Bad Girl Drama

[Renita Lukins]

Inthe movie, Cady pretends to not be good at math in order to hang out with a boy in her math class. Even though she could have just asked to hang out, she jumps through hoops, which eventually collapse and make him mad at her.

High school is only four years of your life. The number of years may seem long or they may fly by, but either way, this too shall pass! Whatever you go through in high school, you will not be here for your entire life. It may seem like it, but things will change. Trust me.

By the end of Mean Girls, Cady and her entire class, with the help of their teacher Ms. Norbury (played by Tina Fey), make up and realize that all of them have done something wrong. Even though they go through a lot of rough patches together, eventually they get to a place where they are able to forgive and be forgiven, as well as to fall into friend groups that are healthy and fulfilling for all.

Friend A was my friend from elementary school, and we managed to stay friends throughout the dramatic change. I became friends with B through the swim team, and A became friends with D through one of her classes. Conveniently, B and D were already friends, so it was easy for us to all begin to hang out. C and D were friends as well, so C joined our little group, and we soon began doing nearly everything together. Other people came and went from our group, but we stuck together without fail.

One day, the five of us planned to hang out, and A cancelled at the last minute to hang out with new friends. Feeling particularly abandoned, B, D, and I complained to one another about the other friend group. Even though we were hurt and missed friend A, it was not okay for us to complain. C was there while we talked, told A what we said, and together they confronted us. In our group message exchange, they asked us to stop talking behind their backs and let them have other friends. I was the only one who responded. I explained that we felt like they were ditching us, but apologized for acting as we had. I said that it would never happen again and hoped that we could move on. They did not accept my apology and felt that I was blowing them off.

I stayed in the friend group, where problems began happening. The problems were generally around stupid things, but a few times, A, C, and I started seeing D, E, and F making bad decisions, excluding us, and talking behind our backs. We confronted them about these things on a regular basis, but we always got shut down. One day, the three of us confronted the three of them on their bad decisions. In my memory, it was a calm and constructive confrontation, but they obviously felt attacked because they stopped wanting to be around us at all.

I wish my experience of drama was confined to these three examples, but it continues every day, spanning a huge web of reasons and causes. Each instance of Girl Drama is its own special situation, but they all have similar themes. Rumors, jealousy, misunderstandings, and insecurity seem to cause girls around the world to wish that relationships were as simple as they are in movies. Sadly, drama is unavoidable, but we can control how we deal with it.

Is a single movie less than what you need to survive? Check out this list of drama-filled high school movies, but be sure to learn from them and let us know what you think! Always ask a parent for permission before you watch these. Enjoy!

I'm a mom of two energetic little ladies, aged seven and 10. They are sweet, passionate, fierce, fun and crazy. They have a ton of amazing little friends, mostly girls (but some boys, too), and one thing we battle during every school year is girl drama.

I can see parents of girls shaking their heads in a "yes" motion, unanimously. I'm not sure why boys can get into a fight, shove each other in dirt, and five minutes later be friends again; while girls fester, hold on to the hate, and become petty little drama queens. Still, this happens, and the differences between genders appear crystal clear to parents, teachers and caregivers alike, early on.

It's taken me a long time to figure what to do for my kiddos when girl drama rears her ugly head. I remember the first time it happened was when my eldest was in junior kindergarten, and I was taken aback. Still, kids will be kids, and as the years have progressed I have become accustomed to hearing their little stories and trying to digest it all (sometimes with an added eye roll here or there).

I'm no expert on conflict management, but I have found certain things worked with my kids as time wore on. Here are some strategies I have used to help break that cycle of mean when it comes to girl drama.

My daughter would come home crying after school for months on end, and at first, I tried to help her solve the issue, which essentially ended in disaster. She'd storm off, get more frustrated, and it would end up in us arguing. Moreover, it also taught me to cut the proverbial umbilical cord: in the end, she needed to learn to deal with these issues on her own; after all, I won't always be around to save her from the mean world we live in.

Frustrated and overwhelmed, I had an older mom friend give me the best advice I think I've ever heard in a long time. She told me to not talk, and simply listen to my daughter while she relayed her girl drama of the day. Offering advice only interrupted her story, and it was not allowing her to fully cleanse the topic.

Once I started listening and not talking, the communication process became easier. She'd talk, I'd listen, and if she'd ask for advice, I'd give it to her. She'd relay the good, bad and ugly in these stories, and her role in it all. She was no perfect angel when it came to this issue, but neither was the other child; however, by just listening, I got a good grasp of what was really going on.

Kelso's Choice is a tool used in some schools when it comes to conflict management. When placed in practice, these actions can help with most smaller issues between children and even bigger ones. My girls are both huge fans ofKelso's Choiceand try to use these steps when faced with school conflict or girl drama:

Don't want your daughter to be mean and petty in the face of girl drama? Don't be mean and petty yourself in similar situations!The sad reality is that if mothers want to break the cycle of meanness for our future generation, we as women need to focus on female empowerment, today. And this doesn't mean solely empowering are own children; this means empowering all girls. Your girl's accomplishments and cheering on other girls in the community, too. This means teaching your own daughters that the success of others doesn't negate your own success. This means supporting women outside your network or circle of friends.

I was so surprised when I worked as a paraeducator and saw this kind of behavior in the kindergarten classrooms: there was one girl who was basically God and every other girl bent over backward to please her. All the time. All day long. It was madness!

What a wonderful post!!! For the last seven years I have thought I would homeschool our kiddos, but lately I am reconsidering. Thankfully our daughter is only two! But gosh that breaks my heart to hear this. :/ No advice, but a prayer headed your way.

(I have a close friend who was a bully as a middle-schooler and her stories are horrific. But, thank God, how she has changed! She has used it to become a super caring person. So, yes, bullies can change!)

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I have a 10-year old daughter and is in a public school in an affluent city. She had 2 BFFs last few years but felt excluded by both of them so she left them and try to make new friends this year. She tries to maintain friendship with these 2 ex-BFFs and asking for playdates outside of school on one-to-one basis but these 2 girls seem to 'gang' up and reject the playdate invites and of course she's hurt. They had made untrue and unsupported comments about my daughter to other girls. I made the mistake of clarifying the situation to one of the parent and now that parent had also turned against me. I know it is best to allow kids to deal with the issues themselves but I was just trying to explain to the mom the 'untrue' comments about my child but I was told by the parent that 'she trusts her own child'.

My daughter is kind to her friends and not aggressive in nature, but this seems to make her a target to bullies? There's a classmate she tried to befriend with, had playdates, brought that friend to movies, dinners, sleepovers, did activities together. This friend found another good friend in the last week and now seems to gang up with this other friend against my daughter - they would call her names, took items (pencils) from her without her knowing (but she saw her took stuff from her desk and gave it to her 'other' best friend), and then this girl gave out birthday party favors to her class, she gave my daughter the 'ugliest' item and said to her 'You deserved this'.

Unfortunately I don't belong to any parent cliques and wonder if this is affecting my daughter's relationship in school. With each event (e.g. halloween, school activity, etc) I scramble around unsuccessfully to ask for other girls for her to do the activity with because most girls already have their own 'cliques' to do things with.

I don't know if this is a public school behavior, and wonder if a private school with smaller groups will help create healthier relationships/friendships? I am just surprised that such girl drama already starting to exist in 10-year olds. I always think girl drama start during teenage years.

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