<General awareness> How to raise an emotionally intelligent child?
Tabinda Salman
According to physiologists, there are four types of intelligence:
1) Intelligence Quotient (IQ)
2) Emotional Quotient (EQ)
3) Social Quotient (SQ)
4) Adversity Quotient (AQ)
Most parents feel proud when their children have high IQ levels or are academically successful. The parents forget about the emotional development or intelligence of their child. However, the most important thing for a child is to become emotionally intelligent.
An emotional quotient means the ability of a person to control, interpret or manage his emotions and understand the emotions of the people living around them. The emotional quotient in children is the measure of their ability to maintain peace with others, be responsible, honest, respect boundaries, be humble, genuine, and considerate towards others.
COMPONENTS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Emotionally intelligent kids possess:
1. Self-awareness
A person can be aware of these personal moods, behavior, and emotions. Self-awareness includes different attributes such as self-confidence and realistic self-assessment.
2. Self-regulation
Self-regulation means to regulate your mood and behavior nicely under different circumstances.
3. Internal motivation
It is the urge or spark within self to do something positive. It also shows the passion for work or to achieve something big in life. The main attributes of self-motivation are optimism and a strong drive to achieve something.
4. Empathy
It means that a person should understand the emotions of people around them. The attributes of empathy are to be thoughtful, have sympathy, concern, or care for someone.
5. Social skills
It is the ability to manage relationships and develop new relations sensibly.
According to some researchers, we can learn emotional intelligence in our lifetime. Another opinion of some researchers is, emotional intelligence is an inborn trait, and we cannot grasp it in adulthood. However, studies show that there are many ways to improve emotional intelligence. We can work to increase emotional intelligence by,
· Self-help
· Training courses
· Adult education
· By working with a coach that provides emotional skills training.
People can learn emotional skills at any age, from young children to the elderly. According to a study, emotional intelligence is a skill, and young children can learn this skill at any time. As the children grow older, they become well aware of their own emotions and the emotions of people living around them. This acknowledgment helps to give rise the emotional intelligence in them. For raising an emotionally intelligent child, the parent has to focus on their child's behavior by their emotions. They need to pay attention to their child's emotional intelligence. The parents need to assure the child to express their feeling of anger, sadness, happiness, etc. They should not command their children to behave in a specific manner. If the parents dictate to the child, express what he is not feeling, it will suppress their clarity of emotions and thoughts. The child is a free soul. He has mood swings, feelings, and emotions. We should make our children confident enough to show their emotional stability and respond to other people's emotions.
BENEFITS OF EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
· Emotional intelligence is linked to IQ.
· Emotionally intelligent children have great adaptability.
· Emotionally intelligent children can make better relationships.
· Emotionally intelligent have better mental health.
· Emotionally intelligent children can have a successful future.
IMPACTFUL EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE FRAMEWORK
Some valuable and impactful emotional intelligence attributes are:
1. Values
The fundamental emotional asset is value. Identify the core values in our society. Respecting values will lead our children to relate to our people and lifestyle. It enables us to choose our values.
2. Ethics
Ethics is related to our morals. Your child can be a good person if he follows good ethics. He needs to have a strong personality to be ethical.
3. Boundaries
We should set boundaries for our children. Children should work within limits. In this way, they cannot hurt themselves or others emotionally. Our children should also respect others’ boundaries.
4. Kindness
When we are kind to all, we show that we are Emotionally Intelligent beings. Kindness helps us give back to the world.
5. Experiences
Experiences develop our curiosity and expose us to possibilities. For a child, it means they help him choose his interests better.
Many of the children grow up, being deficient in any one of these traits, and as a result, they end up being less happy, less successful and making less of an impact than they could have. The greatest asset we have is the ability of our brain to adapt all emotions and emotional intelligence.
SIGNS THAT SHOW THAT THE CHILD IS NOT EMOTIONALLY INTELLIGENT
Some signs and indications show that the child is not emotionally intelligent. Some of them are:
· The child does not respond to the emotions of the other.
· They develop weak interpersonal communication skills.
· They feel misunderstood.
· They feel insecure.
· They tend to make excuses.
· They lack problem-solving skills.
· They keep grudges from the emotionally intelligent people.
· They show unexpected emotional meltdowns.
· Involves in a lot of interpersonal conflicts, fights, arguments.
· They make fast assumptions and act impulsively.
· They are ruthless or emotionless and have poor judgments.
· They hold negative emotions and feel stressed, nervous, sad, and anxious.
· They blame others for their emotional problems.
In the recent past, children became vulnerable in terms of emotions. The main reason behind this is the children were socially and emotionally not connected with their friends, teachers, and relatives due to the global pandemic. They were in a situation of house arrest. Referring to research in the latest issue of the Journal of Personality, there has been a decline in emotional intelligence in young adults due to the use of social media. The experts say that the one-to-one interaction among people has decreased due to pandemics. However, in-person social interaction is an effective way of providing closeness and bonding rather than virtual communication. These social interactions have drastically changed many lives and have increased depression, anxiety, suicidal attempts, and mood disorders. Other factors which cause the decline in emotional intelligence in children are academic pressure and instability in the family structure.
TIPS FOR STRONG EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
· Focus on identifying the uniqueness in your child. Make peace with all his emotions.
· Answer all emotions of your child with the answer of Love. The loving abilities of your child mean loving all his emotional traits.
· Show your child your best attributes against their emotions of fear or anger, without utterances about whether their life is full of sufficient humility, or learning from mistakes and failures, or whether they have mastered a good attitude.
· Help your child to Speak about their emotions. Speaking your heart out, showing off your feelings with the help of words can explain how they feel in a better way. Children should know how to deal with their emotional distress.
· Help your child to boost his emotional intelligence by developing problem-solving skills. Teach your child how to solve their problems emotionally and be strong.
Article: Ms. Sundeela Fayyaz
Best Regards,
Chief coordinator
National Academy of Young Scientists (NAYS) Pakistan,