self reflection
JAYLA.M...@gmail.com
person that wrote the letter to ask if I could use it. She said yes so
here is some of what she said.
I will not try to cheer you up; because I know that inside you may be
feeling rejected, insecure, deeply hurt, and maybe even inadequate.
Its not about you...its about him. I can say this with assurity
because if he wanted to replace you he would try to find a woman with
paralleled wisdom, experience, and companionship. Instead he is
marrying someone maybe half his age...that means he is thinking about
novelty, newness...but we know sister nothing stays new forever.
"This really hit home for me. I have been feeling these feelings. My
co is 15 yrs younger than I am. No matter how long we are married she
will never be close to my age. She will always be the young one, whe
will have the firmer body , the youthful bounce , the cuteness if
being young.
I on the other hand will always be OLD. Have the saggy body, get the
wrinkles, have no bounce but creeks, sore muscles, and broken down
body.
This maybe another reason why it is hard for me to accept her. This
maybe why I am so hurt. His other wife wa closer to my age and while
she was beautiful, I MEAN BEATUTIFUL I didn't feel so hard. My heart
was open to her. I even felt sorry for her many times and gave my
husband extra time to try and work things out. Even when he didn't
want it I insisted that he spend time with her and talk and get
closer.
So this is so strange for me to see and feel myself have so much
dislike for this woman. It is not a part of my personality. I don't
like this side of me.
I do feel rejected and inadequet. I try not to because I know as she
said it is about him not me. I know it is not about what I lack. I
know it is about what he is lacking, his insecurities and His desires.
But my heart does not believe this. My head knows the logic in it but
my heart hurts. It is ripped into many many pieces. "
Never compare yourself to her...there is nothing to be compared. And
there is no comfort in comparison. Please don't look at it as being
rejected. Your husband is not divorcing you, and wallahi this says
SOOOO much..especially in a time that the divorce rate for Muslims is
so high
"So easy to say SO hard to do. I know it is useless to compare but I
do it anyway. I think of the huge differences in our lives. I do it
sometime to make me feel better but that usually does not last long. I
think well when he Is here it is not like home. To him he feels like
he is on vacation because we are always on the go. We are still
earning the place so when we go out to find something new it is an
adventure. Here we have a maid so I so not have to do all the day to
day cleaning I get to spend more time with him. I try to think of all
of this. However usually in the end I still find something to be
jealous about. Something to make me feel down. Some one told me and I
think it is true. I have too much time on my hands. The thing is I am
usually busy I work 10 hrs a day and have kids, but anytime my head is
idle for a second. It will think of crazy stuff. I mean it is like it
is on auto pilot. No other channels exist. It is the co wife channel.
It drives me crazy. I do not want ot be like this. I hate it. ...."
Think of yourself with esteem, but not arrogance. Always remind
yourself what a caring committed wife you are mashallah, a devoted
mother who raised good Muslim children, and how kind and gracious you
are by the mercy that Allah swt has put in your heart to understand
something your husband feels he needs...and nothing absolutely nothing
in this world could compare with the beauty and graciousness of a pure
and clean heart of a Muslim woman. And if you decide to stay, with
your new time that you will have, you could learn how to share
yourself with others and be a greater blessing to others, and fill
your life with happiness and fulfillment that you couldn't necessarily
get in marriage alone.
"This is My hope for myself. I truly want this for me and all my other
sister feeling the way I do. I want us to be strong and see the
goodness in this situation. I want us to see our self worth and VALUE
OURSELVES. Detach ourselves from our husbands. They are not our whole
lives. We definitely are not theirs ."