I love this Doctor
Q: Doctor, I've heard
that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life.. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only
good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste
them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must
grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So
a steak is nothing more than an
efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your
system.
Need grain?
Eat chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass
(green leafy
vegetable).
And
a pork chop can
give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable products.
Q:
Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A:
No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit.
Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water
out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the
goodness that way. Beer is also made out of
grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A:
Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio
is one to one. If you have two bodies,
your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of
participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a
single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain...Good!
Q:
Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE
NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Food is fried these days
in vegetable oil. In fact, they're
permeated in it. How could getting more
vegetables be bad for you?
Q:
Will sit-ups help
prevent me from getting a little soft around the
middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you
want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is
chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans
! Another vegetable!!!
It's the
best feel-good food around!
Q:
Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If
swimming is good for your figure, explain whales
to me.
Q: Is getting
in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a
shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you
may have had about food and diets.
And remember:
'Life should
NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved
body,
but rather to skid in sideways -
Chardonnay in one
hand - chocolate in the other -
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'
AND.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the
final word on nutrition and health.
It's a relief to know the truth after all those
conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot
of fat
and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and
suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer
fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of
sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION
Eat and drink what you
like. Speaking English is apparently what kills
you.
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Joanita Sewagudde ---07/18/2013 09:35:30 AM---As we plan for the after party, Please read on. My best is the bit after ‘And remember’
