A funny rape joke

Matthew P. Wiener

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Feb 8, 1986, 11:22:46 PM2/8/86

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WARNING! The following joke is offensive to feminists, Alaskans,
Eskimos, polar bears, people who get offended at people who don't
call Eskimos Native Americans, people who get offended at people
who tell rape jokes, people who can't help but read simple bath-
room humor as homophobia, etc. No mention is made of Catholics,
Lutherans, Zoroastrans, Buddhists, Vikings, computer programmers,
NASA employees, Stalinists, journalists, or yet another light bulb
joke tellers, within the joke proper, but no doubt such people could
take offense. The joke does mention fraternities, but it does not
seem possible to offend them. I apologize ahead of time to everyone
else, but I can't help myself.

For safety's sake I rot13ed the joke 2000 times, and told the joke
to some laboratory mice, only one of which contracted cancer.

You have been warned.

Last chance to hit the 'n' key!

So I lied.

An inductee at a University of Alaska Nome campus fraternity was
being hazed. He was stripped naked, given a flashlight and a crude
map, and was told not to return until he had performed two tasks.

"What tasks?" he asked.
"First you must wrestle a polar bear."
"Gasp. What's the other task?"
"When you return, you must rape an Eskimo woman."

And so the young and foolish and cold inductee wandered the tundra.
He returned three days later, and showed up at the fraternity in
terrible shape. His right arm was broken, his whole left side was
blood soaked. He was missing three teeth. And his extremities were
frozen solid. He banged on the door, and was let in.

Ignoring the attempts to help him, the inductee defiantly wished to
finish the hazing. "OK now," he shouted, "where's the Eskimo woman
you want me to wrestle?"

ucbvax!brahms!weemba Matthew P Wiener/UCB Math Dept/Berkeley CA 94720

Michaelntz

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Feb 10, 1986, 1:41:00 PM2/10/86

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>In article <17...@jhunix.UUCP> ins_...@jhunix.UUCP (Adric of Alzarius) writes:
>>> Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>> He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>> Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?

>These corny puns really go against my grain....

The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...

Steve Roddy

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Feb 12, 1986, 11:58:18 AM2/12/86

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You're all just a bunch of Flakes. Wheat all be better off if you people
listened to Raisin and put an end to this Total lunacy.

Mark Roddy

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Feb 14, 1986, 9:12:47 AM2/14/86

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?
>>> Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>> He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>> Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?

>These corny puns really go against my grain....

>

> You're all just a bunch of Flakes. Wheat all be better off if you people
> listened to Raisin and put an end to this Total lunacy.

I find this sort of humor extremely bulgar.

Bruce Holloway

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Feb 14, 1986, 12:12:56 PM2/14/86

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>>>> Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>>> He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>>> Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...

This makes me hop-ping mad.

Mr. Blore

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Feb 17, 1986, 1:06:17 PM2/17/86

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I can barley stand to read anymore of this rye humor. . .

--
Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die
{hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showard
or {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard

William Swan

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Feb 17, 1986, 3:57:08 PM2/17/86

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Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.

--

suke...@ccnysci.uucp

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Feb 17, 1986, 6:38:55 PM2/17/86

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>> >>> Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>> >>> He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>> >> Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>
>>
>> >These corny puns really go against my grain....
>>
>> The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>

>You're all just a bunch of Flakes. Wheat all be better off if you people
>listened to Raisin and put an end to this Total lunacy.

All rice already! Lettuce snap it off before someone crackles and
pops his modem! This orange has been squeezed for all it's worth.

-cheerio

Adric of Alzarius

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Feb 18, 1986, 3:14:31 PM2/18/86

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> >>>>> Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
> >>>>> He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
> >>>> Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
> >>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
> >>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
> >This makes me hop-ping mad.
> I can barley stand to read anymore of this rye humor. . .

These jokes are so hot, I'm getting toasted...

--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Remember, nothing in this world is real." -- James St.Clair
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joseph P. Ogulin
UUCP: seismo!umcp-cs \ BITNET: INS_AJPO@JHUVMS
ihnp4!whuxcc > !jhunix!ins_ajpo P99I1798@JHUVM
allegra!hopkins / CSNET: ins_...@jhunix.CSNET
ARPA: ins_ajpo%jhunix...@wiscvm.WISC.EDU

ar56...@sjuvax.uucp

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Feb 19, 1986, 10:05:32 AM2/19/86

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This joke violates the net readers' civil rice...

_____________________________________________________________________________
Tony Rowley (ar563303@sjuvax) St. Joseph's University, Phila.,PA,USA
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Charlie don't surf!!" - Col. William Kilgore
_____________________________________________________________________________

Gary Ansok

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Feb 19, 1986, 4:29:25 PM2/19/86

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Whatever happened to good old rye humor?

suke...@ccnysci.uucp

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Feb 20, 1986, 11:01:07 PM2/20/86

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In article <jhunix.1925> ins_...@jhunix.UUCP writes:
>> >>>>> Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>> >>>>> He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>> >>>> Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>> >>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>> >>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>> >This makes me hop-ping mad.
>> I can barley stand to read anymore of this rye humor. . .

> These jokes are so hot, I'm getting toasted...

Muffin can be wurst then wasting lime leek this. Lettuce put the accent
on our chops before we get fired. Cabbage?

Marg! you're in! Most of the fellas got rotten and we had to toss it.

William Swan

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Feb 24, 1986, 3:38:36 PM2/24/86

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They scotched it.

---
"Have you hugged your bagpipe today?"

--

John Tupper

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Mar 5, 1986, 12:30:38 PM3/5/86

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>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>>>>>He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>>>>>Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>>>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>>This makes me hop-ping mad.
>Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.

Here's my followup, it's the yeast I could do.
--
John Tupper tupper@wanginst (Csnet)
Wang Institute of Graduate Studies wanginst!tupper (UUCP)
Tyng Road, Tyngsboro, MA 01879 (617) 649-9731

Adric of Alzarius

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Mar 8, 1986, 10:54:04 PM3/8/86

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>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>>>>>>He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>>>>>>Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>>>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>>>>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>>>This makes me hop-ping mad.
>>Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.
>Here's my followup, it's the yeast I could do.

Well, it does seem to be hopping right along...

--
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Me, not allowed??? I'm allowed everywhere!" -- The Doctor

Ken Arromdee

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Mar 9, 1986, 12:33:58 AM3/9/86

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In article <21...@jhunix.UUCP> ins_...@jhunix.UUCP (Adric of Alzarius) writes:
>>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>>>>>>>He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>>>>>>>Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>>>>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>>>>>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>>>>This makes me hop-ping mad.
>>>Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.
>>Here's my followup, it's the yeast I could do.
>Well, it does seem to be hopping right along...

While your computers are crunching this, you should eventually realize these
puns are half-baked...
--
Kenneth Arromdee | |
BITNET: G46I4701 at JHUVM, INS_AKAA at JHUVMS -|------|-
CSNET: ins_...@jhunix.CSNET -|------|-
ARPA: ins_akaa%jhu...@hopkins.ARPA -|------|-
UUCP: {allegra!hopkins, seismo!umcp-cs, ihnp4!whuxcc} -|------|-
!jhunix!ins_akaa | |

Michaelntz

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Mar 12, 1986, 11:51:00 PM3/12/86

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>>>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>>>>>>>He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>>>>>>>Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>>>>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>>>>>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>>>>This makes me hop-ping mad.
>>>Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.
>>Here's my followup, it's the yeast I could do.
>Well, it does seem to be hopping right along...

There've been so many puns here already, I can barley think of
another addition. I'm just lucky I'm well-bread.

- Mike Krantz
"Springsteen, literature and thou..."

William Swan

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Mar 13, 1986, 3:47:55 PM3/13/86

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>
>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim?

>>>>>>>He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>>>>>>Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>>>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>>>>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>>>This makes me hop-ping mad.
>>Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.
>Here's my followup, it's the yeast I could do.

Sorry, that one fell flat. You knead to work harder at it.

Chris Ambler

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Mar 14, 1986, 5:46:02 PM3/14/86

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You guys oat to be able to mill up better puns than these!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
|-Spock! (Christopher J. Ambler, University of Claifornia, Riverside)|
| |
| ...ucbvax!ucdavis!ucrmath!hope!spock |
| |
| -"Captain, I see no reason to bother Starfleet..." |
|---------------------------------------------------------------------|

William Swan

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Mar 17, 1986, 12:13:07 PM3/17/86

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In article <305...@csd2.UUCP> kra...@csd2.UUCP (Michaelntz) writes:
>>>>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>>>>>>>>He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>>>>>>>>Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>>>>>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>>>>>>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>>>>>This makes me hop-ping mad.
>>>>Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.
>>>Here's my followup, it's the yeast I could do.
>>Well, it does seem to be hopping right along...

>I can barley think of another addition. I'm just lucky I'm well-bread.

Arrgh.. I couldn't help but rise to that one!

William Swan

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Mar 18, 1986, 2:27:10 PM3/18/86

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In article <1...@hope.UUCP> sp...@hope.UUCP (Chris Ambler) writes:
>>>>>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>>>>>>>>>>He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>>>>>>>>>Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>>>>>>>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>>>>>>>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>>>>>>This makes me hop-ping mad.
>>>>>Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.
>>>>Here's my followup, it's the yeast I could do.
>>>Well, it does seem to be hopping right along...
>>There've been so many puns here already, I can barley think of
>>another addition. I'm just lucky I'm well-bread.
>You guys oat to be able to mill up better puns than these!

Not at the rate they're grinding them out!

R. Zinnato

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Mar 24, 1986, 5:36:52 PM3/24/86

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In article <6...@sigma.UUCP> bi...@sigma.UUCP (William Swan) writes:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.

WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm REALLY getting sick of these damn things.........

rowley

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Mar 25, 1986, 8:57:24 AM3/25/86

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In article <29...@sjuvax.UUCP> zin...@sjuvax.UUCP (R. Zinnato) writes:
>
>In article <6...@sigma.UUCP> bi...@sigma.UUCP (William Swan) writes:
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>
>
>WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know, but if you find out, please let me know; I'm interested :-)!
--

_______________________________________________________________________________
Anthony J. Rowley St. Joseph's University Philadelphia, PA USA
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
{ bpa | burdvax | allegra | astrovax } !sjuvax!ar563303
_______________________________________________________________________________

Donald E. Carlile

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Mar 27, 1986, 7:41:38 PM3/27/86

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>> >>>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
>> >>>>>>>>He's now Kareem a' Wheat.
>> >>>>>>>Is this a no-frills BRANd joke?
>> >>>>>>These corny puns really go against my grain....
>> >>>>>The problem is that they'll all start coming in cereal fashion...
>> >>>>This makes me hop-ping mad.
>> >>>Ahh, I can just hear mo'dem puns brewing in people's minds now.
>> >>Here's my followup, it's the yeast I could do.
>> >Well, it does seem to be hopping right along...
>> There've been so many puns here already, I can barley think of
>> another addition. I'm just lucky I'm well-bread.
>You guys oat to be able to mill up better puns than these!

Let us never forget that the bun is the noblest form of wheat.

car...@uiucdcsb.cs.uiuc.edu

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Mar 30, 1986, 7:17:00 PM3/30/86

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<- If you find some one who does, could you let me know?

Bruce T. Lowerre

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Mar 31, 1986, 1:12:00 PM3/31/86

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> In article <29...@sjuvax.UUCP> zin...@sjuvax.UUCP (R. Zinnato) writes:
> >
> >In article <6...@sigma.UUCP> bi...@sigma.UUCP (William Swan) writes:
> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Did you hear that Buckwheat became a Muslim.
> >
> >
> >WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
>
> I don't know, but if you find out, please let me know; I'm interested :-)!

How about a duck?