A *very* old story.
Bob Hoffman
The following story is transcribed from a recording made in 1908 by
Nat M. Wills. The part of the servant should be read with a southern
accent.
No News
or
What Killed the Dog?
A wealthy man was ordered by his physician to go away to the mountains
for a rest. He went home, told the members of his family what the
doctor had said. He said, "While I'm away, I don't wish to be annoyed
by letters or telegrams; in fact, I don't want to receive any news of
any kind." So he went away and was gone about six weeks.
He returned to the city very much improved in health and very anxious
for some news from home. He got off of the train at the depot, was
met by his colored servant, and the following conversation ensued:
Man: Well, Henry, how is everything at home? Is there any news?
Henry: No, sir. There ain't no news, sir. Everything is just about
the same as it was when y'all went away. Nothin' happened.
No sir, there ain't nothing happened, there ain't no news.
Man: Well, you know, I'm just dying for some word from home now.
You can tell me any little thing, no matter how trifling.
Henry: No sir, there ain't no news. There ain't nothin' to tell
you, sir. Except... there's just one little thing. Since
you've been away, your dog died.
Man: Oh, my dog died, eh? Well, that's too bad. What killed the
dog?
Henry: Well, sir, the dog ate some burnt horseflesh. And that's what
killed the dog.
Man: Ate burnt horseflesh? Where did he get burnt horseflesh to eat?
Henry: Well, sir, you know, your barn burned down. And after the fire
had cooled off, the dog ran in and ate some of the burnt horse-
flesh, and that's what killed the dog.
Man: Oh, my barn burned down, eh?
Henry: Oh yessir, yes indeed, the barn, that's all burned down.
Man: How did the barn catch fire?
Henry: Well, sir, you see, a spark from the house flew over, caught on
to the barn, burned the barn down, burned up all the cows and
the horses, and after the fire had cooled off, the dog ran in
and ate some of the burnt horseflesh, and that's what killed
the dog.
Man: Oh, then my house burned down too, eh?
Henry: Oh yessir, yes indeed, the house, that's completely destroyed.
Man: Well, how did the house catch fire?
Henry: Well sir, they had some candles burning in the house, and one
of the candles caught onto the curtain, and the curtains caught
onto the roof, and the spark flew over and caught onto the barn,
burned the barn down, burned up all the cows and the horses, and
after the fire had cooled off, the dog ran in and ate some of
the burnt horseflesh, and that's what killed the dog.
Man: You say they had candles burning in the house where I have
gas and electricity? I never knew there was a candle in the
place.
Henry: Oh yessir, yessir, they had the candles there. They had the
candles burning all around the coffin.
Man: The coffin? Who's dead?
Henry: Oh yessir, yessir, that's another little thing I forgot to tell
you about. Since you've been away, your mother-in-law died.
Man: Oh, my mother-in-law died, eh?
Henry: Yessir, yessir, she's dead all right. You needn't worry about
that.
Man: What killed my mother-in-law?
Henry: Well sir, I don't know exactly what killed her sir, but around
the neighborhood, they say it was from the shock of your wife
running away with the chauffeur. But outside of that sir, why,
there ain't no news.
The old ones are the best!
---Bob.
Tobias D. Robison
their father crazy by playing their record of "no news
or what killed the dog". Their copy had a scratch in it, and would
repeat over and over:
Ate some burnt hoss flesh...
Ate some burnt hoss flesh...
Ate some burnt hoss flesh...
Ate some burnt hoss flesh...
Ate some burnt hoss flesh...
- Keremath, care of:
Robison
decvax!ittvax!eosp1
or: allegra!eosp1