The Moviesite Updates, 5 April 2012
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Ian Douglas
Apr 5, 2012, 5:40:43 AM4/5/12
to movies...@googlegroups.com
hi
Please take care on the roads ...
Quite a strong lineup at the movies, headlined by (believe it or not)
Titanic in full 3D. There's also previews all day Monday (and some
'midnight' screenings next Thursday) for US box office sensation The
Hunger Games ... see the previews page and remember to book.
M O V I E S
Released 5 April 2012
* Titanic (3D) (13 LNV)
* Housefull 2 (Bollywood)
* Take Shelter (13 LV)
* American Pie: Reunion (16 LNS)
* Angus Buchan's Ordinary People (10M)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
Added US Top Ten. The other industry news on this page is
updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, NuMetro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Woodlands, and Labia cinemas, and SK and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
Forthcoming attractions for 13 April
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/
This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for all)
Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
DVDs and BluRays:
Titles and details up later at
http://www.moviesite.co.za/videos/new.htm
(being held up by the Film and Publications Board site not working properly)
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout
from the back seat, "Look, mummy - that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
----====#===#===#===#----
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago."
----====#===#===#===#----
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
----====#===#===#===#----
A woman was trying hard to get the sauce to come out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mummy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
----====#===#===#===#----
I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my
family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one
evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table,
my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if
pizzas lived in the woods."
----====#===#===#===#----
A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she
said "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before
you try to zip it up."
The boy looked at her quizzically. "Why does it have to be a secret?"
----====#===#===#===#----
When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs for
the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady
selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a
bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the
apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mum. She doesn't like the
skin either."
----====#===#===#===#----
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIFE ISN'T FAIR TO MEN.
When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
THE AVERAGE MAN'S LIFE CONSISTS OF
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question
And at the end, the mourners wondering too.
SAVED
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind: "If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished. He went on! , and after a while he was going to
cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the
corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "Where were you when I got married?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several
evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night
the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the
carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into
temptation, but deliver us some e-mail"...
--------
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked,"What happened to the flea?"
--------
On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher
said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a report with dire implications for the intellectual future of America,
a University of Chicago study revealed Monday that the nation's uneducated
are breeding twice as soon and twice as often as those with university
diplomas. "The average member of the American underclass spawns at age 15,
compared to age 30 for the average college-educated professional," study
leader Kenneth Stalls said. "America's intellectual elite, as a result,
is badly losing the genetic marathon, with two generations of dullards born
for every one generation of cultured literates."
Added Stalls: "At this rate, by the year 2100 there will be five smart people
on Earth, swallowed whole by more than 12 billion mouth-breathers incapable
of understanding the binary exponentiation that swamped the Earth with
their like."
High-school dropout Mandi Drucker, 16, said of the findings,
"All I know is, we're in love."
--
P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site.
Please take care on the roads ...
Quite a strong lineup at the movies, headlined by (believe it or not)
Titanic in full 3D. There's also previews all day Monday (and some
'midnight' screenings next Thursday) for US box office sensation The
Hunger Games ... see the previews page and remember to book.
M O V I E S
Released 5 April 2012
* Titanic (3D) (13 LNV)
* Housefull 2 (Bollywood)
* Take Shelter (13 LV)
* American Pie: Reunion (16 LNS)
* Angus Buchan's Ordinary People (10M)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
Added US Top Ten. The other industry news on this page is
updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, NuMetro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Woodlands, and Labia cinemas, and SK and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
Forthcoming attractions for 13 April
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/
This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (for all)
Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
DVDs and BluRays:
Titles and details up later at
http://www.moviesite.co.za/videos/new.htm
(being held up by the Film and Publications Board site not working properly)
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when
a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark
naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my five-year-old shout
from the back seat, "Look, mummy - that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
----====#===#===#===#----
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd
dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in
the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my
bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a
charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it
fell in the toilet a few days ago."
----====#===#===#===#----
On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from
his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not
necessarily those of his parents."
----====#===#===#===#----
A woman was trying hard to get the sauce to come out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her four-year old daughter to answer
the phone. "It's the minister, Mummy," the child said to her mother.
Then she added, "Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now.
She's hitting the bottle."
----====#===#===#===#----
I love the outdoors, and because of my passion for hunting and fishing, my
family eats a considerable amount of wild game. So much, in fact, that one
evening as I set a platter of broiled venison steaks on the dinner table,
my ten-year-old daughter looked up and said, "Boy, it sure would be nice if
pizzas lived in the woods."
----====#===#===#===#----
A mother was showing her son how to zip up his coat. "The secret," she
said "is to get the left part of the zipper to fit in the other side before
you try to zip it up."
The boy looked at her quizzically. "Why does it have to be a secret?"
----====#===#===#===#----
When my daughter was three, we watched Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs for
the first time. The wicked queen appeared, disguised as an old lady
selling apples, and my daughter was spellbound. Then Snow White took a
bite of the poisoned apple and fell to the ground unconscious. As the
apple rolled away, my daughter spoke up. "See, Mum. She doesn't like the
skin either."
----====#===#===#===#----
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker
room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies
grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement
and then asked, "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a little boy
before?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIFE ISN'T FAIR TO MEN.
When we are born, our mother's get the compliments and the flowers.
When we are married, our brides get the presents and the publicity.
When we die, our widows get the life insurance.
What do women want to be liberated from?
THE AVERAGE MAN'S LIFE CONSISTS OF
Twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going
Forty years of having his wife ask the same question
And at the end, the mourners wondering too.
SAVED
A Man was walking down a street when he heard a voice from behind: "If you
take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
The man was astonished. He went on! , and after a while he was going to
cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more
step a car will run over you, and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the
corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh, yeah?" the man asked. "Where were you when I got married?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
A mother was teaching her three-year-old The Lord's Prayer. For several
evenings at bedtime, the child repeated it after the mother. Then one night
the child was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride to the
carefully enunciated words, right up to the end. "And lead us not into
temptation, but deliver us some e-mail"...
--------
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, "The man
named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his
wife looked back and was turned to salt."
His son asked,"What happened to the flea?"
--------
On the first day of school, about mid-morning, the kindergarten teacher
said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a report with dire implications for the intellectual future of America,
a University of Chicago study revealed Monday that the nation's uneducated
are breeding twice as soon and twice as often as those with university
diplomas. "The average member of the American underclass spawns at age 15,
compared to age 30 for the average college-educated professional," study
leader Kenneth Stalls said. "America's intellectual elite, as a result,
is badly losing the genetic marathon, with two generations of dullards born
for every one generation of cultured literates."
Added Stalls: "At this rate, by the year 2100 there will be five smart people
on Earth, swallowed whole by more than 12 billion mouth-breathers incapable
of understanding the binary exponentiation that swamped the Earth with
their like."
High-school dropout Mandi Drucker, 16, said of the findings,
"All I know is, we're in love."
--
P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site.
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