21 day parenting challenge

[krislaroche]

hello friends:
how are you doing with the challenge? any breakthroughs? new
discoveries? what's happening for you? are you stuck anywhere,
confused, resisting anything? needing more information, more support,
more examples?

[Shelly]

I've been struggling. I have been stressed over family, not sleeping
well, and pms. Your blog has been great and I just started reading a
really good book, 'When Anger Hurts Your Kids'. It has you keep and
anger diary and pointed out that stress with triggers leads to anger.
I know the stress is there. I'm now trying to stop and listen to hear
what the trigger is. For example: last night ds peed on the floor.
I had been on the phone with my dad getting holiday plans finalized.
Dh was watching ds. I was on the phone longer than I had hoped and I
don't enjoy being on the phone. I did get angry, but didn't yell and
didn't get as bad as normal, but my mind felt that I was being
punished for being selfish and not giving ds my attention. That
thought was the trigger. Trying to find them is making me stop,
breathe, and think instead of just reacting. Now I need to figure out
how to ignore those kinds of thoughts or just not have them. I'm also
trying to start eating better. It does make a huge difference.

[krislaroche]

HI Shelly. It sounds like you are well on your way to becoming more
aware of the thoughts that trigger the feelings. Anger ALWAYS starts
with at thought. An unhelpful thought that comes from our subconscious
(eg childhood programming). So, some understanding of where it comes
from is helpful, and then moving onto action. Replacing the thought.
Everything is a perspective. For myself, the ugliest, trickiest
perspective that I get caught in out of habit is VICTIM. As soon as
that oh-i'm-so-hard-done-by pity creature shows up on the scene, my
thinking and then my feelings goes downhill fast. (i always do
everything...'always' and 'never' and 'should' are big red flags for
her appearance). So, when I'm feeling centered and calm, I work on
her. Get really clear on the image of that creature for you, and what
perspective she/he takes (power hungry, critical parent to yourself,
judge, etc), then think about who you want to be and create an image
for her. Spend time talking to that goddess who knows you and loves
you and has immense intuition and openness. Start getting to know her
and finding out what she has to say in those situations. Offer
yourself empathy in those cases too (i'm feeling sad because of this
family thing, i'm feeling frustrated, i'm feeling lonely). Be loving
and open without self-pitying if you can. Bring your attention to this
stuff when you are conscious and aware and not being triggered. I"m
sure there are many other great suggestions in that book, too.
And yes...such a struggle when you are low on sleep and not feeling
supported and concerned or frustrated with extended family stuff. It
can seem so lonely and not-joyful. Are you feeling sad and scared?