The Moviesite updates, 5 January 2024
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Ian Douglas
Jan 5, 2024, 7:40:49 AMJan 5
to movies...@googlegroups.com
Hi all
Happy new year ! :-)
Only two new releases this week, as the country gets back into work mode.
First up for the kiddies is a musical version of the Noah's Ark story.
On the arthouse-and-related circuit, we have One Life, which is the tale
of child rescue during the WW II years.
There are previews at selected venues next Wednesday, for the musical remake
of Mean Girls, which opens next week.
Enjoy. :-)
New this week
* Noah's Ark (PG V)
* One Life (PG10-12 P)
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
Forthcoming attractions
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the home page poster
https://www.moviesite.co.za/
List of all movies showing
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Showtimes
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
All the Previews
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Enjoy :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window,
"Cruise Special -- $99!".
She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says,
"I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner
tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he
pushes her in and sends her floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside,
lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied
to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.
Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first
blonde.
They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks,
"Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?
The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to a bar the other day after work and there was an Kiwi sitting
there having a drink.
So I started talking with him and the topic of ex girlfriends came up.
I asked him how many he had.
As he started to count them out loud, he ended up falling asleep.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man appeared in one village and announced to the villagers that he would
buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around their village,
went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10. When supply started to diminish, he again
announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the
villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished again. The man then increased the offer rate to
$25 but now the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to
even see a monkey, let alone catching it!
The man announced that he would now buy at $100! and, since he had to go to
the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers,
"Look.. all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought.......
I will sell them to you at $75 and when the man returns from the city, you
can sell it to him for $100.
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
After they bought all the monkeys, they never saw the man and his assistant
again, only monkeys everywhere!
WELCOME TO THE STOCK MARKET.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The conductor came back from lunch break to see his bassist and triangle
player fighting.
He broke the brawl up and asked them what happened.
Bassist says, “He detuned my instrument!”
Conductor replied, “That’s bad, but I can’t accept physical violence in this
orchestra!”
The bassist cried, “He wouldn’t tell me which string!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My son asked me what it was like being married.
I said, "Fine!!"
Then I gave him the silent treatment for 3 days.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it a bad idea to get on a seesaw with Rick Astley?
Because he's never gonna let you down.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I recently ordered a new sail for my boat.
A few days later I realized I'd made a mistake and called to change the order.
The person that answered said, "Sorry, that sail has shipped!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife: "You haven't heard a word I've said!!"
Me: "That's an odd way to start a conversation "
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife told me women are better at multi-tasking than men.
So I told her to sit down and shut up.
She couldn't do either.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the dyslexic thesaurus:
The elated tree is close!
Happy Yew Near!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe this new year I could stop being such a pessimist
But what's the point, I already know I'm not going to do it
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the official bird of cold and flu season?
The phlegmingo.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some idiot glued every card in my deck together so now its just a block of
cardboard.
I’m having trouble dealing with it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women get paid less than men because they choose lower paying jobs.
Men choose jobs like doctor, lawyer, engineer, manager.
Women choose jobs like female doctor, female lawyer, female engineer,
female manager.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there’s three things I hate they’ve got to be:
politicians
lists
irony
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A robot attempted to rob a bank, but failed because its battery ran out.
The police have no plans to charge the suspect.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
On social media, how can you tell the difference between a left wing nut
and a right wing nut?
The threads.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most people have an above-average number of arms.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Any sentence becomes more profound if you put the name of a philosopher
behind it - Plato
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
People eat more bananas than monkeys.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are more atoms in a molecule of water than there are stars in the
solar system.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar...
My life is a joke!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do buffalo have such high mobile phone bills?
Roaming charges.
--
webm...@moviesite.co.za
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site. Ph. (021) 975-7273
Happy new year ! :-)
Only two new releases this week, as the country gets back into work mode.
First up for the kiddies is a musical version of the Noah's Ark story.
On the arthouse-and-related circuit, we have One Life, which is the tale
of child rescue during the WW II years.
There are previews at selected venues next Wednesday, for the musical remake
of Mean Girls, which opens next week.
Enjoy. :-)
New this week
* Noah's Ark (PG V)
* One Life (PG10-12 P)
https://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
Forthcoming attractions
https://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the home page poster
https://www.moviesite.co.za/
List of all movies showing
https://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
https://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Showtimes
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
All the Previews
https://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Enjoy :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window,
"Cruise Special -- $99!".
She goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says,
"I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."
The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner
tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he
pushes her in and sends her floating.
A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside,
lays her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied
to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.
Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first
blonde.
They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks,
"Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?
The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I went to a bar the other day after work and there was an Kiwi sitting
there having a drink.
So I started talking with him and the topic of ex girlfriends came up.
I asked him how many he had.
As he started to count them out loud, he ended up falling asleep.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man appeared in one village and announced to the villagers that he would
buy monkeys for $10.
The villagers, seeing that there were many monkeys around their village,
went out to the forest and started catching them.
The man bought thousands at $10. When supply started to diminish, he again
announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the
villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished again. The man then increased the offer rate to
$25 but now the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to
even see a monkey, let alone catching it!
The man announced that he would now buy at $100! and, since he had to go to
the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on his behalf.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers,
"Look.. all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has bought.......
I will sell them to you at $75 and when the man returns from the city, you
can sell it to him for $100.
The villagers squeezed up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys.
After they bought all the monkeys, they never saw the man and his assistant
again, only monkeys everywhere!
WELCOME TO THE STOCK MARKET.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
The conductor came back from lunch break to see his bassist and triangle
player fighting.
He broke the brawl up and asked them what happened.
Bassist says, “He detuned my instrument!”
Conductor replied, “That’s bad, but I can’t accept physical violence in this
orchestra!”
The bassist cried, “He wouldn’t tell me which string!”
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My son asked me what it was like being married.
I said, "Fine!!"
Then I gave him the silent treatment for 3 days.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is it a bad idea to get on a seesaw with Rick Astley?
Because he's never gonna let you down.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I recently ordered a new sail for my boat.
A few days later I realized I'd made a mistake and called to change the order.
The person that answered said, "Sorry, that sail has shipped!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife: "You haven't heard a word I've said!!"
Me: "That's an odd way to start a conversation "
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife told me women are better at multi-tasking than men.
So I told her to sit down and shut up.
She couldn't do either.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the dyslexic thesaurus:
The elated tree is close!
Happy Yew Near!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Maybe this new year I could stop being such a pessimist
But what's the point, I already know I'm not going to do it
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
What is the official bird of cold and flu season?
The phlegmingo.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some idiot glued every card in my deck together so now its just a block of
cardboard.
I’m having trouble dealing with it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Women get paid less than men because they choose lower paying jobs.
Men choose jobs like doctor, lawyer, engineer, manager.
Women choose jobs like female doctor, female lawyer, female engineer,
female manager.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there’s three things I hate they’ve got to be:
politicians
lists
irony
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A robot attempted to rob a bank, but failed because its battery ran out.
The police have no plans to charge the suspect.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
On social media, how can you tell the difference between a left wing nut
and a right wing nut?
The threads.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most people have an above-average number of arms.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Any sentence becomes more profound if you put the name of a philosopher
behind it - Plato
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
People eat more bananas than monkeys.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
There are more atoms in a molecule of water than there are stars in the
solar system.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I changed a light bulb, crossed the street and walked into a bar...
My life is a joke!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do buffalo have such high mobile phone bills?
Roaming charges.
--
webm...@moviesite.co.za
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site. Ph. (021) 975-7273
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