Joke-RATED: THE TOP 8 SEXUAL JOKES OF ALL TIME
Joe Kapraszewski
From: Wendy Risher <wlr...@psu.edu>
THE TOP 8 SEXUAL JOKES OF ALL TIME
Number... 8
A young man walked up and sat down at the bar. "What can I get you?"
the bartender inquired. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the
young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" "Yeah, my first
blowjob," the man answered. "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th
on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the
taste, nothing will."
Number... 7
A businessman boarded a flight and was lucky enough to be seated next to
an absolutely gorgeous woman...... They exchange brief hellos and he
noticed she is reading a manual about sexual statistics.
He asks her about it and she replied, "This is a very interesting book
about sexual statistics. It identifies that American Indians have the
longest average penis and Polish (*W*) men have the biggest average
diameter. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours?"
He coolly replied, "Tonto Kawalski, nice to meet you."
Number... 6
One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his
wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over
and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes
later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he
whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
Number... 5
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number
of years when he came home one day and confess to his wife that
he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into
the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex
therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too
embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong,
Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put
my penis into the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, Bill, you didn't."
"Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh, she got fired too."
Number... 4
A man was visiting his wife in hospital where she has been in a coma for
several years. On this visit he decided to rub her left breast instead
of just talking to her. On doing this she let out a sigh. The man ran
out and told the doctor who said that was a good sign and suggested he
should try rubbing her right breast to see if there is any reaction.
The husband went in and rubbed her right breast. This produced a moan
from his wife. He rushed out and told the doctor. The doctor said this
was amazing and a real breakthrough. The doctor then suggested the man
should go in and try oral sex, saying he would wait outside as it is a
personal act and he didn't want the man to be embarrassed. The man goes
in, then came out about five minutes later, white as a sheet. He told
the doctor his wife is dead. The doctor asked what happen to which the
man replied, "She choked."
Number... 3
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the
alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons. "I'll make
you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals
inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute.
He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return
for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The
crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his
trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The
gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man
grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top
of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital,
unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free
drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try." A hush fell over
the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.
A woman timidly spoke up, "I'll try, but you have to promise not to
hit me on the head with the beer bottle."
Number... 2
A small white guy went into an elevator, when he got in he noticed
a huge black dude standing next to him. The big black guy looked down
upon the small white guy and said, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch
dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown." The small
guy fainted!!
The huge black dude picked up the little white guy and brought him to,
slapping his face and shaking him. He asked the small white guy,
"What's wrong?"
Our petite friend said, "Excuse me, but what did you say?"
The black giant looked down and repeated, "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20
inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner
Brown"
The white guy sighed, "Oh, thank God! I thought you said 'Turn
around!!'"
Number...1
What did Bill Gates' wife say to him on their wedding night?
"Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"
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