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three great lies

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M Nevar

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May 14, 1985, 2:09:02 PM5/14/85
to

I need help.
The three great lies are:

The check is in the mail.
I promise I won't (blank) in your (blank).
And...

What is the third one ???

Mark

foss

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May 14, 1985, 9:16:33 PM5/14/85
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I promise I won't do it again.

P.S ...Try it, it works for me!

Gary Barton

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May 15, 1985, 9:09:11 AM5/15/85
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*** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE ***

How about " ... of course you're the first ..."

(feeble laughter)

--
Gary Barton
Ohio State University
(UUCP: cbosgd!osu-eddie!barton)
(CSNet: barton@ohio-state)
(ARPA: barton%ohio-state.csnet@CSNET-RELAY)

===========================================================================
The views expressed here are :
1) of questionable utility,intelligence,authenticity, & legality.
2) generically disclaimed.
===========================================================================

Hedley K. J. Rainnie

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May 15, 1985, 1:16:00 PM5/15/85
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I always thought it was:

"I'll love you in the morning"

Alan M. Steinberg

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May 16, 1985, 1:15:01 AM5/16/85
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In article <1...@bocar.UUCP> m...@bocar.UUCP (M Nevar) writes:
>
>The three great lies are:
>The check is in the mail.
>I promise I won't (blank) in your (blank).
>And...
>
Sure, I'll respect you in the morning...
> Mark


--
__
/ 0_____ Alan Steinberg
| .\ {ucbvax}!decwrl!amdcad!cae780!alan
| )----'
/ | \ \ "The wind doth taste so bittersweet,
| | | \ Like Jaspar Wine and sugar.
| |__/ | It must've blown through someone's feet,
\_____/ Like those of Caspar Weinberger."
|____) -- P. Opus, distinguished flightless water fowl

Vince Westin

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May 16, 1985, 10:27:16 AM5/16/85
to
> The three great lies are:
>
> The check is in the mail.
> I promise I won't (blank) in your (blank).
> And...

I could never love anyone as much as I love you.

Peter Merchant

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May 16, 1985, 10:49:47 AM5/16/85
to

...It's only a cold sore.
--
"You've been wrong before, Peter Merchant
don't be wrong anymore."

Paul H. Mauritz

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May 16, 1985, 10:55:00 AM5/16/85
to
In article <11...@ihuxe.UUCP>, fo...@ihuxe.UUCP (foss) writes:
> >
> > I need help.
> > The three great lies are:
> >
> > The check is in the mail.
> > What is the third one ???
> I promise I won't do it again.
I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.

--
Paul H. Mauritz - Digital Equipment Corporation

UUCP: {decvax,decuac}!paul
ARPA: decuac!pa...@seismo.ARPA
AT&T: (301) 474-4091
USPS: 8301 Professional Place, Landover MD USA EARTH 20785, MS-DCO/913

"Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are
horses? - G. Gordon Liddy

Pat Kauffold

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May 16, 1985, 1:42:46 PM5/16/85
to
"This is for your own good."

"This won't hurt."

Chris J. Valas

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May 17, 1985, 1:10:49 PM5/17/85
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-=-

In article <1...@mogwai.UUCP> pa...@mogwai.UUCP (Paul H. Mauritz) writes:
>In article <11...@ihuxe.UUCP>, fo...@ihuxe.UUCP (foss) writes:
>> >
>> > I need help.
>> > The three great lies are:
>> >
>> > The check is in the mail.
>> > What is the third one ???
>> I promise I won't do it again.
>I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.

It's only a cold sore.

Robert Skinner

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May 17, 1985, 1:48:49 PM5/17/85
to

*** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE ***

I heard that the second one was
"It's on the loading dock now."
and that "I won't (blank)" was third.

However, the new, '80s lie is:
"It's ok, it's only a cold sore."

Robert Skinner
Saber Tech

showard

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May 17, 1985, 2:15:38 PM5/17/85
to
Maybe "It's only a cold sore."
or maybe "Trust me. I'm with the government."

or maybe . . . .

--Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die!
. . . udenva!showard

il...@hplabs.uucp

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May 17, 1985, 9:09:00 PM5/17/85
to
I thought they were:
The check's in the mail.

I'll respect you in the morning.
You can trust me. (I wouldn't lie to you.)

Michelle Lassagne hplabs!iles

Dave Brower

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May 18, 1985, 2:17:08 PM5/18/85
to
> > > The check is in the mail.
> > I promise I won't do it again.
> I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
Don't call us, we'll call you.
It will be ready in two weeks.
--
{amdahl|dual|sun|zehntel}\ | Overheard in Berkeley:
{ucbvax|decvax}!mtxinu >!rtech!daveb | "Have you got an Apple?"
ihnp4!phoenix ___________/ | "Oh, yeah, of course."

Bruce Binder

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May 20, 1985, 4:06:28 PM5/20/85
to

Our computer fouled up.

Dave Fox

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May 21, 1985, 1:07:17 AM5/21/85
to
It'll be ready by 3.

N. Straguzzi

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May 21, 1985, 11:24:36 AM5/21/85
to
> >
> > I need help.
> > The three great lies are:
> >
> > The check is in the mail.
> > I promise I won't (blank) in your (blank).
> > And...
> >
> > What is the third one ???
> >
> > Mark
> Maybe "It's only a cold sore."
> or maybe "Trust me. I'm with the government."
>
> or maybe . . . .
[DEFACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE]

I've heard...

"My brakes failed"
"Some of my best friends are black (hispanic, italian, etc.)"
"I didn't see any one way sign, officer"
and...there's a few others. A friend has a list of "15 Greatest Lies"; maybe
I can get them from him.

Rick Kiessig

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May 21, 1985, 12:21:17 PM5/21/85
to
I've always liked:

"I'm from the Government, and I'm here to help you."

--
Rick Kiessig
{decvax, ucbvax}!sun!idi!kiessig
{akgua, allegra, amd, burl, cbosgd, decwrl, dual, ihnp4}!idi!kiessig
Phone: 408-996-2399

lyle

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May 21, 1985, 12:41:26 PM5/21/85
to

How about...

"Don't worry my herpes is in recession."


-Wayne

Teri Klein%Langridge

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May 22, 1985, 11:14:54 AM5/22/85
to

Most of the discussion regarding what the three greatest lies are has
resulted from the male population on the net. Well boys, you all are
missing the third lie (really a line as opposed to a lie)


Is it in yet?

Pat Boren

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May 20, 1985, 7:11:42 PM5/20/85
to
>
> I need help.
> The three great lies are:
>
> The check is in the mail.
> I promise I won't (blank) in your (blank).
> And...


Yes, I'll respect you in the morning.

--
decvax!randvax!boren

LO COCO

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May 23, 1985, 9:36:45 AM5/23/85
to
> > Gur guerr terng yvrf ner:
> >
> > Gur purpx vf va gur znvy.
> > V cebzvfr V jba'g (oynax) va lbhe (oynax).
> > Naq...
> >
> > Jung vf gur guveq bar ???
> >
> > Znex
>
> Bhe pbzchgre sbhyrq hc.

Znlor guvf fubhyq or : "Gur pbzchgre vf qbja gbqnl ohg vg jvyy or hc
nyy qnl gbzbeebj!"
--

John B. Lo Coco
(...mhuxl!ogre)
(...szuxn!ogre)
1-201-467-7436

Matthew D. Goldman

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May 26, 1985, 4:39:35 PM5/26/85
to
In article <4...@rtech.ARPA> da...@rtech.ARPA (Dave Brower) writes:
>> > > The check is in the mail.
>> > I promise I won't do it again.
>> I'm from the government and I'm here to help you.
>Don't call us, we'll call you.
>It will be ready in two weeks.
It will be up in an Hour...


--
-------
Matthew Goldman
Computer Science Department
University of Minnesota
...ihnp4{!stolaf}!umn-cs!goldman

Home is where you take your hat off... Banzai!

Kyllara : What did you just do?
Moederan : I don't know but it's going to be fun...

ANDREW VARE

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May 26, 1985, 10:16:11 PM5/26/85
to
In article <1...@bocar.UUCP>, m...@bocar.UUCP (M Nevar) writes:
>

Its just a cold sore...
atv

ANDREW VARE

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May 27, 1985, 1:41:11 PM5/27/85
to
What are the two fastest land animals on this planet?

Hey, wouldn't you know it, it's a tie between an Ethiopian chicken
and a BABOON on the sidewalk in front of the Mayo Clinic.

arf arf.;-)

s. dugan

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May 29, 1985, 1:47:10 AM5/29/85
to
>
> Zbfg bs gur qvfphffvba ertneqvat jung gur guerr terngrfg yvrf ner unf
> erfhygrq sebz gur znyr cbchyngvba ba gur arg. Jryy oblf, lbh nyy ner
> zvffvat gur guveq yvr (ernyyl n yvar nf bccbfrq gb n yvr)
>
>
> Vf vg va lrg?

EVTUG BA!!!!!!!!!!

Fnenu R. Qhtna
(ab pyrire yvarf)
--
Sarah E. Dugan
(no clever lines)

Pete Wilson

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May 29, 1985, 6:35:57 PM5/29/85
to
In article <5...@ihlpg.UUCP> sed...@ihlpg.UUCP (s. dugan) writes:
>
> Zbfg bs gur qvfphffvba ertneqvat jung gur guerr terngrfg yvrf ner unf
> erfhygrq sebz gur znyr cbchyngvba ba gur arg. Jryy oblf, lbh nyy ner
> zvffvat gur guveq yvr (ernyyl n yvar nf bccbfrq gb n yvr)
>
>
> Vf vg va lrg?

V pna'g gryy...pebff lbhe yrtf..

s. dugan

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May 30, 1985, 10:08:10 AM5/30/85
to
> Va negvpyr <5...@vuyct.HHPC> frq...@vuyct.HHPC (f. qhtna) jevgrf:

> >
> > Most of the discussion regarding what the three greatest lies are has
> > resulted from the male population on the net. Well boys, you all are
> > missing the third lie (really a line as opposed to a lie)
> >
> >
> > Is it in yet?
>
> I can't tell...cross your legs..

Gung jnfa'g zl yvar. V whfg jebgr hc n sbyybj-hc gb vg. V qba'g xabj jub
jebgr gur bevtvany.

Phil Smith

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Jun 2, 1985, 11:23:45 AM6/2/85
to

[I would call that a direct insult rather than a lie or line]

(so at that rate the proper reply would be)

I don't know, I can't feel the sides :=).

Alexis Dimitriadis

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Jun 3, 1985, 6:02:17 AM6/3/85
to
> RIGHT ON!!!!!!!!!!
>
Well, how about some more clever put-downs, then? My girlfriend knows
of "Is it in yet?" and

Was that all?

(No, she never used them on me, she's always too breathless!).
They seem to be the standard ones. Any more?
--
_______________________________________________
As soon as I get a full time job, the opinions expressed above
will attach themselves to my employer, who will never be rid of
them again.

alexis @ reed

...teneron! \
...seismo!ihnp4! - tektronix! - reed.UUCP
...decvax! /

Steven List

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Jun 3, 1985, 9:18:28 PM6/3/85
to
Please Please Please - if you're going to rotate these silly things,
say so on the Subject: line!

A Panther Modern

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Jun 12, 1985, 5:54:32 PM6/12/85
to
In article <25...@decwrl.UUCP> mras...@kl2116.DEC (Michael Raspuzzi) writes:
| I have heard a clever one for "Is it in yet?". When a female asks that
| question, simply reply with "I don't know, I can't feel the sides."
|
| Unfortunately, I don't have one for "Was that all?".

Perhaps "Yes. I'm not into statuary rape."?
^--sic.
--
{hplabs,fortune,idi,ihnp4,tolerant,allegra,tymix}!oliveb!long

Robert Skinner

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Jun 13, 1985, 12:25:20 PM6/13/85
to
*** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE ***

Along the same lines as the (female) putdowns is a bit from TAXI, where
Latka's mother describes married life to Simka before they are married:

.... and in bed a man will get you all worked up, and before you
can say Is that all there is?, That's all there is!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I blow my nose at you, you silly person, you.
Go away, or I shall taunt you a second time.
(Spoken with outRAgeous French accent)

Name: Robert Skinner
Mail: Saber Technology, 2381 Bering Drive, San Jose, California 95131
AT&T: (408) 945-0518, or 945-9600 (mesg. only)
UUCP: ...{decvax,ucbvax}!decwrl!saber!skinner
...{amd,ihnp4,ittvax}!saber!skinner

Chris Shaw

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Jun 14, 1985, 12:01:17 AM6/14/85
to

> I have heard a clever one for "Is it in yet?". When a female asks that
> question, simply reply with "I don't know, I can't feel the sides."
>
> Unfortunately, I don't have one for "Was that all?".
>
How 'bout
"Yeah, you passed out from the excitement and I finished without you"

or
"Sorry, I was dying of boredom... had to do SOMEthing to wake myself up"

or
"Yeah, I wanted to watch the news.. it's on in 3 minutes"


--
Chris Shaw watmath!watmum!cdshaw or cdshaw@watmath
University of Waterloo
In doubt? Eat hot high-speed death -- the experts' choice in gastric vileness !

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