The Moviesite Updates, 11 May 2012
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Ian Douglas
May 11, 2012, 7:52:13 AM5/11/12
to movies...@googlegroups.com
hi
The world's favourite pirate is set to become the world's favourite
vampire (except for Bella, I suppose). The rest of the lineup is a mixed
bag ranging from rom-com to deep sexual problems.
M O V I E S
Released 11 May 2012
* The Vow (10M L)
* Shame (18 LNS)
* First Night (13 LNS)
* Otelo Burning (13 V)
* Dark Shadows (13 SV)
* Dangerous Ishhq (13 V)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
Added US Top Ten. The other industry news on this page is
updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, NuMetro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Woodlands, and Labia cinemas, and SK and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
Forthcoming attractions for 18 and 25 May
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/
This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (nice full HD desktop)
Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
DVDs and BluRays:
Titles and details up later at
http://www.moviesite.co.za/videos/new.htm
(being held up by the Film and Publications Board site not working properly)
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I changed my iPhone's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Signs...
On the grounds of a private school in South Africa: "No trespassing without
Permission."
On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo: "Take note: When this sign
is submerged, the river is impassable."
In a Zimbabwean restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought
to see the manager."
In a Botswana jewellery shop: "Ears pierced while you wait."
In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania: "No children allowed!"
Also inside a Malawian Lakeside bar, "We have agreed with the Banks that
they sell No beer and we give No Credit!"
A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: "It is strictly
forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a
man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each
other for that purpose."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was an attorney who got home late one evening after a very taxing day
trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who
was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for
clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and
depressed.
As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of
night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too
shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and
poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a
long hot soak -- pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered to be told
that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went
upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was
greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the
bath cleaning the tub.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
At which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, "For crying
out loud, don't you EVER stop?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mummy, God
bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa".
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said,
"I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day
grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the
father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like
this: "God bless Mummy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Oh my gosh", thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other
side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say
"God bless Mummy, and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at
the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day,
had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by
until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day
he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every
sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went
home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's
the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of
my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened
to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did cured ham actually have?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Wouldn't it be nice if, whenever we messed up our life, we could simply
press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realise you haven't
fallen asleep yet.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with
something called labour!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused
and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat,
or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow
shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site.
The world's favourite pirate is set to become the world's favourite
vampire (except for Bella, I suppose). The rest of the lineup is a mixed
bag ranging from rom-com to deep sexual problems.
M O V I E S
Released 11 May 2012
* The Vow (10M L)
* Shame (18 LNS)
* First Night (13 LNS)
* Otelo Burning (13 V)
* Dark Shadows (13 SV)
* Dangerous Ishhq (13 V)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/new.htm
SA Top Tens (commercial, nouveau, best and worst movies on circuit)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
Added US Top Ten. The other industry news on this page is
updated daily.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/news/newsitem.htm
Showtimes (all Ster-Kinekor, NuMetro, MovieZone, CineCentre,
Woodlands, and Labia cinemas, and SK and Menlyn Park drive-ins.)
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where.htm
Forthcoming attractions for 18 and 25 May
http://www.moviesite.co.za/4thcome.htm
Updated the pic and quote on the home page
http://www.moviesite.co.za/
This Week's pinup
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pinup.html (nice full HD desktop)
Pick of the Week
http://www.moviesite.co.za/pick.htm
All the previews. Remember to check with the cinema first.
http://www.moviesite.co.za/where/previews.htm
List of all movies showing
http://www.moviesite.co.za/reviews.htm
Same list sorted by Age Restriction
http://www.moviesite.co.za/showingbyage.htm
Top Ten and Worst Ten Movies by Critical Rating
http://www.moviesite.co.za/topten.htm
DVDs and BluRays:
Titles and details up later at
http://www.moviesite.co.za/videos/new.htm
(being held up by the Film and Publications Board site not working properly)
Remember you can support the site by reading the ads... :-)
Cheers, Ian
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I changed my iPhone's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Signs...
On the grounds of a private school in South Africa: "No trespassing without
Permission."
On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo: "Take note: When this sign
is submerged, the river is impassable."
In a Zimbabwean restaurant: "Customers who find our waitresses rude ought
to see the manager."
In a Botswana jewellery shop: "Ears pierced while you wait."
In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania: "No children allowed!"
Also inside a Malawian Lakeside bar, "We have agreed with the Banks that
they sell No beer and we give No Credit!"
A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park: "It is strictly
forbidden on our camping site that people of different sex, for instance a
man and woman, live together in one tent unless they are married to each
other for that purpose."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was an attorney who got home late one evening after a very taxing day
trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named Wilbur Wright, who
was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for
clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and
depressed.
As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of
night do you call this? Where the hell have you been?" and so on. Too
shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he went and
poured himself a very large whisky and headed off to the bathroom for a
long hot soak -- pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks.
While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered to be told
that her husband's client had been granted his stay of execution after all.
Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went
upstairs to give him the good news. As she opened the bathroom door she was
greeted by the sight of her husband's rear view as he bent naked over the
bath cleaning the tub.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
At which the attorney whirled round and screamed hysterically, "For crying
out loud, don't you EVER stop?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and
listened to her prayers which she ended by saying "God bless Mummy, God
bless daddy, God bless grandma and good-bye grandpa".
The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?" The little girl said,
"I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do." The next day
grandpa died.
The father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the
father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers, which went like
this: "God bless Mummy, God Bless daddy and good-bye grandma."
The next day the grandmother died.
"Oh my gosh", thought the father, "this kid is in contact with the other
side."
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed, the dad heard her say
"God bless Mummy, and good-bye daddy."
He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up at
the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day,
had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by
until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day
he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every
sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went
home.
When he got home his wife said "I've never seen you work so late, what's
the matter?"
He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day of
my life."
She said "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what happened
to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
What did cured ham actually have?
Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?
Wouldn't it be nice if, whenever we messed up our life, we could simply
press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?
Stress is when you wake up screaming and then you realise you haven't
fallen asleep yet.
If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with
something called labour!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what
the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused
and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat,
or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to
make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the
blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."
"Yes," the class said. "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow
shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
P.O. Box 484, Sanlamhof 7532, South Africa
The Moviesite at http://www.moviesite.co.za
South Africa's greatest movie site.
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