IT'S MOUSE SEASON!
No, I'm not fucking kidding (to coin a phrase). Field mice always start
looking for warmer climes (houses) when the first frosts arrive.
I was reading some short SF stories last night, and got to a passage at the
end of a story that went (pretty much) like this:
It crouched in the doorway, small and squat, with two living snakes for
arms, and single large green eye.
"Well," it snarled, "Well!"
At that instant I glanced up at some motion, and, running along the wall
I saw a small dark shape. I SCREAMED! ...and then felt like an idiot. There
was a little brown mouse hiding behind the radiator. He hightailed it a few
feet into my open closet.
Fortunately, my wife was going on call today, so she was sleeping in her
own room. I wondered for a few minutes if the landlady (who lives
downstairs) was going to call a SWAT team, to see what caused the scream,
but apparently she was asleep.
I closed my closet door, to avoid being a mouse hors d'oeuvre during the
night. Since I couldn't find any traps in the store near my apartment, I'll
have to take some home tonight. I think I'll get the sticky kind.
Here's where you come in. I need some advice. When the mouse (mice) get(s)
trapped, they usually live for a while. As I related in my previous
Mouse Story, I drowned the suckers as soon as I found them (in beer, or
water if I was out of beer :-) ). I'm thinking of using the mice I catch
this time as novelty decorations, tacking the tray up on the wall. What I
need to know is:
1. Should I just drown them, because this is too sick, even for me?
2. Is it okay to hang them in my apartment, or do you think my wife
3. Would it hurt my reputation as the Albert Schweitzer of BU if I
hang them in my office (tastefully, of course)?
4. If I hang them, should I also put a cat in a (larger) trap on the
same wall, for balance?
5. Should I collect them, and wait until I have enough to make a mouse
organ? "I shall endeavor, with the aid of mallets, to play
'The Bells of Saint Mary'".
Please pick one (or make up your own), and reply direct to me. I'll
summarize, and announce the results, if there's enough interest.
Remember, THIS IS FOR REAL. There's a mouse trapped in my closet who's
waiting on tenterhooks (oops, sorry) for your replies.
Alex "The Exterminator" Cannon
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> Since I couldn't find any traps in the store near my
>apartment, I'll have to take some home tonight. I think I'll get the
No. Don't ((C) Shelli A. Meyers. 1986)
>Here's where you come in. I need some advice. When the mouse (mice) get(s)
>trapped, they usually live for a while. As I related in my previous
>Mouse Story, I drowned the suckers as soon as I found them (in beer, or
>water if I was out of beer :-) ).
We have them at work. The mice get stuck, and then take 2 or 3
days to die. I think that is so gross that I bashed one over the head
last night so it wouldn't suffer and so I wouldn't have to hear it
squeek for 2 days. So I propose that before being alowed to by such
trap that people should be super-glued to a 500 lb steel plate for a
>Alex "The Exterminator" Cannon
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Wouldn't striking dead mice with mallets produce nothing but squashing and
thudding noises? Of course, I am unfamiliar with "The Bells of Saint Mary",
and if these sounds are appropriate, then proceed, by all means.
G. T. Samson
An Insane Man (aka The Evil MicroWizard)
I read an article in the local paper (Raleigh News and Observer) recently
that mentioned that the local museum of natural history was offering a
class in taxidermy that involved making mouse-skin-rugs.