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I just had a realisation... Having a lot of those recently.
J would never know if I'm having or have had a bad day. He doesn't ask, he doesn't care.
He'll ask the usual questions, did you sleep well? How was work? But that's it. He doesn't want to know the details. My answers must be fine, okay, good, busy, didn't sleep well (which there is never a follow up question to).
That just reminded me of a week where I woke up every morning crying. He doesn't know because I always wake up alone, either first or he'll wake up first but never come back to bed. There are no cuddles. But I told him that I'd been waking up so much lately from sad dreams, would he like to know or hear about them? He said no, he doesn't want to know.
You know that pain in your chest when someone you love does something ugly to you? I don't get that pain anymore.
I told Murphy a little about what happens if something goes wrong. The example I gave was one day we went to fetch a cat from my colleague, on the way there we followed her and on the way back I had to Google the way home. The way I had Googled had a detour and J was so upset, his mood changed and there was the awkward silence again. He was pissed at me because the road had a detour.
This weekend I had another example and told Murphy about that.
He asked, are you sure he doesn't have some narcissistic behaviour?
I told him that I don't know. I've never dealt with anyone like this.
Back the the realisation, he had a bad day today. An emotional day, apparently.
He couldn't get out of his funk, he tried all day.
Guess where I am now? In the bedroom because he was making too much noise talking to his friends in game...
Oh yeah I almost forgot... I'm the oppressor.
I can't wait to be done with him. I'm so emotionally exhausted.
I'm going to call the lawyer tomorrow to find out what's next.
At least I won't have these expectations if I'm alone.
If I could tell you all the ways he only thinks of himself... I wouldn't even want to.
I told him if he dates again, he must date a young girl. An immature girl who will be happy with just getting the little time from him. All he does is game so there's no cheating. Argh, she'll think he's the best guy ever.
I need a manly man, not a child. As I joke at work... I need a Daddy!
😂At least I'm still laughing.
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