Uneducated Parents

[Victorio Galindo]

OnceI went to college, things began to change. Even at my medium-sized Midwestern university, I was exposed to new ways of understanding the world around me. I took my first flight; then I took another. I started going to therapy. When a former teacher saw me during winter break and asked what my favorite part of college was, I answered her honestly: I could get fresh fruit whenever I wanted.

Just want to say, this this article reflects the inner thoughts I have for the longest time but did not have the ability to articulate it so well. I am also surprised how this is so universal, when we speak of class differences and generation evolution.

Thank you for this well written essay. For years I struggled with the adult relationship with my mom, analyzing why I would make her mad, short, abrasive. I started to think she was jealous because I had and have in life what she never had physically or emotionally. THIS article is such an ah ha moment. As the youngest of five and only daughter, I now recognize she was raising us in survival mode. The concept of Class anxiety and how this has played out in my own life has been thought provoking. Thank you.

Im inspired to get back to my own writing and explore topics like this.

Thank you for this brave and honest post. Yes, I have that same struggle. I have a few friends who also grew up poor and are now navigating raising their kids in the middle class, but 99% of my friends would have no idea what I was talking about.

What a thoughtful post. I love Cup of Jo for giving Atlantic type topics a personal perspective, right next to a post about the most delicious looking easy hash and a poignant cute illustration about being human.

Interesting and beautiful. I would like to read also something about tre opposite experience. In Europe and in Italy many families are experiencing a new situation of poverty due to the economic crisis, where old parents are reacher than their children.

Thank for for this excellent true story. It is so refreshing to read on Cup of Jo! For more stories like this, and to experience the transformational power of true storytelling check out TMI Project ( ). Full disclosure: This is a non-profit org that I truly believe will one day change the world, one story at a time AND I also consult for them.

I really loved this piece! Thank you so much Ashley. I have been in a very similar situation as your friend, thinking my daughter might get too spoiled. I grew up in such a different way, but your words give me a lot of confidence. Thank you so much for that!

I dont know, but here in Germany I see a different development: as a single mother (43), with a master degree, I will maybe reach with 50 years the standard of my parents. My parents had a house with a big garden, could travel abroad, new car, other mothers could stay at home. You could live from one salary. I instead live in a three-room flat, have a 15 years old car, mothers have to go to work.

Compared to 20 years ago life is much more expansive, but the salaries didnt climb. And because my parents dont live anymore, Im really on my own.

I had the same thoughts and I live in Los Angeles. My husband and I are professionals but are so far from affording the same life that my parents had. My dad and I are both dentists but the life it afforded him is so different from mine today.

Ashley this is so well written and touching , thank you for sharing

Nancy my husband and I are the inverse (I from the lower income and he raised with a middle income family) and I struggle with class issues and perceptions daily in regards to raising our child. The idea of financial priorities, safety nets and exposing our child to all class experiences is something we struggle with so often. Growing up in survival mode provides a level of guilt in enjoying success at times, but I appreciate that my child does not have that burden. I identified with your comment and thoughts and glad we are all trying to be conscious of one another.

"Uneducated parents are the worst."What are your thoughts about that or simply uneducated parents/people?

To me, it's kinda true. My dad isn't educated at all and he's terrible. He can't control his anger when he's mad, he doesn't know to say anything nice to children (he's the best at yelling at us, criticizing us, saying we're stupid) and he's obviously not supporting us at all. He's really lucky that he's married to my mom. Seriously, i just can't take his anger sometimes and wow, i can't believe i'm going to travel with him in a few weeks.I have friends who already moved out because they just couldn't take their rude parents and they are 'asian parents' with no education.

Some of the most hardworking and kindest people I have met are uneducated parents who are immigrants, and who's son or daughter are the first in their family to FINISH HIGH SCHOOL and go to COLLEGE. So yeah your situation is your own, but it does not reflect everyone.

most parents treat their kids like kids, because they act like kids. they dont communicate with their parents in a mature way. they do not explain to their parents that they arent stupid anymore (cuz face it, everyone is stupid at some point. babies swallow things that will kill them without a second thought, they remember how dumb we were).

i kno some people who complain about how their parent dont trust them, and then go out and do some dumb stuff, man i f i was their parent i wouldn't trust them either.

or they have good points, but dont stand up, once their parent is around they revert to elementry school. dont defend their point of view, just do as they are told.

how can they treat u like an adult if ur acting like a baby?

on the otherhand, if you are trying to explain and communicate with your parent in a mature fashion, and they abuse, use and disrepsect you. of course they can loose their respect.

it is odd when u see 14 year old talking smack about their parents. maybe they should go out on their own, be homeless, mugged, feel hunger, feel cold. things they never experienced and thus take for granted.

Education or the lack of education can be reflected in their mannerism unfortunately. But at the same time, remember if the 'asian parents' didn't decide to immigrate, we wouldn't have the lifestyle we have now.

Well I wouldnt say they are the worst. My father is uneducated and have done a lot of wrong things in life I can understand him but I would never forgive him for his actions. I have a lot of issue with my family which isnt anymore. I recently cut all my contacts with em because I feel like im being rip apart by em. One year back I had a fight with my father now its really hard to control my anger bevause ive held it with 15 years

Truth be told, it isn't necessarily to do with education but rather to do with one's nature...

There is a growing trend between lack of education and lack of expertise in being a good parent, but a good majority of the time they just weren't meant to be good at it or it could just be that they don't know better.

What makes me laugh is the amount of people that turn around and claim that parents are right all of the time and kids should be completely obedient to them. Yes, children should pay their dues and respect their elders, but if they are not being respected in return then that is not a good relationship, nor is it a mature one...

As such? That is wrong and they have the "right" to rebel or be as disrespectful... I would personally advise against such a stratagem as it usually doesn't bode well for the child, but sometimes being completely obedient and respectful leads to a lot of compromising and being taken advantage of...

I speak, of course, from experience.

There is bad parenting from the uneducated but there is also a lot of equally horrible parenting from people that have great educational backgrounds. A lot of people adapt their parenting to reflect that of their own parents. As far as Asian immigrant parents , it could be possible that their own parents had a 'tiger' authoritarian attitude when it came to parenting. Older generations of Asians are also more likely to respect filial piety so your dad might just be carrying over the attitude that he was treated with. Either way, he's most likely rude and critical because he wants to toughen you up so you won't be hurt by other people.

Idk duuuuuuudddeeee if its unbearable you could move out when it becomes possible (don't cut them off though [unless its necessary]). Sometimes distance can really solve family problems ;o.

Hmm define "uneducated" though?I wont go into too much detail but in my opinion there is no such thing as uneducated. . . Uneducated is such a negative word. And when that word is being used towards another it's similar to a form of bullying. It's a word that people use a lot because they can't look into the "flaws" of a person and understand them so they instantly use the word.Not being able to control anger isn't being "uneducated" it's a completely different thing.(You can reply to this in your opinion, it's okay)

atomichighfive said: Some of the most hardworking and kindest people I have met are uneducated parents who are immigrants, and who's son or daughter are the first in their family to FINISH HIGH SCHOOL and go to COLLEGE. So yeah your situation is your own, but it does not reflect everyone.

My dad's very educated (went to university in London and Toronto), and honestly, sometimes he's the most ignorant type of person. He can be pretty homophobic. He can also be very racist (ironically, I'm mixed...). He also believes that women in domestic violence situations are stupid, and that mental/emotional abuse is B.S.

Moral of the story - the decisions and things a person does/says boils down to a lot of things. Most of the time it comes down to the environment they were exposed to when they were young. My dad was raised in a pretty conservative, religious environment, so naturally he picked up those ideologies as he grew older. My mother grew up in a very liberal environment, and she is much more accepting of different cultures/beliefs/ideologies.

Perhaps your father acts the way he does because that's how his parents treated him?

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