. He
said that. We have him on tape.
--
Brent Woods
USENET: {seismo, decvax, ucbvax, ihnp4}!pur-ee!h.cc!ahh
ARPANET: woo...@el.ecn.purdue.edu BITNET: PODUM@PURCCVM
USNAIL: Brent Woods PHONE: (317) 495-2011
Box 1004 Cary
West Lafayette, IN 47906
Disclaimer: If you misunderstood what I said, it's *not* my fault.
May the Gods turn their benevolent gaze upon you...
...and laugh.
For the survey's sake, please add Ohio University in Athens, Ohio as one of
Brother Jed's stopping points.
(Please do not confuse it with Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio!!!!!)
--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Timothy G. Thompson AT&T Network Systems Columbus, Ohio
cbosgd!tgt
DISCLAIMER: These ramblings are my own. However, a thousand monkeys pounding
on a thousand typewriters would eventually produce the exact same thing!!
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
One day in calculus class, the prof had put some horrendous
problem on the board (eigenvalues? we don't need no steeenking
eigenvalues!), when in through the open window drifts,
"THERE IS NO SOLUTION!"
Needless to say, the class cracked up. Brother Jed's okay, ya hear?
Martin
I quess I'm supposed to say that I speaking only for myself even though
it seems obvious.
>(Jed was a Delta Upsilon.) His fraternity house had a "darkroom" in
>the basement, but "No film ever saw THAT room!". . . .
Too bad ... perhaps we'd have the *real* scoop on Jed. Suzy Sorority
(or perhaps even Fraternity Fred!) turned him down on an unsavory
offer, and he's been exacting his revenge ever since ...
--
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Henry Mensch | Technical Writer | MIT/Project Athena
he...@athena.mit.edu ..!mit-eddie!mit-athena!henry
*** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE ***
He's been to Dartmouth College with his godly helpers also..
Todd Krein
vizard@dartvax
About the same time, maybe a little later, Brother Jed and crew went to
Baylor University, which is supported by the Southern Baptists. At Baylor,
Jed was taken VERY seriously by some of the students, who even claimed Jed
was a false prophet and was doomed to hell. Jed didn't like that very much.
One day, one of Jed's crew, (probably Sister Cindy, but I'm not sure) was hit
in the face with a pie. As she wiped the pie from her eyes she exclaimed, "I
am going to heaven, for I've become a martyr for the Lord!"
Oh well, it was funny at the time.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Greg Speegle spe...@ut-sally.UUCP
{ihnp4,gatech,seismo}!ut-sally!speegle
Bennet
--
Bennet Yee ~ ~
O =
by...@g.cs.cmu.edu (Arpa) ^
...!seismo!g.cs.cmu.edu!byee (Uucp) \___/
U
Life is complex. It has real and imaginary parts.
I cycle to school every day; are you abelian?
His best line at UNC was:
"I know what you do in the bathroom with those copies of Playboy, you filthy
little masturbators!"
tyg
Add University of Kentucky as well. Also, let's not forget Sister ("Disco")
Cindy, who tempted Him during His holy time of abstinence.
Don Blevins
"That's OK officer, no need for the escort . . ."
Charles
He and Sister Cindy also frequented the Univ. of Calif. at San Diego
during 1979-1981. I didn't stop to listen much (I usually chose the
Krishna freaks instead :-) ), but I do remember hearing that all the
women there were whores with VD and all the men were gay. Ah, the
good old days... :-)
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
Lauri, the Cinnamon Girl "The things that pass for knowledge,
ro...@rand-unix.ARPA I can't understand"
..ihnp4!sdcrdcf!randvax!rohn
*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=*=
--
Joel Rives
gatech!gitpyr!cc100jr
{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ ^ }-------{ * }
There is no place to seek the mind;
It is like the footprints of the birds in the sky.
{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }--------{ * }-------{ * }-------{ * }
ALRIGHT ALREADY!! Will someone please explain just who Bro Jed and Sis
Cindy are?!
Ali Shaik ihnp4!philabs!ams
now for my joke:
**OFFENSIVE TO HOMOSEXUALS**
I WARNED YOU "GUYS"
HERE GOES! LAST CHANCE!!!
Well, it seems as though these three roughnecks were having a bit of a spat
in the local bar as to who had the longest member. The bartender, having
been the mediator of many of these arguments, was rather tired of hearing
them argue so he told them all to lay their dicks out on the bar and he
would decide who in fact deserved to win the argument. They all agreed
and not a second after they had all put their dicks on the bar when this
flaming homo walks in the door and goes "OOOOOHHH!!!!". The bartender looks at him and say,"What
the hell do YOU want???" to which the fag replies:
"Well, I was going to have a White Russian, but now I think I will just
have the buffet!!!"