Amrta-vani - Gathering Gems

[Vijaya Baladeva das]

Dear Devotees,
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

Soon we will finally be able to supply you with the first training
newsletter. We just need a little more time.
Meanwhile, as we are celebrating Kartika, and many of us
are using this time for our own personal retreat, I would like to
share
some gems with you that I gained during my last japa retreat in the
USA in
September.

Also, I would like to use the opportunity to inform you of our next
public retreats, which will take place at the sacred Govardhana hill,
in
Jatipura in Vraja:
Govardhana retreat: November 24-30 and
Kirtana retreat: December 3-9
(pls see www.vihe.org).
We would be very happy to see you there.

Wishing you all the best and lots of spirtual strength,
Sacinandana Swami


Gathering Gems:
Peak Experiences and Lessons Learned During My Japa Retreat in America
(Elkins Estate, PA)

The highlight of my own experience during the Japa Retreat was when I
could
perceive a glimpse of how the Holy Name connects us with the
personality -
the svarupa - of Krsna. "Impersonal" japa feels mechanical, just like
unconscious breathing - and it may turn into something which makes us
shy
away from our sacred practice of chanting our fixed number of rounds.
It
cannot really satisfy the soul's deep longing for relationship with
the
Lord. But if we do indeed wish to chant japa in that personal
connection,
then attachment to the Lord is required. This attachment can be best
gained
in the association of devotees who already possess it or eagerly await
it.

Speaking of which, we had one 83-year-old devotee - Mother Indrani -
with
us, who was severely afflicted by bodily ailments. Towards the end of
the
retreat, she passed in and out of consciousness (as she had many times
in
recent years). On the last day of the retreat, eyes glowing with
enthusiasm,
she shared the following wisdom: "Work on that one relationship while
you
can and your bodies are still in working order. Aspire, cry, beg!
iIt's all
that counts." Her example and words affected me profoundly.

Later, by the grace of Yajna Purusa Prabhu, I heard a powerful
recommendation from Srila Prabhupada on how to chant with full
attention:
"Just try to hear yourself chant sincerely." I'd not encountered it
before.
And this simple piece of advice (that almost sounds like the enigmatic
instructions by a Zen Master) has profound depth to it. The potency in
this
instruction is that it forcefully catches the mind and quickly brings
the
chanter into the sacred inner space of the heart.

To conclude the experience of our Japa retreat 2010 at the Elkins
Estate, I
wrote a personal letter to the Holy Name encapsulating my feelings
towards
Him. I would like to now offer you some excerpts from this little
"love
letter":

My Dear Nama Prabhu,

Please accept my prostrated obeisances and my sincere attempt to write
You a
letter that reaches beyond the confines of my material universe and
connects
with You directly, in Your world. I have heard from Your pure servant,
my
Srila Prabhupada, all about Your glories, and I believe everything,
because
I have surrendered myself to his care. All that I ask of You is to
kindly
invite me again into a meaningful relationship with You, so that I may
finally regain my real life of service to You and Your divine
associates.

To meet You is truly my only desire and my only project. By Your
grace, this
divine prospect is now beginning to take shape, deep within my heart.
Please
do not trust or answer the myriad inauthentic voices and messages
which my
diverted mind may sometimes send Your way. But rather, please flood my
heart
with the unlimited sweetness that gives rise to an almost maddening
attachment for You. And in this way, may You and Srimati Radharani be
glorified supremely with my every breath, for eternal time.

Your helpless, yet hopeful soul, still in this world,
Sacinandana Swami